Oct 30, 2010

Wakeboarding + Rails = NUTS!

I recently made it out to a cable park for the first time. Keep in mind, I don't wakeboard. I did this trip, however, and by the end of it, I realized the next generation of Pros are going to be rediculous at rails and sliders. 2 hours of time at the park = at least 1 hour of time on the water with feature after feature in front of you. I've never slid anything in my life off the snow, but by the time I left I felt pretty solid on everything there. And that's from a guy with poor balance and a moderate buzz going on..

Now you put a person out there with actual talent and they'll take it to a whole different level. Especially considering half the kids I saw were 5ft or shorter, and made the guys in the video below look like they've never ridden before a day in their lives. The point? We should all get ready for even more ruthless rail segments from companies like Hyperlite and Liquid Force that already put out crazy videos each year.

These guys? Not pros. Sick video nonetheless... If you haven't been to a cable park before, check one out. All kinds of fun.

Oct 27, 2010

Well Son of a B...

So just a few weeks ago I was all fired up and bitching about how cable news outlets in their rush to get breaking news stories out first give unsubstantiated rumors as actual news...Well...Lets just let Mr. Siemers tell you the truth via his facebook page.
Jimmy Siemers So my "friends" thought it would be a good idea to say I broke the world record. Nic was texting every round freaked out that I was going to set the record. They felt his insecurities needed a little playing with. Sorry guys

DAMN IT JIMMY, you made us look like all the other crappy news outlets in the world.

***Our definition of "news" may not be the same as most other media outlets.***

Jimmy Siemers Can Flip Better then you can

So the word is out that Jimmy Siemers broke Nick's 5 year old world record yesterday.

Nick tricked 12400 in 2005

Jimmy just tricked 12430...

Vid... :(

We will post it as soon as we have it.

Regina Is Unstoppable round 3

So the video is finally online...and I have to say I will probably never buy a Goode ski because I FUCKING HATE THEIR GOD DAMN LONG VIDEOS!!! GOOD LORD MAN, STOP JERKING YOURSELF OFF AND DO A NORMAL VID. GAHHHH There is no reason to have a 9 minute long video to show a total of 14 3/4 buoys run. Plaster your logo all over the place and make the vid 2 minutes long, boom done. Drop the annoying graphics at the beginning and post your self serving interviews as a separate video.

So for the average viewer that does not give a shit about Dave Goodes video editing shenanagens here are the times to scroll to so you dont have to watch that crap.

1 1/2@41 off starts at 35 second point
slow mo view of the 41 off pass starts at 5:10

and the 1 1/4 is not on there even though Dave talks about it.

Why does Dave have the official boat video before anyone else does? if he has it can we just request it and get it as well?

Oct 26, 2010

Thats a Fancy Font

Over on Ball of Spray there is an incredibly long post about a tournament going on at Travers site outside of Orlando.

We honestly wanted to try and get to the bottom of who the INT is, what they do and why there is a tournament going on that we didn't know anything about, but, it was really really long...and we sort of petered out after a couple paragraphs.

Granted, not knowing something if fairly par for the course at CRB HQ, but, INT?

Now, the site this tourney is being held at is really nice, so, this should be enjoyable, but, doing a quick search of the post didn't show up anything involving beer or night jumps...so, we can't be 100% positive that this event is actually real.  We will send out an investigative team into the googles, or the tubes, or maybe into Rykerts an internet.  Soon, like Sherlock Holmes or Veronica Mars we will eventually uncover the truth.

Three things to note about this post.
  1. What on earth is the INT?
  2. Could this not have been summed up in less then 3,000 words?
  3. Someone found a fancy new font!  Thats the Bleeding Cowboy font.  We know, we are snobs.  Well played INT, whoever you are.

The Product of Mass and Velocity on an Object

The CRB has been very lacking in our coverage of wakeboarding. That is mostly due to the fact that the best trick any of the CRB staff has ever done on a wakeboard was a wicked Roast Beef to Face. Well that or that sweet fashion air Joel from accounting did...either or.

