Dec 27, 2010

Natalia Does it Again...CRB Late to the Party

Damn this girl has skills. We were told a few weeks ago to look for a vid, and as usual Tony beat us to the punch. Natalia has been on fire this year. Well not actually on fire cuz that would hurt and possibly effect her skiing.

Vid Day Monday

This is why you never loan your car to a women.

Let the angry emails

Vid Day Monday - Nerd Win

I have no idea what this guy is talking about, but he is the greatest nerd of the year. He out nerded the nerds that designed world of warcraft. I have never played the game and really have no idea how it even works, but the guys on stage make bank because of people like this red shirt dude. Nerd Win

And he was awesome enough that the other nerds of the internet have auto tuned his nerdy beat down of the world of warcraft creator guys.

Oh and if you want to be frightened just watch some of the videos that come up as suggestions once you start watching anything about world of warcraft.

Vid Day Monday - Vacation Style

Well after a bit of a hiatus from the pages of the CRB and a much needed vacay from all of this hard work*, we are back with all your Monday video needs.

*sleeping till noon

If you were not lucky enough to get to a nice warm climate and hit up the water for some Christmas swerve sessions then you can live vicariously through Thomas Moore who hit up the Turks and Caicos back in late 2009. Sweet camera angle as well.

Dec 21, 2010

Winter is for the LAMEZ

I love to get a new calendar. It means a new year, a fresh start (fresh start?? ain't that some bs), new oppurtunities...of wtf am I talking about. I love getting a new calendar because it means that we are one month closer to the end of the snowpocolyptic hell that is my state during the winter. This does not apply to all of the CRBers as those bastards live in warm states where their lakes did not freeze in early fall.



ODBF: /shakes off snow
ODBF: Man its cold out here
ODBF: /flips calendar from August to December

Boat: ***frozen in ice***

ODBF: OH DAMN...I knew I forgot something.
ODBF: That may be an issue

/Door Flies Open

***Moderator*** Life Jacket and Dig Dug have returned from the lake

Life Jacket: Man that was a sweet swerve set. Just gotta grab my board then its off to the beach to catch some sweet waves.

Dig Dug: /pumps air pump
Dig Dug: Someone needs to turn the A/C on in here. Its so hot.

ODBF: I hate you both with all the power of this blizzard
ODBF: I've gotta go shovel some snow

***Moderator***ODBF has slipped and fallen on the ice

CRB Minon:'ve got enough snow to shovel it??? You been holding out on me?
CRB Minon: /snorts line of coke

Rowboat Abides: GET OFF MY LAWN!!
Rowboat Abides: /fires shot gun

***Moderator***To hell with you guys, I'm out of here
Moderator: /bails
***CRB Chat Room has closed***

Dec 13, 2010

Vid Day Monday

Suck it Vikings!!

And why does it have an inflatable roof?

Vid Day Monday

It seems that the guys at University of Wisconsin Madison have way to much time on there hands. All they do is make ski movies. And crash into the jump on aborted jumps. Same thing I am told.

Dec 7, 2010

Lake Trout Carry Out - Bad Santa Edition

Hey!  Its December!  That means Christmas is almost here! Santa and presents and basketball and seeing your family and falling asleep on the couch!

Good times!  As we at the CRB prepare for Christmas we are probably going to have a shopping guide or a top-ten list or some other such nonsense.  Actually, don't count on any of that, we are if nothing else consistent in our inconsistency.  Like your moms gravy.

Anyways, here are a few of the things that we have talked about at the CRB compound today, including a story so god damn asinine that it will probably make you want to hug your local mall Santa.

  • "They're not going to take this house," says Ms. Campbell. "I intend to stay in this house and maintain it as my residence until I die." Which is ironic seeing as she hasn't paid a dime for it since 1985. (WSJ)
  • Man legally changes his name to "Captain Awesome", however, bank is not cool with his signature being an arrow, a smiley face and another arrow.  (SFgate)
  • Popular Santa is fired from Santa job because of telling a barely off-color joke to the parents of a kid who will grow up to be a pussy.  (SFgate)
  • An interesting look at the Christmas seasons most popular gadgets through time.  Transformers through iPads.  Never heard of a Tamogotchi, but, it has to be the cause of some seizures.  (Yahoo)
  • The Walking Dead on AMC broke all kinds of viewership records for its season finale.  Hey all you Mad Men fans yakking on and on about how great that show is, it just got curb stomped by a show about Zombies.  *takes axe to forhead*.  Ok Ok, sorry, sheesh.  Mad Men is great too.  *eats flesh* (AV Club)
  • Its getting near the end of the year, which means tons of year-end wrap up lists.  We are cool with any list of best albums that includes Neil Young, but, especially this year after he dropped Le Noise on our ungrateful ass's, allthough, it does have Kanye West at #1.  (Antiquiet)
To follow up on that Santa thing from before, read that damn article.  This dude has been doing this job for like 15 years, people all love him and people make the pilgramage to that specific location to see this guy.  Kids love him, parents love him and he takes what he is doing seriously.
Toomey - who stays in Oroville most summers and winters in San Francisco while he does the kiddie-on-the-knee gig - said he'd never had complaints before about the joke, which he saves for the occasional grown-up who visits him.

"When I ask the older people who sit on my lap if they've been good and they say, 'Yes,' I say, 'Gee, that's too bad,' " Toomey said Monday.

"Then, if they ask why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it's because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live."
That joke is so harmless that he may have well wrapped it in cotton balls.

How someone could possibly be offended by such a joke, and not just offended where you think, "well, maybe that wasn't the best place for that joke" but, offended enough to go and complain in a clear attempt to get this person fired is unconscionable.

