Jan 29, 2010

Cypress Gardens Pt. 4 - Classic Video

ODBF dropped this knowledge on the CRB staff yesterday. We can't verify anything about it with the exception is that its awesome.

Jan 28, 2010

Haiku, no Hike Me!!

You fly through the air
Toyota Specialist says
Doing it Wrong


Someone stole my ski
lojack may have been helpful
fall will really hurt

French flips and spins say
nattys record is going down
if clem has her way


Back Flip with a twist
says natalia goes down
if clem has her way

I used to fly far
could go so much further with
Bea Arthur's jumpers


Hot summer nights was
a highlight of watersports
work now with Mickey

First hard shell binding
attached to long piece of wood
held by a water babe


I eat two burgers
I drink five cans of miller
Then stomp 38 off

Jan 27, 2010

Cypress Gardens Pt. 3 - Missed Opportunity

(ed note: this is the first ever collaborative thing ever written for this site by both dig dug and ODBF, amazing)

In our world of waterskiing, there really isn't a "reliable" source for current news. Think about it, if something happens within the waterski world or you are curious about something or looking for updated info on anything, where do you go?? Sure, we can get some info from usawaterski.com, or various blog outlets, but, there is no real "go to" source for news about our sport.

Hopefully no one swings by this site for "news", as 1) we are a blog that pokes fun at things, 2) we have regular jobs and don't get money or have the time to 'research' and 3) were drunk and/or skiing most of the time.

So, where does that leave us?

Well, unfortunately we are in no mans land. We have a variety of fun outlets for waterski stuff, like ours :), ball of spray, alliance wakeboard, skifly dot com, showskiers dot com, tales from the foot, shreds and dreads, and the like.

But, no one is going out and beating the streets and getting us news. Un-biased, up to date, no agenda, news.

Look, we can argue all day long about cable news channels, newspapers and magazines in our real life and how they are all biased, Fox news = right wing, msncb = left wing, but, at least they have people out there trying to find out whats going on and presenting it to us.

Enter Waterski Magazine.

Here is a simple equation, that should happen. Waterski Magazine + Cypress Gardens = NEWS.
But, it didn't happen, or hasn't happened.


Cypress is basically right in your back yard, you are supposed to be the main source for all things waterski in our world. Right?? How have you not covered this??

Sure, there was a post about the "history" of Cypress along with some tale of how Dick Pope Jr and Zane were chatty. But, you didn't tell us anything, I repeat, ANYTHING, that us, the waterski public want to know...or care about.

The best reporting on this issue, honestly, is from a lawyer in Orlando, Kemp Brinson who has tweeted some articles concerning the issue (link) and ODBF who actually went through a shit ton of articles and tried to encapsulate the issue.

This is a very MAJOR issue within our world, MAJOR MAJOR. Large. Important. Thesaurus! (I'm shouting if you can't tell).

This is important. This is a fight, or issue, that we NEED to know about. Waterskiing in all forms needs to be addressed as best you can and everything within your power needs to be done to get to the heart of what is going on, organize it and get it to us.

That is your job!!

Look, the CRB has done a total 180 on waterski magazine in the last few years. We used to attack you (in fun but without mercy) about the seeming single minded dedication to slalom. But, you have baby stepped out, or maybe its our perception, either way, it seems to encompass more of the world. Which brings us back to the issue of:

Cypress Gardens.

Cypress Gardens is one of the roots of our sport as a whole.

If Waterskiing was a tree (strap in, we are stretching metaphors here) then Cypress Gardens is one of those big ass roots that sort of sticks out of the ground. You know, the ones where you put your blanket on, sort of bundled up like a pillow, when you go out and have a picnic, you lie down in the park with your head on said root, look up at the sky, watch a passing plane, listen to river and nap on your lunch break. True Story!

Its a foundation of the show ski world, along with historical greats like Tommy Bartletts and the Min-Aqua Bats. (Read up on your history and you will understand how these three are intertwined.)
Historical and currently relevant organizations that promote like a mother fucker our sport and you, waterski magazine, owe it to your readers and to your own journalism to cover this issue with the same verve that you use for you slaloming, your videos and your boat tests.

The possibility exists that we are overstating the importance of Cypress Gardens, as it is a place that has been in somewhat of a free fall for a number of years.

That, however, does not discount the fact that this is an issue that this issue should be covered somehow, in some way, and presented out for the world to see, read, digest, discuss and consumed.
The publishing world, in all forms, from magazines to newspapers are having big issues with either the inability to adapt to an online world, to a resistance to adapt to outright idiocy. Newspapers were foolish to give away their content for free in a rush to seem "hip" with the times. Everyone who pays attention knows that in doing so, they have given away one of their most precious resources, access and depth, to online sources who skim for punch.

Further, newspapers were done in by craigslist. Classified ads are a huge source of revenue for the publishing industry (not magazines, necessarily) and that was eaten away. It may sound foolish, but, for example, where do you go when you are looking for a job, or a used television, a used car or a random hook up? Not the newspaper, but, you hop online and go to craigslist, careerbuilder or your moms house.

Failure to adapt is a huge problem and its not coming back, so adapt or die.

