Sep 30, 2008

Team USA World University Championships

The founder of this here site has set sail from our midst, a packed cooler and cowboy hat in tow. Occasionally, the Rowboat will affix a empty can tied to a rope and communicate back to the CRB HQ with various updates and thoughts. Today is one of those days.

CRB commenter and all around grizzly bear man, Cris Kodiak, is managing TEAM USA over in China for the World University Championships. In the spirit of the innerwebs they have put together a blog to keep track of their various actions and tom-foolery!
The USA is bringing a solid team of 7 skiers. Regina Jaquess, Alex Lauretano, Cale Burdick, Storm Selsor, Tomlin Wilson, Ryan Selsor, and Jenna Sligar (Alt.) make up the competitors that will proudly be wearing the stars and stripes. Jeff Surdej is the Coach and Cris Kodiak is the Manager. Cheering contingent will be made up of family and friends: Mike Lauretano (Alex's dad), Terry Selsor (Storm's dad), Russ Selsor (Ryan's dad), Cyndi Burdick (Cale's mom), Melinda Wilson (Tomlin's mom) and Jerri dePingre (Tomlin's family friend).
Click over to their site and check in on the fun. Best of luck peeps!

Team USA Blog

Sep 26, 2008

I drink milk to grow BIG and Strong.

Looks like the Great Lakes Confrence has been listening to its momma and Drinking lots of milk, so it can grow big and strong. And the east looks to be trying to reverse the shrinking trend.

The east has added a new school with Elon making their debut last weekend. While the NEC seems to have totally vanished and Florida (the waterski capitol of the world????) only fielding 2 teams, the SAC has been able to avoid the total failures of their sister confrences. and acording to the ski flies they have someone with some motivation leading their confrence.

The Elon fighting Christians...

yea thats what it says...

Kinda looks like a orthodox Jew. hmmm

Brothers from another mother?

On to the fastest growing confrence this year (the only other confrence to grow), the Great Lakes Confrence added 3 teams this year. Year after year the midwest has defied logic and produced multiple new teams every year.

University of Michigan-Flint fielded a team. So I guess Micheal Moores prediction that Flint would dry up and die as a city because GM left were unfounded. I mean, if they have skiing they must be golden!

I would include a picture of Flints mascot, but appearently they dont have one.

"Ann Arbor has the Wolverines and Dearborn has the Wolves; we needed something
that fits the Flint campus,"
So instead I have picked one for them.

Get it...



Ok then...

Notre Dame sent a team as well.

I guess they dont like hot flexible girls there. Glad I chose not to go there*.


Saginaw Valley State. Ive never heard of them. But they have 16 Athletic programs and they are the Cardinals.

Perfect mascot for Saginaw MI, whereever the hell that is.


Smart ass.

Sep 25, 2008

The Kinda Weekly Football Rundown Part One.

The founder of this here site has set sail from our midst, a packed cooler and cowboy hat in tow. Occasionally, the Rowboat will affix a empty can tied to a rope and communicate back to the CRB HQ with various updates and thoughts. Today is one of those days.

Gonna try something here, it may or may not work...and hell, it may never go beyond today, but, what the hell, lets give it a shot.

So, there are the "power rankings" on the NCWSA site now days, a sort of, well jeez, ranking of the collegiate ski teams. It doesnt mirror in any sense anything else, but, we thought it would be fun to compare and contrast the rankings of the ski teams with their respective football teams.

Because, simply, everyone knows that football is king in the U.S. Honestly, high school, college, pro, it doesn't matter. I would rather watch the Arena Football League then basketball or hockey.

side note: baseball in person is by far the best ever. Don't give my any crap like MMA or hockey or anything else because, serious, if you have a soul and you have visited Wrigley Field, you know damn well that nothing ever compares to an afternoon in the bleachers*.

*your 3rd grade teacher up-skirt moment doesn't count. pervert.

1 Univ of Louisiana Monroe ULM 51090
2 Univ of LA Lafayette ULL 49360
3 Purdue University PUR 47105
4 Univ of Wisc Madison MAD 46455
5 University of Alabama ALA 45660
6 University of Michigan MCH 41765
7 Iowa State University IWS 41400
8 Florida Southern College FSC 41090
9 Missouri State Univ MOS 40205
10 University of Cincinnati CIN 40170

No idea what those numbers mean, but, lets break this down best we can.

1) ULM. They are a bad-ass 1-3 now after suffering a heartbreaking loss to Tulane 24-10. A little stray dog swung by the CRB office and said that the starting wide-reciever was really dissapointed in this showing after their stirring 37-15 pounding of Alabama A&M.