If these peoples sensibilities were that fragile, they shouldn't wander through a Macy's anyways, there are bra's hanging on racks and pictures of models wearing varieties of undergarments that the majority of everyone in the world in their right mind understands.

Grown ups tell jokes, many of us tell incredibly obscene jokes, we do know the time and place for such things, but, such a simple joke is not a fireable offense.

Its just astonishing the knee jerk over-reaction by the parents, who were sitting on santa's lap btw (what are you six years old?), but that of Macy's as well, to totally disreagard the good will built up over 15 years, all the happy kids and happy parents and happy everyone, is stunning.

Hopefully this situation gets rectified and Macy's hires this dude back and makes a public apoligy that they over-reacted to a couple of dip-shits who I find it suprising even had kids as I am sure are probably offended by even the idea of putting his thingy going into her who-ha.  Oral probably scares them to death.  Must have been a great honeymoon.

Dec 6, 2010

Vid Day Monday - Get Get Naked

The University of Wisconsin at Madison ski team has put out some fun vids recently. This one has some solid footing and then it gets naked. There used to be a shirt sold at a local ski shop where I grew up that said "Real men do back deeps naked". Not so sure I agree on that but it appears that these cats do. Oh and it looks like they are doing them in 30 something degree weather. So they are probably no longer real men after hitting that water naked.

Vid Day Monday

The guys over at Trophy Lakes make some solid vids. Austin Able came on our radar when he went on and bitch slapped the slalom course and joined the select few that have gotten into 41 off at 36mph.

Vid Day Monday

This song hit me in a way most songs don't. I have sat here and watched/listened to it about 5 times so far. Just a solid tune that is well worth the few minutes it takes to get your CRB Vid Day Monday Youtube fix on.

Dec 4, 2010

CRB Brings the Sexy - Classy Edition

We are now slightly infatuated with Diana Krall. Not really sure why, probably has something to do with her being good looking then busting out a voice that is way lower then seems possible, and dusky voices just kinda do it for me.  Hey, Wiki..give us some background on this lady.
Diana Jean Krall, OC, OBC (born November 16, 1964) is a Canadian jazz pianist and singer, known for her contralto vocals.[2] She has sold more than 6 million albums in the US and over 15 million worldwide; altogether, she has sold more albums than any other female jazz artist during the 1990s and 2000s. On December 11, 2009, Billboard magazine named her the second Jazz artist of the 2000–2009 decade, establishing herself as one of the best-selling artists of her time. She is the only jazz singer to have eight albums debuting at the top of the Billboard Jazz Albums.[3] To date, she has won three Grammy Awards and eight Juno Awards
The more you know.


Dec 3, 2010

French People Are Weird

Does this have anything to do with skiing? Not really, but the French Waterski Federation and the loss of their training lake are the talk of the skiflies right now. We have not been able to confirm if this story is true, mostly because we have not put any effort into verifying anything. Seriously our motto is "less accurate and therefore more delicious", would you expect us to follow up on anything?

Dec 1, 2010

Lake Trout Carry Out

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.

Tumbulgum is perfect for a ski school...or to chew on.

Whitney McClintock was named Canada's female skier of the year. Well since she is damn good and its freaking cold up there 14 months out of the year (yes I said 14), I am still amazed how many crazy good skiers come from the frozen north.

And for more crazy canuck stories this guys are building a $5 million tubing hill by their wakeboard cable park.

Investor blog talking about skiing? Yep, and its got a great piece of advice for the big mouths that come out on the boat "No boat, no vote". Exactly, we don't drop all our dollas on that expensive thing just so we can hear you tell us what to do with it. Just keep your mouth shut and don't forget to bring the beer. The blog also says some stuff about investing, but I did not read it cuz I don't care what some dumb blogger thinks...bloggers are dumb...oh...shit.

Waterproof cameras are dope.

Rykert has good taste in christmas music.

3 Event Nationals will be going back to Wilmington in the state of corrupt governors and toll roads.

And Tony is keeping up his support of the CRB with these awesome vids from the Pan Ams. Thanks Tony!

Nov 30, 2010

Obama about to get educated

Darla, get the kids in the truck, we got us some shoppin to do

wlsam - WASHINGTON (AP) — A White House official says President Barack Obama is meeting with Walmart's chief executive as part of his efforts to increase outreach to the business community.
Obama was scheduled to meet with Walmart CEO Mike Duke in the Oval Office Monday afternoon. The official said Obama and Duke were to discuss ways to spur job growth and encourage companies to invest in the United States.

Good lord we could go off on these two people and their respective destruction of the business atmosphere in this country, but, thats not our style.

No, it just seems ironic that the biggest swinging dick in the business world and the biggest swinging dick in the free world are getting together and the first thing that we can think of is "psssh, really?".  If Obama really wanted to figure out ways to spur growth, or get people to "re-invest" in America and all that, he should actually talk to small business owners, medium size business owners.

Actually, you know what?  Go ahead and talk to Mike Duke...and ask him where the majority of his products come from.   American business's?  maybe.  Are the products made here?  No?  Why?  because people like Mike Duke run their busniness's in a way to squeeze out the middle and small buisness ower who actually live and work here, all in the ignorant marketing of nonsense to idiots.

But, if you shop at wal-mart, and thats fine, people can do whatever they want, but, here is the thing.  You may be saving a buck or two, but, do your research, the militant desire for low prices is not in our best interest, and sure, sometimes its a pain in the ass to go to the grocery store and the hardware store, or down the block to the flower shop, or to the gas station for some smokes...but, for gods sake, put your money where your morals are.  We all want to believe in mom and pop shops, small business, made in America.  Searching to save the 5 bucks on groceries by shopping at wal-mart isn't financially responsible, its socially lazy.