One of the nifty new things that has come about in terms of technology in reference to the written word are devices like the Kindle. Which is Amazons book reader thing, which is sweet. The CRB does not own one, we have a cheaper knock off. Its just a digital picture frame with scraps of paper stapled to it. Thanks CRB tech staff. In fact, in terms of tablets, Apple came out with their tablet thing today, the ipad. Awful name. Which caused all sorts of geek gasms, but, its a unique product and one that can be used for a new and interesting way to get your magazine into the hands of people in a digital realm while maintaining a decent cost structure. For example, Time Inc (Sports Illustrated) and some place called the wonder factory, have a really cool little reader which works seamlessly with the magazine, combining a seemingly digital averse format (the magazine) with the tech side of things. Check it out.

Waterski magazine seem to have a pretty good thing going with their magazine, it looks good, is laid out well, has nice articles and pretty pictures.

Maybe the actual print magazine is not the place for in-depth reporting, and that is probably true. But, the foundation is there for a sweet, one stop shop, web presence. There is no reason to NOT have a blog, or an archives of information, or a breaking news feed, or some place on your site to drive eyeballs to your website during the periods between publications.

Websites can be used as a sort of appetizer for the actual magazine. You can have a blog presence where you cover issues like this, CRB for hire*, where we/you cover the various things that go on in the world that maybe aren't print worthy, or more topical, something that isn't an Evergreen article.

*not kidding we will sell our soul for the almighty $$$$

Cypress Gardens is the jump point, this is the crux of our argument. This is important and as the epicenter of this world you should, maybe the obligation, at least try and provide us with something in-depth or at the very least a current accounting for the unfolding of a very interesting and unique situation that shouldn't require to much work.

There is so much going on within the sport of waterskiing that we just don't know about, a million different angles on issues, people doing unique things and so many different disciplines that all have their unique and interesting things that happen.

Its such a fertile ground for exploring and utilizing the various technological and web based communication mediums would be the perfect avenue for both expanding coverage, reaching new people, hopefully increasing revenue (more eyeballs, advertising revenue) and becoming the singular location for all things waterski!

Its science!

Jan 22, 2010

Cypress Gardens Part 2

So the word from the Merlin and Legoland press confrence is that the Waterski Show will be back!...maybe. Nick Varney, Merlins CEO said
Merlin said it plans to keep the popular Splash Island Waterpark operating, although it will be a separate, ticketed admission. Cypress Gardens' water ski shows and one of its two wooden roller coasters will probably be integrated into the new Legoland as well
Our intrepid reporters got a chance to ask some hard hitting questions
ODBF: Hey Mister! So does that mean there will be lego boats? Cuz I have been working on this and I cant see this boat pulling barefooters...
Varney: what? What time is it?
Varney: /sits up turns on lamp
ODBF: A lego jump ramp perhaps?
Varney: How did you even get in here...its...its...4 in the damn morning. Who are you?
ODBF: I have this awsome idea for lego wetsuits!
ODBF: /eats eggo waffle and sausage patty
Varney: I'm calling the cops!
ODBF: I think we can make this lego thing awsome. Based on this map of the new park I'm thinking a lego stadium on the magnitude of this just around the lake instead of that lame lawn ferry field*.
*used to play soccer so dont get all "soccer is a real sport too, waa waa".
ODBF: And lego ballet girls too like this

Cops: All right your coming with us
Cops: /drag ODBF away
ODBF: I think lego seats will be very uncomfortable, unless you put some of those smooth top pieces on top of them...
Cops: /punch
ODBF: Oh and check this out, there is even a lego bible.
Varney: *yelling from house* what is wrong with you? your insane!!
So needless to say the ODBF will be leaving us for one of the major networks very soon based on his interviewing skills.

Whos going to win that super bowl?

Off topic?

Don't mind if I do!

Not that I am a huge saints fan or anything, but the rest of the teams kinda make me want to shoot at random people on the street. Except for sexy rexy, if he were a waterski instructor I would totally be a better skier...or in prison.

Jan 21, 2010

Cypress Gardens

The oldest and longest running pro ski show in the country abrubtly dropped the curtain in September of 2009 when the operators of the park closed up shop and announced the park was for sale. The park was well known in waterski circles for its quality ski show and well known in my mind for its southern belles. Cypress Gardens had long been a staple of Floridas theme park roster. But in recent years (the previous owners blamed 9-11 and the fall off in tourisim) the park has struggled and has been sold a couple times.

Today at 10:30 in Winter Haven FL there will be a press confrence with officials from Merlin Entertainment and elected officials from around the state in attendance. Merlin owns multiple theme parks around the world encluding the Legoland parks. There is currently a Legoland park in California. The website is outdated and still has a notice announcing a Legoland Discovery center that would be opening in Chicago in 2008.

We tweeted a blog recently that discussed the future of the park. In the blog the author states that the ski shows future looks dim...


But he also states that the possiblility of a legoland coming to the park was also very slim, so lets hope he was wrong on this account as well!

Cypress Gardens has long been every show skier with pro skiing ambitions dream job. So here is to hoping Merlin will continue the show that was built by waterskiing pioneer Dick Pope Sr and his son Dick Pope Jr. It would be a sad day for waterskiing and a big blow to show skiing which has watched many of its pro shows close one after another in recent years.

