Nov 30, 2009

Football and Turkey Comas

why you may ask yourself did I just put up this vid? Hell I dont know, my body and liver hurt and I think there may be some lingering after effects from my turkey coma.

I belive the following vid shows what my liver did this weekend.


much better vid of the game.

Nov 25, 2009

CRB Gives Thanks 2009

Yeah baby!  Thanksgiving!  Next to the 4th of July and maybe the day the boat goes back in the water as the best holiday of the year.

Christmas has lost all sense of meaning, its a materialistic mess, new years is a time for the amaetuers to come out and pretend to party, and halloween makes us feel stupid for not being more creative.

Now, Thanksgiving.  Oh holy day.

You drink, you eat like a bafoon, you drink, you watch football, you sleep on the couch, you eat, you drink, you sleep and hang out with your family and then go drink with your friends.

Its AWESOME!!  The CRB has barely stayed open this week, in fact, at least 1/2 of our staff has been drinking all week in celebration of getting ready to drink/cook/eat.

Since last years Thanksgiving-splosion, which spawned our fanstasic mspaint here, and why try and mess with perfection...its like saying Jessica Alba doesn't look as hot with short hair.  Oh really buddy??  GO DIE!

With that being said, since last years T-Day, we here at CRB HQ have a bunch to be thankful for.  Most noticaby, the peeps that swing by to take in our unique brand of bafoonery, those who occasionally comment and play.

We are thankful for everyone we make fun of and poke sticks at who have a sense of humor about everything, we are thankful for our sport being so god damn rad that the pros and the chumps like us can actually exchange emails.

We are thankful for twitter.  Which seems silly, but, it gives us a more direct way to play with waterski magazine and marcus brown and Horton (b.o.s) and other various peeps.

We are thankful for people within this sport who work tirelessly and often times without acknoladgement to make our entire sport better, more accesable and more fun.

We are thankful for Tadd and Tony and webcasting.  As a smallish sport we have to look to new ways in which to get out the word.  Maybe down the road we will all be on ESPN or whatever else and people will say, "Wow, thats cool" or, "hey, they got some lookers in that sport!"

We are thankful for Steve Locke, he seems to have a good plan, an "open" type policy with the workings of USA Waterski, and also has emailed us and played along with our jokes and generally been cool.

We are thankful for the LA Night Jam.  For that matter, night jumps in general.  For that matter, the more festival-ish type tournaments and events.  But, the LA night jam was the first big time event we have been to in many years and comparing and contrasting the other event we were at, our sport is light years ahead of where we were in presentation, fun and beer!

We are thankful that no matter how much you eat and how sick you feel doing it, you never feel like a slob.

We are thankful for triptophan or whatever the hell is in turkey that makes you fall asleep.  You never dream better dreams then passed out on the couch after a mouth orgy of turkey.

We are thankful that the CRB POS car has made it another year.  Somehow that damn thing keeps running, in fact, its probably in better shape then my own car.

We are thankful for pup-tents, air mattresses and sleeping bags.

We are thankful for fiesta guacamole from the grocery store by the CRB HQ.  OH MY CHRIST is that stuff awesome.

We are thankful to all of our CRB Characters...our classic ones, Nola, Danielle, Danyelle, Officer Buck, Maria Sharapova (who sadly didn't make an appearance this year) and our new characters / obsessions, like Karina and Regina and The Wire and Lake Trout and the sub hat and the news team and geraldo's IN YOUR FACE and whitney mclintock, et al.   Our CRB T-day table is bigger this year.  All are welcome.  WILD TURKEY MOJITOS FOR ALL!!

We are thankful for beer.

We are thankful for corndogs.

Ok, enough of that.  We had intern Cooper go out and find the various heads of the CRB, ODBF, Minion, new CRB'er LifeJacket, Dig Dug and even old bastard Rowboat Abides for their takes on what they are thankful for.  Here is what Cooper came up with.

Cooper:  Hey, ODBF, CRB HQ wants to know what you are thankful for.  Spill the beans ass.
ODBF:  Its 3:30 on a monday afternoon, I have been in the office for 4 hours, go to hell.  I am going to go gamble and listen to quiet riot.
Cooper: so, nothing?
ODBF:  I am thankful for chicken quesidillas and internet porn.
Cooper:  Thanks.
ODBF: yeah, get lost.

Minion:  I am in a mexican jail jackass, so i am thankful for EVERYTHING!!  toilet wine and all the black-tar heroin i can eat!!!
Cooper:  ugh, sweet i guess.
Minion: DAMN RIGHT!!  wait...can i borrow 300 bucks?

