Aug 30, 2012

What happened to Wakeskate?

So several years back wakeskating came out and I thought it was pretty dope.  For the last few years I really haven't heard much about it.  Possibly because I died, came back to life and have been in and out of prison throughout the world.  But luckly now I am in North Korea and have the freedom to post whatever I want on the internet...  Came across this video on the youtubezzz.  It's pretty sick yo.  It shows Reed Hansen building an insane wakeskate cable pond in his back yard. Sure the guy looks like a wakeskatting Jesus but the guys got skillz.  They use some high speed cameras which slows down the tricks and shows it off real well.  I know ODBF lame ass hates slomo but he hates most things!  Check out the video you and kick flip some shizznitt.


5 Foot @ 32 MPH? Lets Do This

The collegiate season is almost upon us and the Midwest region has come out with a cool vid showing why our sport is the cats pajamas or dogs tuxedo if you are a dog person. The Midwest may not win nationals or have the best skiers, but they have more teams than any other region and they party like rock stars at night. I've been to tournaments in 3 different regions and the Midwest was by far the most fun. Not that I remember much about it and I did not wake up until about noon...but whatever, it was well worth the trip.  Also, the Hope College Wrecking Crew is from the Midwest so they automatically win the coolest region award.

Aug 28, 2012

We Hate Fish. All Things Fishy. Pt. 2

cmon over here girl, let me sex you up right, with my face

Lets just dive right into this shall we, from National Geographic?
How's this for a head turner? A tiny new species of fish from Vietnam sports its genitalia on its noggin.
Phallostethus cuulong is only the 22nd known species of its family, Phallostethidae, all of which bear their copulatory organs just behind their mouths.
As with all Phallostethus—"penis chest" in Greek—species, the male uses its bony "priapium" to clasp a female while he inserts sperm into her urogenital opening, also located on the head, said Lynne Parenti, curator of fishes at the National Museum of Natural History in Washington, D.C.
For another thing, head-to-head mating is apparently "a very efficient way to do it," Parenti added. While examining preserved female priapiumfish, she has found oviducts filled with sperm, meaning almost all the eggs had been fertilized.
"There's still a lot more to discover" about Phallostethus, she added—P.cuulongis only third species found in its genus.
"It's a lovely little fish with a very complex anatomy," she said, "and I'm just delighted that we're finding more of them."
These little dick head fish are swimming around over in Vietnam and you just know that pretty soon they are going to be popping up over in America in our lakes just chillin, putting babies in other fish just by bumping heads together.

This has to be stopped.  Its bad enough we have flying Asian Carp fish flying around knocking people out and generally being creepy as hell, but, adding that to the dick head fish has to be the tipping point in our fight against the menace that is fish.

Oh sure, you say, fish are healthy to eat and maintain some balance of an eco system in our lakes and streams.  That is what some would say.

Here is the official CRB rebuttal, or CRButtal as it were:

"We here at the CRB, officially declare war on all fish, from trout to muskie to salmon to flying carps to dick head fish, it is time we rise up and rid ourselves of these creepy, slimy, probably perverted, fishy evil doers."

Side Note: On the other hand, how funny would it be if all of a sudden humans gained this weird sort of power.  Just wander up to a girl and kiss her and BOOM, babies all over the place.

Make for a really interesting scene in courtrooms around the country trying to get child support payments.

Side Note 2: how funny is the embedded video in this article entitled "The Worlds Weirdest Penis"  Must watch stuff right there.

Aug 27, 2012

Vid Day Monday

Sea World San Antonio is one of the few pro ski teams left in the country. There used to be teams all over the place but one by one they have closed up shop, Sea World SA is still going strong. The level of talent there is very impressive as well, from backwards barefoot step offs to a huge 1 ski mobius these guys are the best of the best.

Vid Day Monday

Beatrice Ianni fully commits to running this pass and pays the price for it.  I love seeing skiers go hard like this, hate to see the injury though.  She broke a bone in her right shoulder.

