Mar 29, 2007

What...you done?

Like no one has heard that before.

....

....

.....

.....

......


Get it?

Well anyways, there will be more on this later...but, thanks Andy Jugan for a year of work with USA Waterski.

Links:
Executive Director Announces Resignation (NSCWA)
Executive Director Announces Resignation (Usawaterski)

Mar 27, 2007

Civic Duty - Find the Stolen Jumpers

I want to go home.
The following is reposted from our friends at Lake Rykert, some fucking scumbag stole a fellow waterskier, Leah Timmermans, skis, so, spread the good word and keep your eyes open.
"Lakerykert APB!!!!!

Attention, all skiers who window shop for ski equipment on the web!!!

These are two posts taken from the skifly gossip board on skifly.com
(your fearless blog moderator is nohypothermia)

nohypothermia
Registered UserPosts: 113(3/26/07 6:07 pm)Reply
STOLEN JUMPERS!!!!!
Earlier this afternoon (3/26) women's 1 and University of Iowa skier Leah Timmerman had her jumpers stolen at coralville lake in North Liberty, Iowa. The jumpers are connelly's either 82" or 84" the older graphics. If you see any jumpers like thse on ebay or other sites please email her at
leah - timmerman @ uiowa. edu (remove spaces)

Leah
Registered UserPosts: 1(3/26/07 10:45 pm)Reply
thanks
Yes, thank you so much Rykert! They are 84" Connelly HC 2000, so if anyone sees a pair that fits this description please contact me!! also my jump suit (womens intensity, black and purple, size 12) and masterline sling, size medium, were stolen, so you might see everything in a package deal. Thank you!

Also, If you are in the Iowa City/Cedar Rapids area and happen to see a Jeep Grand Cherokee with a white "Team Daiwa" decal on the rear windshield, Please jot down the Tag # and contact Leah at the above email address. The owner of that vehicle was the lsat person seen at the Mehaffey Bridge boat ramp where the skis and equipment were stolen"
That sucks, hope your skis turn up. The CRB Masses will be out in force.

Update: For those of you with Facebook, she set up a page for her stolen jumpers.

Mar 25, 2007

Thats a dedicated couple

If you scan through the pictures on skifly from the Moomba Masters you learn some interesting things.

1) Danyelle Bennett does not look happy
2) She has a boyfriend
3) He has a unique way of comforting her.

So, with due credit given to Mr. Ellis and the skifly crew, here are a couple pictures to illustrate that point.

Post Wipe-out

The BF, Felipe Miranda having sympathy pains

Anyways, hope all is well with the two kids.

Links:
Picture Page (Skifly.com)

Mar 23, 2007

Bennett's Ski School (4 of 5)

Serious, that just isn't fair.

Explanation: The following 5-part look at various ski schools is put together with knowledge gleaned from actually skiing at, being at, coaching at or talking to people who have done one of those, additional info simply gleaned from the website. Thanks to CRB2 for putting all of this together. Smart-ass comments, as usual, by the CRB staff. Enjoy. Comment.

Up Front:
Run by two very dedicated waterski coachs, Jay and Anne Bennett, Bennetts ski school is one of the top schools in the country for a good reason. An amazing 3 lake site built within a short distance of Baton Rouge and New Orelans. Also near the heart of the Hurrican Katrina affected area, while Bennetts did not receive a bad hit, the surronding towns did.

Coaching: 3.5 stars
Bennentts has some of the best skiing talent available anywhere, but that does not mean you will get the best instruction. Sometimes the high level of skiers talent does not translate to the best instruction avalable, it has been quite sometime since these guys have been at our level. In general if you show interest in your development they will respond likewise.

Meaning, the ability for naturally talented people to translate their skillz into teaching is sometimes strained. However, the ying-yang twins will step-up to the plate if you do!!

Your time share is ready dude.

