Its on Like Donkey Kong

Our Heads Hurt

We have poked some fun at Waterski Magazine throughout our short history. Its pretty easy to do really, what with us being a bunch of jackass' and all. Granted, the mag is really just a glorified slalom fanboy book, but, the pictures are pretty cool.

Anyways, that's not the point, there is a story on their website about some fantasy camp. Naturally, the idea of a "fantasy camp" made our ears perk up. An image of sunny beaches and women serving frozen cocktails and shrimps while the majestic sound of Wreckx n' Effect coursed through the waterproof speakers that hung suspended in mid-air, while we floated on our gentle cushion of air that provided perfect support to our backs while various temptresses paraded around in various states of clothing provided ample....errr....hmm, we have derailed.

All things being equal, our idea of a "fantasy" camp may differ slightly from yours.

(Ed Note: GET TO THE POINT!)

So, their little article seems to have been written in both past and present tense, with little or no cohesion between points and ultimatly giving us a headache, that thankfully the Minions medicine cabinet solved.

WaterSki's Second Annual Ultimate Fantasy Camp '08 - 14 regular Joes, 4 top MasterCraft pros and enough grins and good vibes to fuel the ProStar 197 until the sun went down.

Minor quibble, but, wouldn't proper sentence construction mean you would need to sort of qualify what is actually fueling your boat? It appears, as to how this is laid out, that the Second Annual Ultimate Fantasy Camp '08 is actually what is fueling the boat, or is it the grins and good vibes that fuel the boat? Why not just some gasoline? What happens when the sun goes down? Do the grins and good vibes go away? Is everyone attacked by vicious jackalopes?

When we extended an open invitation to our Second Annual Ultimate Fantasy Camp, we never expected to have so much trouble choosing which readers to invite. But after combing through dozens of applications literally dripping with ski passion, narrowing down the field to just 14 began to hurt. We're used to playing through the pain, though, and when our happy campers began arriving to the idyllic Swiss Ski School from as far away as Australia, Greece and Germany, we knew good times would be quick to follow.

That just seems like an overly complicated way to say that, basically, it was really hard to narrow down the list of people we wanted to invite. Disregard the lack of punctuation, and focus instead on the:

But after combing through dozens of applications literally dripping with ski passion, narrowing down the field to just 14 began to hurt.

Figuratively, that is probably the word you are looking for here. As the word literally would imply that the applications were ACTUALLY dripping. However, maybe that's why it began to hurt. Waterski passion could be a very toxic substance that began to burn the flesh from the mighty fingers of the, ugh, application guys?

Update: Just noticed this, this statement begins in the past tense with the "But after" implying that said task was already complete. It finishes with "began to hurt" implying that this is a current situation. Doesn't it? hmm...

We're used to playing through the pain, though, and when our happy campers began arriving to the idyllic Swiss Ski School from as far away as Australia, Greece and Germany, we knew good times would be quick to follow.

What idyllic Swiss Ski School? Wouldn't a 'However' at the start of the 'we're used to playing' sentence make more sense then the word 'though' in the middle? i.e, However, we are used to playing through pain, so, when our happy campers began arriving we knew THAT good times were quick to follow.

AAHH...quick, 'good times were quick to follow'? Sorry, using the present tense word 'quick' implies that the good times were quick. As in the good times are fast. A better term, and keeping with the past tense style of that sentence, the word SOON would have been better.

There is a final paragraph that seems to be free of any major grammatical blunder, or minor blunder. Whatever, its got a video!!!! YAY!!! Moving pictures! We don't have to read? YES! Sign me up! Here, go see for yourelf!!

Gypos can ski?

Pyramids going around the boat. seems like the top kid needs to hang on pretty tight.



What would the learning curve for this look like?

Driver starts turning
skiers start cutting
boat comes around

/AIR BORN
//YEEEE HAAAA
///death

This Guy May Have a Future in this Sport

Following the most recent tournament in Russia, it appears that there is a young upstart Waterskiier that we should probably all keep our eyes on as he looks to really make a name for himself.

That person is Freddy Krueger.

We are just SHOCKED that he won this tournament, and in setting the CRB research staff lose in our archives/google it appears that he has been good for quite a while. WHO KNEW?

