Dec 30, 2009

New Year

Did everyone get what they wanted from Santa?

I know I did not. I mean come on now Santa, did I really ask for all that much?

ODBF Christmas list

1) Dallas Friday blow up doll
2) Karina Nowlan blow up doll
3) ok ill settle for any blow up doll
4) minion to get out of that Panamanian jail and write again

I mean really was that so much to ask for? And what did I get?


oh well, another year down.

Happy new year!!!

And "once in a blue moon" happens to fall on New Years Eve this year. So get out there and do something crazy. The CRB staff is throwing a huge party at the Creeky Mansion* and everyone is invited**.

*homeless shelter
**except the minion, he caused problems last time

Dec 23, 2009

Mastercrafts new X-25 video and The CRB is there!

0:01 - Zane Schwenk is going to show you the new Mastercraft X-25.

0:03 - "hey guys its Zane Schwenk and today I am super..." Don't say stoked, don't say stoked. Come on man, don't do it....

0:04 - "..Stoked to show you.." NOOOOO. Damnit Zane, do you not know about the problems with being stoked? Please Zane, before its to late. Check out this video.

0:10 - 0:17 - ooooh!  fancy black and white with a pretty girl.  Well played...wait.  Is she texting?

0:18 - Ahhh, some color!  More pretty girls and a boat driving around.  The thing looks HUGE.

0:40 - "due to the success of the X-35 and the X-55, Mastercraft took that magic and put it in a smaller package".  Listen bud, its not the size of the package, its the depth of the Vee.  Whoa, that sounds even dirtier then it did in my head.  Kick ass.

1:30 - This boat is based on a boat that was designed to drive around in the ocean?

1:35 - Oh, never mind.  Chaotic intercoastel waterways.  I was WAY off.

1:42 - It has the deepest Vee of any 22' inboard on the market.  Is that good?  and the deepest Vee?  haha, this boat gets around!!!

1:54 - The picklefork front allows space for 4 of your friends.  However, we would be perfectly happy with the two babes up front.  and speaking of which, if one were to purchase this boat, do hotty wakeboard girls flock instinctivly like the salmon of capastrono?  Where the beer flows like wine?  If so, that would be a hell of selling point.

2:09 - That is cool.  A sort of flip up, rear facing seat.  Thats awesome.  I often times feel like I am not close enough to the swim platform and often times find myself facing the wrong way when someone is skiing.  Hate that.

2:26 - Jesus, that is alot of storage space.  Wonder if we can fit the dead hookers in there.  May be a tight fit what with my wakeboard and wake skate and assorted product taking up space.  Product = hair gel.  I aspire to be Jersey Shore.

2:58 - So, your showing off the flip down arm-rests up front.  I guess.  A hotty is sitting there, distraction mastercraft, are you listening?  I had to pause the video just to see the arm rest.  See me looking at it?  Its wearing sunglasses right?

3:09 - oh my gosh, is that the CRB Cooler?  With its own space in this boat?  dear santa/penthouse - hook us up!

3:09 - wait...strike that.  Coke, fruit juice and water?  no no no...if there isn't at least 6-7 Schlitz's's (whatever is free) and some cheese its we are not interested.  

3:22 - a removable back rest.  When the CRB crew picks up this boat, just throw it away, its going to get lost anyways.

3:34 - Thank you mastercraft.  I enjoy both gatorade AND pretty girls in bikinis.  Flip down cup holders? sure, whatever, but...well played.

3:39 - Can we talk about that motor for a second?  If that isn't a diesel or a supercharged vette motor we will pass.  We require at least 600 horsepower in a gas motor or 1000 ft/lbs of torque in a diesel.  Why?  Because we need to rip shit up!!

4:01 - Those rear facing seats again, and yet the babe is looking into the boat while the dude is totally scoping out some bewbs.  Maybe those things aren't such a bad thing!

4:03 - 4:28 - Shots of boat driving around.  Pretty stylin actually.

4:28 - end - Zane saying thanks.  Are you not stoked anymore?  Hopefully he watched the video above about the dangers of being stoked.  Think we all learned something here today. 