Amenities:
4.5 stars
There are multiple options available for rooming. There are cabins along the side of the lake, dorms avalable in the main lodge, and also some suites.

There is a pro-shop on site with all the latest stuff that you really can't afford, see examples HERE and HERE, plus they have a hot-tub....oh my.

Nightlife: 4 stars
Fun bars in Baton Rouge, and the French Qurater is only an hour and a half away. During the spring Drinking and partying on site is aceptable, even encouraged by Jay with his Crawfish Boil night.

Look, lets not beat around the bush and pretend that we aren't all thinking the same thing. Zachary, LA is just a hop, skip and a 4 ball away from the big easy, and no, thats not my mom you jerk.

So, the nightlife options are endless. Graded down for being a long drive, but, you could very easily pay for a week of skiing, do some Monday shortline and then hit New Orleans and get on a plane two weeks later with a new bride, a drinking problem and no hair. Don't say we didn't warn you.

Also, regarding the crawfish boil. How awesome is that? The owner man getting his grub on to cook you up some eats? That alone is worth the price of admission, because its cool, but, add in the temptations that surround the place and Bennett's is solid!

Cost: 4.25 stars
Honestly, its just to damn difficult to describe without an abucus to explain the various different prices here at Bennett's, so we won't try. Suffice to say the prices are nice and if you are a college student you can roll for a week like a pimp.

I don't even need a damn boat!

Ski Conditions: 4 stars
3 of the nicesest lakes anywhere, TriLakes. Hosts record capable tournaments. Hosted NCWSA nationals in 2004 and will again in 2007.

Right. Check out their photo album of site shots, you aren't going to find a crap run here. If its good enough for the NCWSA, then its good enough for you.

The CRB cynical staff is doubting that the lakes are naturally that green, or blue, or whatever, but, we have people who know people who may or may not have been there to ski and its just awesome.

Weather: 3 stars
Open from February thru November, can get pretty chilly during early and late season. Usually pretty mild. Lakes are all on the same axis, so if the wind blows down the lake it can get pretty rough.

However, as we all know, god loves waterskiiers so its all good.

You didn't think it was all going to be hotties and fun did you?


Scenery
: 5 stars
All right look, we have a confession to make. We like Danyelle all right? But, for the ladies, the dudes are pretty good too.

Possibility for arrest/stds/alligator bites (shenanigans): Lots of stars
Only a hour and a half drive from New Orleans so the possiblibllty for shenanigans are limitless. But with New Orleans doing its damndest to prove that their NFL team is misnamed it might be a better idea to stick to Baton Rouge, only a 15 min drive away.

Links:
Bennetts (skibennetts.com)

Mar 21, 2007

Cobles Ski School (3 of 5)

Look on the top right, doesn't that look like a hand?

Explanation: The following 5-part look at various ski schools is put together with knowledge gleaned from actually skiing at, being at, coaching at or talking to people who have done one of those, additional info simply gleaned from the website. Thanks to CRB2 for putting all of this together. Smart-ass comments, as usual, by the CRB staff. Enjoy. Comment.

Up front:
ski school has the most lakes of any school in the country. With 9 ski able lakes but never more than 7 boats in action at once, Cobles ski school is run by professional skier April Coble-Eller, her husband Chris Eller (driver for current world slalom record), and Aprils parents.

The school is located about half way between Raleigh, NC and Fayetteville, AR in central North Carolina, specifically Lillington NC. Located on a old gravel mine, cobles can handle the largest load of students as well.

Coaching: 3.75 stars
While not the highest overall level of instructors that can be found, Cobles has perhaps the most dedicated instructors you can find. April pays close attention to each students situation and progress.

There are only a few top level instructors available, but rarly are there more than just a few top level students that come, so it works out fine. Very good slalom instructors, usually there are very good wakeboard instructors, and if there are no good trick or jump instructors available Chris or April will jump in the boat. Sometimes they have good barefoot instructors available.

