Your Move Boat Companies

This video is from the awesome tv show Myth Busters and here they strap some rockets to a sled and demolish a car.  Why?  because they can dude.

Now, with all the talk of efficiency or going green or whatever, we say hogwash!  We want rockets on our boats!  When I go out to the palatial CRB estate for my morning long distance jump and wakeboard session, i want....no....I demand that instead of a comfy 35 mph our 18-ish or whatever, I want 650 mph at all time!

At the end of our lake we will install a huge cement and steel wall to stop our rocket boat, but, instead of a big huge block, it will be sort of like a sideways 1/2 pipe, so the rocket boat just turns around and hauls ass back down the lake.  Oh yeah, I will get in a good 50-60 jumps in about two minutes.

Thats the future!  Live it, love it and learn it.  Its coming people, open your doors and your hearts, and love will find its way in.

USA Field Hockey Press Release

Later we will throw some of our opinion nonesense at you, but for now here is a press release we recieved this morning.



FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
December 3, 2009

USA FIELD HOCKEY NAMES STEVEN LOCKE EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR

COLORADO SPRINGS, CO -
USA Field Hockey today announced Steven Locke has been named Executive Director. Locke brings more than 20 years of executive management experience to the national governing body. He will begin his duties on January 4, 2010.

"Steve Locke brings a proven record of success as the Executive Director of USA Triathlon andUSA Water Ski,” said Jim Johnson, Chair of the USA Field Hockey Boards of Directors. “We areeager to work with him to implement his energetic and ambitious plan for the growth of USA Field Hockey."

Locke joins USA Field Hockey after serving as Executive Director of USA Water Ski since November 2007. He directed all operations of the nine discipline sports, improvedorganizational profitability and instituted several new membership programs.

Locke also served as the chief executive officer for USA Triathlon for 12 years between 1991 and2004. He led growth initiatives that increased membership from 9,000 to 53,000; grew the organization from an annual budget of $300,000 to $6 million; initiated new sponsorshiprelationships resulting in millions of dollars of budget relief over a 12-year span; and created a reserve fund of $2 million through generated profits.

He has served on the Board of Directors for USA Triathlon, USA Taekwondo, and the UnitedStates Olympic Committee.

The USA Field Hockey Board of Directors was unanimous in their selection of Locke as the Association's next Executive Director. The Search Committee, chaired by Jen Averill, consisted of Board members Billie Ahluwalia, Jim Johnson, Kate Kinnear, and Martha Jordan.

“This is an exciting time for USA Field Hockey,” said Heather Lewis, Interim Chief OperatingOffice for USA Field Hockey. “I look forward to the leadership and creativity Steve will bring tothis position.”

ABOUT USA FIELD HOCKEYUSA Field Hockey is the national governing body for field hockey in the United States and is a member of the United States Olympic Committee (USOC), the Federation Internationale de Hockey (FIH), and the Pan American Hockey Federation (PAFH). USA Field Hockey has approximately 19,000 members and supports programs designed to educate and promote the sport of field hockey, from its Futures program, designed for high school and college athletes, toStick Starz, with curriculum geared to boys and girls aged 8-11.

For more information on USA Field Hockey, visit www.usafieldhockey.com.

Its not you, its me. :(

Scene: Bedroom.  Its middle afternoon.  Arcade Fire's "Crown of Love" is playing softly.  An open beer on table.  1/2 assembled Malibu on floor.  Steve walks in, seeing us perplexedly going over schematics of elaborate contraption. 

Steve:  "Hey, we need to talk."

Us: "You bet, whats up?"

Steve: "There are something I have been thinking about and, while I have been trying to ignore my feelings, i am not sure I can do that anymore."

Us: "Totally, I know what you are saying, I have totally started listening to Rhiannas's new album as well, it deals very well AND poignently with the process of and emotional issues that come with a break up, especially as one as messy and violent as hers"

Steve: "haha...um, yeah, speaking of which....

Us: "dude!  you gotta admit that the song "hard" is really a great track huh?"

