Aug 18, 2020

CRB Updates / WTF

No, thats two for me bar keep.  make em strong. 

So, what the hell is going on with the CRB you may be asking yourself as you drift off to sleep.  Live your life, as we are not ones to tell you what to think or do, but....wondering about the CRB is real low on the things we thought you would think you thought.  

never the less.  what sort of waterski poltergeist would we be if we didn't infect your brain and send a tree in through you window to try and kill you. 


Thats a movie huh?  Ok, sweet, well lets figure this shit out somehow then.

This is a post to help explain what is going on with CRB and where we are now, where we are going and if being silly in our current world still has a place at the table.  We aren't for sure at the moment and for sure we don't know at the end, but, lets see if we can't figure it out a bit along the way. 

What say you?  

Do you want you?   DO YOU????  BITCH.  ANSWER ME!!!!!

Your right...that was to aggressive...lets try to lay out the framework a bit, shall we?  ok...GO.

We have had alot of meetings, we have had alot of break out groups and we have had alot of items to be examined prior to E.O.D, and we have had about 40 some odd meetings in our outrageous meeting rooms that are always stocked full of sliced meats and cheez its and shiner bock trying to figure this all out...and...  

By the way, this may explain why this is a bit of an issue. Not the main reason for our lack of posting, but, its a real one.  Our meeting room food stuffs are legendary. :)  

Also have you ever had just one shiner bock?  For real, if you dont know about Shiner Bock, get your ass to a watering hole and get one, two, three, four....oh you met a girl...five, six....ok, god bless, your having sex...

ok, we will put this on the agenda for tomorrow. 

/beats you to death with a bowling pin to drink your shiner bock

Yeah, its that good.  #ad #paid #sponcon 

We went through hundreds of different things and why things things have changed, what we can do to get back to what we used to be, what we should become, what the hell that smell was.  

Many ideas were brought up and bandied around, some taken serious, some wrapped up and smoked, some discarded immediately, but...

But, ultimately, the word we kept coming back to was fun.  

Is this fun, is what we are doing this sport fun?  are we making it fun?  Are we helping it BE fun?


Of course, for those in the know, the CRB empire is so incredibly lucrative that we don't need to update or post or go on epic red-ass rants, but, its fun...and that is where things began to go a bit sideways. 

Things stopped becoming "fun". 

On the right side of the page, you see the years and the numbers of posts per year and it was 2015/2016 that we dropped right off.  The desire to post was always there, and the number of drafts in the blogger folder show aborted starts and stops.  

An awful lot of, "hey, this may be funny!" and its a 4 paragraph story of a sunken canoe that tied into the loss of freedom that the kwahalie tribe dealt with in the outback. 

Those posts has the right intention behind them, but, we think that 1/2 way through we understood that, those aren't the things that made the CRB fun, CRB was known for being a silly mirror in which we could view our sport.but, we also dealt with..or noticed..that the world of media and content was starting to change.  

We can yell our silly takes into the wind, but, saying something like, "LOL LOOK ALEX LAURENTO GOT INTERVIEWED IN FRONT OF A PORTA-POTTY" and then photoshop a sad Keanu Reeves onto the roof is funny as hell, but, it felt like that world was drying up.  

For example.

Search the googles for a recipe for "instant pot jasmine rice" and you have 100's of god damn blogger sites going on for 2,000 words about their story of jasmine rice and their experiments and shit, when it should say. 

1-cup water
1-cup rice

put in instant pot and hit 20 minutes.  when the thing drops.  open and eat.  

There are hundreds of these sites!  Jasmine rice!   FUCK!  I just cant remember how many minutes!  I don't need a story of your child and her lack of skill on a pogo stick!

Meaning, its not just reliable* sources you use to get your info, or results, you have to find out from peoples instagram pages and twitter and god forbid facebook. 

We could have looked in our cook book and had our way to cook rice, but, the natural reaction is to google it, and now what?  Betty Crocker said this, but, some dip shit in mississippi said this and now I have fucked up rice and alimony payments. 

Your booty got me like

That all being said, real life factors in as well.  When the CRB started, many mutations ago, it was a way in which we could access a computer from campus back in our dorm.  Does anyone remember, web sites?  

Back then, in mid 1990s, we want to say 1997?  When napster was a thing and lime wire and somehow the song "a horse with no name" was a neil young song and you would go to a computer lab to work on your projects for school.  From there you could log into your home computer and listen to all your downloaded music and access your files.  You felt like Mr. Robot!   