Momentum from Joey Arcisz on Vimeo.


Yep, Thats Awesome

Men and their Johnsons, a way of life for 50 years...Wow that is a great line.

Oct 25, 2010

And Finally A Joke

What would we do with out Cris Kodiak sending us these great jokes? I mean, then we would have to think for ourselves and that is hard when the brain is all clogged with malts and hops and bong resin. YEA, we can write funny stuff!! All original baby!! HELLZ YEA!!

Oh...thats from Tommy Boy. Damn

An Arizona State Water Skier and an Iowa State Water Skier met in a bar at Nationals for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news.

A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The Cyclone bet the Sun Devil $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the Sun Devil replied, “I’ll take that bet!”

Sure enough, the man jumped, so the ASU Skier gave the ISU skier the $50 he owed.

The ISU Skier said “I can’t take this, you’re my friend”.

The ASU Skier being true to his word said “No. A bet’s a bet.”

So the Cyclone said “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

The Sun Devil replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he would jump twice!”

***Bridge Suicides are not pretty or funny***

Regina Is Unstoppable - Again and Again

This past weekend Regina went and broke Kristi Overton Johnson's long standing slalom record of 1@41 by the smallest possible margin, 1 and 1/4 at 41 off. Which is still about 37 passes better then anyone on the CRB staff.

Well Regina was not satisfied with that so she went and put up a score of 1 and 1/2 at 41 off. Damn this girl can ski!

And she looks damn good holding an assault rifle...

You think you can take my record huh? We will have to see about that...

So no one has posted a video of the new records ***AHEM MALIBU*** so here is Regina running 39 and getting 1@41 last year to tie the record.

Vid Day Monday

The Southern Illinois University ski team made a decent vid. Looks like a pretty talented team, could use a few more bikinis though. I DON'T MEAN ON YOU MR. DANA GRUBB.

Oct 24, 2010

CRB Brings the Sect-c

So, odbf was all bent out of shape forgetting to do a saturday sexy post...which hasn't been done in a few weeks anyways.  what a doofus.  So, Dig Dug stepped up and brings you..BOOM...sexy.

Insane Waterski Jump! - Watch more Funny Videos

Looks good to me.

Oct 22, 2010

Natty Again

Natalia saw that some jackasses on the Ski Fliez were talking smack about her record trick run, so to shut them up, she busted out another 9960 point run. Good lord can this chick trick! I skied with her years back when she first came to the US and I always thought she would break the jump record before she got anywhere near the top of the trick game. Well...it appears that I was wrong, which has never happened before*, so kudos to you Natty, you proved even the ODBF can be wrong.

*except those 7 or 8 million times before this

Tony Lightfoot has put together is dope side by side vid of her runs.

Oct 20, 2010


This guy is going to die very soon, but before he does he is going to give half the city of Moscow heart attacks.

Oct 19, 2010

Lake Trout Carry Out - Extended Lunch Version

Pot head dog says "cool out bro" (via)
Its a very lazy tuesday and we decided as a staff to take a bit of an extended lunch break today, we started at noon (your time) and will probably go to like 3:30 (our time).  Naturally, one of us couldn't leave work behind, brought along a bag a dope and ipad and went lake trout-ing.  Follow along for the fun.