2)ULL. This my CRB buddies is a tough one. ULL, the RAGIN CAJUNS!!! are 1-2 with losses to Southern Miss and Illinois, which in any normal circumstance would be cause for public ridicule and scorn. But, lets delve a bit closer. They opened the season with a 51-21 loss to Southern Miss, yeah....them. But, a 20-17 loss to Illinois is nothing to sneeze at. Illinios?


Well, ULL is a god darn powerhouse now and they defeated Kent State, yes that Kent State, 44-27 at Cajun Field (which we heard is really hot. *rimshot*)

3) Purdue University. Lets be honest. Does it really matter what the hell the football team does from now to eternity? The Boilermakers have given the United damn universe the amazing and, dare we say, epic, NECK BEARD!! Kyle Orton, you are the summit we all hope to reach.

/grows neck beard

4) University of Wisconsin. The Badgers really put in a fight this last weekend, really rolling up their shirt sleeves and (insert your own damn stupid sports cliche here). To bad they didnt play, but, the CRB is sure that out at the bars they really won or lost. If you know what we are saying.

See, cuz they had a bye. This follows up epic wins like their 38-17 thrashing of powerhouse Akron and their 51-14 bitchslap of Marshall and then the 13-10 curb stomp of Fresno State. Fresno State? Didn't Joey Harrington go there? Wow. Oh yeah, they play Michigan next week, which they should win by about a trillion points because benidict arnold Rich Rodriguez is their coach and has no idea how to alter his offense to accomadate his current players. YO!! Pat White is still in West Virginia!!

5) Alabama. Really, do we care? ROLLLL TIDE!!!!!! no serious,, we are sorry Alabama fans, but Nick Saban coaches your team. He is a douche of the highest order. He should count his lucky stars that Bobby Petrino went dead-beat dad on the Falcons and went to Arkansas or else you would have the biggest "dad went to the store for smokes" type coach around. Jesus, and he coached the Dolphins before that. shoot me now.

6) University of Michigan. Subject tackled with Wisconsin. But, serious, You have a gigantic stadium, a dedicated fan base, country-wide appeal and you kicked your former coach to the curb so you could bring in....

/vomits uncontrollably.

/shits self

I dont care. Hope college is in your state. You should thank god you dont face their football team.

Oh dear...Hope is 0-3? Losing to Illinois Wesleyan by 3? AHH, a 70-46 loss to Carthage and a 28-6 loss to UW-Eau Claire (they are the blugolds by the way, dont mess with them or they will cut you like crappy smoked sausage).

Well, here is hoping (see what I did there?) that they can turn it around against Wheaton next week, at home, the week before homecoming. wtf?

7) Iowa State University. The Cyclones. Umm...sort of anonymous huh? They are 2-2 right now with a couple rousing victories in their first two games again the powerhouse schools of South Dakota State and Kent State, followed by two loses to Iowa (no shame) and UNLV (partial shame). Now they face Kansas who will probably beat them worse then that one time a friend of mine tried to start a fight with Steven Seagal. He didn't actually get to fight him, as a bouncer stepped in and administered a beating to my buddy worthy of a oscar. TRUE STORY!!*

*not really. but fun to think about.

It does remind me of this one time a bouncer kicked me out of a bar for being a smart ass, i was wearing a pea-coat and he grabbed me by the collar area, so i couldnt raise my arms. He was all, "start shit, i dare you!!" and I was all, "I cant, i cant move my arms". in my head i won that battle.

Thats alot like what Iowa State must be like, finding moral victories in beating Kent State 48-28, when ULL only beat them 44-27. So, they totally beat them by 3 more points. YEAH!

8) Florida Southern College. They dont have a football team.

whats the matter Moccasans? Not good enough at Running and Tackling and Wearing Tight Pants*???

*we waterski, so that joke is pretty lame.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!!! They beat the Florida Gators!!! OMG!! Serious!! 7-0!!! 1919.

On the bright side, their womens soccer team beat the stuffing out of Palm Beach Atlantic 4-0 on the strength of Alex Hoover who had a goal and an assist as well as a mean-ass slide tackle at the 64th minute to break up a mid-field pass that was gonna make its way to the far side-line to another person who was gonna pass it backwards, but, she made sure that crap didnt happen.

9) I dont care anymore.

10) nope.

So, there you go!!! the top eight!! Thats what we are talking about!!!