Thanks go to Tony Lightfoot for the vid.

Vid Day Monday

Big Dawg night finals. The skiing is top notch at the Big Dawg events, they get the word out decently, good money and all that, but I can not say that I think the Big Dawg is good for our sport as a whole. There is not a ton of money in our sport to start with and I think Nautique and the other sponsors should be running more pro events instead.  Put our top talent out in front of the people, promote it to the general population.

Aug 24, 2012

Smoke On The Water?


No clue how the driver is not running over all the buoys or how the skier can see the course, but this is bad ass.  My club when I was young had light banks so we could ski at night, the lights only lit up a small area so you skied in the dark a lot, not knowing what is in front of you is a crazy feeling.  Pretty bad ass actually.

This is smoke on the water.

Aug 23, 2012

Stream Wake Boarding is Bad Ass

This video is of some Slovenian guys who are part of the Red Bull Up Stream Project. What is this project? No damn idea but it looks awesome and dangerous. I think we should send Life Jacket out that way to test this out.

Aug 21, 2012

Do you know how to post videos to facebook?

Well, that was fun.  Thanks for the bourbon and cheeze its.  #hashish

CRB Reviews: Broodle

baby, we are going to make like 20 babies tonight
So, lets get one thing out of the way.  The Broodle is like a floaty noodle with an attachement to hold your beer.

B.eer.  N.oodle.  Broodle.  

Pronounced "Jaquess"

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Hey, rowboat, how can you be so funny?"  Which is a strange thing to say to yourself about a possibly fictional person.  But, the answer is, I often times carry a broodle in my rucksack and leave about two feet of it sticking out so I can affix a variety of state flags to it and/or smack unsuspecting ruffians. 

You also may be saying to yourself, "I understand the concept of floaty noodles and I understand the concept of drinking beer in the pool, wouldn't it be incredible if someone combined those two things together for maximum pool relax efficiency?"

The extrodinary irony in that statement is that you were thinking / saying those things outloud to your self whilst reading a review of sorts about that EXACT PRODUCT!!

"What?  that is amazing, how is this unique confluence of events happening right on my computer as we speak?  Is god somehow speaking directly to me?"

Most likely, actually.

Nevermind the fact that there is a healthy debate going on about the physical existence of said lord and savior jesus christ vs. a more logical god (Freddy Krueger)

There will be events that we will look back on in the future that have shaped and changed our world for the better, events that provide a historical road map to what our future civilizations end up looking like.  Sort of like road cones on the progression of civilization throughout history.

The invention of the wheel for instance, thats a pretty big deal.  For better or worse, slave ships, columbus, the battle of Trafalgar, the time i got 20 starburst in my mouth at once, the invention of the extendable squeegee so we could clean the second floor windows.

Somewhere on this scale will be the broodle.

OH! You Certainly Jest!


See, the problem is that most people think of a pool as a place to either A. swim IN or B. lounge next too.

This is inherently incorrect and most likely goes against all natural laws of civility that we have had as a foundational construct for years.  We are granted this amazing physical appropriation, water IN a thing that is temperature-ish controlled all WHILST being in some vicinity to yours or your friends domicile.

You must take BOTH these things, the lounging AND the physical act of being inside the pool and COMBINE THEM.

Most people who live in warm / hot / melt climates understand this. You don't really go to the pool to swim / frolic / procreate, no, you go to the pool, you get in and sit.  stay cool.  get a sunburn on your head you bald headed bastard.

But, you want to go towards the middle of the pool with your beer.  Now what?

Sit on this Broodle.  Put it betwixt your legs, attach the beer holder and VIOLA.  you now are basically, floating on a beer cozy.

So smart you guys.

So, anyways, at the CRB HQ they did have a bunch of these guys and we had them stashed by the roof top pool that was installed, we assume, recently.  We didn't know it was there until one of our office staff temp workers went up to the roof to smoke and drown.

