Jun 28, 2010
On my college team we skied on nasty ass water or on public lakes, unlike the jerks from Cal Poly who ski on straight up awesomness. I hate you all.
Can I come ski?
Yea now say you don't like communists. I mean if Communist Russia has airlines like this then I don't want to live anywhere else.
/votes for Lenin
Oh Russia is no longer Communist? The Berlin Wall fell? WHAT IS THIS BS!!
I always thought he looked kinda funny, but maybe that was just the flashing red highlights around his abs and crotch. But who am I to judge?
/knees flash red
Jun 26, 2010
Jun 23, 2010
Jun 22, 2010
U.S. water ski athlete Regina Jaquess set a pending world overall record of 3,001.28 points this past weekend during the second round of the Cory Pickos Superstars in Santa Rosa Beach, Fla. If approved by the International Waterski & Wakeboard Federation’s Technical Committee, the record will surpass the mark of 2,934.6 points set by Jaquess last July.
Jaquess recorded scores of 4 buoys at 39-1/2 feet off in slalom, 8,370 points in tricks and 176 feet (53.7 meters) in jumping in accumulating the 3,001.28 overall points. The 176-foot (53.7 meters) jump also is a pending tie of the U.S. Open Women national jumping record. Brandi Hunt set the original record in 2002 at Sunset Lakes in Groveland, Fla.
So what they are saying is that Regina can pretty much dominate you in every possible way. We took an office poll today and got a 92% woot vote on that last statment. Enrique in the purchasing department gave only a semi woot rating. Human resources is currently processing his discharge paperwork.
Jun 21, 2010
*We kid France, we love you. In fact we would come visit but we are afraid you would surrender to us and then we would have to fix you screwed up employment system.
Watch CBS News Videos Online
Not only do Australians know how to 2 ski in big lines behind boats, but they are also hot.
exhibit A: Lauren Eagle
Don't really need an exhibit B, but we are gluttons for punish...hot Aussies.
Karina was a solid addition to the CRB girls roster! Now if only one of the CRB girls would actually drop in and say "hi" once in awhile. AM I ASKING TO MUCH LADIES??? HUH??? Well I will answer my own question with a 'yes, yes I am asking to much'.
ooof! After that he deserves a bit of 80s Kelly Kapowski love.
link to awesome gif
Jun 19, 2010
Tons = Zero
Excuse me miss, but it appears your shorts are malfunctoning...ok forget I said anything, carry on.
HEY YOUR A WAKEBOARD WAG, GET THE RIGHT SPORTS EQUIPMENT...
/looks at pic again...
Nevermind you win
Shawn Watson better watch out, once his girl hears my game she is totally jumping ship from that zero for this hero. Oh yes she will be mine! First I should probably move out of my parents basement...
and some YAY VIDEO
Check out more picks of Leslie on Maxim and vote for in the Maxim Hometown Hotty contest. If she does not win Shawn and I will blame all of you.
Jun 18, 2010
Its about 100 degrees in the crb offices today due to a slight malfunction* of our A/C so I cant really process thoughts. So you get straight up shenanagens today.
*we have none
We constantly* get angry emails about our complete lack of wakeboard content, so here you go!
*no one emails us /cry
We also get alot of emails about our complete lack of Patrice Martin singing and dancing videos, so here you go!
Jun 17, 2010
Thats just how it was done back then. If you wanted something, you just went and took it. Like a man. You needed to negotiate something?? You smoked and drank and maybe got into a fist fight, but at the end, with the slight overtone of homo-erotica still in the air, you signed on the dotted line and went home to your family, where you had your dinner and a cold beer waiting for you on the table. Or, at least you better or someone was getting the backside of your hand. It was done in love.
Now days, you do everything with a computer and the magic of the tube series. Want to get a car? hop online, want to get a date? hop online (or talk to odbf's mom), want a job? tough shit, the economy sucks.