Dec 21, 2009

Off topic again?

About 1000 reasons never to travel to Philly.

You may be asking yourself "Self, why doth the CRB forsake me and bestow, neh even a single waterski video today?"

And the CRB replys "because you talk like some jag off at a Renisance Faire.


Here have Freddy winning 10 grand by being a bad ass.

Yes ladies and gentleman, that is how you jump. Todays lesson is over.*

*unless I get drunk later and find another wicked hot waterski girl on the webs.

Buggyrolling? WTF M8

This guy will not live a long life.

When I read "Buggy Rolling" I could only think of those crazy Amish people messing traffic up with their slow buggys and old clothes and whatnot.

Dec 20, 2009

CRB Off-Topic: Pawns

We are once again revisiting, by far, the greatest tv show ever.  The Wire.  Any list out there of the best shows of the last decade, and there are a lot, but if they don't have The Wire at number one, well...just ignore the idiot that did it, because they are clinically fucking insane. 

Anyways, our previous post concerned how both Bunny and String met their "professional" ends with the phrase "Get on with it motherfu.."  and then they were either shot or cut off (link).

Today, we dissect Bodies life.  Well, not entirely, but, more how his arc as a street person was, and always will be now that he is dead, a pawn.

Before we get any further, know that Bodie is one of those characters that plays a more important part within the story arc of the show, in that, he is sort of a representation of the various power struggles that go on within the street drug world. 

Bodie is, basically, a street thug throughout the show, he may or may not have his sights set on running things, but in reality, he is happy running his corner and making money.  In the first clip when he is introduced to the game of chess by D'angelo Barksdale, it is described how the pawn is always the quickest to go, as that is the piece that does the work, does the street level work for the people up top.

However, Bodie says that isn't true if "they are some smart ass pawns", which is what he is.  He is a smarter version of a pawn, in that, he is able to go from however is in charge, to whoever is in charge and still run his game.  Going from the Barksdale crew to the Stanfield crew. 

Now granted, he does assume more responsibility within the various crews, but, ultimatly, he is not the brains but more of a, well, a pawn.

He is allowed to do what he does and the people utilize him in such a manner to get what they need out of him, until, it is thought that he is working with Mcnulty..which makes sense in that Bodie finally got tired of Marlo Stansfields brutal tactics and lack of honor and sort of went off following the discovery of the bodies within the row houses in Baltimore.

Here is the clip from Season One.

There you get a sense, a foreshadowing, of what Bodies life is. At the time you think nothing of it, because Bodie is nothing more then a street thug, along with Wallace...who Bodie ends up shooting.

Here is the scene from Season 4...which when i saw it, I was pretty pissed, Bodie was one of my favorite characters, but, yet in the realm of the show it made perfect sense. Watch it all the way through, its a few minutes long, but worth it.

If you haven't seen this show, then, get on it. Its best to start right at the beginning, get on your netflix box and load up season one. Go from there. You will never be disappointed. Well, maybe a little, in that the god damn mail man is slow as hell getting you the new dvds.

Dec 18, 2009

Australian ski racers are hot apperantly

Waterskiing has introduced many new things into my life; cool peeps, fun travels, sunburns, drinking and crazy hot women. And this blog likes to focus on the last two of these. We have the CRB Girls, and the fact that about 90% of the posts were written while under the influence of some form of booze. Well today's post puts both of those where near me.


Lauryn Eagle is a Ski Racer in Australia. She also works for FoxTel (fox sports in aussie land?), models and is currently competing in the Miss Universe Pageant...oh did I mention that she also likes booze?

COME ON NOW! Lauryn is wicked hot and can't get some dude to give her a ride home when she is boozed up and has no license? Man those aussy guys are a bunch of useless sally's!

A spokesman for the Miss Universe Australia pageant confirmed Eagle had entered the NSW leg of the 2010 competition.

"Lauryn is an entrant," he said.
Um, way to state the obvious. I would like some photo evidence...


ahhhhhhhh....well played Mr. Google Bar

and round two!!

