When trying to decide if you should risk watching the live webcast of the masters just think WWCWD.
May 28, 2010
When trying to decide if you should risk watching the live webcast of the masters just think WWCWD.
ODBF: so guys, its friday and we are all at our respective places of employment. What should we be doing today?
CRB Minion: Sell crack?
ODBF: ummmm, ok how about we limit this to the CRB employees that are not hard core drug users...
Life Jacket: SURF BRA!!!!!11!!eleven!!!
ODBF: well said...but thats not what I'm thinking
Dig Dug: /digs
Dig Dug: /dugs
Rowboat abides: send a telegram to the new client about the widgets. /falls back asleep in rocking chair
ODBF: man you guys are worthless
Paul in sales: /hookers
ODBF: Paul your fired
ODBF: Are you guys all stupid? WATCH THE MASTERS WEBCAST!!
May 24, 2010
First Up today we have some sold old school footing.
Toe ups in an old Casad suit were not easy. Let me* tell you!
*not me as I would break my leg then cry like a baby for 6 weeks
Now this next vid keeps the boom at a legit height and does not try to pull any of that fake crap. Not only does this vid have Keith St. Onge who makes his turns look so easy he could be on a pair of tricks, but it has two girls back footing in bikinis at the same time. So you may not hear from me for awhile as I may just watch and rewatch this whole* video for the rest of the day.
*only the parts with girls
May 22, 2010
It seems that some people have not been trained properly.
So I have included this very helpful instructional video
/breaks own leg
May 20, 2010
First off 94% of the worlds news reporters make me want to club baby seals.
2) Ericka Lang will stomp flips all over you.
/flips while flipping
/flip flip flip flip
/flip with a reverse flip
/flip while kicking camara guy "JOHN MOVE IT BACK" in the flip
If I skied with this girl everyday I would quit and take up curling or some other sport that fat guys who like beer can do. I would just be so disheartened with my complete lack of skills that I would just give up.
May 19, 2010
Its been awhile but I guess we can throw another link dump at you cats. And many of you may be saying "but why not write full posts about every one of these oh so interesting articles?" Well we say "Because we do this for free and don't really care about you lowly people. Now if you want to send us dolla dolla bills y'all* then we would be more inclined to do what you want.
All donations can be sent to
CO/ The Interwebz
Al Gore's basement
some address on some street
somewhere in the USA
The Collegiate Wakeboard Nationals were held recently in some place much warmer then here. This probably deserves its own post but then I would have to delve into the whole mess that is the USAWB vs Empire Wake mess. And well that whole thing is just a mess.
Right back to the wakeboard nationals that it appears Chico State won. I would have known that if I had read the whole article from Alliance but reading alliance makes me think of reef girls. And well that leads to me watching the first CRB Brings the Sexy video about 14 times........WAIT ITS GONE??? SCREW YOU VIMEO!!!
Fun Sporting mag tells us that Blackpool in the north of England has a new wake park. Man these things are popping up all over the place. Nothing by me yet but thats cuz noone likes Al Gore so they wont put one here.
New contraption allows wakeboarding in swimming pools. Yea what he said. Crazy new contraptions "GET OFF MY LAWN"
New wake park in Ohio. What is this nonesense...is this wakeboard day on the CRB? Cuz if it is I'm going to need to bust out the knee braces and go kill some wicked sweet Fashion Airs.
I love* to bass fish as much as the next guy and I'm guessing its bass fishermen and other assorted jack asses that don't have a clue how to drive on the lake that leads to stories like this.
*love = hate it with a passion
/reads random stuffs...
ODBF: oh a new guy over at JJ marine...wherever the hell that is...
//reads more random stuffs...
ODBF: oh and Seminol brand has a new manager of the Sailfish division...stupid sail boats
///reads more random stuffs...
ODBF: oh USAWS hired a new exec director...wait...HOLD ON ONE DAMN MOMENT!! I don't remember the CRB being consulted on this one. Who was in charge of this? Not us and that is a damn shame and a complete travshamocory!! yea I said it!!