Dig Dug:
Cooper:  Yo dug, what are you thankful for?
DigDug:  my brand new Malibu, my sweet house on the private lake and my wife Marissa Miller
Cooper:  whoa, really?
DigDug:  No dickhead, i was assigned to write this nonsense.  Everyone else is out of the office.
Cooper: time space dimensions mean nothing to you then huh?
DigDug: /head asplode

Rowboat Abides
Cooper: *dials old timey rotary phone*
Cooper: /connects with operator
Cooper: Can you please connect me with Rowboat Abides?
Cooper: *connected*
Cooper: Hey Rowboat, anything you are thankful for?
Cooper:  you guys suck

Cooper: Hey jacket, new guy, what are you thankful for
Lifejacket: **Auto-Reply**  Lifejacket is out of the office, on a beach, earning 20%
Cooper:  A die-hard reference in an auto-responder?  Bitchin!!

So, there you go everyone.  Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend.  We will be back on Monday...maybe Tuesday.  could be Wednesday.  Depends on the turkey hangover.

We leave you for the holidays with Neil Young.  Remember, bad-ass'ness never ages.  Just gets less hairy.

Nov 24, 2009

Lets Be Friends

Throughout the CRB offices today, there was an awful lot of gossipy chatter.  The normal happenings within the waterski world, of course, were first and foremost, i.e, did you see that video, can you believe how hot Shakira is, omg did you see new moon, lets buy a vest and a new EsTrAda ski for christmas...etc...etc.

Oh, speaking of EsTraDa, big shout out to Chris Sullivan who is the brand manager for RadaR skis.  He emailed the CRB HQ in regards to the twitter joke between Horton and us about the RadaR Estrada ski. 

Would love to recap the email or cut/paste, but, suffice to say its hysterically ridiculous, talking about Chips the TV show and Ponches raquetball talents.  It was pretty cool.  Now, we don't know why there wasn't a couple free sticks included in the email to help, you know, grease the wheels of commerce, so to speak, but, we will take what we can get.

He also included a picture of Estrada's car from the show.

So, let it be known that  1) We will totally have a post about RadaR skis soon and we will buy the shit out of your skis (we are marketing whores after all) and 2) Very cool to play along with our brand of non-sense. 

LOL.  Pixelization was huge in the 70's

Moving along, there were a few other happenings as well and its our obligation to bring them to you. 

As everyone knows, if you have read Stephen King's "The tommyknockers" the reason we can bang out quality post after quality post is we have a machine tied into our brains to post posts without us knowing posts were posted.

1)  Lets be friends!  Ball of Spray man himself, John Horton, started something called the Wall of Spray, which in CRB land is what Jim from accounting and Andrea from accounts recievable do in their spare time, but who are we to judge?

Wall of spray is a sort of facebookish social community site...thats about the best way to describe it, you can set up your little profile, add some pics of yourself (or your blog logo, because if we uploaded pics of ourselves the internet would explode with molten hotness...because, you know, were sexy) and videos and all that.  Its pretty neat.

Here, go check it out.  WallofSpray

Now, once you are there.  You go and make the CRB your friend!  we are are a friendly little crew and want to be your friend.  This isn't like elementary school where you were made fun of and excluded from cool things because your awesomeness was to much for some to handle.  Nope, its the CRB, we want to be your friend, and unexplained pregancys are par for the course.

Here is a direct link to our profile.  Because we are shameless and have a huge ass.  CRB on WOS

2)  Screw age.  Andy Mapple is old.  right?  Its not like he is a young baller anymore..he got some grays in the hairs and some wrinkles right?  It happens to us all.  Yet, proving again why bad-ass doesn't age...he embarrasses the entire CRB Staff with this run.

Pull your shorts down!!

Hey ODBF?  You take the training wheels of your combos?

/chucks odbf out of boat in humiliating manner.  

So, go to wall of spray...and keep skiing till you are AARP worthy.  Because the sun always shines on the balls of the hard ass's.  Oh, and remember these timely words from Garth Brooks.

"You gonna eat that?"

Nov 23, 2009




Wait...Thats what I get when I bleach my brain?  wtf?

Now that ODBF went and fugged up the site with that picture and its beefcake-ness.  We as an organization / LLC / worldwide enterprise made the executive decision to move said beefcake-ness to a different internet.  An internal memo has been sent out detailing the poor decision making that the ODBF showed in this post and further issues such as this will be dealt with harshly.  It was made clear, in no uncertain terms, that the CRB live in our specific internet....not the other one.  See figure. 1 for further explanation.