Sep 24, 2008

Waterski VS. Wakeboard. Part 11-billion

We have certainly been critical of the chasm between the "waterski" world and the "wakeboard" world here around the CRB. From our perspective, the sort of Us vs. Them aspect of the traditional waterski and the wakeboarders has been frustrating, tiresome and ultimately irritating.

In the most recent Executive Directors Report, Mr. Locke details the idea of changing the name of USA Waterski to USA Waterski and Wakeboard.

Que heavy sighs and rolling eyes.

The crux of this argument is by changing the name USA Waterski will be able to tap into the wakeboard market and expand the USA-W reach within this sport.

Ok. Fine.

However, what seems to be the genesis of this argument is after attending the Orlando Surf Expo was they felt they were "outta touch" with the current generation of water sports enthusiasts. That seems to be a fair, if not quite cerebral, thought for USA Waterski.

Any organization needs to be able to adapt, change and incorporate with the changes in culture, sport and attitude as needed. So, from that perspective this whole thing seems to be a pretty decent idea.

But, here is a quote, lifted from the report, from a person within USA Waterski.
“After attending this weekend at Surf Expo and talking with many of the industry's people, I have come again to the conclusion that USA Water Ski needs a name change. We need to be known as USA Water Ski and Wakeboard. We are seen as being so out of the loop in this industry and without a name that better represents who we really represent we will not grow our membership like we all want. By including the wakeboard segment of the sport we could tap many resources and members. But they just see us as 3-event skiers and the old crowd. We need to take a good look again at this and bring this organization into the 21st century. I know it will not be an easy sell to the old hard core skiing groups but many others will embrace the change and look forward to moving the organization to new heights.”
Hmm. Really? Your solution is a name change?


Lets look at this from a couple different areas.

1) Going to assume that people view USA Waterski as 3-eventers and the old crowd because that is what you are. For gosh sakes, to actually be having this debate proves that things are stuck in the olden days.

There is no reason why you should have to "sell" anyone on anything, it says right in the post that no one wants to join USA Waterski, you are sort of forced to for the insurance reasons and to host well run and structured tournaments.

So, then why the hell would any wakeboarder, or that industry as a whole, care or want to be part of USA Waterski? They seem to be doing just fine on their own.

2) The name itself. Look, the event was the Orlando Surf Expo. No where in there is the name Wakeboard, and yet they are still hip and on the cutting edge. So....why not rename USA Waterski USA Waterski - Wakeboard - Surf - and any other activity on the water that becomes fun for the peeps in the furture?

Thats silly. and Mr. Locke appears to know so, making fun of it himself within the post.
Well, we could become the USA Water Ski-Ski Racing-Kneeboard-Hydrofoiling-Disabled-Collegiate-Barefoot-Show-Wakeboard Association (USA-WSSRKBHFDCBSWBA). Very awkward.
Tee Hee! That would make my check very difficult to write every year for sure.

Anyways, the whole point of this, and within that post it seems to tackle each issue fairly well, but, here is a very simple way of pointing out the issues that will come with changing the name.

If that doesn't show up right, lets try a text way of describing it.



OMG, WTF, LOL, etc...

I mean, my goodness, thats why it seems like you are 3-eventers and the old crowd!! YOU DEFINE WATERSKIING AS 3-EVENT SKIING!!!

It isn't!!!!! 3-Event skiing is just that, 3-event skiing. Its just one damn part of it, one discipline! Its not WATERSKIING!!

Gosh, whats that say for Show Skiers or Hyrdofoilers or whatever, what they do isn't waterskiing?

THERE!! Thats the problem!

So....lets do this, lets rename USA Waterski....




USA Watersports!!!


Wakeboarders, 3-Eventers, Show Skiers, Barefooters, Surfers, Tubers, Wake Surfers....We're all one big happy family!!

Mr. Locke!! Make this happen!! The power of the CRB Compels you!!!

Karinna is pretty good

So the ODBF totally called this at the start of the year*. Karina Nowlan has tied the womens world slalom Record. A record that has been untouched and only challenged a few times. 39 off has long been the unrunnable pass in womens slalom, but Karina showed this year that she is not afraid.

*ODBF said she was hot.

Sep 18, 2008

Heart of the season?

While our brethren in the Midwest have had 2 action packed weekends with what looks like a decent batch of new talent the rest of the NCWSA has been a bit slower to get rolling. The Midwest is entering week 3 of their season, the east goes into week 2, the hurricane abused SCR enters week 1, and the West seems a bit slow to get off the ground this fall. The SCR has an excuse, whats up with you guys out west? I have not heard of any big pacific hurricanes recently.