Its not like he has his own boat, or website, or jumpers or anything.

http://www.usawaterski.org/default.asp?Display=368

http://waterski.online.fr/competition.php?cc=T-08RUS01&page=podiums

вода лыжа

Wondering what the hell the title of this post is? It is Water ski in russian! Why you ask, what a dumb question it is the CRB. The '08 World Cup is being held in Dubna Russia. Whooaaa back up. Russia, as in formerly known as "back in the USSR," Russia?

Well it is good to hear that communism is getting involved in sports again. All the pros are there, with there bottle of vodka and German shepard...don't ask me why those are the two things that come to mind when I think of Russia. As well as those goofy castles with the domes, and now water skiing.

Live results can be found at: comunistwaterski.com

Here are the results as of this AM:

Women's Trick

1) Mcclintock Whitney-8130
2) Bennett Danyelle-7300
3) Churakova Tatiana-6450 (a real live Russkie)
4) Sergeeva Karina-5710
5) Aynaud Marion-5560
6) Briant Michale-3150

I would just like to take this opportunity to say two things. First, Danyelle, I still love you and always will Mcclintock is cute but shes a Canuck. Second, I would like to thank Communism for everything they have given us: Lenin, Marx, Stalin, the great wall of China, hollywood, South Korea, mail order brides, cheap flavored vodka, the name Tatiana...it just sounds hot, hot models who don't speak a lick of English and of course wetsuits. So here is to you communism and waterskiing may you live a happy life together!

The Show Ski World Enters the Internets

Whoa...two posts about show skiing in a row? What the hell CRB getting soft? Love those boys in tights...YEE HAW!!!

/Deliverance

As it turns out, the webcast boys, who have been kicking ass the Mastercraft Protour are turning their attentions to the show skiiers, in webcasting the 34th installment of a weekend of beer and girls in skimpy outfits.

Christ, thats like any normal night at the CRB headquarters, but, we aren't ones to pick fights or turn down fun waterskiing on the ebay.

The full one-hour presentation of all 14 teams competing will be Webcast live at no charge. Highlight videos from the top teams each day also will be replayed in the evenings to allow for prime-time viewing and greater exposure. The link for the Webcasting will be available at www.USAWATERSKI.org.

No Shit!! Thats actually pretty freaking cool. Normally, this would be the paragraph where we make some smart ass comment about something, but, that is pretty sweet. Haven been lucky enough in our existence to experiance this event, its worth your while.

Sure, some of the stuff is kinda lame, but, you know...fire up your super highway and give it a shot. Its like watching "The Hills" or "Girls Next Door" its kinda silly, but, damn...its fun.

Show Skiing Enters the Modern Age

Largest waterski tournament in the world wears tights?

The largest waterski tournament in the world took place this past weekend. While the 3 event world was watching race boats and rough water in Michigan at the Malibu open, the tights wearing world was focused on a small town in Wisconsin, a town full of people who appearently think that people dont know what state they are in so they named their city Wisconsin Rapids. 25 teams ranging from the 100 plus member teams down to the smallest Division 2 teams fielding around 30 or so members converged on Wisconsin Rapids and prepared their shows.

Some teams had plenty of practice time, while others had not seen a single skier grace the waters at their sites since the first rains in June flooded out much of the central midwest.

The perennial big dogs of the show ski world including the Mad City Show Ski team skiing for a 3-Peat and the Rock Aqua Jays who have won the tournament more times then all others combined. The picture above shows the Rock Aqua Jays show site in Jansville Wisconsin.

Badgerland appearently belived they could take down the drowned out teams by lighting their skiers on fire. This may have been a mistake as putting on a ski show with no skiers does not work very well.

I am told that as usual the skiing on the water was amazing, but Mad City did what they do best and put it all out on the water and wowed the crowds. Even with limited water time they carried their 3rd state title in as many tries. USA waterski was friendly enough to list the scores, as most people who were there are way to hungover today to remember what actually hapened.

The highest scoring jump act of the weekend was a jump act that saw a 3 man gainer, 4 man heli and a 5 man front flip all of a standerd size ramp. Crazyness is all I can say. Perhaps I should learn to jump with these guys, as my method of landing on my head has not been working all that well.