So, now that matter has been resolved.  Thank you for your understanding.  Long live nola.  For more information in the "an internet" please review Rykerts post on internets  also, we totally forgot how the Lake of Sin has a vice-grip like lock on the ms paint.  evidence.

Nov 19, 2009

CRB Off-Topic: Get On With It MoFo

As you may know "The Wire" is by far the best show that has ever been on television.  There are no arguments to be heard about anything else.  The Lake Trout Carry Out, ODBF's link dump thing, the title is taken from a little take-out food joint in "The Wire". 

I have probably watched this series 20 times from start to finsish and find new things everytime.  Often ODBF and I joke about how things in real life can be applied to scenes from the show.

With that being said, in all our youtube searches, we have never been able to find the scene where Major Bunny Colvin gets let go of command, which within the story arc of that season, Season 3, him and Stringer Bell both go outside the normal pervue of their own worlds, Bunny legalizes drugs in a certain area of Baltimore to help clean up the streets, where Stringer goes "legit" and begins real estate ventures.

Eventually, the both meet their end, one figurativly and one literally, and utter the same ending lines, "Get On With It Motherfucker!"  God I love this show.

If you suffer from a case of extreme A.D.D, then fast forward to the 25 second mark for Bunny and the 2:30 mark for String.  

Here is Bunnies Scene

And here is Stringers Scene

Some say its a shame that the series ended after only five seasons, but, most disagree. The brightest flame burns quickest. or words to that effect.

OH, and for kicks, just search youtube for Bunk Moreland, besides Omar he has to be the best.

/whistling the Farmer in the Dell

Lake Trout Carry Out - Jet Waterski Edition

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.

If you google image search for "waterski" this is the first pic that comes up.

That has to be a hell of a deep water start!

Waterskiing must be getting big! People are buying pillows that pros have slept on now...ebay

USAWS picked its atheletes and team of the year. If my girl Regina had not been picked I would quit waterskiing and take up accounting as my new hobby. Because not picking her would have been as big a crime as I commit everytime I try to balance my checkbook.

Residents of the waterski hating town of Sheperton in the UK are up in arms about a new cable park that is in the works. (note to self: avoid Sheperton. hell avoid the UK all together.)

This girl in Austin TX likes to dress in "lake ready" outfits. um, does that mean instead of a thong under that dress you have a bikini on?

So the people of Davao City in the Phillipenes are way cooler then anyone that lives in the UK. Of course most anyone is cooler then those fish and chip eating, no teeth brushing, waterski haters... Davao approves new Wakeboard Park

The mens jump event is a lie. It really should just be renamed "Who wants to lose to Freddy this week?". and if you dont belive me then take a look at these scores from the final world cup stop.

This is what you get if you google image search for "waterski" and "sex". Yep, that makes sense... This is why waterskiing is not big and a sport like beach vollyball is kicking our asses...

Nov 17, 2009

Who Am I - Puzzle Me Together V6

They keep coming in, so, we'll keep posting em.  This one should be a quickie.  Yeah boy-eeeee!


Nov 16, 2009

Who Am I - Puzzle Me Together V5

Well we have correct answers for the first 4 puzzles so here is puzzle 5. This puzzle was submited by one of our very sexy readers...and this time I was able to figure it out, so its not that hard. Get on it!

Nov 13, 2009

Who Am I - Puzzle Me Together V4

Here is our final one for the day.  That makes four total.  and as of writting this, only one is solved.  Here we go with version 4


High Lights...

Told you I would post these later. But as I straight up stole them from Ball Of Spray, I figured we could give Horton his moment in the spot light for scooping us.
*he wins everytime...bastard

World Water Ski Championships 1/2 hour highlight show from Lorne Webber on Vimeo.

Who Am I - Puzzle Me Together V3

Cris is on a roll.  See if you can get this one, and for gosh sakes, help out with V2.  Get it on!!


Who Am I - Puzzle Me Together V2

Well, the first Puzzle was solved by noted real estate mogul Cris, who also sent along another one.  In a word doc.  Thanks for staying in the 90s bro!  Ok, here is another.  I can't figure it out.  Get it on!!


Nov 12, 2009

Who Am I - Puzzle Me Together Edition

Taking a que from one of our favorite sites, Bleed Cubbie Blue, we present you with a bit of puzzle pictures Who am I fun.  For a bit of explanation, check out this post on the BCB site.  Link.  Ok, so, guess who this is.

Guess or add your own below.

Also, be on the look out for some fun stuff coming your way next week.

Nov 11, 2009

Lake Trout Carry Out - hot coals for all

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.