Back in the day, when you had some stuff in your house that you had to get rid off, old furniture, car parts, dead bodies, glassware, bongs, etc, you would just pile all that shit into your garage..put a sign out front, and people would show up and throws many dollars in your face and walk off with your stuff.
So...EBAY. good, we finally made it to the point.
On the ebays you can get a bunch of waterski stuff, and some dude is selling a wicked cool pair of O'Brien trick skis.
There are 6 hours left in the auction and they are only going for about 20 bucks.
LETS GO! GET THIS MAN SOME MONEY! MAKE HIM RICH!
Ebay Link to Trick Skis
These trick skis deserve a good home, it should be yours. We know that your home would be a good place, we have already been there. with your mom.
Jun 16, 2010
Jun 15, 2010
Thats all I've got.
Jun 14, 2010
Ok...now I like checking out a girls ass as much as the next guy, and shorts with writing on them give a great excuse for that exercise, but if you have to stop and have the girl bend over so you can read...wait...nope these shorts rule.
This is probably the least doucherific thing they make, and its not listed directly on their site, only thru the link on usaws.org. And again its girls clothing so I guess I could let it slide a little bit.
But if you look around the 413 site and don't kill yourself, your computer, your significant other or all of your coworkers you will end up finding this gem.
I can't find any vid of the current record so for vid day monday you get to see Parish make 39 off look like an opening pass. I hate him so much.
If anyone comments something along the lines of "oh those are all lawn fairy fans boo" I will reply with "die in a fire". Just a heads up.
***ed note: not totally safe for work. Vid contains some body paint and what nots.***
Jun 10, 2010
24 hour fitness
Wow, who would have thought that waterskiers like to stay in shape* and would appreciate a discount at fitness centers?
*round is a shape
I'll be damned...people fly to events? You mean I can't just turn in my scores from my home site and have those count as my scores at nationals? Come on I ran 7 3/4 at 45 off the other day!!
It may only be a 15% discount but if you fly to alot of events this will save some nice cash. And that cash can be invested in say...beer and cheetos for the CRB.
Jun 9, 2010
Jun 8, 2010
These are some of the mysteries that the CRB sleuthing team set out to uncover.
Well, the CRB staff loaded up our
Which, to those of you who have never been, is a really really nice place. Now, most ski lakes are nice. But there is something different about this place, it seems to be both functional and sexy. Like...a girl wearing a tool belt. But, you come rolling in, park your slab, hop out and you cant even see the lake. Its sort of raised up, or you park below, either way, you walk up and come over the hill and pow waterski love all over the place! Its similar to walking in to Wrigley Field in Chicago, once you walk through the concourse area and you see the bright green grass and seats and everything for the first time its sort of breath taking, like, walking in to Bennets and seeing the lakes is something that everyone should do at somepoint in their life.
The event itself was great, but, we aren't here to re-cap the events, you could have checked out the CRB Twitter for up to the second scores and observations, or watched the webcast...shoot, if you are looking for accurate information and meaningful insight, well, your in luck..but in the wrong place. :)
Now, to fulfill our contractual obligations to the waterski gods here is a recap, rundown of the event.
1) It was full of amazing skiing
2) 100% of all skiers are better then anyone at the CRB
3) Freddy and June won.
4) Thats it. thats the list.
No, you come to CRB for our brilliant and witty writing style and subversive humor coupled with extreme dedication to junk food. One of the things we did this year was don sweet hats and smoke pipes. Sherlock Holmes style. We had some things to figure out, some mysteries to solve, and presented below are the seven, 7, mysteries that the CRB is pondering.
Meaning, we came into last years night jam with no idea at all what to expect and had an absolutely awesome experience, and this year, we were clouded with last years experiences in our heads. So, the mystery to us is this, was this year as good or better then the year before, and how do you accurately judge? Our baseline the year before was 0, and the event was 100. Which naturally set our bar this year at 100, and if the event was 100, was our experience the same?