...Ladies?
Amenities: 3 stars
Multiple options available on site. Girls stay in a trailer and something called a hooch, which just seems oddly named for a girls room. Guys stay in a big dorm and some small dorm style rooms, and families stay in suites (Certainly the best rooms available).

Sleeping quarters are nothing special, but your at ski school so get your lazy ass out of the room and go ski.

Yo, I got the shakes, help a brotha out.

Nightlife: 2 stars
C & G Country Bar and Iguanas Bar are the only two bars in the town of Lillington. The county was dry until about 2 years ago. Also the No Drinking on Site rule puts a damper in on site festivities. But if your dead set on partying, head into the Raleigh, Durham, and Chapel Hill. Great towns with great bars, just about an hour away.

UNC is located at Chapel Hill. Thats a big time college. Draw your own conclusions!!

Cost: 4 stars
$695 a week covers 4 days of skiing, meals everyday, rooms and instruction.
Single day, single lesson or Saturday lessons are also available.

Ski Conditions: 3.75 stars
When this school first opened the lakes had groomed shorelines that killed waves and kept the lakes glassy calm, but the shores have eroded badly and need some work. The strict slalom lake requires the boat to wait at least 2 mins at the end of each pass or you get bad rollers, but the shore lines don't affect the wakeboard lake or the jump course.

Lake six hidden in the woods is an amazing lake, with very tall trees on both sides of the lake, and narrow banks lined with lily pads that kill the waves, just watch for the snakes. With so many lakes and some protected by trees, there is always a good lake to ski on, even when its quite windy.

Weather: 4.5 stars
Always warm, sometimes a little too warm. Rains often, but at about the same time every day (sometime around noon). But the Hurricanes that often cause issues for Florida and Louisiana ski schools have mostly died out before they hit cobles area.

Scenery: 3 stars
The ski school is great, but the surrounding towns and countryside is run down and poverty stricken. Rahligh, Durham, and Chapel Hill are great and well worth the trip, but they are about an hour away.

And in regards to girls, they are great if your a 13 year old boy, but any older, and you should limit your gaze to the instructors.

I'm Sick of these MOTHERFUCKING tail winds on this MOTHERFUCKING jump course!!

Possibility for arrest/stds/alligator bites (shenanigans): 3 stars
Snakes are a common site, but less so than further south, but no real issues arise from local wildlife.

Chance for arrest might be good as there is a maximum security prison just down the road from the school.

GULP!! Better know how to wield your slalom ski as weapon young Jedi.

Links:
Coble Ski School (cobleskischool.com)

Mar 20, 2007

The Countdown Begins!!

I LOVE COLLEGIATE ALL-STARS!!

Only two short months away is our holy grail. The Collegiate All-Stars. Its an awesome time of year and we are pumped.

The weekend of May 18th - 20th can't come soon enough. It marks the start of the CRB summer season, we get to see (or read about) the best collegiate skiers and we get to write 10,000 words of non-sense!!!

Plus, we get to finally give our our annual Kurtis Threlkeld award!!!


In a runaway last year, Kurtis nabbed the amazingly well-named award (fine, it was called the GBH then, but, whatevs) in his first try, we have some contenders this year, but, it will take a herculean effort to grab the amazingly small, but, accurate reproduction of a little green boathouse (oh, remember the good old days?) from the vice-like grip of Maria.

So, get your damn waterski chevette ready to travel to Western Washington University and drink beer like a fucking college student should!!

ONE MORE THING!!! The damn thing will be on TV this year, peep this from the big bad Jeff Surdej from ncwsa.com
"This will not be an event you want to miss. Right now we are in deep talks with the outdoor life network (OLN). OLN reaches 70 million households and we are just days away from confirming that they will be on site to film the entire event. It would air prime time on a Saturday night between 7pm and 10pm as well as 2 other shows. NCWSA even gets one 30 second commercial during those shows."
Prime Time Waterski? wha..wha..WHAT?!?!?!

