Mar 31, 2008

Opening Day

Cheer up Rykert, we here at the CRB are nothing if we are not sympathetic souls.

We know you have been down in the dumps recently because the never-ending winter in your home state of Alaska or Canada or Siberia or Refrigerator, so, we figured we would try and cheer you up.

Today is the sort of real Opening Day of the 2008 Baseball season, you know, the boys of summer and what-not?

So, buck up tiger, keep a smile on your face and beer at your place. It will all be over soon!

Mar 28, 2008

What is the internet?

So it seems that waterskiers have never heard of this magical tool called the information superhighway. As Google has this really fun tool called Google Trends. And the Google trends man tells me that not only is wakeboarding bigger in the eyes of the boat companies, but in the eyes of the multi headed hydra that is the Internet.

of course possibly it does not help us that this is how watersking and wakeboarding are portrayed.

Mar 27, 2008

Now Thats a Nice Ass

The old addage in the marketing world that we all know and love, sex sells baby!

Well, the dudes behind the new website sure know this well. God Damn, just check out Jason Seels tail lights in the picture on the opening page.



Jason Seels? Damnit, thought someone said Jessica Biel. Gaak...administering brain bleach as we speak.


Much better.

What the hell is this thing anyways?


To give the Sport of Tournament Waterskiing an Official website for the promotion of Professional waterskiers around the World.

Perfect!! That makes sense.

The more the merrier as far as we are concerned. However, we have a couple minor issues with Mr. Tom Grey and if you would be so kind, sir, here are some suggestions.

1)You may have to click the image to make it big enough, but, WHERE THE HELL IS THE CRB!! We are your comrades of waterski knowledge, we are your friends and allies!! Show us some love!!

2) If you are going to have a picture of a jumper from the back like that, remember sex sells, you need to combine the two together. Sex and Waterski. Sexyski as we call it here at the CRB.

Ya Feel Me?

Mar 26, 2008

Parks Got Fat!

Parks looks like hell! It literrally looks like Fox felt bad for some homeless dude and gave him a shirt. Honestly bro if I saw you on the corner with a 40 of Colt 45 in a paper bag (which wouldn't be too unlikely for PB) I would throw you spare change! Someone buy him a haircut, shave and a membership to Jenny Craig.

I guess who cares when the dude can do this.

That is a whole lot of flipping and spinning! Keep it real Parks! Well I'm out like PB in dodgeball!

Hey, Need a Spot

Mar 24, 2008

I wanna Skurf

Old School wakeboarding by Scott Byerly. Air tricks are the best.

And a little more recent.

Both Vids courtsey of our friends over at

Mar 22, 2008

CRB Burrito

Is there any better food that is more customizable, enjoyable and/or likable then a burrito?  Don't think has everything you would ever want on your  plate all wrapped up in flour tortilla thing which makes it not only moderately portable but also eminently eatable.
Plus, seeing as a burrito is just other food in a edible blanket, you can totally take any style of food and throw it in there.  Unlike old white men and the police, they don't discriminate or look down on your for your varied tastes.
You can basically throw anything you want on the tortilla, wrap it up and eat it and experiance all sorts of great feelings in your mouth and stomach.
Now, there are some basic staples of burritto making, but, this isn't a damn communist country so really, you can put your neighbors hotty daughter in a flour tortilla and call it a burrito if you want...matter of fact, that would be awesome, then again we are not huge fans of necrophilia, so, we suggest not actually eating the hotty burrito.
In the our kitchen when we make up our tasty burritos we do it as such, feel free to experiment should you want, but, the key is to have either Franks Hot Sauce or Tabasco.  Don't be a pussy, get that hot stuff in there and experience the thrill. 