Last weekend was a solid one for the east and midwest with 2 tournaments in each region.

Rollins and FSC faced off in a mono a mono fight to the death, then did it again.

wait is that possible?

Oh whatever. FSC showed that even though they dont know how to do paperwork they do know how to dominate the private school kids on the water by winning both round 1 and 2 in the 2 day 2 tournament weekend.

Rollins was not all that distraught by their defeats as they just hopped in their streach limo and head back to the paridise that is Rollins College.

1 piece of advice for Rollins though, if you want to be competative I suggest fielding more then one jumper. It might help your scores a tad...

Rollins and FSC were not the only Eastern Region teams on the water this last weekend, the rest of the East hit the water at the Auburn Fall tournament only to be blown away by Alabama's freshmen. Alabama pulled in perhaps the most solid recruiting class of the year with the Ausse trick star Michale Briant and the solid jumping of Haley Runion. Add those two up with the Wilson boys and the rest of the solid talent you have a new contender this year. Looking forward to the clash between 'bama and FSC to see who takes the top seed from the East for nationals.

So to score more points in 20 seconds then the ODBF has all year you just take a little cut like this and...flip....

oh yea and shes like 12 in that pic and is a better tricker then Rykert, ODBF, Rowboat abides and the entire crowd at a George Clinton concert combined.*

*left Minion off because he can't ski right now as he is appearently being detained at a secret government location.**


whats that you say?

/takes bong rip

ah gotcha!

Oh yea and besides all that fooleshness Clemson looks pretty strong. looks like FSC and 'bama 1-2 in no particular order, then Clemson in 3rd followed by a tight fight for the 4 and 5 spots between Rollins (if they bring a full team) UNC, UG, and UGS. should be like a regular ol' pick pick'n between the Hatfields and the McCoys.

*Editors note- The ODBF has been banned from using random refrences for the rest of this article.

*ODBF note- Damn

Off to the Midwest, where Ike decided to piss on the Great Lakes region in retaliation for... um... something. Purdue added to the longest undeafeted streak in the NCWSA (possibly NCWSA history if any of the stats dorks wants to take a look into that....Cris?) bringing their total in a row to 23, but that may be at risk when they meet up with a strong UW Madison at regionals next weekend, or if Michigan can step up just a little bit they could take down the Cale less Boilermakers for a coup out there.

The Michigan Ripfest some some decent scores, not was expected but decent none the less, with the new addition to team midwest of the University of Michigan-Flint came a new name atop a few of the womens events with Whitney Smith taking gold in slalom and tricks, while on the mens side Checho (Sergeo) Uribe telling all comers that yes, he is still a much better skier then they are.

While over in the state of corn and pigs the leader of the UW herd of teams, Madison, put up some numbers that should strike fear into the heart of the Purdue winning Streak. Those scores bring UW Madison to with in spitting distance of Purdue in the national poll.*

*Midwest and Florida poll right now.

Looks like as usual though the top 2 seeds will go to Madison and Purdue, unless U of M can step up big at regionals. While UM and Iowa state look golden with the usual last event heart breaking results giving us the last of the guarenteed 5 seeds from the midwest.

I understand that there is a new rule this year that will bring in a few extra teams based on some rules that the ODBF does not feel like reading so instead I will ask a confidential source (myself) for an explanation.

ODBF: So confidential source would you explain the new rules to all of us?

ODBF: This is stupid.


Well that concludes my wasted day at work...

Hey look a Schlitz!


Of course all of this is unneccissary as the Hope College Destruction Crew is going to take it all anyways. We all might as well go home now.

Sep 16, 2008

Pink Floyd Reunion in Heaven Getting Closer

Sad news today as Pink Floyd Keyboardist Richard Wright passed away from complications with the cancer, he was 65. Below is one of my favorite songs from Dark Side, live from the Pulse tour back in 1994.

The final verse.

Down and out
It cant be helped but theres a lot of it about.
With, without.
And wholl deny its what the fightings all about?
Out of the way, its a busy day
Ive got things on my mind.
For the want of the price of tea and a slice
The old man died.

This news is strangely sad, in that, lets be honest unless you were really into Floyd and the band you really didn't know who Richard Wright was, sure he was the keyboardist and made awesome music, but, really, he was just part of the machine.