Its good to know that after all of the flooding and damage the skiers of our friendly dairy state can still get out on the water and wear tights for the amusment of the crowds.

Hmmm, ok then, more of that.

And the one thing that the showskiers have really done right is the beer tent. What else would you like to do when standing in 90 degree heat while watching grown men dance? Just watch how much you drink...

Ah hell...

JORTS!!

The CRB is on vacation for a week or so, or at least until Mrs. CRB gives us our computer privileges back.

Anyways, in the meantime and with a hat tip to Mitchell we have this picture, which is awesome on so many levels it boggles the mind.

1) Jorts! Not just for fancy parties anymore

2) Mastercraft Skis? Guessing that adjusted for inflation, if they built that ski today it would be like $9,500.

3) The sort of smirky, pouty lip thing. Precursor to this?

4) Shorty shorts. Thank the lord those around around anymore. well, these are ok.

Entering the NO SPIN ZONE!!

***Scene***

Bad Habit

Interesting thread on the Ball of Spray forum about pre-turns and slalom buoys and, well, to be honest, I sort of lost interest because I am a crappy slalom skier and the terms and what-not being bandied about confused me.

But, here is the crux of the argument. Some dude started to push down on his back leg at the finish of his turn to get his body in a better position. Gahh...whatever, here, I just cut and pasted.

I think my preturn is relatively good and the early part of my turn is good (for me), but it seems like I lose angle on the last part of my turn. When skiing the course this ends up putting me behind in getting to the next ball. While out free skiing the other day I decided I was going to try and figure out how to get a more aggressive angle in my turns.

One time, when I was working on getting a more aggressive angle, I pushed a little bit on my back leg at the end of my turn. It felt like I was just giving a little "snap" of pressure to my back leg, and then I would transition back in to a balanced stance after the turn was finished. It appeared like it helped finish out my turn. I started to work on doing that through each turn and it felt like I was getting a more aggressive angle on the finishing part of my turns.

Prior to working on this technique (be it good or bad), I was relatively balanced on my feet through my turn. I haven't put this techninque in to practice out on the course yet. Is this a bad habit or a good habit to work on? Thanks

Well, take it from the resident CRB Slalom Master. Just kick off the ski and barefoot away. Ignore that pesky swerving and burn your feet. Or strap on a pair of jumpers and go nuts. Or go slalom some more.

Christ, what am I? Chris Parrish? The Pope? Your Moms? I dont have all the answers. Anyways, on the subject of good and bad habits. Here is a quick rundown.

Good Habit - Sun Bathing: This is good for a number of reasons. 1) Tans are awesome. 2) Its warm and you look mucho better with less stuff covering your body...NOT YOU OVER THERE!! Keep your shirt on. 3) Danielle Lloyd, my present and future non-wife. She likes it, so naturally, the CRB crew does as well.



Bad Habit - Smoking: This is sort of self-explanitory, in that, you may die. However, you look so fucking cool when doing it!! OR...kinda like a moron. Either way, its bad. So don't do it. Or do it, I am not your caretaker.











Good Habit - Reading and commenting on the CRB: Psssh...like you need a reason.










Bad Habit - Car Crashes: So technically this may not be a habit thing, but, its bad anyways. AVOID CAR CRASHES!!! Side note: If you happen to be a habitual car crasher, well, thats really crappy because your insurance must be through the roof!

lake to lake tour

"Yesterday morning we packed up, ate some grub with Jenny's dad and bro, FINALLY made it to the bank, and headed north out of Rifle to Jackson, WY. Most of the drive was barren, but the several hours of boredom were worth it to get to see the Tetons. WOW...I mean WOW!!! These mountains are like none we've seen before. So steep, so jagged, so amazing!"

So says Marcus Brown and the face to face tour. A very interesting concept that is bringing pro Slalom skiing to the private lakes around this great country of ours. There are many people bringing waterskiing to the public in our country today, Tadd and the proskiers.com gang, Marcus Brown, and many others who love our great sport. We need to support people like Marcus and Tadd and all the other people who are helping our sport grow. Some day we will see them on ESPN just as it was when Sammy, Carl and Patrice were the faces of our sport.