CRB Burrito
  • (1) Flour Tortilla. 
  • Refried Beans
  • Beans and Rice
  • Chicken
  • Sour Cream
  • Guacamole - isn't that a weird word?  If you just glance at the word and have never said it outloud before you would pronounce it guac-a-mole with out the fruity E at the end.  
  • Hot-Ass Salsa
  • Hot Sauce
  • Take the tortillas and put them in the oven, maybe with a little oil or water on them.  Keeps them hot and moist and who out there doesn't like things hot and moist?
  • Cut chicken breast into little chunks, put in pan with hot sauce and maybe some salsa or whatever.  Cook that shit.
  • When chicken is done put it in a bowl, add more hot sauce you pansy.  let it marinate.
  • In a different bowl, but refried beans, some hot sauce, some salsa and mix up.
  • Get tortilla out of the oven.  For christ sakes, use a mitt.  Don't burn yourself.
  • Put on plate.  
  • Layer tortilla with the refried beans stuff
  • Put on some chicken
  • Put on some of the beans and rice deal which you allready cooked, because otherwise it would taste like crap
  • Add a glop of sour cream and guac
  • Wrap up into likable phallic symbol of food greatness.  Note: we don't work at Taco Bell where they wrap up the burritos just so when you chow down it assplodes all over your ass.  So, here is a kind of a good way to do it.  Fold over one end a little, about a sixth of the thing.  Then take one of the sides and wrap it over the eats.  Roll it up. 
  • Take plate over to the table.
  • Get beer from fridge
  • Eat/Drink
  • Give many thanks to CRB for being awesome.
Now, just the other day we had a Philly Beef burrito and it was fucking AWESOME.  So, you know, try that too if you want. 

Mar 17, 2008

Making sure that waterskiers look good

So possibly the best known waterskier in the US in the past decade or so, thanks to "Real World", seems to have a checkered past when it comes to horses.

The CRB staff, highly traned chipmunks, recently unearthed this awesome display of anti-equine! Now, lets not get crazy, because you have to be pretty awesome to do something like this.

Oh wait, no I think it might actually get you on websites like this and get you named the "Awsome horse hater of the week!".

That is certainly something to strive for. Apparently all you have to do is get really drunk at a football game and then attack a police horse!! Stellar!!

This did happen in 2005 so Im guessing our staff is not very quick at unearthing strange nuggets from people past....or just stumble on a link from the KSK.


Guess the picture is from 2002...we are idiots...well, whatever...sorry dude for bringing up stuff from way back.

Mar 14, 2008

Throw us some of your stories

I know that most of you sit around your delapadated single wide checking in on the crazy haps over here at the CRB when ever you can drag yourself away from that sweet Camaro in the front lawn and day dreaming about getting some sweet wheels so you can take it off the cinder blocks.

And I know that you all wish you could one day see your own story up on the most popular website in waterskiing today (that means the CRB, jerks).

So here is your chance, write up a fun story of something crazy that happend, or maybe a brutal injury tale that you have and hit up the contact Trans AM and ship it over.
Heres a interesting one story I dug up from the '47 Nationals. Stolen fair and Square from our buds over at Tournament water ski.

"August 1, 19471947 US NationalsFor the third and last time, the US Nationals were held on Lake Macatawa. The slalom course was laid out by trial and error and guesswork. Bud Leach arrived from California ostensibly to show the Easterners how to slalom on one ski. However, he was forced into a runoff with Dick Pope Jr in the finals. The guesswork on the slalom seemed to turn out pretty good in practice, so President Dan Hams and officials went out in a rowboat with some light cord and made some primitive measurements. This then was how the length from the entry gate to the first buoy was fixed at 41 m 45 yd.

Wila Worthington demonstrated the backward swan on a single ski but also had a runoff before winning the Tricks from Dotty Mae Anderson of Santa Monica. Also interesting was a mixed doubles match (a la tennis) which was won by Bob Sligh and Irene Boer.

But perhaps the most exciting part of the 1947 Nationals was the jumping duel between two young Cypress Gardens skiers, Tram Piekett and Buddy Boyle. “Form be darned” was their motto as they employed untested talents in the fight for distance. Tactics included pulling the rope in hand-over-hand fashion as they went over the ramp. This pulled them through space and took up all the slack. Sometimes it even looked as if they were actually pulling the boat back to them. This was extremely dangerous since there was a chance of getting tangled up in the rope in the event of a fall. They eventually tied with a jump of 18.60 m 61ft each. "

And no stories like "this one time at band camp, I skied behind a fighter jet"

cuz that never happend

/photo shop bitch slap

sweet stach

why cant our pros look that bad ass now? And damn Bob and Kris LaPoint went 1-2 at the '79 worlds? Skills, thats all you can say.