  • Indian billionaire Mukesh Ambani has an insane amount of money and absolutely horrific fashion sense.  This is a gigantic, expensive and ugly house.  (geekosystem)
  • Hopefully Mukesh Ambani clicks on this link and sees these fantastic castles that are located in various places around the world.  Your moms house for starters.  (oddee)
  • This lady is 100 years old and probably kicking more ass then any of us, well, Patrice Martin may actually kick more ass then she does, but, then again, when was the last time you saw him wear a lavender jacket and get profiled in the New York Time?  Game Set Match Ester.  (New York Times)
  • We would bet the CRB friday lunch spread that this lady, busted for growing pot with her son, isn't nearly as smoking hot Mary Louise-Parker.  This Lake Trout is getting awfully weed heavy isn't it?  God I am thirsty (Boston Herald)
  • Thats alot of Hooch!  (KVOA)  Ignore that link, how did it sneak in there anyway?  Bad Link.  Click this one instead, its a much more in depth look at the 100 tons of pot that was nabbed and stashed in the highway patrol headquarters.  Hey Farva?  Whats the name of the place you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and mozzarella sticks?  (Boston Herald...again)
  • The Cubs hired Mike Quade as their manager for next season, angering some Cubs fans, and conflicting one Cubs fan who works for CRB who wanted that job to go to John McGraw.  He is dead?  Well, lets see if we can't get him anyways.  (BCB)
So there you go.  Some fun links to while away your afternoon at work.  Or on a lake if you are a son of a bitch who can do those things on a Tuesday afternoon in October.  

Watch out for that island Freddy.

Oct 18, 2010

Aim For The Red!

Most people who believe in re-incarnation assume that in previous lifetimes they were people or animals or other such living breathing entities in which they would assume various life lessons that they would use down the road. For example, one may assume that in a past life they were a deer. Prancing around through the forest, bounding through corn fields without a care in the world.

This would be why they would assume that in their present life that they identify with wild life and yearn for a freedom that does not come with financial gains and within the walls of a god damn cubicle. Side note to college people...stay the fuck in college. The real world blows.

Anyways, we bring this point up for one reason and one reason alone. In our past life we were not a deer or a bird or Martin Luther King Jr or Sr, we were not anything important...in fact, we were not anything at all. We were a big ass piece of plywood.

We were a big piece of 3/4 inch plywood and we sat at the lumber yard getting rained on for like 6 months till someone bought us, threw us in the back of a pick up truck, brought us home and made a god damn shelf for the garage out of us. It sucked. It was like being ripped limb from limb. For the rest of our previous life we had the horror of seeing parts of us all strewn about the garage. Part of us was in the shelving unit, part of us was scrap and swept into the corner, part of us was used as a damn ramp for our owners brat kid to jump his skateboard off of, and part of us was used as a shim in a door that KEPT SQUEAKING WHEN IT OPENED!!

However, one of our brethren was destined for a much more adventurous and happy life. Sure sure, you might say that "um, your brethren is still just a piece of plywood, get off your high horse...jackass"

OH??? O RLY???

We bet you that Dan Newcomer thinks otherwise. As one of our plywood family people became a side curtain to a jump. A jump that just so happened to be used at the 2010 NCWSA nationals and it just so happened to prevent this guy from wrecking his shit!!!


CRB PRO TIP - next time, hit that shit harder and hold on to the rope. World records don't fall without some elbow grease.

Parks Bonifey looks like Ron Jeremy

MasterCraft posted some sweet pics from a photo shoot of the new Parks wakeboard boat. Not a huge fan of Parks (or huge wakeboard boats) but this boat is really sweet looking and parks is still a wicked good wakeboarder.

And it looks like it makes a sick wake as shown by Zane hucking a 1080

Boat with Admiral Ron Jeremy AKA Parks

Rusty Malinowski uncovering a X7 AKA 197 with a tower.

Much prefer the sick looking X7, but I am a ski phag so that makes sense... And well, damn, wakeboard boats do bring out the hot chicks.

June Fladborg Injured

According to Tom Asher's twitter page wicked good jumper and hotty June Fladborg has been injured and is "doing well". However "well" you can be doing with a broken heel and separated ribs requiring surgery. From the previous post on his twitter that says he was going to watch her jump (here) it sounds like she probably sustained the injuries in a jump crash.

Get better soon June!

Vid Day Monday - YAY SLALOM

So we are going to stick with the theme (and tag) of SLALOM IS ALL THAT IS HOLY. That's right bitchez! Nate Smith came flying into the picture at the Global Invitational in Michigan a few months back, getting into 41 off every round. Lots of peeps were all like "who the f is this kid", well these vids of him running (what looks like) 5 @ 41 off should tell you hes for realz son.