And some day maybe we will see this mag looking like this:

We can always hope.

61 days till '08 World Cable Ski Championships

Ok, so I understand that I may not be the most intelligent person out there but I didn't even know this. In September there will be a live webcast for the World Cable Ski Championships. I know there are all the local kids from Orlando who wakeboard on a cable but all 3 events? I had to see what jump would look like. Check it out.



So I took a look at the records and all and it isn't that far away from normal three event. The men's slalom world record is a 1/2 a buoy away from Parish's record. Makes sense seeing that you have no wake.... The trick record is held by Alexi Zernossek, hey that name is familiar, with a score of 1130 which is 1100 point shy of Le Forsteirs record. How do you do wake tricks? Cable jump is just shy of 10 m less than its way cooler brother, normal jump, with the cable record being 67.3 m.

So mark your calendars for the live webcast on September 10th-13th or better yet book a flight to London and go check it out! www.cableskiworlds.co.uk Interesting side note on the "World Medal Table" the US isn't even listed. I dont even think anyone from the US competes in cable ski.

Pinning is overrated

ok so I completly stole this vid from Rykerts lake of sin, but Patrice Martin proves here that he is nuts and it makes for a great old school video.

Waterski Stalker Book...

Like facebook wasn't enough of a stalker fest already. I mean honestly how many times in one day do you need to check your ex-girlfriends page. (three seems to do for me) However now not only can you stalk you ex you can also stalk USA waterski and your favorite pro skiers. According to Steve Locke in his July 1st executive directors report:

Facebook is a worldwide social networking tool designed to keep people in touch, as well as to aid in the introduction of new people. It connects nearly 4 million users by interests, hobbies, schools, and much more. USA Water Ski is taking advantage of the broad audience it reaches by creating its own profile, as well as a fan page. Although it will not require a great amount of maintenance, it will be a great tool to help get USA Water Ski “in the know” with the millions of Facebook members throughout the world. Due to the nature of the sport, there is a lot of segregation amongst each discipline, so this new fan site will be able to bring them all together to share information and stories.

As a FREE networking tool, the possibilities are endless. First of all, members of the fan page will be able to find new friends within the water sports world. For instance, as the 2008 GOODE Water Ski National Championships approaches, members of our site will be able to click on a link to see who will be attending the event. They can then go ahead and become friends with attendees with the hope that they will begin communication before the event rolls around.

Secondly, Facebook makes it easy for USA Water Ski to find new members through its advanced search option. When searching for new members, we can specify things such as gender, age, location and interests. Facebook will then pull up every person who fits that particular profile. After a search for 14- to 24-year-olds with an interest in water skiing, we were able to find 44,000 people!

The fan page will continually be updated with each week's Executive Director's Report, as well as a self-updating blog and a photo section. Big events, such as national championships, will also be displayed on the fan site to provide additional event promotion. Social networking sites function in a chain-reaction manner. To increase traffic, as we have just introduced the page to Facebook, we intend to host a photo contest with prizes from sponsors such as ropes, handles, and/or USA Water Ski apparel.

It is as simple as a few mouse clicks to become a fan of USA Water Ski on Facebook. First, you need to set up a Facebook account at www.facebook.com, and then you search for USA Water Ski fan page and click 'become a fan.'

If you wanna be friends with USA waterski, don't worry they didn't block you there name just makes no sense: "Usaws Headqs" Oh I get it USA Waterski Headquarters, wait no I don't why didn't you just use USA Waterski? Aren't you glad you can see that report on facebook too now. That way you don't ever have to go to usawaterski.com. I kid, I kid where else are you going to find out the AWSEF Scholarship winners? Looks like trophy lakes status updates says "Trophy Lakes is hosting SC States this weekend...records will fall."

Recomended Reading: Group Dinners

A little off-topic, but, there is a hysterical post on Kissing Suzy Kolber regarding group dinners. Highly recommended reading.

Suppose in a sense that it ties into waterskiing in that we often go out with our group of waterski buddies and inevitably the hassle of splitting checks and the crap that goes along with a big group of people surfaces.