Here is my kid, Just Give me a Gallon of Gas. Part 2

Mar 13, 2008

Your Sports Fantasy?

When we first heard of Billy Crystal signing the one-day contract with the Yankees, and no it doesn't necessarily apply to Waterskiing, but our first reaction was "Publicity Stunt"!!

Sure, maybe it was, who cares? After watching the video of his at-bat in a meaningless exhibition game a couple things went through our heads.
  1. He certainly didn't seem to be doing it for yuks.
  2. Seeing as he is a lifelong Yankees fan, what possible bigger thrill could their be?
So, with that in mind, and sort of stealing from a radio show we heard today, what would be your biggest sports fantasy?

Ours would be very similar, but, would love to run out onto Wrigley Field just once and face a major league pitcher, or minor league, or beer-league soft ball or your mom. It doesn't matter.

In the waterski world, not sure what it could be...but, if you scour the CRB posts going back in time, you can imagine who may be involved!!!

Check out the video for inspiration.

Grownups Love Cartoons Too!!

So as cool as it is to have a coffee table book about coffee tables, we here a that CRB aren't that sophisticated. For the waterski child at heart we came across a awesome artist in this months slalom ski magazine. His name is Jurgen Strigenz, and he has made a book titled The Water Ski Cartoon Book.

The book is 85 pages and according to Strigenz, "This has been a project 25 years in the making." According the slalom ski magazine Jurgen was a cartoonist for them in the late 70's and early 80's. Bring him back! Maybe then we will stop calling it slalom ski, probably not. There are a few other images on Jurgen's website that are pretty cool.

Where's Waldo? I don't know but I see a jump ramp!

Jurgen you captured the CRB Jump Coach perfectly! Now open for lessons! Interested? Contact

If you are interested in purchasing Jurgen's Book it is available at Best of all the book is only $25, which equates to the gas for about one slalom set. Defiantly way cheaper than the coffee table book about coffee tables, and cooler!

Mar 12, 2008

Here is my kid, Just Give me a Gallon of Gas. Part. 1

Let this be said ahead of time, the idea that going green and hybrid and saving the planet from emissions is, in our opinion, a crock of shit. Do you really care that much about emissions or are you more concerned with spending $4 for a gallon of gas?

Look, its all well and good that people want to drive electric cars or hydrogen powered cars or whatever, but, the simple fact is, the energy to power your car or truck has to come from somewhere. If its hydrogen fuel cells, the laws of thermodynamics dictate that is is more inefficient to produce hydrogen then your internal combustion engine.

Electric powered vehicles still require coal or nuclear plants to produce the energy needed.

So, basically, its a wash.

However, what isn't a wash and what really gets us is the cost to drive and by extension, the cost to drive your boat around. Think about it, in the majority of your routine ski runs you are probably at 3,000 to 4,000 RPM's in a 350 cubic inch engine, which, while loud and awesome, really isn't doing much in terms of sipping gas.

Think of a wakeboard run, with full ballasts and whatnot in the boat, you can blow through a full tank of gas easy in an afternoon. For that matter, think of taking a footing run, a big ass motor running wide open?

So, while auto makers scramble to out-do each other and somehow make themselves seem as if they are the most environmentally friendly person on the planet, the boat industry seems to be way behind the times.

We have heard it said that, "The people who can afford to buy a Mastercraft aren't that concerned with the price of gas". Well, NO SHIT, they cost like $60,000 for a freaking Prostar 197, which isn't that special of a boat as it is!! Its a freaking hull, motor and some gizmo's inside to make you feel cool.

Side note: Yes, the people who can afford a boat don't worry about gas, what about the people who WANT to buy a boat but can't? 40, 50, 60 fucking thousand for a tub with a motor is obscene...whatever.

Thats it, boats are basically the same as they have been for years.

The one place where real changes can, could and should be made is under the hood.

The first and possibly easiest way to do this is to look towards the European car market, where they all zoom around in little cars powered by small Diesel motors that are by their very nature more efficient then their gas counterparts.