Move of NHL, the All-Stars are here!!

The CRB is amped! Lets do this up right!!

Links:
2007 All-stars under 2 months away (NCWSA.com)

Mar 18, 2007

Mccormicks ski school (2 of 5)

Is that the CRB headquarters? It should be.

Explanation: The following 5-part look at various ski schools is put together with knowledge gleaned from actually skiing at, being at, coaching at or talking to people who have done one of those, additional info simply gleaned from the website. Thanks to CRB2 for putting all of this together. Smart-ass comments, as usual, by the CRB staff. Enjoy. Comment.

Up Front:

Located close to the heart of the Florida waterski community of Lakeland and close to Orlando. The school was one of the first waterski school to open anywhere and has been operating since 1956.

Thats 50 some years! Wow. Navigate around their website, which is pretty dope, and it looks pretty nice and family friendly...and they allow pets!

Coaching: 3.5 stars
Sixty percent of the people who attend the school are beginners. Thirty percent are intermediates and approximately 10 percent are title holders. Well trained instructors help all levels advance in there skiing abilities.

Michael McCormick seems like a pretty neat dude, there is a picture of him riding a scooter by the way. They list a pretty impressive resume of coaching accomplishments not to mention training partners.

Amenities: 4 stars
Bunk style rooms located right next to the lake provide easy access and great views. The dinning area is top notch and very modern.

No word on the Hooters waitresses serving wings, but, the grub is top-notch.

HI Diddly Ho Neighbor!

Nightlife
: 4 stars
located between St. Petersburg and Orlando on the I 4 corridor giving easy access to both and the nightlife that both contain.

Meaning, if you are a family type, there is the money-pit / soul sucking experiance of the various theme parks, but also the vaunted Orlando night life. Which doesn't suck. Don't know anything about St. Pete, but, there is probably some bars and stuff to go to.

Cost: 2.5 stars
Kids camp comes in at $675 but for adult pricing you have to contact the school and work out a price. The lack of info on the website is a down fall, the more information provided the better.

Meaning, its a bit confusing. So the star rating reflects that. They say just give them a call and negotiate. Cool, but, we are savagely against any form of communication where the man may be tapping our lines, so, we use computers and a website, which no one reads anyways, so its cool!!

Ski Conditions: 4.5 stars
Very well built lakes provide some of the best skiing in the country. Located in the heart of the 3 event world, an area that has earned its fame for good reason, there are few areas in the world that are better.

Serious, look at the pictures, looks cool.

Weather: 4 stars
Florida contains the most ski schools in the country because the weather is so awsome, but as with all ski schools in the area, your vacation can be hampered by hurricanes or extreme heat.

But, again, it is Florida, so for the most part, its awesome.

Scenery: 4 stars
For waterskiing sceanery, it gets no better than the Lakeland Florida area.

Possibility for arrest/stds/alligator bites (shenanigans): 3 stars
Orlando can be quite the city to visit and can lead to fun nights in the county lock up. Keep your mind on waterskiing and the possibility for arrest goes down.

But, thats silly. If you are hard-core, then by all means, keep your mind on skiing. If you are like the rest of the world, get it on!! There are some alligators, so, if you wipe out, just remember the old adage. They won't eat you if you eat them first.

Links:
McCormicks (Skimccormick.com)

Moomba Masters Update

I am a garbage can...so what?

In the interest of full-disclosure, this is the second try and writing this post. The first was just deleted by the CRB editor / common sense police because it sucked.

The joke was going to be how the press-release from the Moomba Masters, used by usawaterski, linked back and forth to each other and we would eventually all be caught in a death spiral of infinite loop mouse clicking and all die horrible deaths.

However, it ended up being about a billion pages long and stupid. Plus, trying to tackle / solve the mystery of Danyelle Bennett's injury proved to be to taxing to mix in to the pot.