ODBF: ok, it was probably a very good idea not to seek our council as I would have suggested they hire whichever hot chick I was currently googling. oh and good luck to our new exec. Heres to hoping he can do some of that great growth and exposure that speed skating has seen in the past few years.
Figure 8 barefoot tournaments are a good time all around. Great parties, fun skiing and good people. And I hate them with a passion.../misses step off
May 18, 2010
ODBF: /pleading "but I am a citizen!! I swear!!"
Dale: /intense "You sound like some sort of Yankee ghay, and dont you swear around me boy"
Dale: /spits tobacco
ODBF: /whimpers "want to go noodling?"
Dale: "Well hell son why dident you say something earlier"
Dale: /shoots a Canadian "STAY OUT OF MY COUNTRY YOU UBER YANKEES!"
Dale: /catches 7 catfish at once "want one you pussy Yankee ghay? WELL YOU CANT HAVE ONE, THESE ARE ALABAMAS CATFISH. ROLL TIDE ROLL"
ODBF: "can I go now?"
Dale: "YOU DONT HEAR ME WHIMPERING AND WHINEING LIKE SOME YANKEE GHAY DO YOU? THATS CUZ I WILL BE THE AG COMMISSIONER OF ALABAMA, THATS RIGHT THE AG-RAT-CULTURE COMMISSIONER. THAT IS THE MOST POWERFUL POSITION IN THIS HERE COUNTRY."
ODBF: "You sure about that? What about the president or even the governor?"
Dale: /kills sheep pig with bear hands //chews on bones "GET THAT HUNGRY-IAN BS FAKE PIG OUT OF MY STATE. YOU YANKEES AND YOUR LIBERAL LIES. THE AG COMMISSIONER RULES ALL"
ODBF: /moves to Alabama //votes for Dale Peterson
I like water...
I stole this vid straight from Tales from the foot. They beat me to the punch. Some pretty good vids over on that site.
I had to post this to get that local news hating post down. "so she likes the penis more now" /bitch slap
May 17, 2010
Why local news anchors you ask...well, because I really dont want to have to watch some jack ass named Stormy Wetdry take 10 minutes making bad jokes and showing me nothing that my phone could not tell me in 15 seconds. Or Mike Shatter telling me about the great new bullshit that someone is doing in town and saying it with a smile while the story is smashed between 3 stories about murders and fires.
I could probably go for about 30,000 words about my unending hatred for all things local news...but I'll spare you my unrequited hatred for them and instead show you some vids of news anchors that just need to go do a job they would be good at...like sleeping on railroad tracks.
Yes...she got the "G-shot" because she likes the penis. Seriously dude? I mean really...how could a story about that make you think anything but I need to keep my mouth shut?
...errrr...Can I pass? Is that an option?
Only people I hate more are morning drive time DJs. And if you dont understand my hatred for them then I hate you to.
Oh I cant lie, I love you.
And to top it off with a bit of the Run DMC Christmas story
May 16, 2010
After I realized Starbucks now has frap happy hour and I scored a sweet chi tea frap with extra whip for half off, I began dwelling over the CRB. I have come to realize that like 90% of the good stuff on this site involves hot chicks and sometimes skiing. So I the genius minion have come up with an idea, a contest, open to the CRB staff and readers. It is called: CRB Hottie of the Week. Readers can submit it to the CRB POS. Rules: you get three pictures, one video and a short bio to make your case. Also can not use a hottie that has been presented before. Voting is done by readers, readers pick which is there favorite in the comments at the end of the week. Winner gets a 6 pack of Hamm's!
So I introduce my first hottie: Julie Benz. She played the wife of a good serial killer on Dexter, is in some stupid show called Desperate Housewives (sounds like a porno to me), was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Rambo IV. She is the hot ass detective in Boondock Saints II and will be the hottie in Rambo V. She played a pretty frumpy woman in Dexter but is actually ubber hot. The fact that she can kick your ass in most of these movies is awesome too. She is a wopping 5'4" tall, is 38 years old and enjoys long walks on the beach with me. She also competed in the 1988 ice skating championships.