Well today is Veterens day and this is a waterski blog...
yes...yes it is
So how about veterens waterskiing.
works for me
Oh and here in USA Today
woot to that
Ok this is not waterski related...well it could be but thats your perogitive...but this guy makes a good point about the current trend in crappy tv shows. Oh and my point is stop throwing out some lame girl on girl kiss thinking it will fix your bullshit tv show. Try making shows that dont make us want to kill ourselves.

also not waterski related

Zero based scoring...if you are really excited about this you need to get on the water more. Now I think Dave Clarke is a great guy, but trying to make sure that as we get older our scores dont go man if I can still walk when im 50 with all the crap I have done to myself...well that would kick ass. I dont give a damn if my total bouy count goes down.

Just a link to a vid of skiing? well ill post the vid later... half hour high lights vid of the worlds. thanks to shaw TV for getting in on the waterski game. This Worlds (as far as I know, and I dont know shit) was the best covered and well broadcast of any worlds so far. ESPN 360, shawTV, the CRB (by far the best location for all your waterski news), and so on. Good stuff.

The town of Shorewood in Minnisotta built a monument honoring Ralph Samuleson. Who is Ralph Samuelson you ask? GET OUT!!! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN HERE ANYMORE!! go bowling or whatever it is you lame non waterskiers do.

Nov 6, 2009

First women over 9k

Back in the day when I actually skied and had never thought of posting nonsense such as this on the global interblag, I skied with Natalia Berdnikava. I drove for her jumping and pinned for her tricking. Some of the rest of us talked about how we thought she would set a world record, but none of us thought it would be in tricks. That girl could just explode off the ramp, man could she fly.

She said one day how she felt like learning a back flip back, and was sticking them right away. So basically from that point on I have hated her with a passion.

Well actually I hate anyone that skis better then me. Like that 7 year old that was out on two skis the other day? yea I shoved him down when his mom looked away. This is a tough game, you have to be ready for anything, TAKE NO PRISONERS!

Well to the actual point of this post. Natty went out and put up the first trick score over 9000 pts in womens trick history. 9080 to be exact, and it was a hella smoove 9080 at that, I mean seriously, just watch it...its right there, just below these words, stop reading and watch it.

Pic Credit: Natallia Berdnikava's Website. Which is cool!! (linky)

Nov 5, 2009

Webcast this Weekend - Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face!

B.O.S, or Banjos on Submarines, has a quick post about this weekends pro ski tourney in Malaysia.  In a city named Putrajaya.  LINKY!!!

We sprained our fingers typing that.  wtf?

Its a IWSF event we believe, or waterski and wakeboard world cup thing. Doesn't that name seem excessively long?

Anyways, the webcase schedule is as follows. 
2009 Waterski World Cup - Putrajaya, Malaysia


SATURDAY, 7th NOV 2009
11.00 � World Cup Preliminary Rounds - Slalom Women & Men
13.30 � World Cup Preliminary Rounds - Tricks Women & Men
16.00 � World Cup Preliminary Rounds - Jump Women & Men

SUNDAY, 8th NOV 2009
12.00 � World Cup Finals - Slalom Women & Men
14.00 � Arrival of Guests
14.15 � Arrival of Guest of Honour
14.20 � National Anthem
14.30 � World Cup Finals - Tricks Women & Men
15.45 � World Cup Finals - Jump Women & Men
17.45 � World Cup Prize Presentation

Hook up with the love here, LINKY POO, and watch. DO IT.

Also, you can probably get some more info with Freddys Twitter.

Finally, if you, like us, have no freaking idea where Putrajaya Malaysia is, well, take a peek.

View Larger Map

Oh, well that explains it. FLY OR DIE!

Why didn't anyone mention that our girl Karina was going to be there?  Karina Twitter  This is crap, our travel and logistics staff at CRBHQ is SOOOO fired.

We are on our way with our Karina Flag! 

This Week in F.U - Waterski Videos

Please watch this video a few times.  make some notes and get back to me in five.  We will be waiting over here by the cactus plant and expresso machine.


Ok great.  What did you come up with?

/observes notes
/wads up paper
/throws in trash can
/misses by a couple feet


See this video rules for one reason, its waterskiing.  no crappy music, no stupid slo mo, no quick camera cuts NOTHING!!  THATS WHY ITS AWESOME!

Its just a dude, albeit a good dude, shredding.  You can actually see as the line gets shorter that he is stretching and reaching and fighting to make it through the course.