So, this time around, we will simply tackle it on a point-by-point basis with some of our award winning crappy reporting.

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

First of all, the Moomba Masters returned this year after a one-year break. Seeing as there doesn't seem to be any cohesive tour, or tournament schedule, or point system or any real way to understand anything that is going on in the world, this came as a shock, A SHOCK, to three's of people.

Here is the basic run-down of the winners.
Slalom - Women
1. Karen Truelove (USA)
2. Sarah Green (GBR)
3. Jill Knutson (USA)

Slalom - Men
1. Jodi Fisher (GBR)
2. Aaron Larkin (NZL)
3. Marcus Brown (USA)

Tricks - Women
1. Michale Briant (AUS)
2. Ageliki Andriopoulou (GRE)
3. Rhoni Barton Bishoff (USA)

Tricks - Men
1. Javier Julio (ARG)
2. Ryan Dodd (CAN)
3. Joel Wing (AUS)

Jump - Women
1. Ageliki Andriopoulou (GRE)
2. Maria Vibranietsova (GRE
3. Marion Mathieu (FRA)

Jump - Men
1. Freddy Krueger (USA)
2. Jaret Llewellyn (CAN)
3. Ryan Dodd (CAN)
And, that is basically it.

There are no stories out there that we can find that really accurately, or at least coherently, describe the competition. If you want scores, hit up the Moomba Site, and take a look. I guess the conditions were rugged at various times and the scores, distances, etc, reflected that.

At the Malibu Open, remember that event? Nothing bad happened there.

That could also account for the "spectacular" crashes suffered by Felippe Miranda and Danyelle Bennett. Both flew home immediately to get fixed.

Err, doubt immediately, seeing as they would be soaking wet and wearing wetsuits. But, after being checked out they probably packed their bags and hit the road.

But, this is where the lack of coverage is frustrating, Danyelle Bennett is one of our favorite skiers and we want to know whats up.

We searched around and can't find anything. WTF?

Search the Moomba site and its just results and lame press-releases, you see usawaterski.org and its the same lame press-release stuff, you find a couple articles that are hard to read and make no sense.

We searched the Bennetts website, and there isnt anything, other then some pictures...yes, we get it, she is cute!!

So, what the hell? What is going on? Cut and Pasted from the IWSF website, here is a snip of the only mildly informative article there is out there about the event.
There were many surprises on the water. Felippe Miranda (CHI) and Danyelle Bennett (USA) suffered spectacular crashes on the Jump Ramp. Those to fail to reach the Finals included Thomas Degasperi (ITA) and Terry Winter (USA) in Slalom, Christian Rampanelli (ITA) and Scott Ellis (USA) in Jump and Brigitte Lethem (FRA) and Joy Todd (USA) in Tricks.
ummm...ok.

Look, we certainly understand that since waterskiing is not really a mainstream sport it doesn't really get covered with the same degree of totality that others do, but, you would at least expect the waterski peeps to chime in here and there.

Sadly, no...

Plus, we are not looking on in morbid fascination at someone's injury, just simple curiosity as to what went down. Was the skiing good? What did the skiers think? How are the people who crashed doing?

Fuck it dude, lets go bowling.

Links:
Press Release (sportsfeatures.com)
Press Release (usawaterski)
Danyelle Bennet Page (skibennetts.com)
Magic Returns (IWSF)
Results (MoombaMasters.com.au)

Mar 16, 2007

Sorry.

The ski school run-down will continue next week, got distracted by basketball and hooters wings and cheerleaders.

Don't Bring That Week Tot Action in HERE!!

Quick Update: The CRB Tourney Bracket is Busted

Are we white or What?!?!

So, the CRB staff put together our annual college basketball tournament bracket in advance of the actual selection show. Its an annual event around the CRB headquarters, each employee gets a handle of gin, a box of chocolate chip cookies, a bag a limes and a carton of cigarettes and watch Notting Hill over and over.