Cypress Gardens to become legoland Florida The Ledger

Cypress Gardens to become Legoland Florida Tampa Bay Online

Legoland to Brick over Cypress Gardens CF News 13

Cypress Gardens thru the years Orland Sentinel

Merlin buys Cypress Gardens. The Disney Blog

A Lawyers eye view Polk law Blog

Jan 19, 2010

Some Wine, Cheese, and Buoys

In yesterdays post, here, about our confusion over what or how West Coast Slalom works or is, we got a comment from super awesome Robby Trimble, who is one of the owners of the Ski Sunset Ranch inviting us out for some wine and skiing.  Strange combo you say??  Nay!  Ski Sunset Ranch has both waterskiing AND wine!  Thats a dynamic duo.

Check it out!  Ski Sunset Ranch and Trimble-Estates wine. 

Thats a tough thing to pass up, no??

We agree, and Robby followed up with an email saying that the CRB readers should make their way out the Napa valley area and ski with the peeps.  Its true!  She said it!
Spending the last 20 years heavily involved in all facets of waterskiing from tournaments to building and owning our own lake, we have experienced many different schools, lessons and sites in our own search for water ski skill improvement. 6 years ago when we embarked on what is now Skisunsetranch, the goal was to provide something different than what we had seen and experienced on many water ski vacations. There were several elements that we wanted to offer to differentiate our experience from anything we knew about.

A few of the items on the priority list were a slam dunk. Glass water. Our beautiful lake is surrounded by our Syrah vineyard and what are now over 50 foot Eucalyptus trees, that makes for awesome skiing conditions pretty much all day every day. Second priority, in our quest to provide a water ski vacation like no other, was accommodations that were pleasant for all, skiers and non skiers. Our classy lakefront cottage is the best, it has 4 bedrooms 3 bathrooms and is clean and stylish too, suitable for one skier or a group. The lakefront cottage and our home are the only houses on our 40 acres. Another major differentiator was to be able to provide flexibility to ski on your own schedule: get up early or sleep in late, we do not silo skiers into specific time slots. Doug has been coaching our guests for over six years now and his reputation for being able to speak in a language beginners to advanced skiers respond to is impeccable. Although we already offer a ski experience that brings great value for your water ski vacation dollar, one piece of the plan has been missing until this year.

Being serious skiers ourselves, taking lessons and being coached by tons of different people, it is absolute, when it comes to coaching one size does truly not fit all. If you go to Xyz School you get who and what you get, which is not always what resonates with you the skier. From the time Skisunsetranch started we wanted to offer coaching choices, it is true that good things come to those who wait! We are pleased to announce…in addition to having the opportunity to ski a beautiful wind protected lake, staying in first class accommodations, skiing on your schedule with great coaching that has been well established for over 6 years now you can really have it your way. We have entered into exclusive arrangement with Nick Parsons and Terry Winter. In addition to our wonderful standard ski program, skiers looking for a professional water skiers coaching now have 2 choices with very different water ski styles. We now offer 3 different slalom coaching options with 2 different stay choices and a day lesson program, all very reasonably priced. So, we really have become a “Waterski Vacation like No Other!

Look forward to skiing with you soon,

Doug and Robby Trimble

There is it people.  Lets do the damn thing.  Give Doug or Robby a call, or email, or tweet, or carrier pigeon and rock their world.

Jan 18, 2010

Rotate for Leverage. What?

It was, what, about 10 or 15 years ago when we were first becoming aware, or made aware of, a style of
slalom skiing called "West Coast" Slalom.

Counter Rotate for Leverage by Terry Winter, from the B.O.S, is an article that deals with this topic.  It sound awesome, it makes sense if you are smart.


As middling slalom people, meaning, basically we suck, we don't really understand the difference in concept from a traditional style vs. a west coast style vs. whatever else is out there.

This isn't meant as diffusing anything or making light of the various techniques.  Its more to the fact that we don't, meaning me in particular, really don't know what it means.  We have always subscribed to the idea of just cut like a mother fucker, go around a buoy, then repeat.

More specific, its a 6 part process.  Call it the CRB slalom guide.

1)  Cut Hard
2)  Turn
3)  Cut Hard
4)  Repeat as Necessary
4)  ....
5)  Profit??

Now, over the course of time we have picked up various bits and pieces that have both helped and hurt.  Be it fin position, cheater fin position, hips up, hips down, pre-turn...etc. etc.  It all sort of goes into the brain, gets scrambled with bits of beer, cheeze its, financial worries, job complaints, significant other gripes and then assembled into our body and put forth into a ski.

Usually there is no improvement, more of a explosion around the 5 ball when we are always late down the course and then we give up, drink beer and go wake surfing.  Its a curse and a gift.

So, Terry Winter submitted an article to the B.O.S about slalom technique, which we read and were sort of confused.  Like always.  Again, we are dumb as shit.  So some of the terms fall on deaf ears.  So, we will attempt to both go through the article and figure it out, while simultaniously trying to put into terms that will help us!

Ready!!  GOOO!!!!
As I give a waterski lesson, one of my primary focuses is on a skier's body position. There's lots of different styles of slalom pulling positions, but whatever it looks like you have to have a strong, leveraged pulling position to get across the course effectively.
OK, thats pretty straight forward.  However, the term leverage gets me messed up.  The assumption is that it means a good pull across the wakes.  Right?  right.  word.
One way to increase your leverage, and therefore increase your ability to get across the course on an earlier line, is by counter-rotating. Counter-rotating means opening up your body so that your hips and shoulders are facing more down the length of the course as your ski is pointed across the course. For example, say you're turning and cutting to the right. As your ski is arcing around to the right you're trying to make your shoulders and hips twist a bit to the left. With a good, countered body position the observer in the boat should be able to see the fronts of both of the skier's shoulders.
Ok, we made it 3/4 of the way through the first sentence.  Earlier line?  Meaning further up the course?  meaning faster?  Lets assume that and go on.