Mastercraft and Supra, I believe, are working on or have these available right now. Yes, that is true, guess Mastercraft has had it out since 2007, its a $30,000 upgrade. Jesus...

Well, anyways, the details of the motor is basically this, its the same 3.0 Liter 6-Cylinder turbo diesel from Audi that you would find in a A4 or A6, makes about 225 horsepower and of course gobs of torque.

Which, really, isn't that what you need in skiing?

Now, a $30,000 upgrade is a joke, you will never, ever, make up that price difference even if you ran it on used McDonald's French fry oil and installed a fusion thing from the Delorian in "Back to the Future."

However, if you look at or know anything about the future of the Automotive industry, you would know that smaller, turbo-diesels are going to be powering more and more of the autos that are available. The reasons are simple, Direct-Rail injection, the inherent efficiency of Diesel engines and the low-end torque make driving much easier then gas engines.

Can this be transferred over, in any mass production capacity, to the boating world?

Sure! A decent example of something super mean, fast and bad-ass, is the upcoming Audi Q7 TDI Quattro SUV. This bastard will probably have sex wit your sister, your mother and your girlfriend while you watch, then laugh about it and smack you in the face before leaving and pissing on your rug. It boasts 500 horsepower and 738 pound-feet of torque.

Wha? Christ!! All while getting about 20 miles per gallon. Wow.

There is also the option of cutting out the middle man and doing all this yourself. A company called USA Marine Diesel makes a engine that is marine ready that you can drop into a boat your own damn-self, should you feel it necessary.

The other option, which may or may not be as viable, is to utilize the Hybrid Technology that is employed in some current production vehicles and transfer that over to your boat.

The first Hybrid that comes to everyone's mind is the Prius, but, the technology in one of those is probably far to great for any real practical boating application. However, one of the more recent applications of Hybrid technology, that would logically make a transition to the boating world, is the 6.0L V8 Hybrid from GM that is used in both the Yukon and Tahoe Hybrid.

Long story short, GM uses what they call a two-mode hybrid system, where the motor is shut off and the vehicle is powered by the battery pack during low power situations, like, putting around town, sitting at stop lights, getting low-speed hummers from a hooker, etc.

When more power is needed, like, accelerating away from a stop-light, passing on the highway, towing a boat, escaping the police, the battery pack fires up the engine and then you have the bad-ass 6.0L Vortec at your disposal.

This, in theory, could work in a boat, when you are idling or putting around, its all electric, but, when you are pulling a skier or hauling ass across the lake the gas motor is on and no-one is the wiser.

The problem here is the issue of having the extra weight in the boat for the batteries and assorted electronic goodies that make this beast go. Along those lines, many hybrids use regenerative braking to help replenish the battery packs, which, in a boat really wouldn't work. But, it would be our guess that if you putt around or idle to long and the battery packs are going dead, the motor would just fire up and recharge that way.

Either way, and either option, should and could save your money at the pump. That is the ultimate goal is it not? We all know this sport is bonkers expensive as it is, and lets be honest, we are all pretty lucky to be able to take part in it. But, if we have to shell out these kind of dollars for a boat, gas, equipment, etc, etc, it will soon price many of us out of the sport.

Look, we all know where this is going, the cost to enjoy your boat and enjoy our sport will keep going up, there is no way around it, the only thing we can hope for is more efficient ways of doing this and hopefully, someone, somewhere, with a computer, a engineering degree and some foresight will figure out a way to allow us to continue doing what we love.

Part 2 coming soon

Mar 9, 2008

H20 Extreme!!

So it seems that Waterskiing has made it onto the silver screen again. H20 Extreme is set to be released this summer and is set in Florida, following the life of a small town boy from Wisconsin trying to decide if he wants to follow his Hockey skills into the NHL or his follow his real passion Waterskiing and join the H20 Extreme show.

The trailer looks interesting, not going to win any critical aclaim or anything, but hell its waterskiing in the theaters.

And thanks to our friends over at Barefoot we have an interview with the Director/Producer.

Is it really needed?