The event was, we think, a 100. So, it was equal to last years in terms of skiing and production and general awesome, but, something was different. Could we be jaded by all the awesome this sport has? Did our experiences from the year before cloud anything?
Before we continue, let it be known, in terms of overall presentation, execution and wow factor, this year exceeded last years, it was spectacular, the only thing we are wondering is, selfishly, were we as blown away as we were the year before. We will attempt to answer this burning mystery later.
It’s different, we don't know exactly why. Hence, its a mystery!!
2) The Skiers - They are real people!
This is something that ODBF and I talked about the other day. One of the coolest things about our sport is that the skiers are normal people. That sounds weird, but, they are superhuman talented and the top level of skill in our sport. In all other sports these people are bigger then life and are treated as some sort of deity by the general population. I am one of these people, if I were to see Alfonso Soriano, or Drew Brees or someone out in public, I wouldn't know what to do...they are supposed to be in my TV not in the grocery store.
Lets set the stage a bit, the CRB team was hanging out in the vip area (natch) before the event started and Chris Parrish came walking in. No entourage, no bright lights and angels singing, just a dude coming to grab a beer and watch some skiing. We were a bit startled, as we were in the middle of discussing tort law reform or the middle east peace process or our solution to the oil spill, all of a sudden there was one of the best slalom skiers of all time standing about 10 feet away, getting his drank on (we think) and waiting to watch the fun.
I don't think you would see this in everyday life with other sports top stars. Further more, post event, all the skiers were hanging out in the beer tent area chatting away with their friends and the like, we even got to meet a few!
Now, ODBF believes thats whats cool about our sport that all the skiers are so accessible, and I tend to get star struck and not know what to say other then, "wow, your awesome" or "your awesome, wow" or something similar. Its weird.
You may be thinking to yourself, “That’s stupid, of course they are normal people, and you are a douche anyways”. Correct. However, in our defense, we are quite in awe of the abilities of these skiers. We have all skied a ton in our lives, and in most circles, are probably quite talented, but, in comparison to these people we are nothing.
Anyways, its probably something as simple as seeing them in magazines or online or whatever and sort of forming some opinion in your own head, whereas normally you meet people with no expectations, whereas here you sort of have a pre-formed opionion. Maybe? Who knows. That’s why it’s a mystery!
3) The Heat. And Humidity.
During the morning (mid-day crb time) it rained like a mofo. Which as anyone who has spent any time in the south, or maybe in a sauna, or the surface of the sun knows, it doesn't make it less humid, it just amplifies the sticky, sexy, awesome of the weather.
So, this mystery is more of a CRB specific item. Not really anything to do with the actual event. But, HOLY HELL we were dying for a few hours. Pretty sure that as a collective we sweated out the equivalent of small swimming pool. How do people deal with this???
Proper hydration and shade? HAHAHA. just kidding suckers, a few beers and swimming cured all our ills.
4) The sound.
Here was the only real issue we had with the event. But, also one of the things that made it neat. Let us explain.
For those of you who weren't physically present, there was a DJ guy playing music (Journey is always a good choice) and of course the awesome combo of Tony and Tadd rocking the mic like a vandal.
The issue that we had in our perch (not the fish) in the VIP area was we couldn't really hear Tony that well. This made us a little sad. Two reasons, 1) It hurt our ability to follow the action, what was going on. For example, there was original CRB girl Danyelle Bennett and another dude having a slalom big-dog style ski-off and we didn't know what was going on. and 2) We didn't get to hear Tony and his awesome accent.
Here is where the sexy mystery comes into play. We don't know if the mic volume was fixed later in the event, or the collective group of people started tuning in more or what it was, but, as the event neared its climax (hi-ooo!!!!) we started to hear Tony and Tadd at equal volume. We are pretty sure the volume was still a bit screwy or Tony was just yelling louder, but, it was awesome. Maybe this was not the case, but, it seemed to us that everyone there watching was really tuned in and engaged with the action on the water and as a group I wonder if that collective interest and everything helped.
5) Magnets. How do they work?