For some this may seem weird.  but, its true.  We the next i think few years, have people going to college who have never know life without iPhones.  Without on the go music and porn and other important things like, school projects and spam emails and podcasts and Call of Duty.

Today, if we can't play the april 23 1977 Grateful Dead show from Springfield, MA RIGHT NOW, in our car, we are pissed off!  We wanna hear that version of Franklins Tower right now!!!



Seriously think about it!  

Today, in our 1987 SkiMasterBu, we can talk to our boat and have music play, without plugging in phones or weird music devices, or anything!  Its all bluetooth and shit.  Its super awesome.  

"Play dead and company at shoreline amphitheater"  then hop in the water and rip a shitty skurfer set. 

We consume, view and enjoy our world different then we did and thats hella good.  As we are writing this, we have an alexa playing a baseball game from the other coast, and in a bit when we are done with this we will talk to our television to open youtube and continue the video we were watching on wood working. 

You change, morph and adjust or you sit there crying about what it used to be like. 

I've never felt so frisky, HEYYYY MACARENA 

Good lord, why do you need so many words?

Simply this.  IDK #shitpost

But, what we are going to be aiming for is both ventures into video and ventures into audio.  Not, christ, not pretending we are anything other some silly nonsense, but, we would love to be able to do something that provides some fun content for waterskiers and athletes...shoot, waterski supporters and athletic supporters to vibe on. 

Not everyone is going to appreciate our specific blend of niche waterski jokes along with potty mouth.  its a venn diagram that, DOES, include your mom...but, not "our" mom.  

Anyways, the point of al this nonsense, its this.  

CRB is here and we will be posting and doing stupid shit, its just a matter of the way in which it arrives. 

Blog?  Yup.  That sillyness will be around, and hopefully less whisky fueled. 

Youtube?  lol, sure, why not.  Anyone wanna watch ODBF drop his phone in the lake trying to take a video of a hot ass pontoon boat running ashore?   I DO!

Podcast?  this is closer to reality then not.  There have been some in-roads into this world via horton and show skiing, but, nothing has really gotten us wet so to speak  so maybe thats something to work on.  Actual conversation and fun about our sport with production value?    

/oh child please

of more import. 

Newsletter.  We are very much considering adopting a blog / newsletter style moving forward.  A Blog doing our normal nonsense with a newsletter heading to your email inbox once a week with a bit more in-depth sillyness. 

Maybe what we do is charge a few bucks a month of the in - depth, for the interviews, for the things that are fun.  for the things that make you better.......

The monetized and free.  Think of it this way.  

Your normal waterski is this

Can I take your order sir?

Your weekly newsletter is this

Nah bitch you can get with the times, and eat this shotty**

Who knows.  

But, while our momentum has tailed off we hope as we ramp back up in the coming weeks and months, to hopefully ride that wave out of our current pandemic world into the world of fun and nonsense, take this how you want. 

When the real world is no longer is fun, its really hard to have fun on a silly waterski blog.  Our sport is built on fun and when the people in charge of the world they create is no longer fun vs. the world that we remember and where we can sit in the back of the room and shoot spit balls at those on charge, no damage intended but a bit of frivolity, thats where we want to get to.   Thats where the fun is!

You know, we don't mean the people in charge of our sport right?  You get the underlying current our what we are saying...right???  You get that the "people in charge of our world" means what it means right?


We will get back to that world soon.  And we will be there to make fun of it.  

*your mom
**Drive angry.  borderline best movie ever made

May 27, 2020

Growth Opportunity? Nah, Lets Sit on our Hands

**Editors note: ODBF seems to have woken up from a three year slumber and returned to the keyboard to yell into it.  What follows is our attempt to make sense of it"

The sport of water skiing is missing a HUGE opportunity.

How should we take advantage of this crisis?  DO NOTHING YAY

Yes, there are lots of great people in the sport, but JFC, how hard is it to at least let those of us that give a shit about the sport know what is going on? Post some useful info, ideas, something...anything really that helps keep those of us that try to follow this sport in the loop.  

Seriously, is the end goal of our sport to be a couple rich people skiing in their backyard lake with no one watching?  Cuz that's where we are right now, so 


We have killed the sport, lets party

Or...we could try to get people to watch our sport again, bring money into the sport instead of bleeding all of the companies that try to hack it in the ever shrinking world of skiers.  I understand this has been a crazy year for everyone, but all the sudden lots of people have a bit of free time and they are turning to the internet to fill the void left by not going and sitting in their cubical while trying to stifle the urge to kill that dip shit Karen from accounts payable.  JFC SHUT UP KAREN!!!