39 off

41 off

Oh, and I am back to boycotting the Skifliez due to the completely fucktarded way people talk to each other on there. I mean, just cuz I never have any facts to back up my opinions does not mean anyone else is allowed to comment with no clue what the truth is.

Vid Day Monday

So far it appears that Life Jacket is the only CRBer that can find any vids from nationals, so instead I will bring you the current NCWSA record. Watch as people scream and jump up and down...oh I mean watch as Will Asher rips it up to the tune of 3.5@41 off. This record has stood since 2003 and will be very very tough to top.

Oh and take this as notice NCWSA WE WANT VIDS NOW!! Why have the NCWSA360 youtube account if your not going to use it? huh??? Lazy bums!

Oct 16, 2010

Creaky Feed - Collegiate Nationals

We at the CRB have a ridiculous amount of clout in the water ski world. After bitching amongst ourselves about how we couldn't get ahold of yesterday's winning trick videos, we called up our lacky intern out at the Collegiate Nationals site and told him to get his shit together and make it happen. Apparently he decided to take a break between drinks and the bikini contest to go find someone with footage and force them to upload it for our viewing pleasure. I mean really, who actually wants to see this stuff in person? The comfort of our executive leather couches and full service, in-office bar is too good to pass up for just a day in the sun. We're hoping he keeps it up, although he's fired either way at the end of the weekend.

Oct 15, 2010

New Womens WR in Tricks

So for the past couple days we have been angrily burning Tony Lightfoot in effigy due to the fact he had Natalia Birdnikava's new world record on video but would not let anyone else watch it. Hes a selfish bastard like that. But today he is back in our good graces as finally the video has hit the youtube webz. And well...here it is.

GA DAMN that girl has hella skillz. Wicked good stuff Natty, wicked good. At this pace we could see a 10k pt run next year.

NCWSA Nationals Mens Tricks

So NCWSA nationals mens tricks just completed and it was hella flip happy at the end, and thus I was hella flipping happy. You can watch the webcast here.

Chat transcript from one of the judges on site at nationals.
10:04 ncwsa: storm just killed it
10:04 ncwsa: 7 flips
10:04 ncwsa: both mobs and front flip
10:04 ncwsa: has to be leader

And since we don't have any video from the site, here is Storm at AWSA nationals in August.

10:08 ncwsa: ok dylan next
10:09 ncwsa: you could be watching history here
10:14 ncwsa: he did bflbb, r, fflb, bfl, r, bflb,r,bflf,ffl
10:14 ncwsa: slb was out so no record
10:14 ncwsa: well im sorry that was just one judges call
10:14 ncwsa: but im pretty sure slb will be out
10:14 ncwsa: but still amazing
10:14 ncwsa: storm and dylan will be close

The announcer mentioned a few minutes after Dylan's run that the score was about 6400 or so. So he rocked the shit out of it but no record. Kids only a freshman so hes still got 3 1/2 years to break Jimmy's record.

Again, no video from the site so this is a youtube vid we found. Would have used his AWSA nationals run but he feel early in his first pass and fell near the end of his second pass, and this is way cooler anyways.

Oct 13, 2010


Am I the only one that is scared of clowns and anyone else that dresses all crazy like this?

Tony Klarich (dude can ski on anything)

And the scene that gave me my fear of clowns. CLICK THIS ---> IT

Lake Trout Carry Out - College Edition

NCWSA Nationals starts tomorrow and we have been woefully lax in our college coverage this year. So here is the college waterski haps from the news world. LINK DUMB STYLE BABY!

Division 1 running orders are posted over at NCWSA.com. This year ULM looks like they should be able to take it down again. Alabama and ULL could be a solid fight for second, then the rest of the field is looking pretty good. Could be quite the exciting fight for 4th.