Sentence two: Counter rotating.  In digesting that sentence, does it basically mean, as you come into a turn you want to keep your shoulders and hips pointing down course?

This means in the turn, right?  is this pre-turn??  You have your hips pointed down course, then go into your pre-turn, rotate your body AWAY from the turn thereby keeping everything focused down course.  Then go through the turn.  Right?

We entered all that into the CRB babblefish and it spit out.  "keep hips and shoulders pointing down course, you idiot"
What countering allows you to do is soften your legs better, and get your hips or center of gravity leaning away more from the boat. This will shift your body's weight so that you have more pressure over the ski's cutting edge, and make it possible for you to hold a better line cutting more directly across the course. This will set you up for wider, earlier turns. If you close off your hips and shoulders, making them face across rather than down the course, your legs will tend to be straighter and stiffer and your hips or body's weight will be placed more over the center of the ski. This will lessen your ability to hold your ski on a solid edge, which leads to shallower, faster approaches to your turns.
Hmmm.  This one is tougher to figure out.  But, basically this means...if you keep your hips and shoulders facing down course, your weight will be further away from the boat putting more ooomph into your cut, because it will be over the cutting edge of your ski.

Ok, so that wasn't so damn hard.

here is a question though...when you are going across the wakes, do you have your hips pointing at the boat or sideways pointing to the buoy??

Edit:  oh jesus christ...it says right in the damn paragraph about your hips across the wakes.  god damnit.

Well, we checkout out Terry's website, LINK, and it appears that he keeps his hips pointing to the boat.

We are over thinking this.

We were just picturing this in our heads, diagraming it on a white board, and doodling on cocktail napkins.

It sounds, maybe, that you drive your inside hip down course and the body will follow.  I.e, imagine coming into the two ball, and as you begin to preturn your RIGHT hip aims down course.

Is that to simplistic, is that not correct?

Oh boy, our heads are spinning...going to go sit on the porch and yell at kids.

Note: Original article comes via the Ski Sunset Ranch blog, HERE, they have wine too!  bitchin!!


yep this is worth watching.

If you watched this and said to yourself "what does this have to do with waterskiing?", then you have some serious issues. If you are male and watched this you should have said "/drool" and if you are female and watched this you should be saying "this is how I will dress when I hang out with the ODBF at the CRB mansion".

Jan 15, 2010

You. Are. Insane

We are not even going to put the CRB research team onto this video.  It is by far insane enough without anything other then this.

This lady was barefooting at over 100 mph.

Your gear looks mean, the boat looks mean, the camera work is...well, shitty, but your slide on your ass at 100 is awesome.

Not sure why you decided to do this, but, anything done for silly reasons is WAY o.k in our book.

Wow huh?

Thats Alot of Dimp

So, in thinking about this blog post, the phrase "Thats alot of Dimp" popped into our heads.  You know where this is from right?

If you don't know and can't figure it out by the picutre...well, please quit being a doucher.

Anyways, its the scene in Super Troopers where Ramathorn and Farva are at Dimpus Burger and he peels off his peel off thing from his drink, hoping to win ten million bucks, doesn't, and says, "Thats alot of Dimp"

Holy shit this is this most stupid damn lead-in to our point ever.

Dimp = Skiers

There, the cats out of the bag uncle rupert.

Look at this pic.  then see some more text below.

A ski team in not-america is attempting to set the world record for most skiers behind one boat.  They have a sweet video of it from their first, and record setting attempt, in 1986, here, and will be attempting to do it again later this month.

Crazy huh?

Well, spin on over to one of our bloggy buddys, Bfooter.com, for some more info.

Normally we take great pride in having witty blog posts, but, the damn stress of trying to re-upholster an entire movie theatre as a practical joke is taking its toll.

/jumps off roof
/fails to achieve flight
/crash and burns

Jan 14, 2010

While on the topic of vids

Adam Sedlmajer is not only a wicked good skier and an awsome tricker, but he can make some sick vids too.

This vid contains some big names too. Adam Sedlmajer, Alexei Zharnasek, Freddy Krueger, Jared Sharkey, Daniel Odvarko, Ryan Dodd, Regina Jaquess, Martina Zlatohlavkova, Ales Polidor and more!

couple things to look for.
Death by slalom crash at 1:05
one of the biggest flips I have seen on a trick at 1:25

Andy was a really good...tricker?

So the ODBF is feeling old today, so whats better to feel young then watch the old guys ski when they were young?


Check out the line step wrap in he does at the 45 second point. Can't say I have seen that trick done recently.

sweet swim suit...

Jan 13, 2010

Exec Report: Stalking Edition V.1

Its a really funny story actually, lets see if we can paraphrase it for you guys.  Ok, it was just the other day, we were all hanging out in the park, getting some fresh air, an occasional pick-up game of field hockey, you know...the normal saturday afternoon.

Jennie, she is Boyds girlfriend, and OH MY GOD, make sure NOT to talk about anything that happened in Port St. Lucie between Steve and Jennie in front of Boyd.  He totally doesn't know anything.  Look, it happens you know?  A couple glasses of wine at the country club, some dancing and that coat room looks cozy does it not?