Special thanks to CRB I.T for totally screwing the pooch on both our video camera and regular camera. You wouldn't think that it would be so hard to plug a god damn camera into the wall so it would be charged for the one day a year you actually use the crap that you buy. No, so, whatever pictures and video we have were done from a damn iphone. This isn't a mystery. Just an aggravation.
6) The ratio of sexy in the area.
Lets also get this out of the way, we love southern accents. No two ways about it, you could drop a southern accent into a broken down pick up truck and we would probably swoon.
Either way, we ate lunch at some joint called Sammys Grill before the event. The place is decent, nothing super out of the ordinary, but, the food was good, beer was cold and my god was there a sexy wait staff.
It would be fair to say that one of our staff was in love with a waitress. No, we don’t know her name and no we didn’t say anything to her. We were trying to be serious about our duties as trained journalists and we had no time to fraternize with anyone…even the smoking hot waitress. We will be back.
Moving along, the sexy on display at Bennets was a sight to behold as well. Guys and girls equally, if nothing else, it inspired us to get our ass back into the gym. Don’t like being blown out of the water like this!
Its funny, in a way, if you keep up with cheesy gossip websites or read crap like us weekly or whatever, and they all tell you who they think are the hottest people, or the sexiest people alive..whatever, they are wrong.
If you are rail thin and get a gallon of make-up applied, shot under the right lighting, and photoshoped to look hot, honey, you aren’t that god damn hot. If you can slap on a wetsuit, stomp the jump to pieces, put on some sweat pants and look hot? Your hot.
7) Night Jam 4 – Whats next?
Our final mystery, if you looked closely at this years event, it was larger, more people, more stuff, more awesome then the year before. What can the people do to make this event even better next year?
This year they had, at the end of the point, a stage set up and a couple bands were bringing the RAWK, the VIP area was nice, the skiing was awesome, the weather was cooperative, and more people were watching online!
These are all good, and maybe to answer our first mystery, yes, this event exceeded last years event, despite our unrealistic expectations.
A funny thing about trying to encapsulate or review things, you always tend to look forward to the next year and say things like, they should do this, they should do that.
We won’t try and input our stupid ideas into any discussion, there are things that seem to be perfect the way they are and you have to just go ahead and trust the people in charge to do it right.
Its like a vacation in one day, it’s a different area of the country, a different climate, much sexy, a professionally staged waterski compeition that should be the envy of any other tournament/event out there.
For that, there is no mystery; it equaled our absurdly high expectations, even with our skeptical glasses on.
Boom. Mystery solved. Next year we are bringing a camper.
Jun 7, 2010
The Waterski Magazine Inside Edge email thing dropped into the CRB Mainframe email server machine today and as we devoured the edition we noticed one of the feature was how to maximize your reach.
Now, given that the CRB is a collective of the brightest waterski minds in the world, we did not need to click on the link, we already know the answers.
Here is the CRB 3-Step process for maximizing your reach.
Step 1. Be Taller
Step 2. ????
Step 3. Profit
Boom thats it. Now go out and dominate that slalom course.
/tosses empty out of boat
But back to the proper subject.
Wait...this is not a blog about drunk drivers trying to relive their glory years as moonshiners in Hazard County?
Well SUM BITCH!
So is it about lazy people?
Seriously...wtf? why is that even there?
/has 2 step escalator installed next to bathtub.
Oh...its a ski and dick joke blog. gotcha.
**ed note** so it seems that I am not good at video taping, so you get whatever I can find on the interewebz.
And note to Tony: if there is no new interview with Alex Laurentano in front of the bathrooms we will never talk to you again.
And not to Alex: shhhhhhhh
Jun 5, 2010
The coolest event in all of pro waterskiing starts in a little over 12 hours (yes sleep would probably be a good idea) and that means its Saturday morning. And you all know what the CRB brings on Saturday mornings...THE SEXY!!! OH YEA!!!!11!! This week in honor of the LA Night Jam we are brining you every female competitor who will be hitting the water today.