Growing up, like most occasional pot-head teenagers, I listened to Floyd a ton, if you could wear out a cd, then The Wall and Dark Side would have been ruined, many hours were spent listening to, and as with most Floyd music, allowing it to wash over you in some sort of sonic blanket. I suppose too that Pink Floyd always seems to enhance whatever chemical occurrence you are experiencing at the moment!!

Thats what makes something like this so sad and makes you sad for such a weird reason, you don't know the person, or if they were good people, but, music, like any art, infiltrates you in a way that is different, it provides you with a soundtrack to your life events. So, in a sense, you are sad that a person died because of what they gave you even without knowing it.

So, now heaven has Syd Barrett and Richard Wright. Imagine the jam sessions would be quite spectacular. Suppose you could put together quite a impressive band, lets think about this for a second...

Lead Vocals - Jim Morrison (The Doors)
Guitar - Jimi Hendrix (Himself)
Guitar - Danny Whiten (Crazy Horse)
Drums - John Bohnam (Led Zep)
Bass - John Entwistle (The Who)
Keyboards - Richard Wright (Floyd)

then Syd Barret can do whatever it was he did.

That would be a hell of a band.

Anyways, rest in piece, thanks for the music.

Set the controls for the heart of the sun!!

Sep 12, 2008

Wheres the boat?

The expensive gas alternative worlds is taking place at Princes Club in London this weekend. Preliminary rounds are going on right now and live results can be found here.

Check out these records, they are right up there showing that cable skiing is legit.

Looks to me like there is some crazy good skiing going on and all of it is sans boat. Good way to save on gas costs!

Why are there no skiers from the US? And where can I find a cable 3 event park?

Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Heres a vid. Skip to midway unless you really like watching little kids ski.

Proper boat care


I would suggest turning on the bilge pump.

Pontoons are for boat drinking?

Or not?

Submitted by the Van Horns

Sep 10, 2008

Thats Rank

Looks like USAWS forgot to hide the lappys again and Dave Clark has had a field day. Just released today is a sweet ranking system for the NCWSA. ULM may question how after winning Nationals they are not even in the top 15.

ULM: We're #1 We're #1

USAWS: /smack

ULM: Huh???


ULM: Huh??? but we are hanging out with ULL, our combined might is unstopable

ULL: Gustav is a dick.

South: Well we will show those yanks how to ski this weekend

IKE: Doubt it

Hurricane Ike: /Bitch Slaps Texas

ULL: Ike is a dick

Texas: You said it

Sep 9, 2008

Back to School

Beer bottles broken on the sidewalk and the cops out busting parties can mean only one thing...

NCWSA is back in session!

Bust out your drinking boots... I mean water skis and funnels and hit the water for the shortest sports season of them all.

This weekend lit up the lakes in the midwest while down south the teams have an extra week to wait (and Ike may have other plans) and in the west the season opener was canceled for undisclosed reasons.

Perhaps its cuz they heard this guy was showing up.

While collegiete is the only USAWS division showing any growth, the ODBF has a suggestion for even stronger growth.


Hey if it works for beach vollyball why not?

Sep 2, 2008

Bring it back!!!

Now I love distance jumping, a 230+ foot jump is straight up crazyness, but I just love freestyle jumping. And this vid shows some of the best jumps out there. Everything is in this vid except the vaunted double flips, which I have yet to see but have heard there are peeps that can do it. Ill belive it when I see it, if anyone has a vid fire it over.

Quick Definitions and the ODBF's rating scale
Heli-Spin it round like a helicopter!
One broken bone
720- Double heli. come in wrapped then do a handle pass 3.
3 1/2 broken bones
Gainer-Back flip
3 broken bones
Front Flip- um if you dont know what this is then you need some help
3 broken bones
one ski ride over- acording to Zand Schwenk this is way more difficult then a one ski front or gainer. (hes right) not as cool looking though.
2 broken bones
one ski heli- way more difficult then a 2 ski heli. only for the dumb to try, pretty sweet though.
3 broken bones
180- ride over with a twist. pretty ballsy to land backwards
3 broken bones
Mobe-Full twisting gainer. not many guys even try this anymore. props to those that do!
3 1/2 broken bones
Front Mobe- um, look at the previous definition and think about it.
3 3/4 broken bones
Discombobulator- Gainer landing backwards. Freaking dope
4 Broken bones
Discombobulator 5- 540 Gainer. You are a Pimp.

If your wondering how you can have partial broken bones then you've never jumped. Or your just to damn picky, so you need to go back to the skiflies and get your bitch on over there.

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...