Anyways, back on point.  We were all hanging out, the whole crew, we have talked about it alot here on this blog, the creaky field hockey stick, in the past so I am sure you know all about us.

Silly Anderson always brings his cooler / knapsack with him to ever outing, full of bottles of wine, grapes, locally grown organic cheeses and lube. (ed. note:  wait what??)

So, this rowdy group of people from a neighboring borough (Rykerts probably) show up and challenge us to a game of field hockey.  They even had their very own smoking dog.  Who lets their dog smoke and look at porn??

HO HO HO!!  We don't like to use the word ruffian, but, these guys were so uncultured.

We took their challenge, however, as we are not one to back down from a challenge and right as we were about to kick off (crb note: is that how they start?)...drop the puck??  anyways, right as we were about to start a great wind blew through the park, bringing with it a certain invigorating light.

It was a feeling that we have never felt before, one of strength, courage and leadership.  One that would allow us to dream of raising the membership of 9 to 53 thousand for triathlons...we felt like we could compete in Tai Kwan Do, we felt like we could walk on water.  It was amazing.  With our new invigorated spirit we quickly dispatched of our competition and retired to our abodes to determine the cause of such a feeling.


CRB:  um, yo Steve, you just broke the space time continum to go back to a dumb waterski blog.


CRB: we are pretty sure you used improper grammar, we are pretty sure that your should have been spelled "you're" to assign ownership.  No?  Seeing as it is our ass's.


CRB:  hey!  C'mon now man, thats not right.

Steve:  CRACKER??

CRB:  no dude.

Steve:  MORON?

CRB:  dude, what has happened to you?  There is no need to shout at us or call us silly names, unless its mega love machine then its ok.

STEVE:  WHATEVER CHUMP!!  *disappears into a cloud of smoke*

CRB:  whoa.

CRB:  Whats this?  *rattles piece of paper indicating something in our hands*  A HAA!!!  The Exec Report from Field Hockey!  Your ass is now ours Steve!!

Lets do this FJM Style.   yes, its been co-op'ed by KSK, but, its a universal language.  Like Bobsleding.
USA Field Hockey Executive Director Weekly Report - Week of January 11, 2010

Last Thursday and Friday I attended the annual National Field Hockey Coaches Association (NFHCA) held this year in Richmond, Virginia. Most of you are familiar with the organization and its purposes. For me, it was great to attend a crisply-run set of meetings with plenty of educational offerings, governance meetings, award ceremonies plus time to meet with many of the sport's principals. Those principals included coaches, USA Field Hockey board and staff members, vendors, sponsors and others. Overall, the NFHCA is an impressive group; all who are passionate about the sport and with some definite points of view. I learned a lot. Thanks to Heather Lewis, Pam Stuper, Christine Battcock and Laura Darling for guiding me about. I especially want to thank Becca Main, the president of the NFHCA, and Jenn Goodrich, the association's executive director, for their hospitality and for allowing me to speak to the assembled group. So, here is what I had to say to the NFHCA last Friday:

OHHHHH REALLY!!  Thanks Heather, Pam, Christine, Laura, Becca and Jenn.  GO TO HELL!!  You can't just leave us and start shacking up with these strumpets!

But, yes...this is a good way to get involved.  Go to the meetings see whats up.  Etc.  so.....good so far.

It is a real privilege to speak to the accomplished women and men of the NFHCA on my fifth day on the job. Serving as the executive director of USA Field Hockey will be my fourth experience with an Olympic and/or Pan American sport under the United States Olympic Committee (USOC) aegis. This will be my first team sport experience, and I enter this opportunity with the greatest level of enthusiasm I have had within Olympic sport. Much of that has to do with the excellent executive director search process carried on by USA Field Hockey; much has to do with the staff at USA Field Hockey; and much of my enthusiasm is because of the quality of people I have been meeting these past two days.
Listen buster, if that was a slam at waterskiing we are going to have issues.  We understand about the "within the Olympic sport" part...as Waterskiing isn't a god damn Olympic sport and we will never, really, buy into the reasoning.