Maj Lund Jepsen
Marie Vympranietsova (looking forward to hearing Tony pronounce her last name)
Megan Ross de Siegert (could not find a pic, but that is one sexy flag!)
Best pics anywhere come from male competitor John Mommers website. Kids got photo skills.
This is a perfect example of why our sport freaking rules! Our girls are still smoking even sans makeup.
Jun 4, 2010
Its a long road in from Mexico
Say hi if you see us on the road. We will be the pink vespa with 5 guys on it drinking South Paw 40s. At this rate we should make it to Bennetts just in time for LA Night Jam IV. 2011 is going to rock \m/
Jun 3, 2010
Also we will be tweeting as long as our phones last so make sure to check out the CRB Twitter page here
Jun 2, 2010
Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever.
The awesomeness that is youngin Erica Laings trick skills has lead her to be picked as the USAWS female athlete of the month. Need I remind you that we pointed out her awesome flipping skills a few weeks back.
I wanted to post the vid of Al Pacino saying he is a great judge of ability in the end of "The Recruit" but it seems that Youtube realized that movie sucked something awful, so instead I put up this vid from "Scent Of A Woman" cuz it rules.
Oh the humanity! Our hearts go out to you nameless San Jose ski team.
Alabama has some of the best political ads anywhere. We steer clear of politics on this site for good reason, but no matter what your leaning you have to admit this ads rule. Or are just plain strange. or both...neither...? ah screw it just watch them here.
Chuck Dees, a legand in our sport, passed away recently. Sad news indeed
The Oxbow ski team from Easthampton Mass, held a benefit show for a fellow skier who has a brain tumor. No matter where you look in waterski news you will always find signs of how we support our own. Its just impossible to hate on our sport...or to put a Cadillac in your nose.
So the other day I was mugged* and so I** have come up with some great ways to avoid getting mugged in the future.
1) as soon as you think your about to be mugged throw up on all of your money.
2) carry an atom bomb around with you, when you are in a dangerous neighborhood just set it off
3) shit your pants before you go out and push a shopping cart full of dolls around
*went to a bar and spent all my money, blamed it on a mugging
The Shermalot show ski team in central Wisconsin has made some agreement that will let them ski on their site. I did not read the article so I have no idea what that deal is. If you want to know then read it you lazy bum! Do I have to do everything around here?
Wake enhancements have been banned on a river in Milwaukee WI. This is proof that if your trying to fight a new regulation that just joining some facebook group is waste of time. If your really want to stop something get off your ass and go to the meetings where these decisions are made. I do have to say that I would not complain all that much about this on the lakes I ski on*. Most of the people that fill up the ballast and pile people in their wakeboard boats thinks it makes them better. But they are WRONG!!! HEY JACKASS, ALL YOU CAN DO IS HOP TO THE CENTER OF THE WAKE!! INSTEAD OF PUTTING 3000 LBS OF WEIGHT BACK THERE HOW ABOUT YOU PRACTICE A BIT AND LEARN TO ACTUALLY RIDE THE BOARD!!! /rant over Then once you get a little better and can do some stuff off the small wake you can start adding weight and throwing some bigger flips and all that.
*of course I know the whole slippery slope argument and all that. So don't go sending us 800 angry emails saying ODBF is an idiot. He already knows he is
This is the history of the Tits or GTFO meme. I think the rowboat abides invented this one at the bar back in '64.
Are boat sales improving? Heres to hoping so!!
Jun 1, 2010
*old truck tires
But we feel bad about it so here are some vids from this weekend. First up we have June showing us that she is a much better jumper then any of you are. And that is why when I want to watch jumping I don't go hang out at your lake and instead sneak into her dressing room and...wait *cough* I mean youtube search for vids of her jumping.
The second vid is Thomas Asher booting some solid 228s out there. Tom is not all hot like June so only the CRB Minion tried to sneak into his dressing room. The Minion is an odd cat.