Then we all have a good cry and pass out.

This year was no different, in fact, it was easier, we just penciled in the Hope College Destruction Crew to win the whole damn thing and went about our business with a sense of satisfaction that we were going to take the CRB bookie for all his dough.

However, for some reason, the selection commitee decided not to include the HCDC (Hope College Destruction Crew) in the field of 65. WTF?

As far as we can figure, the business machine that is the NC2A blackballed our peeps because they had some vested interest in seeing the so-called "big" schools attract tv exposure.

OR, and more likely, they wanted a competitive tournament and not the HCDC just demolishing everyone.

So, naturally, our bracket it all out of wack, seeing as we had Hope beating all the number one seeds in the first round...how? UNC, Florida, Kansas and OSU took their best players and made one super team (UFKU) and Hope just sent out a ball-boy and two shooting guards and mopped the floor.

But, that didn't happen, so we are left with the tatters of once was a great bracket..Damn YOU NCAA!!

So, without the Hope crew to pin our hopes and egos on, we are hitching our CRB bandwagon (still room!!) to....ORAL ROBERTS!!!

....

...

Huh? They lost allready? Damn...

Mar 15, 2007

Pickos Waterski and Wakeboard School (1 of 5)

Holla at a Playa!

Explanation: The following 5-part look at various ski schools is put together with knowledge gleaned from actually skiing at, being at, coaching at or talking to people who have done one of those. Thanks to CRB2 for putting all of this together. Smart-ass comments, as usual, by the CRB staff. Enjoy. Comment.

Up Front:

Located in Santa Rosa Beach on the pan handle of Florida, Pickos ski school is run by one of the best trick skiers in history, Cory Pickos himself 24 time world record holder and the instructors are some of the biggest up and comers in our sport.

Coaching: 3 stars
Cory has always been one of the best trickers in the world, and so are some of his instructors. If you are interested in getting better at tricking there is no better school in the world. The instructors are no slouchs with jump and slalom either.

Amenities: 4 stars
The white sand of the Pickos family lakes adds to the appeal of the the ski school as a whole. The lakes are built long and narrow for defense against the wind, and the banks are specially designed to kill waves, making the lakes some of the best in the world.

Nightlife: 4.5 stars
located on the same island as Panama City Beach gives Pickos a close proximity to one of the top spring break locations in the country.

Meaning if you don't "enjoy" yourself, you have no pulse. We have "heard" that that area of Florida during spring break is...use your damn imagination...

Cost: 3 stars
At $875 per week Pickos is one of the more expensive ski schools in the country. But the location and amenities counter the high cost.

Most ski schools are fairly expensive, the up front cost here is maybe higher then normal, but, as the adage goes, you pay for what you get.

Ski Conditions: 4 stars
The lakes are designed well to counter the winds coming off of the gulf, but hurricans are always a threat in this part of the world.

Special note: If you look close at the picture above, does it not look a little Phallic in nature? Not sure if the ski school endorses sex education via areal photography, but, what gives?

Weather: 4.5 stars
The panhandle of Florida is a top vacation destination for spring breakers for a good reason, the weather is amazing. The only down fall being the hurricans during the late summer.

But since its spring break, all bets are off. It could be really nice, or mid-60's ish, which sounds appealing to northerners its not a north 60, its a south 60, so its decent or awesome. Take your pick.

Scenery: 4.75 stars
There is a good reason that college students flock to panama city beach for spring break, the amazing scenery and the amazing bodies. MTVs spring break spends quite a bit of time in Panama City beach.

Meaning.....

Possibility for arrest/stds/alligator bites: 4.5 stars
Spring break trips and Panama City Beach are a bad combination if you want to stay out of trouble, so just be smart and get your ski on.

However, if you are into that sort of thing...then by all means, GET SOME!!

Links:
Pickos Ski School (www.corypickos.com)

Mar 14, 2007

Some Housekeeping Bollocks

Get Off Your Ass and Clean Up This Dump!!