Ski Racing and Logs = Bad Combo

This lake feels bumpy
Stuff.Co.Nz -  "I texted Rick this morning and he doesn't seem too good and will be a few days in hospital at least."
Hyde said he felt like he "had been hit by a truck" as he attempted to get back to work today running his Rotorua landscaping business.

Race controller Emma Duckworth said no decisions would be made about any potential changes to next year's event until a full debrief of the weekend's racing.

"It's always hard to predict things like the number of logs in the river but the debrief will review the race, the timing and the river levels and it won't be until after that that any decisions are made." Duckworth said.

Its pretty easy to look at something like this, some people getting hurt in a ski race competition in Australia, then look to the CRB to make fun of the skiers or the drivers or something that seems to be, on its surface, one of the silliest aspects of waterskiing there is.

But, you would be wrong.

People can do whatever the hell they want to in this life, we are not ones to pass judgement, no, look at the organizers of this event and look at that quote, "Its always hard to predict things like the number of logs in the river."

No it isn't!  You drive a boat down before the race and inspect things.  Are there a bunch of logs in the river??  Yes??  Put the race on hold and get the logs out.

Its one of the things that we have lived by here at the CRB for years, Get the logs out!

C'mon Emma Duckworth are you trying to hold a speed waterski race event or trying to set up a MXC style event that we all get stoned and laugh at on tuesday nights.

Its in your court sweetheart.


Nov 29, 2010

Vid Day Monday - The Quad Back Flippa

Got this one in an email asking if it was CRB Worthy...If you have not figured it out yet then your a lost cause. Cuz we will pretty much post anything, especially if we don't have to do the work of finding it.

Thanks Shane for the tip

Vid Day Monday

Why are my flight attendants always ugly, fat, guys...or other such unattractive things. This flight has decent looking and fun loving attendants, I feel jipped.

Vid Day Monday - Rail Slide It

This guy has some solid wake skate skills. And it gets me thinking about busting out a bit of urban skiing. Years ago we busted out my jeep and hit up flooded ditches after a hurricane. Did some solid ditch wakeboarding and trick skiing. Also wiped out on a few driveways but thats another story.*

*not really, thats pretty much the whole story

Extras Grant from Aaron Reed on Vimeo.

Nov 27, 2010

Nov 25, 2010

CRB Gives Thanks 2010

Thanksgiving really is kind of the best of all the holidays that we have if you really think about it.

Christmas is nice an full of music and gifts and what not, but, really, take a look at what Christmas has become, a blindingly horrendous consumer driven cess pool of black fridays at wal-mart and fruitcakes.  Its awful, you want to go to Target to get socks and a damn blender?  Good luck, your forced to endure people looking to save 40 bucks on a freaking toaster oven.  Its such a commercialized mess that you wonder if the actual point of the whole day has been lost.  This is not new ground we are covering, but, sheesh, its more stressful to make sure you get gifts for your various cousins and co-workers that you just want it overwith so you can go back to hating your job or not paying child support.  wait..what??  nevermind.  moving on.

It feels that most of our federal holidays become talking points and fake-ish jingoism in lieu of actual sentiment.  If that makes sense, i.e, fox news vs. msnbc type arguments instead of valid love given to the proper people.

Valentines day is an absolute joke.

Feel like we are missing a major years???  thats fun.  St. Patty's day?  Amateur hour.

4th of July?  Bad-Ass.  Fireworks and BBQ.  Thats it.  It allows us to love our country, eat and drink, with no PC nonsense, but, does it measure up in all the areas that are necessary?  Food, Naps, Football, Selfishness?  Its like having a glass of Glenfiddich and an Irish Car Bomb.  Sure, they are both tasty as hell and get you drunk, but, one of them you can savor for a longer period of time...and if you do it right, can look like a smug jack ass while doing so!  Its a win win!!

Thanksgiving?  Thats our glass of top notch whiskey.  There are 3 football games, you eat some turkey, have a cocktail or two, fall asleep on the couch, meet up with high school friends at the bar...its basically like a cocktail party where you are comfortable, don't give a shit, and know that in a day you go back home with leftovers.  For days on end!

You are not going to be able to eat all that food in one day, OH NO!  You take it home, throw it in the fridge and have turkey sandwiches, turkey burritos, turkey soup, turkey casserole, turkey by itself.  A midnight snack of turkey and stuffing and some green bean casserole?  Get some son, thats the ticket.  You know what?  Screw it, microwave up that late night snack and when your done...go ahead and have a smoke out on the porch, you deserve are the ruler of your domain, now flick the butt onto your neighbors lawn then tell Gregs wife that he was smoking last night.  See what happens.  Its fun for the whole family!!!  Oh, he may be pissed for a little while, but, you know it was for a good cause.

Now, lets be honest with ourselves Thanksgiving allows you to be selfish.  We are all selfish.  Its easier to talk about ourselves, and thats not a douche type thing to say, we know ourselves better then we know other people.  Its in our nature to go after stuff that makes us feel good.

Jobs, relationships, snacks, the new exaust you put on your truck, it makes us happy, it makes me happy, it makes you happy, it pisses of your neighbors!  Greg sucks anyways!!!!

Thats why Thanksgiving makes sense.  We give thanks to things that are important to us as individuals.  We give thanks to our family, our relationships, our dog, our health, our fancy new car, our promotion, our well being, our kids, our sculpted abs...whatever.  Its things that make us feel good and its a legit time to actually celebrate things that make US, yes you as a person, feel good.

You never hear someone apply for a job because it will make their neighbor happy, no, we go after jobs that will make us more money, give us more vacation time, has better looking secretaries, near the lake, isn't in Seattle...whatever.

You ever run into someone who makes big life decisions based on making someone else feel good vs. themselves, you are going to be talking to someone who is miserable after they realize that the person they tried to make feel good didn't give a damn in the first place.