Ok.....and done

She is also list6ed as one of the 50 hottest sports stars by Fox Sports
Alpha photo shoot from 2006
Alpha photo shoot from 2009 (much better but no skiing shots)
I mentioned this article in a Lake Trout awhile back. Her father was killed in a boating accident back in 2008. Sad stuff

If you want to see her in action selling some nonsense then watch this.

God how I love Australian chicks accents...

oh, and I love this girl. NSFW. No idea what that article says as its in Russian, but all I can say is HELLO NURSE! PRINCESS OF PROPS!

Dec 17, 2009

Jimmy and Neil = head asplode

Two legendary musicians / bands in one place tearing the god damn roof off the joint, would that be something you would be interested in?  If the answer is anything but a hell yes, then you fail. 

Neil Young and Led Zeppelin together at the rock and roll hall of fame induction, back in 1995 when Neil was inducted.  This is just epic.  When the Levee Breaks is an awesome song, also my ringtone, mix in a dash of Buffalo Springfields "For Whats it's Worth", and mix well and Boom.

No, this has nothing to do with waterskiing, but, its freaking awesome.  Crank it up.

Of note, Neil Young's song, "Downtown", from his album Mirrorball (which rules) was written about this night.  For more info check out this link (where we found the video) to Thrashers Wheat, which is a fantastic Neil Young blog.  (Link)

Blah Blah, enough typing.  Lets rock.

Dec 16, 2009

Crazy People

There are alot of crazy people in the world...

And it looks like the national champion Mad City Show Ski Team has jumped to that side of the sanity spectrum. They are located in Madison Wisconsin, which if anyone has ever been there knows that it is full of hippies...oh and very cold. I recomend not going there myself, but thats cuz I don't like hippies...or cold.

The team is going to put a ski show on as part of a larger fund raiser for the local Childrens Hospital. Now if you ask me, I prefer to ski when there is not I will freeze to death waiting for my turn to ski. But to each his own I guess.

This aptly named, Project Snowflake, will start at Noon central time on saturday Dec 19th on Lake Monona in Madison WI. It is certainly a good cause, but man you gotta be nuts to hop in the water when todays temp (according to is 12 degrees with a wind chill of 3 degrees. Probably a good thing its windy or the lake would freeze over, which could lead to some interesting water issues for the team.

linky and here

Dec 15, 2009

Its that time of year again

Thank you TBS for playing this movie for 24 hours straight on christmas day. I dont know what I would do with myself at the ODBF Christmas if I could not watch A Christmas Story 14 times in a row.

Of course I would be able to watch this if the ODBF household had a TV, but Mr. ODBF was more of a Bender from The Breakfast Club style father.


Dear Santa,

This year I have been very good! Look at my report card (attachement 2.38), my dental x-rays (attachement 7.13) and my police report (attachement beer = awsome). This year I want:

bunny slippers

subscription to Playboy

Lego castle

6 pack of Triple Bock (its the chewy beer)

remote control dog polisher

fur sink



yep both.



P.S. please tell daddy I do not want a carton of Pall Malls and a bottle of Wild Turkey this year.

---cut to December 25th---

Mr. ODBF: /smack


ODBF: wimper...ill take them]



Now that is a Christmas song.

P.S. If the bums in the CRB AP department do not turn off THE MIX 106 Christmas music station...I swear I will lose it.

Dec 11, 2009

Her Royal Skiness

So acording to a bunch of newspapers I could not read* June Fladborg has been getting her game on with one of the many royals who happen to be hanging out over in the old country. Crown Prince Frederik not only will some day be the king of Denmark, he may be dating her hottness June Fladborg but more importantly is a "highly competent" slalom skier.
*its in Danish!