Also over at NCWSA.com are the D-2 running orders. We have not paid very close attention to D-2 this year, but the Midwest looks strong as usual.

Edwin Wiley has a penchant for adrenalin...well that's good to know, thank you Purdue student paper.

Texas A&M was the underdog in the South Central regional but still qualified for nationals...what...underdog to the Baylor or Arkansas? Yea, those 3 skier teams will eat you alive.

The event running order is up at USAWS.com. I hate living where its cold and far away from Texas and all the awesomeness that will be hitting the water. In fact, I hate you all so much I refuse to talk anymore about college skiing.

Well except to point out my love for this college skier. /sighs

We here at the CRB care deeply for all of our readers* and want to make sure you all act safely and return back to your campuses in one piece after what will undoubtedly be a totally bitching weekend. So to help you remain safe we will let this learned panel explain the dangers of getting to stoked in Buda TX.

Oct 12, 2010

We Are Sorry

For our serious lack of waterskiing monkeys recently. So to make up for it here are Mamoko and Lilly. Please accept our deepest apologies.

Oct 11, 2010

Vid Day Monday - Reef Is The Best Company Ever

Reef sandles are mega comfy and they put silly things like bottle openers on the bottoms. So yea thats cool. But then they have the Reef Girls that move them from a good company to the best company ever.


So NCWSA nationals is almost upon us...

HOLY SHIT REALLY? We have yet to write a single legit college waterski related post this year. Wow do we suck.

So needless to say we had to do some research* to figure out who the hot teams are who fell off the map and so on. So like the diligent researchers we are we headed for the AP poll for week 4. It ranks the top...er... all 74...teams in college waterskiing.

*drink beer and let NCWSA tell us whats the haps.

NCAA Football AP Poll - voted on by the Associated Press

NCWSA AP Poll is voted on by...a computer program????

WTF is this shenanigans? How can an AP poll rank every team in a sport? And how can you call this ranking an "AP" poll if at no point is any actual polling done?

DO YOU HEAR US SURDEJ???!!!????!!11!!????

This poll has much more in common with the BCS computer system used by college football then it does with the AP poll.

BCS Poll - More apt name for current NCWSA Poll

So basically what we are saying is that we should get to vote on the AP poll as the CRB seems to be the closest thing to press that waterskiing has. The voters should be The CRB, Rykerts Lake of Sin (Admin Edit(he will only vote for Auburn)), and Hortons Ball of Sin (he will only vote for ULM).


Vid Day Monday - Off Topic

Vid Day Monday - Welcome Back Rykert

Horton likes to call us Patrice because, well, Patrice Martin was a straight up bad ass. Just watch these crazy scrappy 38 and 39 off passes. If you want to see equally scrappy just watch me run 15 off...oh...not the same thing? Damn

Stolen from our boy Rykert and the Lake Of Sin

Oct 8, 2010

Lake Trout Carry Out

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.

The big news in waterski land right now is the upcoming NCWSA nationals being held in Texas at the kick ass AquaPlex. If you are anywhere in the area (by area we mean on the planet) you should head over and check it out. The CRB might even be represented there, if you really want to know who we are look for the guy that is drunk and past out at a bar and never make it to the site.

Female students from the University of Moscow put together a calender of crazy hot pics of themselves and gave it to Russian Prime Minister Vladimir Putin for his 58th birthday. I think they are trying to do what many Russian dissidents have been unable to do, kill him...with a heart attack caused by all the hotness.

The famous Bridge to Bridge ski race in Australia was canceled due to rain. They were afraid the rain would make it to dangerous...not that skiing at 120 mph behind a race boat is not unsafe.

In further proof that personal watercraft (PWC) are bad ideas we have this women who says her husband was murdered by Mexican drug running pirates on Falcon Lake along the boarder of Mexico and Texas.
And the Texas dept of public safety issued a warning showing all of the stuff that has happened in the lake. Not good at all.