Not drowning in smoke mind you, but, drown in the water that was in the pool that we didn't know we had.

Hey, thanks temp worker, now we have a pool that we didn't know about.  Score.

We all went up there, after clean up and after having a bar installed on the roof because for gods sake we aren't Gladiators or whatever that can survive on rice and sand.  We are not animals, we must live the fine life.

Turns out the Broodle is pretty handy.  You can float, frollic, fornicate (?!), all while your beer stays perched on the neat little magnet thing.

So, yeah, go ahead and buy some of these guys.  Here, buy em here, broodle

Lets go to our official judge of all things CRB Reviewed.

Officer Buck Gives the Broodle.  5 Thumbs Up!

the coffee pot was left on overnight and now there is a salamander in my underwears

pre mating rituals of the zodiak bear

going to go to the pool

pretty sure i could still jump 100 feet or over the couch

Pythagoras discovered this by looking and listening. Today that information is more precisely encoded into mathematics, namely the wave equation for a string with a tension T and a mass per unit length m. If the string is described in coordin...

i need to go to the store and get bourbon?

tell annabelle that the dog shit on the carpet again, i stepped in it and fell down, my shoe smells like poo #hashish  s..s

why does my knee click when i walk?

can a parrot ever learn to clean up the living room?

Why is the VCR clock still blinking all the time?

hey, can anyone give me a ride to CVS to pick up my prescription?

Is this thing on?

is that my boathouse on fire?

I Want To Live There

Awesome houses galore after the jump.

Aug 20, 2012

Vid Day Monday

Water ski infomercial? No way an infomercial would sell any skis now, we are all at the bar during the prime infomercial time slots. Well either at the bar or passed out in alleys behind bars.

Vid Day Monday

In show skiing the 5 tier pyramid is the tallest pyramid a team has ever done. The weight this pyramid puts on the base skiers is extreme and so only a few teams have ever put one of these up. At show ski nationals (August 10-12) 3 teams put one up. There are pyramids with more skiers, a team put 44 people in a pyramid behind one boat at the tournament but the 5 high is still the ultimate pyramid goal for teams.

This video is a first person view from the top girl on the pyramid using a Go Pro camera.

Vid Day Monday

Not sure about the slow mo at the end of the vid but this is pretty cool. Good view of two big up and comers running into mid 41 off on Razor skis.

Aug 17, 2012

Footstock is for Crazies (32 pics)

Every year in late August endurance barefooters from around the country converge the small town of Crandon WI.  These guys are as crazy as it gets.  The boats drive in a large figure 8 pattern with one full 8 covering something like 2 miles.  They have a saying "the only thing that hurts worse then losing is winning", and that is no joke, several guys have burned holes deep thru the pads of their feet. (see pic right after the jump).  They have several divisions; seniors, womens and open.  The women and seniors can enter the open division if they think they can hack it, but then you have twice as many runs...which is a bad idea!  

The tournament is a big party and the barefooters are not only crazy in the head but crazy good.  

Footstock pics continue after the jump.

The World Is Awesome (25 pics)

Awesome nature pics continue after the jump.

Aug 13, 2012

Vid Day Monday

Dana Reed was the driving force behind what has become the premier ski tournament in the country. Let us hope this tournament continues on and gets bigger and better.

R.I.P. Dana Reed

Dana Reed passed away early this morning. Dana was one of the driving forces behind bringing pro skiing back to the public and getting our pros out in front of big crowds. He loved this sport and had the perseverance and drive to push skiing back in the right direction. His loss will be felt by the entire skiing community. Let us hope that his legacy carries on and we can continue to push his dream for our sport forwards.

Dana, you will be missed by us all.

Vid Day Monday

As I type this the Track and Field events have yet to start, but by the time you watch this the Olympics will be over.  One of the cooler events is the pole vault, those guys are crazy.  This guy here is 90 years old and may not be competing in the Olympics...duh hes 90...but he is still kicking it and sets a new world record for his age group.