If you know anything about KSK you know that if for some reason you are offended by language or funny stereotypes, well, don't bother reading it because you won't like it. But, if you have a sense of humor, by all means.

A sample:

And once the tab arrives, it’s automatically assumed that the tab be SPLIT EQUALLY. Hey host lady. You see those seven daiquiris on the tab? Those are your problem. I’m not paying for that shit. Yet if I bitch about this, I’m somehow a cheap asshole. What the fuck?

Enjoy.

Officer Buck gives this post: Four Thumbs Up

That's a Decent Idea, Just Give Me a Gallon of Gas Part 3

Well, maybe all the talk about hybrids and whatever the hell technology is out there is not necessary, maybe, the answer to our fuel issues is something as simple as making things more efficnet.

Whoa, novel concept huh?

A dude in Ohio tweaked around with his car and was able to get over 100 MPG and still have enough horsepower to dust the local civic on steroids crowd. Yes, its a Mustang....and yeah, its a god damn 1987 Mustang, an escort with a body kit. Well played.

The long and the short of the deal is simply this, as stated in the article, the normal internal combustion engine operates at like 8% efficiency, he put a bunch of electric crap into it and got it to run at close to 40%.

A good frame of reference is the website howstuffworks, where you can learn all sorts of random info, but, more important and to this situation it explains in pretty simplistic terms how a engine works.

Simply put, and its basic common knowledge, is that you jam air and gas into a cylinder it blows up and makes a piston go up and down, however, inherent to that process is the loss of energy through heat and the basic physics of the process.

Within that process is the fact that if you are smart and can tweak shit the right way, well, you can hopefully get rid of some of the inefficiencies that are structurally built into a vehicles engine.

What this means, at least to the CRB and how this applies is two fold. First of all, this sort of technogy is crucial to the survival of the sport and the boating industry, unless there is some crazy dramatic change in overall paradigm of the sport, which ain't happening anytime soon, this sort of technology can hopefully make the sport, on a day to day basis, more affordable to average Joe waterskier man.

Secondly, we all are aware that the big wig boat companies no longer cater to the "middle income" slice of America, its more to the rich, hence the thought that "the people that can afford a boat like this aren't concerned with the cost of gas".

Well, take a look at GM and their bullheaded approach to large SUV's and Trucks, if you build your company around a market that is susceptible to pricing fluctuations and without the foresight to make corrections to said fluctuations, well, take a peek at the stock prices or the general health of General Motors and know that they are fucked, and seeing as we all live on waterski time, which is naturally slower then the real world, so to will the boat industry without drastic changes.

Picos Tour Stop - Webcast

Well, seeing as its the 4th of July weekend, we figure that you will be spending it the same way we will be, getting drunk, getting sunburned, burning meat on a grill and going all ga-ga over fireworks.

Because if there is anything more American then getting drunk, blowing stuff up and eating meat, we don't know what it is.

On the off chance you are a terrorist or really hate America, of for that matter, if you don't live in the sweet sweet world that is the U.S.A, two things.

1) We feel sorry for you

2) Check out the fifth stop of the Pro Tour, the "Cory Pickos Superstars" event on the webcast.

Yes, that is Danielle Lloyd in the picture, we snapped that right before posting this. She was so impressed with our love in a previous post that she contacted us and we are now dating, probably going to be married, so yes, that is her waiting in our Chevette before we take off for the weekend*.

Only in America, where dreams do come true.

*not true. Yet.

I'd Hit That

Some things out there seem so damn simple, yet, so genius at the same time. Freddy Krueger's website has a little retail store front in it that sells this shirt, little picture of a jump and says "I'd Hit That".

Gaah! How could no one have thought of this sooner!

Its like upside down ranch and shampoo bottles, so damn simple, yet, no one thought of it.

Anyways, there is a bunch of stuff in his little store that is pretty cool, nothing tops the sexual innuendo of the t-shirt, but, its worth a look.

In related news, this shirt got the CRB crew thinking, and below is a list of other things that we would also, you know, like to hit.