Steve: "Will you listen to me??  Quit it with that shit about Rhianna or whoever the hell your crush of the moment is.  Its really annoying!"

Us: "whoa dude, sorry, do you want some chicken noodle soup or something?  I know being the head of the USA Waterski empire can be occasionally emotionally taxing, but, your doing a great job"

Steve: "ugh......"

Us: "OMG, I totally forgot, I drank a few of your beers out of the cooler, sorry, I replaced them with some Fat Tires, I know you really like those...hahahaha, even though your cooler was 'Locke'd', get it??"

Steve: "yeah, so....I am not sure if this is working"

Us: "The Locke on the cooler?  I was thinking about that, I went out to the store and got one of those bad-ass bike locks to replace it."

Steve: "CHRIST!  Its not about the damn cooler, and whats with you and that anyways?  Its beer this, cheez-its that, smoked turkey cold cuts, do you do anything but drink, eat, waterski and masterubate?"

Us: "whoa, let me rub your shoulders, you seem stressed"

Steve:  "Stop it.  Look, Its over, I am leaving."

Us: "where you going?  Down to the new bar that just opened up?  I heard they have great chicken wings and a special on coors light buckets on tuesdays!  Doesnt that sound great?"

Steve: "no, thats not what I meant, I meant, I am leaving you...all of this, its not working, I have found someone else who will take care of me better then you can"

Us:  " :( "

Us: "buh buh...(sniff)...I dont understand...what did i do?"

Steve: "nothing, you did nothing wrong, its just that...look, I dont think i can give you what you need to be happy."

Us: "what the hell does that mean?"

Steve: "Look, I have been thinking about this for a month or so..."

Us: "A MONTH!!  What the hell, and you are just bringing this up now?  What gives?"

Steve: "I thought my feelings would change with time, but, they just havent"

Us:  "There is someone else isn't there???"

Steve: "well, sort of yeah..."

Us: "Where, WHO IS THAT BITCH!"

Steve: "Its Field Hockey"

Us: "ummm....."

Us: "ummmmmmm, really?  Field Hockey?"

Steve: "yeah"

Us: "yeah...ok.  Wow, we must really suck for you to go to Field Hockey.."

Steve: "its not like that, you get so damn emo sometimes."

Us: "JUST...JUST....JUST GO Damn you...you cruel cruel temptress..."

Steve: "okey dokes.  Later"

Us: /cracks beer
Us: /sniffles
Us: / (to be determined)

Football and Turkey Comas

why you may ask yourself did I just put up this vid? Hell I dont know, my body and liver hurt and I think there may be some lingering after effects from my turkey coma.

I belive the following vid shows what my liver did this weekend.

***update***

much better vid of the game.

CRB Gives Thanks 2009

Yeah baby!  Thanksgiving!  Next to the 4th of July and maybe the day the boat goes back in the water as the best holiday of the year.

Christmas has lost all sense of meaning, its a materialistic mess, new years is a time for the amaetuers to come out and pretend to party, and halloween makes us feel stupid for not being more creative.

Now, Thanksgiving.  Oh holy day.

You drink, you eat like a bafoon, you drink, you watch football, you sleep on the couch, you eat, you drink, you sleep and hang out with your family and then go drink with your friends.

Its AWESOME!!  The CRB has barely stayed open this week, in fact, at least 1/2 of our staff has been drinking all week in celebration of getting ready to drink/cook/eat.

Since last years Thanksgiving-splosion, which spawned our fanstasic mspaint here, and why try and mess with perfection...its like saying Jessica Alba doesn't look as hot with short hair.  Oh really buddy??  GO DIE!

With that being said, since last years T-Day, we here at CRB HQ have a bunch to be thankful for.  Most noticaby, the peeps that swing by to take in our unique brand of bafoonery, those who occasionally comment and play.

We are thankful for everyone we make fun of and poke sticks at who have a sense of humor about everything, we are thankful for our sport being so god damn rad that the pros and the chumps like us can actually exchange emails.

We are thankful for twitter.  Which seems silly, but, it gives us a more direct way to play with waterski magazine and marcus brown and Horton (b.o.s) and other various peeps.