Thinking outloud here, but, in surfing the skifly website we came across this thread,
There might just be a Skifly event in the making
Really?  Thats awesome, just give us the time when that is on T.V or possibly on webcast so we can watch.  That would be awesome.  

Mar 8, 2008

What Year is This?

Click on that image and tell us if something seems amiss.  Serious...what year is this?

The CRB headquarters was all a-twitter when we saw this.  We said a silent prayer, which went something like this...

Dear God,
Please let this be a sign that peoples taste in music hasn't completely gone to shit.

Ooop....the new Miley Cirus song is on the radio...ttyl.  


Mar 5, 2008

The Repeater

It may have worked great for Super Troopers, but not for videos. Maybe its time to alter the format just a weee little bit. But what else would you expect from Slalom Ski Magizine? All slalom ski boringness over and over and over with a wee little bit of jump and barefoot, with absolutly no tricks at all. The first one was not a bad video, I was glad someone put a waterski vid out there. But then the boys at H20smosis came out with there vid and The Secret Spot came out, vids that showed what skiing really is.

I like to slalom as much as the next guy, but come on Slalom Ski mag there is so much more, at least show all 3 events. Give us 3 eventers a chance.

Oh yea, Wakeboard has its own magizines, let them take care of their own.

Sleazy Jim's Waterski Emporium

***Outside Strip Mall***

Douchebag: /exits Jeep Wrangler
/Adjusts hat
/Shaves lines in face
/Pops collar
/Enters "Sleazy Jim's Waterski Emporium and Waxing Studio"

Sleazyjim: Hey there young fella, nice day out there huh, HAHAHAHAHA
/slaps douchebag on back
What are ya looking fer today? Oh I know...You look like you could use a nice new Wakeboard huh? Is that what you kids these days are doing? HAHAHAHA.. So Extreme!!

Douchebag: sup bra...pssh...yo yo, check it, i'z need me some shit fo da lake, ya feel?

/Acts like a fucking dick

Douchebag2: psshheeaaahh.

/wanton disregard for social norms

shit bra, we need some faaking HOES...knowwhatimma sayin...the fuck is this shit....

ArmCandie: TEE HEE!! OH OH OH!! I totally need a wax!


SleazyJim: so whatta we looky for here boys? Whatta sort of price range we looky for? We have a great-a new wakeboards by the Hyperflexy if you in the market.

DoucheBag: Lissen here bra...i ain't no for that pussy wake shit...i needz me a ski to rip the SHIT outta the water...I GET FUCKING PUMPED!!!

/roid rage


DoucheBag2: Yo, calm yo self marky...makin the hoes nervous with all that riff raff..

/turns to sleazyjim

yo bra, pshhh...whats the haps.

/does gay hand shake thing

Money no object fo a playa, what ya got to get us some MAD pussy?

SleazyJim: Now you speakin the SleazyJim language, I got something here you will both love, its long and hard and you put the lube here and slide right in.

DoucheBag2: /looks at DoucheBag


DoucheBag: /looks at DoucheBag2


ArmCandie: Tee he....what?

CLERK: Fuck I need some cheetos.

/opens bag of cheetos


SleazyJim: So, whatta say boys, check it out...this is the top-o-the line there slalomy ski, got silver on it and two shoes fo ya feet.

/shows product

SleazyJim: Whatta ya think boys

DoucheBag: Shit ya bra, that is mad tight son!

/pulls money clip from pocket

/and hair gel and rophynol

/and 3 year old unused condom

DoucheBag2: GEAAHHH, thats whip is blazin, shit, get some FINE ass hoes with that!

/pulls wad of singles from pocket

/drops herpes and spray-on tanner on floor

ArmCandie: /picks up herpes

SleazyJim: oh, good decision there fellers, lets see, with tax and know uncle sam needs his cut, that will be,
/type type type type type

$1,280 will that be cash or your moms credit card?

DoucheBag: the fuck son, we ain't got that kind a skrilla, wha ya take us fa punk bitches?

DoucheBag2: shit bitch, f-this noize...mafucca is wac, yo you played son...

lets bounce

tee hee...ok!

/collects additional case of crabs at door


/does bong rip

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...