What exactly is "highly competent"? I consider myself to be a decent slalom skier, but I have to say I dont think anyone has ever refered to the ODBF as "highly competent" about anything. So how about instead of using such a poor description we say he is a national level competiotor or if that is not accurate say he is a competitive slalom skier. And if competitive slalom skeir does not describe him then maybe "highly competent" is a completly inaccurate description...DONT YOU THINK SO? HUH? YEA YOU HEARD ME! I called you out on that! ALL YOUR LOVE FOR SOME BIG PRINCE! WHATS WRONG WITH THE ODBF? SHE IS MINE AND ...
Rowboat abides: /bitch slaps ODBF

oh...ummmm...yea, sorry about that. Perhaps I am a little jealous of good ol' prince Frederik. and...
/slinks sheepesly back to the bass boat

Dec 7, 2009

Elephants Eat Squirrels

YouTube has been around for what, 3 or 4 years? Like Wikipedia (where I got that first figure.. and all my facts for that matter), you would think this video hosting site would evolve over time to accurately reflect the current state of events in this world. And yet I still find Twiggy the damn squirrel coming up on page one every time I search ‘water ski.’ Haven’t we gotten past this fascination? Well Twiggy, you’ve met your match. What’s more bad ass then a squirrel that water skis? A lot of things. But especially Judy the water skiing elephant. To allow judy to paraphrase the great Denzel: “Twiggy the squirrel aint got shit on me!”

Lake Trout Carry Out - Shoreline Nazi Edition

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.

  • Some peeps just dont like Waterskiers. Even though they are they ones that cleaned up the park and turned it from a dump into a treasured city park, the town of New London has decided to charge the team a fee for causing "shoreline erosion".
  • Master Craft has signed a 6 year deal with the IWWF to supply the boats for all IWWF tournaments. Good news for a company that until recently was on the verge of collapse.
  • Another wakeboard park in the Phillipeans. Sounds like they are doing something right...just don't talk politics...
  • Malibu Corvette Limited Edition Sport-V will end production. The Minion will shed many a tear over this news.
  • Ski Boat Angling...just let that sink in for a second... I think the people of Namibia are a little confused. When you say "Ski Boat Angling out loud what comes to mind? YOUR DOING IT WRONG!
Hey, its late Monday, which means you made it through the worst day of the week.  Congrats, that means you only have about 4,000 more of these bullshit days left before you retire/die.

Why we ski

This is why we ski and dont fish...wait whats my name again?


Dec 6, 2009

Your Move Boat Companies

This video is from the awesome tv show Myth Busters and here they strap some rockets to a sled and demolish a car.  Why?  because they can dude.

Now, with all the talk of efficiency or going green or whatever, we say hogwash!  We want rockets on our boats!  When I go out to the palatial CRB estate for my morning long distance jump and wakeboard session, i demand that instead of a comfy 35 mph our 18-ish or whatever, I want 650 mph at all time!

At the end of our lake we will install a huge cement and steel wall to stop our rocket boat, but, instead of a big huge block, it will be sort of like a sideways 1/2 pipe, so the rocket boat just turns around and hauls ass back down the lake.  Oh yeah, I will get in a good 50-60 jumps in about two minutes.

Thats the future!  Live it, love it and learn it.  Its coming people, open your doors and your hearts, and love will find its way in.

Dec 4, 2009

USA Field Hockey Press Release

Later we will throw some of our opinion nonesense at you, but for now here is a press release we recieved this morning.

December 3, 2009


USA Field Hockey today announced Steven Locke has been named Executive Director. Locke brings more than 20 years of executive management experience to the national governing body. He will begin his duties on January 4, 2010.

"Steve Locke brings a proven record of success as the Executive Director of USA Triathlon andUSA Water Ski,” said Jim Johnson, Chair of the USA Field Hockey Boards of Directors. “We areeager to work with him to implement his energetic and ambitious plan for the growth of USA Field Hockey."

Locke joins USA Field Hockey after serving as Executive Director of USA Water Ski since November 2007. He directed all operations of the nine discipline sports, improvedorganizational profitability and instituted several new membership programs.

Locke also served as the chief executive officer for USA Triathlon for 12 years between 1991 and2004. He led growth initiatives that increased membership from 9,000 to 53,000; grew the organization from an annual budget of $300,000 to $6 million; initiated new sponsorshiprelationships resulting in millions of dollars of budget relief over a 12-year span; and created a reserve fund of $2 million through generated profits.

He has served on the Board of Directors for USA Triathlon, USA Taekwondo, and the UnitedStates Olympic Committee.