BRING IT no one can top my Julie.
May 15, 2010
/gets wicked 2 inches of air off slalom wake
Oh and we also like them when Kristen Berset is on one.
Ok these guys know how to advertise...
May 14, 2010
And we would have more to write about if you lazy bums would just hit up the contact CRB POS emailz!
May 12, 2010
Oh and it shows June rubbing it everyones face that she scored herself a royal. Oh sure, like your so special. I had a royal once...a royal pain in my ass...
oh...so I will just show my self out then
Thats what the guy who taught me how to barefoot told me to. He was dumb, cuz I totally think I can walk on water buy I suck something awful at footing.
yea...nice viral marketing campaign. Well it already has a million and a half views, so yea, they win. They only have about 15 times as many hits in a few days as the CRB has in its life time. So what does that mean? It means you jack asses are not checking in often enough. What do you think we do this for free? oh...you do...and your right.
May 11, 2010
This would be a big worm. and freaking gross.
This would be big perm. and one scary mo focca
While this would be neither of the above, because those are both the stupidest names in the history of sport. Attempt to put some sort of description of what is being done into the name of the trick. Every sport is allowd a few eccentricities but good gravy* guys give us a break.
*MB thinks we are too loose with our foul language, so that one is for you Marcus.
Its like I need a damn interpreter to talk to wakeboarders. ex "I threw a sweet stalefish into that twitty bird bra" When I hear shit like that I want to stab you in the eye with my foot. (how does that work? hell if I know) Instead he could have said "I threw a air mobius with no handle pass and tweaked it out with a cool grab by my back foot". (mobius is an acceptable term as its a sweet trick and been around since the begining).
Ok really my sentance structure and terms suck, so my argument appears somewhat invalid, but then I looked up a wake board terms website and wanted to light my head on fire.
We still love you, you have the best site in all of watersports. Well except that one that the minon found that one time. xxx.watersports.porn.com/org yea that one was cool...
love you always,
May 10, 2010
See! Thats crazyness, one of those falls and i would spend the rest of my days chilling in my bass boat* eating sardines and enjoying fine tobacco products.
WTF LADY?? Your going to do it again? This is our point, this is not skiing, its boat racing with some suicidal person straped to the back.
May 8, 2010
Well, turns out the early mother days celebration held at CRB HQ may have been to much for odbf so here I am to help out.
To celebrate mothers day in CRB style, here are a couple notorious moms.
First of all, we have mega-hot Kate Beckensdale.
Kate Beckinsale shot for Esquire HD from Greg Williams on Vimeo.
Second we have a more infamous version, Ms. Spears, celebrated in song.
Happy mothers day everyone. To celebrate, go to your nearest Malibu boat dealer and buy the first boat you see without a trailer. Why? Because fuck trailers. Thats why.
May 7, 2010
Many of these people have spent their whole lives focusing on JUST basketball or just football or something and don't have a built up skill-set to navigate the business world successfully.
Now, you rarely feel sorry for these people, as they have banked a ton of money and can live comfortable for the rest of their days, just being rich and famous and cool. Think of someone like, Hulk Hogan, he has effortlessly moved into the world of reality entertainment with a stable family life, good kids and with total integrity.
Haha, just kidding.
We put our CRB investigative team on a mission recently to find some of the skiers that are at the top of their game, but, may be contemplating taking a break from the fast paced, jet setter, champagne and cheese-its lifestyle that pro-skiers have become accustomed to.
We read somewhere awhile back that Jaret Llewellyn was either contemplating retirement or maybe it was just something briefly covered in an article, either way, it behooves him to at least think of a life after wrecking jumps for money...and that was all our team really needed to investigate.
So, what does the future have in-store for one of the best jump stompers in memory?? Well, as luck would have it, his skill set from skiing will make his transition into the private sector smooth.
In fact, it appears he is already hard at work with his new endeavor, Llewellyn Demolition!
Seen here in this picture with one of his employees, Bruce, at a worksite north of Toronto. His employees universally praise him as a hands on type boss, getting dirty with his employees and really having a nose for the job. He isn't all fancy pants in an office drinking coffee and looking at internet porn all day like the rest of us.
