Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass!

Dispatch from the CRB weather desk

Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS! STAY INSIDE

The CRB north team, currently doing deep vain thrombosis research in our corporate offices in the mid-west relayed to the operations team recently that its way to cold to go outside and take the core samples necessary.

They know we are in a time crunch, as you can imagine these days, with the nature of the research being done, but, they were insistent that its to cold and would actually further slow down / harm what we have worked so long for. 

This was submitted as proof. 

and to that we say

We have advised the team to hunker down and we will send fresh supplies to keep the team upbeat and ready to go when the weather gets better.  a crate of cheeze-its and 100 miller high lifes have been loaded and shipped. 

Unfortunately, not everyone has access to the level of accommodations and nutrition that the CRB team does, but, true to the American spirit, we have seen the ways in which many have decided to keep warm.

Go Birds

This is smart, economical and actually better for the environment then recycling.  Many people dont know this, but, the chemical reaction that comes from dumpster paint and fire create a polymorphic atmosphere around the dumpster that creates 2-times the amount of oxygen then a tree does in an entire year. 

the lake association named a new lead musky 

Another smart way to keep warm, while also avoiding the pesky questions that come from the insurance company as to why you have a wood burning stove in your boat. 

this way, just lighting your boat on fire while napping in the cabin keep you nice and toasty (typical fires are about 75-80 degrees) and perfectly safe, for as we all know fires dont go inside, they are like vampires that way, in which they need to be invited indoors. 

let me kneel next to your fiaaaa

Here we see a finance bro reduced to setting fire to his/her musical instruments just to keep warm.  Its been quite a fall for the finance bro subsection of the greater finance brother/sister gaggle that yearly retreats to the bohemian grove in california to take 75 pellets of mescaline and go swimming. 

/cypress hill intensifies

Scientists from all over the world are still stunned after seeing pictures of this heating hack.  This is for SURE the one your power company doesn't want you to know about.  You simply heat up this geothermic contraption and it keep you warm for at least an hour.  All you need is a simple lighter and the contraption, easily obtainable from your kids bedroom and/or the place down the street that also has the dildos.