Now, we are going to take some shots now about the team thing.  You know that we sent Geraldo IN YOUR FACE to get into Whitney McClintocks FACE about her contract with the world waterski association or whatever the hell we called it, how dare you say we aren't a team sport!!?!?!?
This past Wednesday in Colorado Springs, I attended the USOC's announcement of its new CEO. It is no secret that there has been a fair amount of turmoil within the Olympic Committee for the past 18 months. Scott Blackmun was selected as the USOC's new CEO. Scott is an attorney; has a vast amount of Olympic experience from former capacities as USOC counsel, sports partner director and interim CEO; was the COO for AEG, a large event production company in LA with many international contacts; and, in short, he is well qualified and will bring stability to the USOC. Scott is also an athlete with principal interests in soccer and field sports. USA Field Hockey will be well respected during Scott's tenure.
Lawyers, acronyms, turmoil.   I got a better acronym for ya.  ZZZZZZ.  It stands for BORING!!!!!
Also on Wednesday, I signed USA Field Hockey's High Performance Plan contract with the USOC. It is amazing. Collectively, looking over all components of the contract, the USOC will invest well over $1,000,000 with USA Field Hockey for 2010. There are 46 national governing bodies (NGBs) with Pan American and/or Olympic membership in the USOC. Of those 46 NGBs, only 5 received an increase in funding allocation for 2010, and USA Field Hockey was one of those 5. Someone, whether it was Heather Lewis (serving at that time as acting COO) or Terry Walsh or any combination of Heather, Terry, the entire high performance team, and the 2008 field hockey Olympic Team, did a bit of magic to achieve that level of funding. Insofar as I can see, the funding number for 2010 is the largest in USA Field Hockey history. Of course, there are caveats, such as maintaining certain rankings in world classification. So, nothing is ever about yesterday's news; we always must continue to maintain forward progress.
A million clams huh?  No wonder you bailed.  Was waterskiing one of those five?  Because the CRB hasn't seen a damn dime.  We have said this a million times, we are nothing if not marketing whores, you want a comedy / NSFW-ish blog about Field Hockey??  We can track down Rowboat to fire it up.  It could be part of the CRB community.  MAKE IT HAPPEN STEVE!
So, what do I see as my goals going into 2010? Well, one is to increase membership and we will talk about that as a USA Field Hockey board/staff in the near term. Another is to maintain the financial solvency of the organization and, indeed, to increase its assets over time...both financial and other. And, finally, my goal is to communicate on a regular basis both the good news and not so good news as everyone involved in this sport is entitled to know. That communication will take place through many different media.
Oh, we have heard that before!!  "Many different media"?  That sounds weird.  Should it not be "Many different FORMS of media?"  or "media outlets?"  Are you using "Media" as a verb or a noun?  ACK...need to sit down, my head hurts.
Thank you for this time to introduce myself to you. I hope this to be a long relationship and for us together to accomplish amazing things over the next several years.

So, that was it. The audience clapped politely, and under their collective breathes thought: "Hope this guy is the real deal; we'll see."
You didn't really introduce yourself.  You just sort of said what you did.  You didn't mention you left your family in the lurch back in Orlando!!  HUH??  WHAT?? HUH??!!  ANSWER US!!
I am now back in Colorado Springs and will be spending the remainder of this week continuing to review financial documents and thoroughly reviewing contracts. Additionally I am having lunch dates with staff members trying to get a grasp of responsibilities and how everyone intertwines with each other. It seems complicated, but I am sure as we move along, things will become more obvious and maybe even simple. A major concern I have is to assure those involved with Futures that we have well versed people in place as we go through the transition that started upon my arrival.

This Friday I travel to Los Angeles to meet the many male athletes at Moorpark, and learn to play the game (i.e. get beat up by the men's national team). I am really looking forward to the weekend. I will be the guest of USA Field Hockey board member Martha Jordon and her family. And, I am looking forward to my visit with Martha.
No Leno quotes? It would fit perfect, a quote from a back stabber recited by a...ahhhhhh who are we kidding?? we can't stay mad!

Best of luck with Field Hockey Steve!!  Thanks for everything with USA Waterski and of course, that one time we called you late at night and you had to drive to Dallas to pick us up because we foolishly hooked up with a rodeo guy who was good looking, with a rough side to him that was exciting, but a gambling problem and was abusive to women.  So, yeah, thanks for that.

To follow more of Steve's madness with Field Hockey, check out the Field Hockey website, HERE, and....well, we we're gonna link their RSS feed, but, its busted like your momma's grill.

Jan 12, 2010

The Crow: Lake of Fire

Via the always reliable Ball of Spray comes the 2010 Prelim World Rankings.  In his tweet, John Horton, he mentioned that Eric Lee is the top rated +55 skier in the world.

Eric Lee huh?  That got the brain trust at the CRB thinking about it...is he related to Bruce Lee?  What about Brandon Lee, remember the guy who died while filming "The Crow"??

Did your head just explode like ours did?

It has to be true.  There is no other way around it.  Eric Lee is the long lost brother of Brandon Lee!  Lets look a little deeper.

Bruce Lee was born in 1940 in San Francisco and was a big star doing kung-fu movies.  Yes, we simplified it, but, really thats what we all know.

Brandon Lee was born in 1965, his parents were Bruce and a lady named Linda Lee Cadwell.  Wikipedia says that he had a sister, Shannon Lee and nephew Robert Lee.

He died making "The Crow" and as this site, find a death, noted he was killed during a flashback scene, in which it was supposed to show how his character died.  Never the less, Brandon would have been about 45 years old about now.  Bruce would have been 70.

Eric Lee is 55.  Which would put his birthday about 1955.  The timeline doesn't quite add up, as Bruce Lee and Linda Lee were married in 1964.  BUT!!!  They had met earlier during a kung fu lesson.  Or something like that.

Either way!  The CRB thinks that Eric Lee is actually the long lost Brandon Lee brother!


Anyways, lets delve into the list shall we???


Before we start, huge props (stainless steel prop most likely) to Horton who dissecting the lists from the IWSF site and making it manageable to read.  Good lord IWSF.  FIX YO FORMATING!

Slalom = Chris Parrish. The only man to take down Doc Holiday.  Your a daisy if you do!
Jump = really?  do you really have to ask?
Trick = Nicolas Le Forestier.  This guy is like Jordan or something, just consistently kicking ass.
Overall = Javier Julio.  Who?  Hey a website!! Link.  We will learn spanish asap to keep up with you dude!