In fact, he has taken his jump ability and really gotten into the demolition of a building in Omaha, Nebraska.
Yep, that is Jaret, attaching himself to the wrecking ball crane and destroying the building on his own! Always wear your helmets children, you never know when a piece of steel beam or concrete may be in your way when you are self-demolishing a building!
One of the things that we have also unearthed is that Llewellyn Demo does more then just knock down buildings, they can do more precise demo, as evidence here from a de-construction of a bridge just outside of Charlston, SC.
We all hope that Jaret skis at the elite level he has established for years to come, but, it is good to know that once its time to hang up the speed suit and put away the jumpers that he will be well positioned to move into a life of even greater prosperity!
Stephen Colbert = wakeboarder
wakeboarder = funny ??
|The Colbert Report||Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c|
|Nashville Flood Wakeboarder|
May 6, 2010
We say this as a preamble to the following post, in that we are all really cranky and that may seep out a bit. Much like the goo that is seeping out from ODBF's gauze bandages. Got into some poison ivy.
Long story short, its easier to be critical of something when you feel like crap because you want to take out your irritation on someone else, or something else, or on your mom. Either way.
We clicked on over to the Alliance wakeboard site, which is pretty bitchin btw, and they have a link to a give away contest thing from Liquid Force and Monster energy drink.
The idea of the contest is you download a set of pictures that they have and you design a poster, upload to their servers and they pick the best one and you can win some free stuff.
Here is the link. Click it. Make a poster. Win shit. Its that easy. Linkable Evidence
So what is the problem then you ask yourself, which is a strange thing to say to yourself.
Here is our beef and its not with Liquid Force, granted, we are not big wakeboard people...we like to play and have got really good at the 1/2 backroll, but, its just not our lifestyle. We are more, a few beers a wake surf board, a couple wipeouts and some lounging.
No, our beef is with Monster and not just their douchey hats and general marketing gimmick, but, the fact their blue Monster drink. The lo-carb stuff, gotta watch the weight these days, and what it did to the contact chevette.
During our daily lives of delivering organs to transplant patients and piloting helicopters to impoverished nations, we occasionally need a pick-me up, and none of this 5-hour energy crap, no, we need something to give us diabetes!
So, we swung by Jeds boats and glory holes and picked up a blue monster drink, drank it and left the can sitting on the floor for like, maybe 4 hours, while we helped an old lady across then street. We hopped back in and the car smelled like blueberries.
Sticky sweet blueberries.
Whats that about???
It wouldn't go away. It stuck in the car for a long time. Thankfully Tim in accounting borrowed the car to go turn a trick and smoked a few joints, so the car just smelled of blueberry weed. Seems like a pretty minor issue no? A car smelling of blueberries shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Your right, for normal people its not a big deal. But CRB HQ deals with a very picky leasing agent for our company vehicles and they, for some reason, want their cars coming back into the fleet smelling like all their other cars, like failed dreams and desperation.
That is not something we deal with at CRB. We deal in achievement and promiscuity.
It smells like raspberries and lube.
May 5, 2010
*edit* Because I cant effing stand auto-play videos, here is the link to the video instead of it being embedded. Link */edit*
At the very end you hear someone watching say "hahaha, whoops, you know they are going to find some dope in there". Well thats a good point, they are wake skaters and wake skaters are all pot heads. Its science, its on the internet and the internet has never lied to me.
May 4, 2010
STUPID! That is dumb and so full of fail. We sent out our CRB-TMZ staff to get the dirt and find out what these elite athletes do on a daily basis that you may be able to use in your daily life.
Subject #1. Jimmy Siemers.
For those of you that don't know. Jimmy is a world class level waterskiier. THATS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW! To the photos.
8:00 AM. We see here that Jimmy is back in bed sleeping with his smoking hot model caliber wife/girlfriend who just so happens to be both a gymnast and an aeronautical engineer. Nice snag Jimmy!
They look so cute at that age. Probably still in the honeymoon phase.