Selfish is not an inherently self-centered ideal mind you.  This isn't something with a lack of self-awarness, you aren't wearing affliction for goodness sakes, its more you are thankful for what makes you happy.  Whatever that may be.  Helping others make you happy?  Sweet.  Its more a mindset of being thankful for the ability to do the things that make you happy, whatever that may be.

This is why Thanksgiving rules.  We celebrate stuff that makes us happy.  What are you thankful for?  Stuff that makes you happy.  Does peace in the middle east make you happy?  Good!  Celebrate that!  Getting the promotion at work make you happy??  GOOD!  Celebrate the shit out of that!  Here, an extra piece of turkey and some stuffing!!!  EAT IT!  Get seconds, thirds, put some in a tupperware thing and take it home! re-heat it!  Add a sprinkle of weed!  Its...well...thats not tasty.  But, left over T-day food?  Sweet jesus thats good eats.

Its all good!  At our core, I think we are all gluttons, we are ravishingly hungry for something, food, work, athletics, acceptance, success etc...we get things that we really love and go after them with every ounce of our being, its what makes us successful at something.  This success is not always quantifiable, you can be a success at being sober, you can be a success at paying your bills on time, keeping your house clean, not running out of gas, being rich, being loving, being supportive, being stunningly doesn't have to be a easily identifiable/quantitative can just be something in your life you are successful at.

And, at the core of all world-class athletes is some desire to succeed in that definable category, the will to succeed that others don't have.

The guys who jump over 200 feet, or slalom at something or another off, or wakeboard or trick ski or kneeboard or twitter or whatever have a selfish gene in them to do it better then the next guy, its the basis for competition and it seems sometimes in our world that its frowned upon to just fucking GET AFTER IT!!

We are supposed to look out for our neighbors and help people and make a better world, but, that gene that makes us want to stomp people out beat them is always there, it doesn't go away.  It makes us want to get that next buoy, get that 5 extra feet...or you know?? Some of use get satisfaction teaching someone to get that next buoy, behind the scenes work, etc.  The competition gene isn't simply your own success, but, then again...maybe it is.

Does that person you helped get that extra buoy say good things and then you get more love?

You know what??? It doesn't matter.  Trying to figure out what it is that actually makes YOU feel good and what YOU give thanks for is silly.  It can't be written down, it just is.  We all love our families, we all love our success in life.  We give thanks for all that we have and what it took to get us there and thanks to the people that helped along the way.

So, by extrapolation, Thanksgiving is a holiday that celebrates what makes you the real person who you are, not the person you think you should be, you are celebrating the person that you are and that person, the one in the mirror, the one that you know at your core, is the one to celebrate.  Share that with the family, share it with your friends, but, for a day, share it with yourself as well.  Its a day to give thanks for everything that is good in your life.  Lord knows we have enough other days that bring us down, lets bring it all back up for at least one day and be selfish.  Yeah, you damn right I am awesome and I will eat that turkey to prove it!


Happy Thanksgiving from the CRB.

Nov 24, 2010

Lake Trout Carry Out - You Are Now Fat Edition

Fun Turkey Day Fact:

*Israelis eat the most turkey: 28 pounds per person. The average American eats almost 17 pounds of turkey annually.

And other turkey day factoids.

Dr. Robbins on CSI (no idea who that is, I only watch skin-a-max) used to be a waterskier until he got his legs cut off in a car accident. Hmmm, that really sucks...

Top ten reasons why you should go out on Thanksgiving Eve. I dont see "to get so drunk you dont remember hanging out with your annoying extended family all day the next day"

Ok...Seriously WTF? Jones makes some good soda but this is just nonesense, nobody should ever be forced to eat Tofurkey. Oh, you think the soda is weird...WELL I THINK YOUR WEIRD

Ski Centurion is making their move to get back into the waterski market. No idea if the boat is any good but its good to see someone dropping some dollas on a new 3 event boat design.

Who the fuck is P.J. Marks and how the hell did he make millions starting a wakeboard park? I'm in the wrong damn business.*
*business = begging for food and money in front of payless shoes

It's cold in every part of the country that I don't hate with a passion right now, so that means its time to winterize the boat and start drinking case after case of beer. Some good ideas for making the process not suck as bad over at the Hexagon of Spray

Alliance Wakeboard map pretty much kicks 99.9% of all other magizines asses. I mean have you seen those Reef ads? Wait...they haver articles and pictures of other things too? WOW... Oh yea, Alliance is 10 years old.

Anyone ever seen Zebra muscles? If you have you would remember because the only reason you saw one is because you were looking to see what just cut your foot wide open. Well no surprise it turns out the vast majority of dipshits that ride PWCs did not know that zebra muscles are spread by sticking to a boat and boat trailers.

And a link to 25 pics of girls in body paint. Why you ask? Shut the F up I say.

Too Much Awesome to Process

Is it waterproof??? Let's hope so.

Nov 22, 2010

Vid Day Monday -Jimmy FTW

There are many reasons why Jimmy is one of the top trick skiers in the world; he was elected dictator for life of the US, he goes big on flips, and he can sort of* do Dylan's crazy ski line back to back front flip.

*Sort of because he is starting on the opposite side of the wake from where the approved trick starts. If the judges are strict then this is a NC flip.

Vid Day Monday

A cool vid showing all sorts of show ski shenanagens and quite a bit of solid barefooting. Also a pretty solid crash sequence at the end, that is where I would fit in, CUZ I RULE AT CRASHING!

/falls out of desk chair

Vid Day Monday - Lindsey Vonn

Back around the time of the Olympics we had a record month for hits on the CRB because of all the creepy old guys that still live in their mothers basements were google happy about a pic we had of Lindsey Vonn in a bikini. Well I am not one above fishing for hits so here is Lindsey Vonn in a commercial for some new snow skis where she also stands on a dock impatiently waiting for her dad to put their POS IO in the water so she can rip it up.