The USA Field Hockey Board of Directors was unanimous in their selection of Locke as the Association's next Executive Director. The Search Committee, chaired by Jen Averill, consisted of Board members Billie Ahluwalia, Jim Johnson, Kate Kinnear, and Martha Jordan.

“This is an exciting time for USA Field Hockey,” said Heather Lewis, Interim Chief OperatingOffice for USA Field Hockey. “I look forward to the leadership and creativity Steve will bring tothis position.”

ABOUT USA FIELD HOCKEYUSA Field Hockey is the national governing body for field hockey in the United States and is a member of the United States Olympic Committee (USOC), the Federation Internationale de Hockey (FIH), and the Pan American Hockey Federation (PAFH). USA Field Hockey has approximately 19,000 members and supports programs designed to educate and promote the sport of field hockey, from its Futures program, designed for high school and college athletes, toStick Starz, with curriculum geared to boys and girls aged 8-11.

For more information on USA Field Hockey, visit

Dec 3, 2009

Its not you, its me. :(

Scene: Bedroom.  Its middle afternoon.  Arcade Fire's "Crown of Love" is playing softly.  An open beer on table.  1/2 assembled Malibu on floor.  Steve walks in, seeing us perplexedly going over schematics of elaborate contraption. 

Steve:  "Hey, we need to talk."

Us: "You bet, whats up?"

Steve: "There are something I have been thinking about and, while I have been trying to ignore my feelings, i am not sure I can do that anymore."

Us: "Totally, I know what you are saying, I have totally started listening to Rhiannas's new album as well, it deals very well AND poignently with the process of and emotional issues that come with a break up, especially as one as messy and violent as hers"

Steve: ", yeah, speaking of which....

Us: "dude!  you gotta admit that the song "hard" is really a great track huh?"

Steve: "Will you listen to me??  Quit it with that shit about Rhianna or whoever the hell your crush of the moment is.  Its really annoying!"

Us: "whoa dude, sorry, do you want some chicken noodle soup or something?  I know being the head of the USA Waterski empire can be occasionally emotionally taxing, but, your doing a great job"

Steve: "ugh......"

Us: "OMG, I totally forgot, I drank a few of your beers out of the cooler, sorry, I replaced them with some Fat Tires, I know you really like those...hahahaha, even though your cooler was 'Locke'd', get it??"

Steve: "yeah, so....I am not sure if this is working"

Us: "The Locke on the cooler?  I was thinking about that, I went out to the store and got one of those bad-ass bike locks to replace it."

Steve: "CHRIST!  Its not about the damn cooler, and whats with you and that anyways?  Its beer this, cheez-its that, smoked turkey cold cuts, do you do anything but drink, eat, waterski and masterubate?"

Us: "whoa, let me rub your shoulders, you seem stressed"

Steve:  "Stop it.  Look, Its over, I am leaving."

Us: "where you going?  Down to the new bar that just opened up?  I heard they have great chicken wings and a special on coors light buckets on tuesdays!  Doesnt that sound great?"

Steve: "no, thats not what I meant, I meant, I am leaving you...all of this, its not working, I have found someone else who will take care of me better then you can"

Us:  " :( "

Us: "buh buh...(sniff)...I dont understand...what did i do?"

Steve: "nothing, you did nothing wrong, its just that...look, I dont think i can give you what you need to be happy."

Us: "what the hell does that mean?"

Steve: "Look, I have been thinking about this for a month or so..."

Us: "A MONTH!!  What the hell, and you are just bringing this up now?  What gives?"

Steve: "I thought my feelings would change with time, but, they just havent"

Us:  "There is someone else isn't there???"

Steve: "well, sort of yeah..."


Steve: "Its Field Hockey"

Us: "ummm....."

Us: "ummmmmmm, really?  Field Hockey?"

Steve: "yeah"

Us: "yeah...ok.  Wow, we must really suck for you to go to Field Hockey.."

Steve: "its not like that, you get so damn emo sometimes."

Us: "JUST...JUST....JUST GO Damn cruel cruel temptress..."

Steve: "okey dokes.  Later"

Us: /cracks beer
Us: /sniffles
Us: / (to be determined)