10:30 AM. After a heatlthy breakfast and a quick walk through the neighborhood to help out his neighbors with some various tasks. For example, Mrs. Pendergrast down the street always grocery shops on Tuesday mornings, so, Jimmy makes sure that he just happens to be walking past her place when she gets home so he can help her take her groceries inside. Its the little thing people. Anyways, after this he relaxes a bit and jams out on the guitar.
3:00 PM. Currently not satisfied with the state of the world and specifically the United States foreign policy or our dependence on both foreign oil AND domestic oil, Jimmy has also ventured into the world of politics. It was a touch and go situation for awhile, as many people were afraid of turning over the reigns to the most powerful nation on earth to a relatively unproven political figure. Those fears were diminished when he ripped a 10,000 point trick run in just a sweater vest and khaki pants.
Never the less, his work is never complete as he ventures to the state capital to speak to an assembled mass about his plans for nationalized ski lakes. Its the American Dream he states with the conviction of a seasoned pro. A car in every driveway and a cable park in every back yard.
He makes it to the lake about 7:15 and having changed inside he is ready to go. However the weather has taken a slight turn for the worse as there are a few rain clouds over head and people are advising him that maybe its not the best idea to go out skiing right now.
"Oh, now now, I understand your concern," Jimmy was overhead telling a worried eldery lady as he comforted her with a reassuring smile, "but, I am not afraid of what the weather will do, it is the weather that should be afraid of what I do to it"
Following this awesome display the assembled masses that witnessed the event were ushered to the gates of the Siemers, but, before they left he imparted this bit of wisdom for them all to live by.
"Take what you have seen today, what one person can do when they set their minds to it, they focus and do everything they can to make the world a better place, do what you can with the power that you have to affect change for the better in whatever way that you can and we will all reap the rewards"
Transfixed by this bit of logical way of life thinking, the people then dispersed to their cars with this knowledge, each and everyone with a new outlook on life, a new desire to do good, to affect change in a way that would turn the world on its ear.
One of the people began volunteering to help those less-fortunate, an elderly lady finally put aside years of petty arguments and re-connected with her daughter, a young 15-year old kid who had spent the majority of their life on the streets finally decided to make good on life and started going to school again, a middle aged man took these lessons and finally put down the bottle, and one person decided to draw mspaint dicks on pictures of celebrities.
Not even Mystical Jimmy can eliminate all the douche.
Anywho, throughout our lives of skiing, one thing has remained constant, we hate fish.
All fish. For some reason they creep us out like crazy.
Stop for a second and think about it. We live on a big ass sphere that is mostly covered in water and all sorts of these creepy floppy things inhabit the majority of it.
In a basic sense, us as humans just basically live on a big island surrounded by either oceans or various sized ponds, with these nasty critters paddling around inside of these ponds. You know, its the adapt to your surroundings and all that.
Back in high school, remember that time of your life? The man forced you to go to some big building and learn when all you wanted to do was bone that chick in the next row over in your economics class?
Anyways, we do remember the concept of how animals adapt to their surroundings, like, the fishs that live in the water that is inside caves and never get light, they eventually become basically transparent and don't have eyes. Why? because they don't need any skin pigmentation or ability to see, hence no eyes or skin pigmentation.
For fear of becoming a stupid insane clown posse video, fucking magnets, stuff like this, even at our advanced age, is amazing.
Lets put this into a language we can all understand. All the guys who read our website here have experienced this phenomenon. It may have been years and years, and you may or may not actually understand or know or for that matter even comprehend what you have become, but, needless to say, you are one of the very few people out there that have this certain physical characteristic.
So, back on point. Fish.
Big fish, or little fish. All sorts of fish. They are gross and need to be destroyed.
The slippery gill'ed rats of the water have no use in normal civilized culture.
OH SURE! you like your shrimps or crabs or whatever when you and the fam pack up the minivan and go to Red Lobster or whatever crappy chain seafood place is by your house. Can't be to far away because your little brats will get squirmy in the back seat when they aren't force fed constant visual stimuli every 20 damn seconds like a bunch of sugared up ferrets on meth.