Recent college graduate Emily White was taking one last wakeboard run before heading to Easter Island to teach, and sadly she was killed after taking a nasty fall. Her dad says "wear helmets please".

Pam LeBlanc is a writer for the Austin TX news paper and loves skiing, so we love her. But she took her last set of the year last week...YOU GD SISSY!!! Its Texas for gods sake, what its like 70 degrees out...well it was 40 degrees colder then that here recently, so stop whining and enjoy that you can ski and get your ass on the water!

Not only have 2 wake parks opened in the Philippians this year but now they are part of the national Olympic committee. Hellz yea Filipinos, keep up the good work.

Some toolbox DJ says that breaking his femur while waterskiing on some ghay reality show helped him deal with his son going to prison for murdering a gang member. Ummm, not really sure what to say here, but all 3 of those things suck.
Broken femur = sucks
reality show = sucks
son in prison = sucks
One less gang member fucking up our streets = woot*
*not advocating murder

And a completely inappropriate song:

Oct 4, 2010

NCWSA Wildcard Selection Show Extravaganza

***Camara fade in***

21 of the 22 nationals teams have already been decided, but that last slot to the holy land is going to be decided tonight. The 97th* annual Wildcard selection show with hosts Cris Kodiak and Jeff Surdej will be held tonight at 8/7cst.

*estimated date of first Wildcard show

There are a few very deserving teams out there that have missed out on making the cut this year, so this will be a hotly contested virtual tournament. If a virtual tournament can be hotly contested...

Keep an eye out for some awesome efforts to get that final slot. Jumpers giving it there all and landing on their heads, skiers throwing it all on the line for that extra bouy and trickers doing tricker like things...oh...wait...all of these scores are from their best scores so far this year? ahhh, well so just go watch some video of prior tournaments when all those things happened.

But make sure to tune in for all the action at 8/7cst TONIGHT.

***camera fades to black***

Vid Day Monday

When can we figure out how to get sponsors like this again for the pro tour? Events like the Malibu Open, LA Night Jam, King of Darkness and so on are a step in the right direction. Get the peeps to show up and that will help bring in the dolla dolla bills Y'all. So yes, what I am saying is pro events on private hidden lakes does very little to build the sport. Get out in front of the peeps and we will continue to grow.

Oh, and freestyle slalom is cool and all, but dont worry about bringing that back. Freestyle jump on the other hand is crazy awesome so make sure that the freestyle event at the Malibu Open was not just a one and done. That stuff is hella cool.

New Womens NCWSA Jump Record

See, now this is how to get into the good graces of the CRB staff.  Sure, trick skiing is nice and all, toe turns and whirlybirds, but, if you really want to get us all a twitter, you need to strap on a pair of long skis and launch.  Guess that memo was recieved loud and clear this weekend in Zachary, as one of our favorites, Alex Lauretano set a pending jump record.

Explain in great detail ncwsa.com
Alex Lauretano, ULM, set a pending collegiate womens jump record this weekend at the South Central Regionals. Alex leaped 155 to surpass Natalia Berdnikova's previous record of 154.
Informative and thorough!

This is of course on the heels of her setting a pending trick record a few weeks ago.  Quit being so greedy with the records Alex!

This is obviously a case of dishonest advertising.  We don't see a trick or a jump ski anywhere in that picture, or, its a case of Alex just waiting to blow up the slalom record soon too.

Vid Day Monday - Hella Wootable Vid

OH MY GOD THIS IS FREAKING SWEET! This guy is going to die very soon, but before he does I hope he posts some more crazy awesomeness like this vid.

Now if we could just figure out how to use this technology for jumping. Lakes might need to be extended a bit...

Oct 2, 2010

CRB Brings the Sexy

This one is for all you kids that wear glasses out there. Well and for all of you that like good looking women...

And here is a hotty surfer to reward our own Life Jacket for returning to the fold.


And here is Paul Neuman from back in the day for the ladies. Just showing you girls how most of us at the CRB look. We are all straight up GQ ladies...GQ I say.

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...