Aug 8, 2012

Wake Board Wednesday

Get Your Float On

We received some Broodles this week, funny name, cool product.  As you may have noticed we here at the CRB are pro boat drinking and any new product that comes out and makes our boat drinking easier we are all for it.

We have our stack of Broodles ready to head out to the lake and test this things out.  We have a very strict testing regimen for any products we review.
1)  Was it sent to us for free?
2)  Does it make good lasagna?
3)  Does it assist us in boat drinking?
4)  Can it be used as a weapon to beat on the CRB Minion with?

We are strict but fair in our reviews.

From our 1st look at the Broodle it gets a tentative 3 stars.  Andrew at Broodle Brands did send them to us for free.  The Broodle did not get a star for #2 as when we tried to make lasagna out of it the Broodle just melted into our oven and made the house smell bad.  It does appear like the Broodle will make our boat drinking easier as it comes with a cup holder attached with a magnet.  The beer did fall out of the cup holder when The Rowboat Abides shot it with a shot gun while screaming something about getting off his porch, but we rarely have shot guns or The Rowboat Abides out on the boat with us.  (his rocking chair is to damn difficult to get into the boat)  The Broodle gets a 3rd star as it was a good weapon for beating on the Minion.

So from our Cursory review we give the Broodle 3 out of 4 stars.  If they make it out of tasty cookable materials we will up that to 4 out of 4 stars.

You can pick one of these up at Broodle Brands shop right here.

We will post a full review after we get them out on the water, its tough to get out on the lake when we live in this homeless shelter.

Check out the Broodle at their website here.

Aug 7, 2012

Skurfer...Hell Yea

This may be the greatest vid we have ever posted here on the CRB. The level of 80s awesomeness deserves its own post just for the colors alone, but the skiing is bad ass as well.

The two guys are wicked good skiers, tearing it up on a trick ski, slalom, barefoot and of course what waterski vid would be complete with out footing behind a helicopter and a Skurfer.

Aug 6, 2012

Vid Day Monday

Have tank will White Castle.

Check out more of awesome weapon vids on the FPS Russia Youtube channel, this guy is awesome.

Vid Day Monday

Zane Schwenk is well known for his wake boarding skills and for the older ski fans out there they know he was one of the top free style jumpers, what many don't know is that Zane is also one of the best show skiers ever. The guy can ski on almost anything, and as the video shows, he has tried to ski on almost everything.

Vid Day Monday

Aug 3, 2012

CRB Brings The Sexy - Olympic Edition

I read that in the first 5 days of the Olympics in London something like 400,000 condoms have been used.  If you put thousands of people in peak physical form in one location...well sexy time is going to happen...a lot.  The athletes at the Olympics are the best of the best not just at their sports but they are hella fit and that leads to being hella hot.  This vid shows the half of the athletes that I prefer to check out, the ladies.

Aug 2, 2012

CRASH! (12 pics)

The Backwater Gamblers Show Ski Team from IL puts on pretty good shows usually, but sometimes things just don't work out.  When they don't work out we get fun pics like these

Show ski crashes continue after the jump.

Malibu Open

The Malibu Open starts tomorrow and the CRB crew will be making the trek back to the state of Wisconsin to rock it out. We missed out on our yearly trek to the LA Night Jam with that event taking a hiatus this year so its back to Wisconsin for the second time in 3 weeks. People will start calling us cheese heads if we spend to much time up there.

The Malibu Open is a great event not just because it has a decent sized purse but because it is put on in the middle of a large city. We have attended the last two years and the crowds have been great and the skiing has been top notch. I spoke with several skiers and they all said that this is what pro tournaments should be. If more events get off the private lakes with no crowds and in front of the people again our sport may become a truly viable sport again. Otherwise we will just continue to flounder in the muck draining money from the few companies that cater exclusively to skiing.

Aug 1, 2012

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...