Note to Lindsey, if you want to go skiing give us a jingle at 888-CRB-LOVE for a sweet day on the water and if your lucky some ODBF love back at the CRB mansion*.

*moms basement

Vid Day Monday

Neil Young rules all that is music, and Jimmy Fallon playing a Willow Smith song dressed as Neil Young with Bruce Springsteen in a fake beard backing him up is just hella sweet. Or odd...either or

Nov 17, 2010

Yes Nick is a Good Trick Skier

And thanks to Tony here is the proof.

And if you saw that second flip and said "WTF M8?" here it is in super slowmo. (again thanks tony!)

That flip is called a Back Flip Ski Line Back to Back or by the more accurate name Fuck Yea.

Here is how judges would call it

Old Douchy Judge Man:
Back Flip
Ski Line 1080 (very common trick you know)
Toe Hold Flip
Side Slid
Reverse No Credit
Wake Jump
and so on

The judge really added the so on, I swear I was the secretary for that run. The wake jump was sick, totally grabbed the ski and all that.

Nov 15, 2010

Vid Day Monday

Some Dan guy is all gung ho happy about this vid and is posting it on every chat on the skiflyz, so to help him out here it is again.

YAY Brits and bad teeth!!

Nov 13, 2010

Minnesota Man's Chevy Silverado Not Pleased With Owner

Seen in 2006, post boat towing afterglow
Faced with another uncertain winter season, Eric Spitkalla's 2002 Chevrolet Silverado pick-up truck no longer appears happy with its current situation and may be looking for a different driver, or at the very least a new location.  Having been previously used as the primary tow vehicle for the families 1997 Mastercraft Prostar 190 ski boat, the Silverado now feels as if its talents are being misused.

"This is some kind of bullshit", 02 Silverado said when questioned.  "I am designed from the ground up to tow shit around, run shit over, haul peoples crap....I mean...what the hell, here I am sitting in the damn driveway like a fool...its...gah...its awful"

Those strong words were spoken on a beautiful fall day in eastern Minnesota, a day that saw the temperatures near the 50 degree mark and as the Spitkalla family take the Grand Caravan to Costco and Home Depot, leaving the trusty Silverado sitting idlely by in the driveway.

"Its not as if I complain that much," Silverado noted.  "I mean, that idiot can barely remember to change my oil, 'Hey! I can't do this myself', god what a douche.  'oh, nice new end table you dick head'...not like I don't need a repacking of my bearings...or at least a tranny flush"

Witnesses have noticed a surprising lack of use of the 2002 Silverado in recent years as the Spitkalla families attentions have turned to more economical uses of their time, as well as the time crunch that does come with a changing home-front dynamic.

"Yeah, its been tough for them," Neighbor Anderson Vismo said.  "Eric is a real nice guy, he used to really enjoy his days on the water with the family, and that truck was his life for awhile.  I guess people move on, or...I don't know.  I suppose the divorce may have had something to do with his changing priorities."

"Oh good lord, thats the biggest crock of shit," Silverado said, "That D-bag kept banging chicks from work, his wife was thinking he was working late...yeah, working late, more like being balls deep in some random broad.  Its no wonder this dent in my tailgate has gone un-treated.  Maybe if he shut off his slut sonar for a day or two"

Eric has been noticeably quiet about the lack of use of his pick-up, which he used to call, "beef mofo", an obvious take off of noted Buffalo Bill turned Seattle Seahawk running backs alter ego 'Beast Mode'.

CRB did attempt to contact Eric regarding this truck and lack of associated on-the-water frolic time, however, all we were able to get this quick statement from Spitkalla's lawyer while dining at Quizno's.

"Eric still loves his wife, his family, his job and his truck...its a damn truck you know...there is no reason that anyone should feel sorry for a truck, but, he does envision a day when he can sell it to some dumb high school kid so they can 'drink a four loko, knock up a Olive Garden waitress, and spend the next 15 god damn years listening to her bitch about Johnny football hero and what she had to give up to raise this god damn rugrat with your stupid ass'...and yeah, thats verbatim"

At press time, the Spitkalla Silverado hasn't moved from its spot on the side of the driveway, the only change being a slightly flat tire.  The Spitkalla ski boat has been put on craigslist, no doubt to pay for his ever mounting cocaine / child support payments and according to witnesses at the scene, interviewed by CRB staff, Eric himself was seen at a local Olive Garden drinking a bottle of Ernest and Gallo wine while regaling fellow diners with stories of his exploits back when he was "in his prime".

When Silverado was made aware of these facts, all it could muster was a grunt this chilling line,

"Ha, good work get that plow attachment anywhere near me and I will Christinne your ass faster then that Sbarro chick"


Nov 10, 2010

Ski Fly Record

This vid of Jaret setting the Ski Fly record is a bit old but hella awesome. Ski Fly really pushed the limits, but did not do enough to push the sport forwards. Our sport needs a much larger base to support such high end events, there is just not the new blood coming in to the sport to keep the competitions legit. 3 guys competing does not make for a good event.

Jump is a tough event to take to the masses, ramps are pricey and its not like its easy to load a ramp up and dump it in any old public lake. But if the current trend of pushing waterski events into more public areas (ie this years malibu open) you will see increased interest in skiing and thus more interest in jumping (because jumping is by far the most pimp event there is). So lets hope the waterski world took a hint this year and will start pushing events back into public areas and get our sport rolling again. If you watch the ESPN footage of the freestyle events posted on monday you will notice the large crowds and that skiing was on freaking ESPN back then. Now the best we get is maybe a 30 minute spot on Ion Life at 2:30 in the morning. That is not really going to cut it if we really want to be a legit sport.