A couple items before we get back to our regularly scheduled (read: random) events here at the CRB.
  1. If you notice on the right side tool bar thingy there is now a little box with pictures. Somehow the masterminds at the Google figured out a way to save all the pictures that have been used here on this little page.

    Not sure how, and it looks as though it only goes back as far as the switch from old style to new style blogger, but, never-the-less, thats where things get stored somehow.

  2. Its taken longer then anticipated for the new hire to get done with our comprehensive guide to ski schools, but, it has been worth the wait, there are five of them and starting tomorrow (skipping the weekend) we will roll those bad-boys out. The order will go as follows:
    1. Picko's
    2. McCormick's
    3. Coble's
    4. Bennett's
    5. Traver's
So there you have it, roll with that.




Mar 13, 2007

Molasses in January much?


We promise, our Ski School Spring Break guide is coming. Its almost done. We Swear.

Mar 6, 2007

Show Directors Everywhere Take Notice

Take ME out of trio huh?.....YA!!

Everyone knows soccer players are crazy weirdos prone to bouts of insanity. Really, how could you not be, running around in your cute little shorts and kicking a ball and wearing those super manly shin guards and all you get at half-time is some orange wedges then after the game you have to put your balls into a sack.

Plus, they are a bunch of pussies. They get slightly tripped up or bumped into and writhe around on the ground like their entire leg was sawed off and used to beat their puppy. They seem to be in horribly excruciating pain, like, someone dropped a bag of sand on their dick...from a great height* and then pop right back up and prance around like a tart.

But, now it turns out that a few of them decided being nuts and wimps just wasn't cutting it anymore, to many people were like that and they had to stand out from the crowd.

It is all about me in sports now anyways, right?

Well, Soccer America reports that Goalkeeper Diego Fernando of Colombian club Deportivo Pasto was non-to plussed with being pulled from his job as ball stopper and punched his coach in the grillz.

But, in an epic battle of one-up-man-ship Slavomir Milnovic, from amateur soccer team FC Mramor, lost his starting job as well. knowing that going back to his farm, thinking about what happened, vowing to get better and regain his starting spot was WAY to difficult, he decided to take a more level-headed approach.

He drove his freaking tractor into the stadium and plowed the field!!

No word if the corn he planted is growing or not.

What this means is simple. For all waterski show team Show Directors everywhere, be very careful with how you handle the delicate decision to remove someone from one of their acts!!

That girl you replace in a pyramid? She could come up and just sock you in the balls !! That guy who keeps missing his flip-turn? He may just go get his tractor and PLOW THE FUCKING WATER!!!

Beholden to your precarious position mr. show director, I am the one with the power.


Update: Apparently, not content with stories of soccer players as pussies is enough, some guys had to get caught on video acting like a bunch of idiots. This is great...has nothing to do with skiing, but, watch the video and realize these are grown men acting like a third-grade girls game of tag. Deadspin unearthed the video from theoffside.com website where it was posted on youtube. Holla.



*Thank you to the dugout for my favorite quote ever. If you have never been to their site, its the best thing on the entire interwebs, click below on the Rodrigo link for the dugout in question, or go here.

Links:
Nutty Soccer (socceramerica.com)
Rodrigo Bye Bye (wordupthome.com)

Mar 5, 2007

A New Life for Waterski Mag

Sine, cosine...ugh...45 degree angles, proper hip turn...

Looks like our my favorite whipping boy is changing hands.

Waterski Magazine's controlling company, the incorrectly titled World Publications, is being purchased by a Swedish media company, The Bonnier Group.

The Bonnier group will be headed up by former World Pub President Terry Snow and Dan Altman, the COO of the dub p will assume the same position with the new company.

Bonnier Group purchased 18 of Time Inc's floundering publications a short time ago and now has added the 20 titles from WP to have a media conglomerate of...you guessed it, 38!!