Slalom =  Regina Jaquess.  Has to be considered one of the best female skiers of all time right?
Jump =  June Fladborg.  Every time we type her name we always thing we spell it wrong.  But she can FLY!!
Trick = Natalia Berdnikava: The ODBF knows more, but, youtube yourself some vids and then weep at your own lack of skillz.
Overall = Regina Jaquess.  No kidding!

Junior Men:
Slalom = Sacha Descuns
Jump = Alberto Mejia
Trick = Martin Kolman
Overall = Martin Kolman

Sorry guys, no idea who you are.  But, your juniors and awesome at skiing, which means you could stomp any of the CRB ass's any day of the week.  So.  we will just crack a beer and go wake surfing.

Junior Women
Slalom = Brie Carter
Jump = Lauren Morgan
Trick = Iris Cambray
Overall = Iris Cambray

Iris Cambray is an awesome name.  Lauren Morgan is a consistent twitterer and judging by this picture she skis on 150 inch skis!  We have never had Brie cheese, but, heard good things.  So there you go!

U21 Women
Slalom = Whitney McClintock
Jump = Alex Laurentano
Trick = Whitney McClintock
Overall = Whitney McClintock

History lesson everyone.  Remember back in WWII, the Battle of the Bulge?  It was the last major offensive by the Germans, at least on the western front anyways, in eastern France by the border of Belgium, where the Germans had the U.S forces surrounded?  In this scenario Alex Laurentano is the American troops and Whitney McClintock is the Germans.  SHE IS EVERYWHERE!!

Class dismissed.  Remember to have your papers to me by Friday, extra credit if turned in early.

/removes spectacles
/lights pipe
/reads poetry

U21 Men
Slalom = Sacha Descunns
Jump = Zach Worden
Trick = Herman Beliakou
Overall = Zach Worden

The CRB saw Zach at the LA Night Jam and dude just flys.  No idea about anything else, must be pretty good at other stuff if he is the overall leader guy, but, again...if you have never seen pro jump dudes up close and in person (ON THE WATER!!!) its a sight to see.  Do yourself a favor..and when you are done with that...go to a pro tour stop and watch these peeps ski.  Amazing.

35+ Women
Slalom = Karen Truelove
Jump = Brenda Baldwin
Trick = Rhoni Barton Bishoff
Overall = Elena Thomson

Freddy and Karen are married right?  ok, so, if your last name is truelove, it would be impossible for it to go any other way.  I mean, when they met, it had to have been love at first sight, they were made for each other, it was TRUELOVE!!!

haha, good one Jay.

/does lame comedy bit
/stabs Conan in the back
/falls of roof

35+ Men
Slalom = Stephane Miermont
Jump = Marc Shaw
Trick = Nicolas Le Forestier
Overall = Marc Shaw

Thank god that Marc was the overall guy.  The other names sprain my fingers to type.  Although, doesn't Stephane sound like an international jewel thief?  Remember that dude from the Oceans movies?  The guy who lives in a fancy ass house and does weirdo workout routines like Dalton from road house?

How on earth does a thief, albeit a good one, live in such a fancy house and no one is ever the wiser about his burglarizing?  Plus, at the end of Oceans 13 there is NO WAY that they could have planned that whole thing out and have him show up at just the right time.  I'm skeptical, can you see my face?  I am doubting this whole thing.

45+ Women
Slalom = Jennifer Leachman
Jump = Mary Koenig
Trick = Janice Bachmeier
Overall = Phillippa Shedd

Phillippa Shedd.  Hey boy, go out there and get all those tools, the lawn mower, the snow blower, and the other assorted instruments and Phillippa Shedd!!  

Get it???!?!?  Fill Up Shed?  haha.  Yeah yeah, whatever, I will show myself out.

45+ Men
Slalom = David Miller
Jump = John Carder
Trick = Cory Picos
Overall = Francis Koot

You know how sometimes people refer to old people at Coots?  Imagine this scenario.

Punk Kid:  "Hey you old coot watch where you are going"  *grabs crotch, does extreme skateboarding*
Francis Koot: "How the hell did he know my name?" *rips a 35 off pass*
Punk Kid: "Pssh, whatever, lets see you do that on a wakeboard ya old fart"
Francis Koot: "ok" *Rolls to reverts the kids face off*

55+ Women
Slalom = Deana Shealy
Jump = Leza Harrison
Trick = Kay Nichols
Overall = Gabriele Hueller

This has to be the best age, your kids (if you had any) are old enough to quit bothering you about everything so you can just go out and tear it up all day.  Because if nothing else we love to guess about what people do, but, I can see someone driving up to the lake in a 1992 Caddy DeVille with the blinker on.  (haha, get it?  cuz old people leave the blinker on and go to old country buffet for the early bird special) and grabbing their new Radar Estrada ski and stomping mud holes all over the kids.

55+ Men
Slalom = Ed Hickey
Jump = Frankie Dees
Trick = Eric Lee
Overall = Frankie Dees

One can only imagine how many times Frankie has heard this, "Yo, Frankie Deez Nutzzz!!"  No?  Ok, anyways, this leads us back the the Crow V2.  Eric Lee, the forgotten son of Bruce Lee, the Brother of Brandon Lee.  He is here to avenge their deaths.  Kung Fu Grip Style!  If I was Nicolas Le Forestier, I would just get the Eff out of dodge before Eric came swooping in and blew you up T-Bird Style!