You get a sense of speed and power and all that makes waterskiing what it is.  We here at CRBHQ have heaped lavish praise on the recent waterski videos that are out there, because they are good.  However, we have had beef with some of the camera work.

Given the amazing canvas from which our sport works, with natural backdrops and the like, it makes sense to incorporate that aspect into a video.

Oh sure, this is just a promo type video from Radar and isn't supposed to be awesome, but, THATS WHY IT IS!  Its awesome on every level!  Many levels!  and notches and all sorts of things.  Its just a smooth, great looking video.

So, technically, we aren't saying eff-you to anyone in particular...well...wait, let me check my instant messenger convo with ODBF....
ODBF: wow this is some crazy smooth slaloming

Dig Dug: saw that yesterday, its awesome

ODBF: cocksucker!

Dig Dug: i like that video because there isn't bullshit music, no slo mo crap, no nothing. just skiing

ODBF: yea i want to use it, but its already on bos



ODBF: hahahaha


Dig Dug: FUCK.

Now, obviously, its in my best interest to lay off the coffee in the morning, and since there is no such thing as double caps lock, its best to avoid grandiose statements that make no sense.

Also, all that stuff has its right place, but, you cant possibly sit there and say to me "DUG, you get worked up over the strangest things, why is all that stuff bad, it makes things look sweet!"

Of course it has its place, just like, driving a tank is great, you can blow things up, run things over, scare small villages into giving you their rice and bud light lime, but, you can't do it all the time because sometimes you just want to go to the market and driving a tank is frustrating.  Hard to park, etc. 

Now, to follow up on your point, we say this.

1) that's weird that you are talking to yourself and

2) You are WRONG!

Boom, case closed.

Nov 4, 2009

CRB Off-Topic / Off-Sport - The Yankees

Great, the Yankess won the world series.  Awesome.  I am very excited.  Its been nine years since they won what seems like the majority of Yankee fans feel is their birthright.


I had attached a noose around my neck and was about ready to jump off my balcony, but, that plan was thrwarted as the rest of the CRBemployees pulled me back and soothed me with tea and a bowl of ice-cream.

There is no reason to hate the Yankee players.  They have done nothing wrong, besides being really good at baseball, but, you hate the Yankees because they have been good for so long and everything you hear, media wise, is so overblown you want to shoot your own balls off.

Its the Brett Favre thing, or the Red Sox thing, or the Tom Brady thing, etc etc.  Its when something is pounded down your throat for so long, eventually you turn against it and have an instinctual reaction to blind rage.

This is my anger for the Yankees.  They have good players and have the dolla dolla bills Y'all to pay them to come play there.  No biggie, its capitalism.  Fine.  Doesn't mean i don't want them all to die in a blimp accident, where the blimp crashes into the cast of "The Hills".

Not Audrina though. 

Nov 3, 2009

Go big or go home

So Geno Yauchler sent us some info about his world record flip attempt a few weeks ago, and he was very successful at that. Well he was also kind enough to send us a few vids as well. We will have a review of "H2O Extreme" coming in the near future*.

*whenever we get around to it

Geno also sent us a vid of an episode of "Stunt Junkies" in which he jumps a hydrofoil over a wakeboard boat, setting both distance and height records. Its a sweet vid and well worth watching. It was not easy to find it on YouTube as apperantly people do not now how to spell Geno with a G...

Thats going big...

It is also avalable on the Stunt Junkies website here.

Nov 2, 2009

Your CRB Halloween Recap

So as you all spent most of your weekend in a costumed drunken stupor the CRB will do a recap of the weekend.

First off we have the greatest Pumpkin Head Dance ever. And also the first decent programing to ever grace a CW channel.

Then (according to the interwebs) all the hot girls in the country dressed up in half shirts so as to show off underboob.

The CRB headquarters annual Halloween party looked quite a bit different...

Yes that would be the minon getting arrested...again...

The St. Louis Rams were able to actually win a game. But it was against the Lions, so if you actually like football I would suggest watching your local peewee team as the talent level will be better there.

Oh yea, this is a waterski blog...

Well our girl Nattalie Berdnikava went and rocked the house this weekend. She became the first girl to ever break 9k points in tricks, thus setting a new world record.

We would put up the new vid but can not find it, so here is her two passes from the 07 worlds.

Pass 1

Pass 2

Yep...shes good.

Apperantly at some point the vid and results from this weekends tournament will be put up here.

Ok quick note to the ski fluid guys: There are these people in the world that do this thing called "design websites" and they help make sites that do not confuse the shit out of people viewing them. You dont have to pile everything on the front page, it just makes it way to damn confusing.

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...