We are thankful for people within this sport who work tirelessly and often times without acknoladgement to make our entire sport better, more accesable and more fun.

We are thankful for Tadd and Tony and webcasting.  As a smallish sport we have to look to new ways in which to get out the word.  Maybe down the road we will all be on ESPN or whatever else and people will say, "Wow, thats cool" or, "hey, they got some lookers in that sport!"

We are thankful for Steve Locke, he seems to have a good plan, an "open" type policy with the workings of USA Waterski, and also has emailed us and played along with our jokes and generally been cool.

We are thankful for the LA Night Jam.  For that matter, night jumps in general.  For that matter, the more festival-ish type tournaments and events.  But, the LA night jam was the first big time event we have been to in many years and comparing and contrasting the other event we were at, our sport is light years ahead of where we were in presentation, fun and beer!

We are thankful that no matter how much you eat and how sick you feel doing it, you never feel like a slob.

We are thankful for triptophan or whatever the hell is in turkey that makes you fall asleep.  You never dream better dreams then passed out on the couch after a mouth orgy of turkey.

We are thankful that the CRB POS car has made it another year.  Somehow that damn thing keeps running, in fact, its probably in better shape then my own car.

We are thankful for pup-tents, air mattresses and sleeping bags.

We are thankful for fiesta guacamole from the grocery store by the CRB HQ.  OH MY CHRIST is that stuff awesome.

We are thankful to all of our CRB Characters...our classic ones, Nola, Danielle, Danyelle, Officer Buck, Maria Sharapova (who sadly didn't make an appearance this year) and our new characters / obsessions, like Karina and Regina and The Wire and Lake Trout and the sub hat and the news team and geraldo's IN YOUR FACE and whitney mclintock, et al.   Our CRB T-day table is bigger this year.  All are welcome.  WILD TURKEY MOJITOS FOR ALL!!

We are thankful for beer.

We are thankful for corndogs.

Ok, enough of that.  We had intern Cooper go out and find the various heads of the CRB, ODBF, Minion, new CRB'er LifeJacket, Dig Dug and even old bastard Rowboat Abides for their takes on what they are thankful for.  Here is what Cooper came up with.

ODBF: 
Cooper:  Hey, ODBF, CRB HQ wants to know what you are thankful for.  Spill the beans ass.
ODBF:  Its 3:30 on a monday afternoon, I have been in the office for 4 hours, go to hell.  I am going to go gamble and listen to quiet riot.
Cooper: so, nothing?
ODBF:  I am thankful for chicken quesidillas and internet porn.
Cooper:  Thanks.
ODBF: yeah, get lost.

Minion: 
Cooper: Hey minio....HEY MINION!!  WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR AND WHY IS IT SO LOUD WHEREVER YOU ARE???
Minion:  I am in a mexican jail jackass, so i am thankful for EVERYTHING!!  toilet wine and all the black-tar heroin i can eat!!!
Cooper:  ugh, sweet i guess.
Minion: DAMN RIGHT!!  wait...can i borrow 300 bucks?

Dig Dug:
Cooper:  Yo dug, what are you thankful for?
DigDug:  my brand new Malibu, my sweet house on the private lake and my wife Marissa Miller
Cooper:  whoa, really?
DigDug:  No dickhead, i was assigned to write this nonsense.  Everyone else is out of the office.
Cooper: time space dimensions mean nothing to you then huh?
DigDug: /head asplode

Rowboat Abides
Cooper: *dials old timey rotary phone*
Cooper: /connects with operator
Cooper: Can you please connect me with Rowboat Abides?
Cooper: *connected*
Cooper: Hey Rowboat, anything you are thankful for?
Rowboat: HUH?? WHATS THAT SONNY???  POUR DADDY ANOTHER GLASS OF EARLY TIMES.
Cooper:  you guys suck

Lifejacket:
Cooper: Hey jacket, new guy, what are you thankful for
Lifejacket: **Auto-Reply**  Lifejacket is out of the office, on a beach, earning 20%
Cooper:  A die-hard reference in an auto-responder?  Bitchin!!