However, with all the technology in the world, and Jesus, look what they have done with chickens. Ever seen the movie Food Inc? Good Christ, they have basically genetically engineered chickens to be just breasts and thighs for your KFC hounds.
You barely even need the actual animal anymore. Just have some dude in a lab whip up a 12 breasted, three thighed and 8 boneless wing with Caribbean jerk sauce living meat product and none of us would care because the shit is delicious!
In our day and age of life, we don't need to be held hostage to the same stupid and out dated norms that people in the past used to be living with. You serious with that "deadliest catch" show? A bunch of dudes pile on a boat, slam red bull and find some damn seafood?
Thats dumb. Why not just punch away on a lap top and an aquarium? Would that not be the easiest thing ever?
We would all be sitting around watching Forest Gump hang out with Lt. Dan and say to each other, "wow, that is foolish, they could just go to the lab and whip up some tasty shrimps" Plus! They wouldn't have any of that weirdo veins of shit that is seriously disgusting.
Basically we are already there. See that picture above? Those aren't real fish. No way those sticks were fished out of some lake somewhere and tossed into a bag. They are sticks! They can't swim!
A long time ago we used to live in an area that, seemingly, every year there would be a huge fish die off. Not sure why this happened, maybe it was run off from the roads, maybe it was something from the power plant, maybe it was the sun made the water to warm, or algae or whatever the hell it was, there would be hundreds if not thousands of fish all piled up on the shore of the lake stinking up the joint.
No one cared. PETA and Oliva Munn didn't show up all hot and naked and protest nature. Shit just happened. There was no economic collapse because a bunch of god damn walleyes or whatever died. It just was.
Its sort of a case of natural selection, if you were a more delicious fish we would care more about what happens to you.
Ever wonder why people make such a big deal out of endangered species? Because they are G-D delicious! Ever had sauteed Hawaiian Monk Seal? oh my lord, its scrumptious. A side of fresh veggies, a light cream sauce and a couple glasses of wine and its baby making time!
Certain water based species are ok, however, as they serve a greater good. You know, other then the muskies and cat fish. Like, Dolphins. They are ok. They can speak English and are surprisingly adept and both riding a bicycle and being cute as hell. Especially when face to face with a dog.
Other water based creatures that are off our chopping block? Loons.
Ever been to a north woodsy type cottage and chilled out and listened to the loons? "whooooooiT!" or something similar?
Thats about it though.
Besides, people that fish are really just looking for an excuse to go out and drink on a boat. Listen up fishermans! Your huge ass motor on your little jon-boat isn't fooling anyone. Just because you are floating and drinking in the sun does not mean anything. You may as well take that damn thing down to the corner marina, Jed's Boat and Glory Holes, trade it in and get yourself a nice inboard, strap on a pair of skis and get active!
Fish are worthless. They do no good.
As part of this well researched post we asked the CRB Lab to come up with some concrete evidence to support our posts.
They must all be fisher-people in their spare times because it turns out that one of their arms is much stronger then the other and they are very good at the dismissive wanking motion. Unsure as to the ramifications of that previous sentance, but, its probably a safe bet to say that they have never had sex without paying for it.
So, instead, we decided as an executive team to come up with some proof of our hyposthesis that fish are bad and people are good. fish < people. We googled it and this is what we found. Its all right here in this new documentary coming out in 3D soon. Please help us and join our cause to rid the word of these heathen creatures. Slimy, slippery, flappy, slappy and probably filled with super-aids, fish need to go. Its science.
May 3, 2010
and they had swivel bucket seats.
oh and they had Ed McMahon covering ski shows. And as he jabbers on he proves that he is a damn idiot. WTF is he talking about staying dry. Dudes barefooting, he is nowhere near dry.
Has recieved the CRB
Check it out here
And some day you might even get to catch a glimps of the CRB crew in action. MB has asked us multiple times and we continue to hide in our secret hide out* trying to figure out how to make sock puppets.
*Al Gores basement
YES YES YES
/moves to TempeOh and the local news shows some love to the ski team too.
May 1, 2010