So this is a big opportunity for the sport to get some eyes checking out our sport online.  I mean, I, like all of you, have spent the entire quarantine watching all the awesome old ski vids and virtual tournaments run being posted on social media by the powers that be. 

Whats that you say?  None of that has actually happened?  The powers that be have dropped the ball...again?

I don't know who those powers that be are though... USAWS?  The individual sports divisions?  Someone in the sport with a large social media presence?  Hell, maybe I should be bringing this up at the CRB headquarters.  Maybe we should try to take a lead in this if no one else cares enough to do it. 

This really is not that complicated, there are a shit ton of smart people that love this sport, UTILIZE THEM.  A few ideas I just came up with, just spit balling here:

Virtual Tournaments.  So we are not supposed to gather in groups, which is smart, I am in no rush to kill my parents or your grandparents.  The bare footers have found a way around that, LINK, so the other disciplines could easily do this as well.  I know access to courses and jumps is an issue, but try something!

Virtual coaching.  There are a bunch of these out there already, LINK, but it could easily be promoted by USAWS or any other large group for that matter.  Think about all the training opportunities skiers are missing out on right now.  Usually college kids would have been practicing and going to tournaments with their teams all spring.  Well that was not an option, but think if skiers could have submitted a video of themselves running the course, or working on a new trick and someone gave them a bit of remote coaching.  It keeps them interested and helps them advance.  I would bet ever last cent in my bank account ($15.34) and a box of Cheeze-its that some of the very talented skiers that have torn up the lake at an NCWSA tournament would have been happy to donate a bit of time to give a bit of advice for free.

Skier a day vids.  We are all bored right now, wouldn't it be awesome to see a new vid posted by USAWS everyday of one of the elite skiers in our sport doing something awesome and answering some questions?  I struggle to keep my computer functioning so I don't know how best to do this but something like this.
Day 1 Trick set and AMA with Erika Lang
Day 2 Slalom set and AMA with Regina Jacquess
Day 3 Jump set and AMA with Freddy Krueger
Day 4 Freestyle jump set and AMA with Dan Olson
Day 5 Barefoot set and AMA with Keith St Onge
Day 6 Knee board set and AMA with...I don't know any knee boarders...
Day 7 Sky ski set and AMA with...nope, don't know any of them either
and repeat

I am pretty happy with that last idea, hell, we should be doing that right now anyways.

Apr 20, 2020

Happy 4/20 From Your Friends at CRBaked

Hi Everyone!

Hey, how about that.  We remembered to pay our internet bill and the man let us have our website back!  Our accounts payable department* is awesome.

Hope everyone is having a great year and nothing weird or bad or terrifying has happened to affect anyones life in any way what so ever!!

CRB - "Whats that?"

CRB - "Oh, I see, could you be a little more specific?"

All seeing being:  /gestures broadly at everything.

CRB - "Well, fuck"

Light one up then, enjoy this while we still have it.

Mar 31, 2020

We Don't Know How To Pay For Our Domain Name

Yeah, no shit. 

100 years ago we bought the domain with  somehow that shit got sold to google who wants us to pay like 200 a year for some g-suite ass nonsense.  I've paid for a G-suite and all it got me was weak ass cocaine and genital wart.

I suppose, we will figure this out, but, maybe not. 

Either way.

I had to come out of my cabin in the woods to handle this bullshit for these morons.

Rowboat out.

here.  enjoy this you pigs

Feb 19, 2020

Indiana Beach is Closing Down

Strange and suprising news coming out of Indiana.
Not going to lie, didn't know they had strong enough electricity in Indiana to actually power a roller coaster over your mom.

From a personal level, they could use a bomb to explode that place and we would be fine with it, back in the day, we had a significant other who went to ski at the ski show there. 

They were no longer that, post, that.

So, fuck that place.  Fuck your state. Fuck your roller coaster.  May you melt into the sea with your shit basketball and your shit corn.

Oh, and your race track sucks. 

Maybe....we should relax a bit.

Its going to be a stressful year or so coming up....we have been able to make it through before...but...

its not quite the original band, but, wow, is there any band in the world that plays better music and is that incapable of harmonizing worse?

Yeah yeah, fine.  Cannibal Corpse.  sure.  but, second? 

Didn't think so. 

Feb 13, 2020

Yum, Chicken


That's it, that's the post.

Eat Chicken.  Its good.

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...