Home Run: Doesn't every little kid dream of hitting a home run, or, more specifically a game winning home run, or a world series clinching home run, or even better, a world series clinching home run and then reveling in the spoils of groupies and champagne?

We think yes.




Danielle Lloyd: She is one of the so-called "wags" or wives and girlfriends, its an English, British, type term that describes the uber rich girlfriends and wives of soccer players. As if you needed more reasons to hate the pansy soccer players, like Ronaldo. The CRB hates that term, we prefer to refer to her with easier acronyms, like, Hot or Smoking Hot, or Sexy or, you know, our future wife.

Regardless, this lady is hot as the surface of the sun and in the non-physical / get your freak-on way, the CRB would like to hit that. If faking an injury and rolling around in the grass like a gigantic cry-baby as if we had just been snipered in the leg/ankle/butt is what it takes, well, consider the CRB snipered.



A Wide-Receiver: There is nothing better in football then a balls out beat down from a safety on a wide-receiver or tight-end, whatever, when some dude gets layed out its just awesome. There is no way that sometimes you don't wish to be someone like Rodney Harrison or Roy Williams and line up a receiver and put the wood to him.

Note: You could put all three CRB members together and we wouldn't make up enough of a bad-ass to do this, but, it would be cool anyways.





Pizza Dough: ummm...pizza. The staple of any decent and healthy diet, the pizza is, and forever will be, basically its own damn food pyramid. Serious, its got all the stuff on it that any growing person needs to sustain life. AND, you put whatever you dont eat in the fridge and its just as tasty if not better cold.

Oh, and the jack-asses that claim that Chicago-style or New York or whatever is real pizza, the CRB says this, "screw you, you are an idiot" The best pizza is whatever the hell you want. Put some chicken wings, hard boiled eggs or taco-bell hard shell tacos on it. It doesn't matter. Its all good, in fact, we bet that a deep-dish pizza with extra cheese and a chocalate shake on it would be pretty decent.

Drum: Boom Boom Boom. If you were to break down the heavily fortified doors of the CRB mansion and force us at gunpoint to join a marching band, we would choose either the Tuba or the big-ass drum. Its pretty hard to be cool when blowing on a trombone or flute or something. But, a big bad-ass drum? Sure!

Besides, how hard is it. What sort of music do you read? You just bash away as hard as you can for awhile, then, proceed to groupies. Check and Mate.

Well, thats our list. Did we forget anything?

What? Hmm, the CRB I.M is blinking....

**ONLINE HOST**
CRB has entered the chat room.


tailwag: C'mon, I wanna go rollerblading baby!!







RowRowyourboat: Sorry! Just lacing up my skates!




tailwag: No prob, I will wait for you!

Have I mentioned how I love your brilliant use of ITC style of writing at the same time WBMS?

*swooon*



RowRowyourboat: /pumps fist

Awww Shucks.

Well, looks like the CRB done growed up! Our Waterski Overlord, in his most recent Exec Report mentioned the CRB...by name..and it was even nice!!

We are a bit shocked, maybe a bit flattered, but, regardless we are glad you take both our criticism and playfulness in the spirit intended.

Here is the snippet from the report:

Speaking of message boards, forums and Web sites; I think we have a ton of good and often highly entertaining sites within this set of sports, including http://creakyrowboat.blogspot.com/. I don't know who Mr. Creaky Row Boat is (presuming he is a male), but I think he is clever, a bit profane and highly entertaining as he dialogues with himself throughout his site. CRB (Creaky Rowboat) speaks editorially in ITC (Improvised Tongue in Cheek) terms sometimes using this report to praise USA Water Ski and other times to take our notions to task. I think he does it WBMS (Without Being Mean Spirited). Good on him. I love reading it and encourage you to visit the site.

Holy Acronym attack!!! Oh, and we are three people, if there is a mr. creaky rowboat out there in the world, gosh, we apologize to you for using your name in vain!

If you are visiting for the first time, welcome aboard, we always have a CRB Cooler stocked with cheez-its, smoked meats, crackers and Hamms beer. Help yourself.

So, short story long, we hope you stick around, comment and enjoy yourself, if not, well shit, then the terrorists have won.

Thanks for the love Mr. Locke! Now, please return my bottle opener.