So, there you go everyone.  Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend.  We will be back on Monday...maybe Tuesday.  could be Wednesday.  Depends on the turkey hangover.

We leave you for the holidays with Neil Young.  Remember, bad-ass'ness never ages.  Just gets less hairy.

Lets Be Friends

Throughout the CRB offices today, there was an awful lot of gossipy chatter.  The normal happenings within the waterski world, of course, were first and foremost, i.e, did you see that video, can you believe how hot Shakira is, omg did you see new moon, lets buy a vest and a new EsTrAda ski for christmas...etc...etc.

Oh, speaking of EsTraDa, big shout out to Chris Sullivan who is the brand manager for RadaR skis.  He emailed the CRB HQ in regards to the twitter joke between Horton and us about the RadaR Estrada ski. 

Would love to recap the email or cut/paste, but, suffice to say its hysterically ridiculous, talking about Chips the TV show and Ponches raquetball talents.  It was pretty cool.  Now, we don't know why there wasn't a couple free sticks included in the email to help, you know, grease the wheels of commerce, so to speak, but, we will take what we can get.

He also included a picture of Estrada's car from the show.

So, let it be known that  1) We will totally have a post about RadaR skis soon and we will buy the shit out of your skis (we are marketing whores after all) and 2) Very cool to play along with our brand of non-sense. 

LOL.  Pixelization was huge in the 70's

Moving along, there were a few other happenings as well and its our obligation to bring them to you. 

As everyone knows, if you have read Stephen King's "The tommyknockers" the reason we can bang out quality post after quality post is we have a machine tied into our brains to post posts without us knowing posts were posted.

1)  Lets be friends!  Ball of Spray man himself, John Horton, started something called the Wall of Spray, which in CRB land is what Jim from accounting and Andrea from accounts recievable do in their spare time, but who are we to judge?

Wall of spray is a sort of facebookish social community site...thats about the best way to describe it, you can set up your little profile, add some pics of yourself (or your blog logo, because if we uploaded pics of ourselves the internet would explode with molten hotness...because, you know, were sexy) and videos and all that.  Its pretty neat.

Here, go check it out.  WallofSpray

Now, once you are there.  You go and make the CRB your friend!  we are are a friendly little crew and want to be your friend.  This isn't like elementary school where you were made fun of and excluded from cool things because your awesomeness was to much for some to handle.  Nope, its the CRB, we want to be your friend, and unexplained pregancys are par for the course.

Here is a direct link to our profile.  Because we are shameless and have a huge ass.  CRB on WOS

2)  Screw age.  Andy Mapple is old.  right?  Its not like he is a young baller anymore..he got some grays in the hairs and some wrinkles right?  It happens to us all.  Yet, proving again why bad-ass doesn't age...he embarrasses the entire CRB Staff with this run.



Pull your shorts down!!

Hey ODBF?  You take the training wheels of your combos?

/chucks odbf out of boat in humiliating manner.  

So, go to wall of spray...and keep skiing till you are AARP worthy.  Because the sun always shines on the balls of the hard ass's.  Oh, and remember these timely words from Garth Brooks.

"You gonna eat that?"

JOIN USAWS NOW! says the ponch *CRB LLC UPDATE*

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

BRAIN BLEACH!!!!!!

Wait...Thats what I get when I bleach my brain?  wtf?

***CRB SITE NOTE***
Now that ODBF went and fugged up the site with that picture and its beefcake-ness.  We as an organization / LLC / worldwide enterprise made the executive decision to move said beefcake-ness to a different internet.  An internal memo has been sent out detailing the poor decision making that the ODBF showed in this post and further issues such as this will be dealt with harshly.  It was made clear, in no uncertain terms, that the CRB live in our specific internet....not the other one.  See figure. 1 for further explanation.

So, now that matter has been resolved.  Thank you for your understanding.  Long live nola.  For more information in the "an internet" please review Rykerts post on internets  also, we totally forgot how the Lake of Sin has a vice-grip like lock on the ms paint.  evidence.