The move makes sense in keeping with the theme of Bonnier's recent aquisitions, they purchased titles like, Field and Stream, Parenting, Yachting and several Transworld titles, which I believe, include TW Snowboarding.

Side note: Transworld snowboarding was my bible for my formative snowboarding years and brought the wicked attractive Victoria Jealouse into my life......in a way.

I snowboard for a living, you sit in a cube...sup?

One downer to all this is that part of the package from Time Inc was that they also picked up Popular Science, which by itself doesn't seem like a big deal, but you mesh their people with the Waterski Magazines people and we are going to get about 900 fucking articles about the science of slalom.

DAMN!!

However, this is a good thing for the sun-splashed residents of the sleepy Orlando suburb of Winter Park, FL, as there will be an additional 50 or so jobs available within the new company.

Here is hoping that the new company realizes the rules of multi-media and print media specifically have not remained static, there was a reason that Time sold you that stuff.

Print media as a stand-alone avenue is dead, or dying...much like the chicken littles on skifly say waterskiing is dying. Its not really dying, just the mode of information desemination is now immediate, and not, monthly, on my computer or phone or microchip implanted in my head or wherever the hell Google says so.

I am speaking to YOU, mr Waterski Magazine website editor!! Get your shit together and do something with your site!

Then again, with a portfolio of such niche mainstream genres as Spa or Islands or Caribbean Travel and Life I am sure there is a huge following out their for immediate web coverage.

This could all be proved wrong, but, taking the waterski world on its own, with the drastic shift from "traditional" waterskiing over to wakeboarding and that sort of life, you would have thought that waterski magazine would have jumped on board, so to speak, and provided heaping helpings of the new hotness.

Pandering to the private lake owning, short-line snobs is fine and dandy, just note the treadmarks on your back aren't from your X5, they are from the rowdy bunch of teen-agers with their parents credit card, a computer and disposable income.

Take this for what it is, print media is a tough industry. High overheads and fickle subscribers. Sure there is money to be made, leverage assets and printing costs and......zzzzzzzzzzzz.

Whatever, here is your chance to start all over, but embrace the change, embrace the sport as a whole, don't segment it out into slalomers v. wakeboarders v. boat drinking. Give us more waterski love and we will show more monetary love.

Its synergy baby, a symbiotic life-cycle, that's what we are about...riding the sybian..wait...thats a....you get the idea.

Links:
World Publications becomes Bonnier Corporation (OrlandoSentinal.com)

Memo to All Boat Companies

Tower? Check. Weed? Check. Iced Throttle? Check.

This needs to happen immediately. You are charging us about 60 grand for a tub with a motor anyways, add some ice!!
"This shift knob, made for Bentley by IcedOutEmz, a brand of the Las Vegas-based LP Wheel Group, comes studded with 30 karats worth of diamonds trimmed with 10 ounces of 18-karat white gold."
Ghost ride the whip playa, holla at your boy.

Links:
Iced-out Bentley knob (Autoblog)

Mar 4, 2007

Hotel, Motel, Holiday Inn..say what?



I love the idea that on the NCWSA website there is a note about using your USA Waterski card to get some sweet deals at hotels.

In the grand scheme of things this makes sense. Seeing as we travel around, stay in hotels, etc.

I prefer to think of it as us waterskiiers now have the pick of one of these fine establishments for our particular brand of shenanigans.

Comfort Inn, Comfort Suites, Sleep Inn, Quality Inn, Cambria Suites, Main Stay Suites, Suburban, Econo Lodge and Rodegway Inn you have now been warned. The water ski crowd is a hearty, fun loving bunch prone to wild all night orgies with at minimum five to ten strippers / massage therapists, countless bottles of champagne, two or three midgets, buckets of fried chicken and occasional javelin tossing.

...

At least thats how its done when we travel.

Links
Hotels (NCWSA.com)