Or we could continue to let organizers gunning for world records to be set on their sites squander away the last of our pros with back woods record tournaments that do nothing to push our sport forward and nothing to support those pros.

12 inches short...THATS WHAT SHE SAID

Nov 8, 2010

Vid Day Monday

Off topic awesomness! Hella trick play, haha, stupid d line! I bet they were the d line of my fantasy football teams defense yesterday. -2 POINTS ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!??

/gives up 80 yard TD pass

Vid Day Monday

Winter jumping...on water...I'm going to have to vote for this not being the best idea ever. Looks like he smacks his head on the ice pretty good, but do what you love and get your yump on!

Vid Day Monday - Freestyle Yumping 3

And the final video of Freestyle Yumping day brings you one of the coolest tricks I have seen, the double front flip by "insane" Zane Schwenk. Yes all you wakeboarders Zane was first a show skier at Cypress Gardens. Zane can do pretty much anything on the water that you can think of.

Vid Day Monday - Freestyle Yumping 2

Vid 2 of freestyle jump day brings you some solid footage from ESPN.

There are only a few people around that have been throwing anything like this in recent years. John Debelaks pelvis shattering crash this past summer shows why not many people out there try this tricks. We have confirmation that Dave Reinhart and Matt May are both giving serious thought to making a come back this year and showing the young kids how its done. If these guys can still throw it maybe the CRB crew should take the hint and grab that old taperflex off the wall and get out there again.

/grabs fishing pole

Vid Day Monday - Freestyle Yumping 1

The Malibu open was the first event since the mid 90s to put freestyle jumping on the water. One of the biggest names in freestyle, Matt May, sent us some sweet ass sweet vids from the last years of the tour.

This first vid is just two jumps but holy shenanigans are they awesome jumps.

First jump is a full twisting back flip or more commonly called the Mobius. The second jump has a much much higher degree of difficulty and is a half back or a backwards landing gainer called the discombobulator.


What? What what what..WHAT!!!! ...what what what what what, what what. Wwwwwwhat?

Nov 5, 2010

Lake Trout Carry-Out - Missy Takes You Into the Weekend

Missy Gibson, surfer girl, model, CRB girl.  Natch
Most places around the country and packing up their gear and slutty Halloween costumes and getting ready to destroy some turkeys.  At CRB HQ we are having our annual T-day celebration at Flanagan Irish Saloon (its a wild-west Irish bar), which is just off the lake, and even though its a few weeks away, the excitement is palatable within our walls.

One of the things that we are thankful for, is that upon inception of the CRB HQ, we strained to foster a certain atmosphere around the offices of overtly offensive jokes, free-range chicken farming and a fully stocked bar.

This does very little to foster a productive work environment, but, it does promote a fun work environment.

If one were to visit our HQ you would see a plaque bearing the likeness of CRB founder Rowboat Abides, the plaque also includes some of Rowboat's inspirational sayings, which we have placed in chronological order.

The one that always sticks out to people as they walk by, other then it being mounted on springs, is this one,

"I will beat you to death if you don't have fun!"

which, in hindsight, doesn't really inspire fun, but, does underscore the basis for the CRB.

Probably why we don't take to much shit real serious, participating in a fun sport like waterskiing is real tough to actually take various things that serious. For that matter, its tough to get that real wrapped up in any specific discipline, i.e, note our constant fun poking of waterski magazine and slalom, etc.

We, as we suppose most of everyone does, endeavor to have fun on the water, regardless of what specific avenue you use to do so, i.e, jump skis, trick ski, wakeboard, wake surfer, skurfer, kneeboard, penis, barefoot, etc.

The point is we should be having as much fun as possible, do you have an agenda to push?  I.e, making a video, or whatever?  Cool.  Fun translates and makes it enjoyable to watch.  Do you suck at skiing like the ODBF?  Whatever, you have never seen anyone explode around the one ball, at full line length, on a kneeboard, while drunk until you have seen what ODBF can do.

Which is what makes this time of year such a bummer.  There are a select group of all y'all who can ski all year round, others who have packed up a few weeks back.  No matter, the official CRB Tow vehicle, the Skimasterbu, was put away for the year the other day and that means another god damn winter of going out to the garage, firing up the space heater, drinking beer and waiting.

We all have normal lives and waterskiing is, usually, a big part of the fun, but, its something that we have to wait for.  Like a McRib.  Its what makes it so good, we think.

Now granted, we do have access to the CRB Pleasure Dome (our enclosed private ski lake, but, its a cable awesome V8 noises), but, we are also so rich that we use 100 dollar bills to bandage cuts.

Hopefully our winter is short and sweet, give us a quick, cold and good winter (snowboarding, driving cars into ditchs, snowmen) and then let us get back on the water.  Its where we belong anyways.