Jan 11, 2010

Freezing your ass off on the water.

These guys do this every year. And every year it is still funny.

I have skied in the snow before, there has been ice on the shore and all that, but I cant say I have used my boat as an ice breaker. I cant see that being good for the resale value...

Holy 5-4-1 pyramid Batman

Our awsome interns* dug up some sweet pics of a the 1976 Sea World ski show. The theme that year was "Salute to DC Super Heros". Apperantly back then waterskiing was actually popular and DC Comics put up the dollas to create the show to promote the opening of the new Atlantis Theater at the park.
*trained monkeys**
**some homeless guy that was looking for porn

“In a new 45-minute show, written by award-winning Hollywood producer, director,
and writer, Dan Kibble, these [DC] heroes and others compete with a host of
super villains in the first ‘Annual Gotham-Metropolis Water Games.’ There’s
high-diving, jet skiing, kite-flying, and just plain fun as the heroes try to
out do the villains with their aquatic antics. Aquaman and Mera must surely be
the backbone of the superhero team, and it’s hard to see how bad guys like The
Joker and The Penguin would have a chance against them. Of course, those wiley
villains have never been known for their sense of fair-play, and might have a
few unexpected suprises for their foes.”

Yea...like they said.

This guy probably gave many little kids nightmares. I think I will sleep with my night light on tonight...

But the heros are here to save the day!!

According to Plaid Stallions there is quite the cult following with in the comic sub culture for this ski show. Comic book people are weird...Waterski people are so much cooler.

Seeing pics like this shows that at one time pro show skiing was once big and actually drew in crowds. There used to be shows at almost every theme park and even some stand alone shows, now only a few of those shows are still around. Even the mighty Cypress Gardens has fallen. Now one or two sea worlds still have shows, a couple shows in Europe, Japan, Tommy Bartletts in Wisconsin, and an occasional show in Guiana are all that is left.

DC Comics page

Picks stolen here and here

Jan 6, 2010

Lake Trout Carry Out - Whenever I Feel Like it Edition

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.

Twiggy is hitting up some boat and RV show Houma LA (southern part of the state), and apperantly his owners goal is to make him the "spokes animal" for water safety. Now the CRB has a saying "Safety knows no season", which I think means that wearing flotation is for pussies, but I could be wrong... Oh but the story about why Twiggys owner pushes water safety is kinda sad.
Marcus Brown goes on a good rant about Waterskiing having to follow the USOC rules but getting nothing in return. And by nothing in return I think he means FREAKING NOTHING, not only are we not included in the Olympics but they dont even give a few dollars to support the top skiers.


So some wakeboarders in Alabama hit the water on New Years Day. Oh and these guys did the same thing but in Georgia. And these peeps swam at the Princes Club in London. You want to know what I did on New Years? Well its pretty simple really...I was really hungover (after the raging CRB Mansion* Party) so I kinda sat around all day. What I did not do was go skiing cuz it was about -15 and the lakes were freaking FROZEN. Just like the water was for this fund raiser in Missouri, so they pulled wakeboarders in the snow behind a tractor.
*homeless shelter

The Australian Rural and Regional Development Minsiter has a good head on her shoulders. When talking about a spot on the river where people ski she said "What a beautiful place to spend an afternoon". Now that right there is a great attitude. What better way to spend a summer day then chilling at the river (or lake) and grabbing a few sets. Ok now I have really depresed myself...DAMN SNOW!

Those damn Aussies really like to rub it in that its all warm and not snowing in their country right now. Yea yea rub it in...so what if you can ski and have the 2010 Monster Energy Wake Wars and all that. You know what we can do right now that you cant? Shivver! yea I bet your pissed that its summer there now! dicks

Oh and just a reminder that everyone should go out and buy a boat. (the boating industry is still getting hammered) **and by go buy a boat I dont mean go pick up some PWC or a Bayliner, cuz if you do that I will send the Minion after you**


Ok that was done correctly

Jan 3, 2010

Top (Frozen) Water Ski Vids

Back to the office. Damnit. What's on the plate for tomorrow? I'll probably check my email and ignore or delete my entire inbox, and then think about skiing for the rest of the day. Ooooh, the best part is, after the start of this winter, I now have two kinds of skiing to dedicate my thoughts to. What's better than slaloming in frigid cold water? Downhill water skiing on the frozen stuff! Here are some distractions for your workday...

Best Pro Segment: Shane McConkey Tribute in MSP's 'In Deep'
The clip says it all, but Shane McConkey was pretty much the sickest snow skier to have ever lived. Sadly, his skis have followed their last line. Here's a look into the life of a legend and an alpine sports pioneer.

Best Park Edit: Scott Klumb's '11/12/2009 Breck Opening Day'
As newschool as it gets - ghetto rap, baggy clothes, and some of the most incomprehensibly talented skiing on the mountain today. Bobby Brown proved he's a beast last month when he placed 4th in the Dew Tour stop at Breckenridge with a fresh 26 stitches in his leg. You may not dig anything that doesn't involve turning gates, but there's no doubt that these guys are serious athletes.

Water Skiing Waves?: Salomon's FreeskiTV Takes to the Surf
Well, this turned out to be less dumb than I first expected, but come on, haven't these guys heard of wakeskiing?

Courtesy of Newschoolers.com

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...