With all that, here are some random links to peruse over the weekend.  Enjoy.  Or don't.  What are we your damn parents?
  • Keith Olberman, he of overtly douchey rants and leftist opinions has been suspended by msnbc for donating to a few democrats campaigns.  We sort of thought thats what his show was used for anyways.  We really like him when he talks sports, but, wow, when he starts getting all sanctimonious on our ass about politics...well, its good theatre.  Which is what the news is now anyway.  (Politico)
  • After setting the table that allowed the recent electorial demolishon of her party, maybe Pelosi should consider just laying low for awhile.  No?  Good luck with that lady.  (
  •  Have no real animosity towards the Miami Heat, but, you couldn't possibly have scripted anything to inspire hate more then what the Heat have done.  Oh, who are we kidding.  HAHA, no one is buying tickets to your games!!  (Miami Herald)
  •  Regarding Four Loko.  "The commission's concern for health, safety and welfare of Michigan citizens and the fact that there is not enough research to validate that these products are safe for consumption has made me believe that until further research is done by the FDA, they should no longer be on Michigan shelves," Michigan Liquor Control Commission Chairwoman Nida Samona said in the statement.  And yet they still sell tickets to the Lions, OH, LAZY BURN!  (LA Times)
  • A great read about Sparky Anderson, who just died the other day.  Baseball (you guys remember that sport?) only has a handful of managers who you know just by hearing their name, regardless if you really follow the sport.  Sparky is one of them.  Check out this nice post.  (Joe Blogs)
  • An eldery couple in Canada won the lottery, figured the money was to much of a damn headache and gave almost all of their winnings away to charity, after paying for the wives cancer treatments.  These two are beyond awesome.  Please save them the trouble and stay off their god damn lawn.  (
  • Whoa, people are ditching the insanely expensive and bullshitty cable companies because everything is available on the web?  No commercials, no stupid censoring, no god damn two and a half men?  Color us stunned, as we type this blog post on a typewritter.  Netflix and Hulu and what not seem to be taking off.  Tubes.  An internet.  AOL dial up.  Continue...... (JS Online)

Please, get this poor kid his backpack back!  Side note.  Check out the comments, some dude sent this poor kids dad $60 for a new psp.  See mom!  The internet is not totally full of dick heads and dick jokes and facebooks.  

      Nov 3, 2010

      Old School Brits

      I have been on a steal from Tony binge recently and here is another solid theft. You have to click on the picture to get to the vid. Solid old school skiing from some old red coats.


      Nov 2, 2010

      The Regina Rowboat Network

      I was a bit grumpy the other day and tore on Dave Goode's vids for being long and annoying as hell, I then said the vids should be short and sweet and you can throw you logo up at the beginning and end...well, thanks to the British Kentuckian Tony Lightfoot we now have vids of both of Regina's record slalom runs that fit my requirements.



      Ask and you shall receive!


      Nov 1, 2010

      Vid Day Monday - ATB

      The Sarasota show ski team has a specially designed boat for doing large ATB (around the boat) acts. This is really a pretty fun act, as its not that hard but peeps think it is. Just need a driver that actually knows how to drive with out a buoy telling them where to drive.

      Vid Day Monday - Awesomez

      A few things in here are not real like the full court basketball shot as that is from a gorrilla marketing campaign, but all in all this thing is sweet.

      Oct 30, 2010

      Wakeboarding + Rails = NUTS!

      I recently made it out to a cable park for the first time. Keep in mind, I don't wakeboard. I did this trip, however, and by the end of it, I realized the next generation of Pros are going to be rediculous at rails and sliders. 2 hours of time at the park = at least 1 hour of time on the water with feature after feature in front of you. I've never slid anything in my life off the snow, but by the time I left I felt pretty solid on everything there. And that's from a guy with poor balance and a moderate buzz going on..

      Now you put a person out there with actual talent and they'll take it to a whole different level. Especially considering half the kids I saw were 5ft or shorter, and made the guys in the video below look like they've never ridden before a day in their lives. The point? We should all get ready for even more ruthless rail segments from companies like Hyperlite and Liquid Force that already put out crazy videos each year.

      These guys? Not pros. Sick video nonetheless... If you haven't been to a cable park before, check one out. All kinds of fun.

      Oct 27, 2010

      Well Son of a B...

      So just a few weeks ago I was all fired up and bitching about how cable news outlets in their rush to get breaking news stories out first give unsubstantiated rumors as actual news...Well...Lets just let Mr. Siemers tell you the truth via his facebook page.
      Jimmy Siemers So my "friends" thought it would be a good idea to say I broke the world record. Nic was texting every round freaked out that I was going to set the record. They felt his insecurities needed a little playing with. Sorry guys

      DAMN IT JIMMY, you made us look like all the other crappy news outlets in the world.

      ***Our definition of "news" may not be the same as most other media outlets.***

      Jimmy Siemers Can Flip Better then you can

      So the word is out that Jimmy Siemers broke Nick's 5 year old world record yesterday.

      Nick tricked 12400 in 2005

      Jimmy just tricked 12430...

      Vid... :(

      We will post it as soon as we have it.

      Regina Is Unstoppable round 3

      So the video is finally online...and I have to say I will probably never buy a Goode ski because I FUCKING HATE THEIR GOD DAMN LONG VIDEOS!!! GOOD LORD MAN, STOP JERKING YOURSELF OFF AND DO A NORMAL VID. GAHHHH There is no reason to have a 9 minute long video to show a total of 14 3/4 buoys run. Plaster your logo all over the place and make the vid 2 minutes long, boom done. Drop the annoying graphics at the beginning and post your self serving interviews as a separate video.

      So for the average viewer that does not give a shit about Dave Goodes video editing shenanagens here are the times to scroll to so you dont have to watch that crap.

      1 1/2@41 off starts at 35 second point
      slow mo view of the 41 off pass starts at 5:10

      and the 1 1/4 is not on there even though Dave talks about it.

      Why does Dave have the official boat video before anyone else does? if he has it can we just request it and get it as well?

      Oct 26, 2010

      Thats a Fancy Font

      Over on Ball of Spray there is an incredibly long post about a tournament going on at Travers site outside of Orlando.

      We honestly wanted to try and get to the bottom of who the INT is, what they do and why there is a tournament going on that we didn't know anything about, but, it was really really long...and we sort of petered out after a couple paragraphs.

      Granted, not knowing something if fairly par for the course at CRB HQ, but, INT?

      Now, the site this tourney is being held at is really nice, so, this should be enjoyable, but, doing a quick search of the post didn't show up anything involving beer or night, we can't be 100% positive that this event is actually real.  We will send out an investigative team into the googles, or the tubes, or maybe into Rykerts an internet.  Soon, like Sherlock Holmes or Veronica Mars we will eventually uncover the truth.

      Three things to note about this post.
      1. What on earth is the INT?
      2. Could this not have been summed up in less then 3,000 words?
      3. Someone found a fancy new font!  Thats the Bleeding Cowboy font.  We know, we are snobs.  Well played INT, whoever you are.

      The Product of Mass and Velocity on an Object

      The CRB has been very lacking in our coverage of wakeboarding. That is mostly due to the fact that the best trick any of the CRB staff has ever done on a wakeboard was a wicked Roast Beef to Face. Well that or that sweet fashion air Joel from accounting did...either or.

      Momentum from Joey Arcisz on Vimeo.


      Yep, Thats Awesome

      Men and their Johnsons, a way of life for 50 years...Wow that is a great line.

      Oct 25, 2010

      And Finally A Joke

      What would we do with out Cris Kodiak sending us these great jokes? I mean, then we would have to think for ourselves and that is hard when the brain is all clogged with malts and hops and bong resin. YEA, we can write funny stuff!! All original baby!! HELLZ YEA!!

      Oh...thats from Tommy Boy. Damn

      An Arizona State Water Skier and an Iowa State Water Skier met in a bar at Nationals for a drink, and were watching the 6 O’clock news.

      A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The Cyclone bet the Sun Devil $50 that he wouldn’t jump, and the Sun Devil replied, “I’ll take that bet!”

      Sure enough, the man jumped, so the ASU Skier gave the ISU skier the $50 he owed.

      The ISU Skier said “I can’t take this, you’re my friend”.

      The ASU Skier being true to his word said “No. A bet’s a bet.”

      So the Cyclone said “Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O’clock news, so I can’t take your money.”

      The Sun Devil replied, “Well, so did I, but I never thought he would jump twice!”

      ***Bridge Suicides are not pretty or funny***

      Regina Is Unstoppable - Again and Again

      This past weekend Regina went and broke Kristi Overton Johnson's long standing slalom record of 1@41 by the smallest possible margin, 1 and 1/4 at 41 off. Which is still about 37 passes better then anyone on the CRB staff.

      Well Regina was not satisfied with that so she went and put up a score of 1 and 1/2 at 41 off. Damn this girl can ski!

      And she looks damn good holding an assault rifle...

      You think you can take my record huh? We will have to see about that...

      So no one has posted a video of the new records ***AHEM MALIBU*** so here is Regina running 39 and getting 1@41 last year to tie the record.

      Vid Day Monday

      The Southern Illinois University ski team made a decent vid. Looks like a pretty talented team, could use a few more bikinis though. I DON'T MEAN ON YOU MR. DANA GRUBB.

      Oct 24, 2010

      CRB Brings the Sect-c

      So, odbf was all bent out of shape forgetting to do a saturday sexy post...which hasn't been done in a few weeks anyways.  what a doofus.  So, Dig Dug stepped up and brings

      Insane Waterski Jump! - Watch more Funny Videos

      Looks good to me.

      Oct 22, 2010

      Natty Again

      Natalia saw that some jackasses on the Ski Fliez were talking smack about her record trick run, so to shut them up, she busted out another 9960 point run. Good lord can this chick trick! I skied with her years back when she first came to the US and I always thought she would break the jump record before she got anywhere near the top of the trick game. appears that I was wrong, which has never happened before*, so kudos to you Natty, you proved even the ODBF can be wrong.

      *except those 7 or 8 million times before this

      Tony Lightfoot has put together is dope side by side vid of her runs.

      Oct 20, 2010


      This guy is going to die very soon, but before he does he is going to give half the city of Moscow heart attacks.

      Oct 19, 2010

      Lake Trout Carry Out - Extended Lunch Version

      Pot head dog says "cool out bro" (via)
      Its a very lazy tuesday and we decided as a staff to take a bit of an extended lunch break today, we started at noon (your time) and will probably go to like 3:30 (our time).  Naturally, one of us couldn't leave work behind, brought along a bag a dope and ipad and went lake trout-ing.  Follow along for the fun.

      • Indian billionaire Mukesh Ambani has an insane amount of money and absolutely horrific fashion sense.  This is a gigantic, expensive and ugly house.  (geekosystem)
      • Hopefully Mukesh Ambani clicks on this link and sees these fantastic castles that are located in various places around the world.  Your moms house for starters.  (oddee)
      • This lady is 100 years old and probably kicking more ass then any of us, well, Patrice Martin may actually kick more ass then she does, but, then again, when was the last time you saw him wear a lavender jacket and get profiled in the New York Time?  Game Set Match Ester.  (New York Times)
      • We would bet the CRB friday lunch spread that this lady, busted for growing pot with her son, isn't nearly as smoking hot Mary Louise-Parker.  This Lake Trout is getting awfully weed heavy isn't it?  God I am thirsty (Boston Herald)
      • Thats alot of Hooch!  (KVOA)  Ignore that link, how did it sneak in there anyway?  Bad Link.  Click this one instead, its a much more in depth look at the 100 tons of pot that was nabbed and stashed in the highway patrol headquarters.  Hey Farva?  Whats the name of the place you like with all the goofy shit on the walls and mozzarella sticks?  (Boston Herald...again)
      • The Cubs hired Mike Quade as their manager for next season, angering some Cubs fans, and conflicting one Cubs fan who works for CRB who wanted that job to go to John McGraw.  He is dead?  Well, lets see if we can't get him anyways.  (BCB)
      So there you go.  Some fun links to while away your afternoon at work.  Or on a lake if you are a son of a bitch who can do those things on a Tuesday afternoon in October.  

      Watch out for that island Freddy.