Sep 30, 2009

Your Local Waterski Newscast *update*

[Stew] Good evening ladies and gentalman, welcome to first choice for waterski news, Panda News at always, I am Stew Greenspot.

[Gina] and I am Gina Skoalenstein, welcome everyone, our top story today is the continued backlash coming from the middle east after the controversial decision to shut down the entirety of that regions water reserves.

For more we go to our intrepid field reporter Molly Stepchevy, Molly?

[Molly] Thanks Gina, your hair looks fabulous today, what did you do to it?

[Gina] ......

[Molly] Nevermind you vapid bimbo.

[Molly] I am here in the heart of Saudi Arabia, technically, I am very close to the left aortic valve, and it is here that only I, Molly Stepchevy, has dared to venture to uncover the truth about the international issue at hand, that the Middle-East Coalition is holding our worlds skiable water hostage.

Earlier I was able to track down one of the top operators in this conspiracy and ask questions, questions only I, Molly Stepchevy, dare ask. Roll the tape you idiot cameraguy.

[Camera Guy] /flips bird....rolls tape.

[Molly] So, Mr. So and So, can you explain why you are holding the worlds water hostage, is this a brazen attempt to control the worlds economy? Are you mad at your wives? Do you hate puppies? Did you forget your tampoons? How does my hair look? Should I buy the Saab or the Volvo? Why doesn't my husband like having sex with me anymore? Is he cheating on me? Am I cheating on him with his boss?

[Molly] The answer to all those questions is YES. YOU PERVERT! I HATE YOU. GIVE US BACK OUR WATER

[Saudi Guy] WTF lady, your weird. LOL. Its Saudi Arabia, we are like, mostly sand. and some oil. ok, half and half. Either way, we don't have any water here...why do you think we wear these robes?

[Molly] Ahh, i see, playing hardball with me huh? I see....I will get to the bottom of this.

[Saudi Guy] omg, srsly? Your redic. lata.

[Molly] So there you have it, straight from the horses mouth, the Saudis are hording all of our water, and speaking of hording....i'm bout to get my gin and tonic on and find me a nice little oil barron to bleed dry slowly over the course of many years. Back to you in the studio.

[Stew] Thanks Molly, that was horrible reporting as always!!

[Gina] So, stew...thats a tasty looking sub there you got...mind if I have a taste?

[Stew] Thats not just a sub Gina...if you know what I am saying.

[Gina] no, i dont really.

[Stew] I have a have a huge erect....ummm, nevermind, i have herpes too, so you know...steer clear.

[Gina] Thanks for the advice, i would like a bite of that, just let me grab it and....

[Stew] Wow, you have a big mouth. it actually goes over your nose, and you know who else is in the knows? Yep, our head meteorologist, Dr. Jim! Jim?

[Dr. Jim] Hey Now!! this is quite the weatherfront we got moving into your mom's house tonight boys and girls! OH YEAH!!! hey, little timmy, can you leave me a plate of cookies and a glass of milk? I need to refuel after a long day of making dick shaped weather patterns before I bone your mom.


back to you stew.

[Gina] Are you wearing a Sub as a hat?

[Stew] No, my hair always looks this scrumptious. I always use Subway brand Shampoo in the morning, I thought you knew that, as you continually get plastered and show up at my place at 4 AM looking for a fix.

[Gina] I live in the same apartment building as you, you moron. You are always sitting on your porch with your bong and a bottle of jergens. Whats that all about?


[Stew] I love you Gina. We were meant to be together.

[Gina] Nice, you are a class act Stew. Moving along, lets kick it old school with sports. As always with refreshing take on todays action here is our own, Hap "THE KILLER" Glaudi

[Hap] Why in heavens name do you guys keep refering to me as "The Killer"? Prostitutes aren't real people and therefor, technically, I haven't killed anyone.

[Hap] Oh shit, is this mic on?

[Stew] /masturbates with mayonnaise and sliced tomatoes

[Hap] Thats awesome Stew. You can't even make it one half hour without taking care of a six incher huh? huh huh...

[Stew] Whats that? I can't hear you over all these subs...god I need a smoke....hey Gina...lets play dress up!!

[Hap] Nice hat dickhead.

[Hap] Anyways, in free agent news the Boise Idaho Gun Smugglers, recently signed Whitney McClintok to a record contract to compete in the WWL, the World Waterski League, with now over 60 teams around the world competing for a 25 million dollar prize, this year should be one for the ages, now, lets head to Heidi and see what Whitney had to say about her record contract, Heidi?

[Heidi] Thanks Hap, tell Stew to save a sub for me, if you catch my drift.

[Hap] Jesus Christ, what is with you people? Anyways, what did you find out for us Heidi?

[Heidi] Well, Recently I found out that I really like the taste of a darker meat sub. Meatballs maybe? Tuna get what I am saying.

[Hap] /sigh

[Hap] /Blows head off with sub shooter

[Heidi] Hap? Are you ok?

[Hap] gurgle

[Heidi] Tee Hee, anyways guys. so, I totally talked to Whitney today and here is what she said.




[Heidi] Welp, thats all from here, back to you guys in the studio.

[Stew] Once again all of us at Panda News would like to thank you for tuning in

[Gina] I think I have a piece of turkey in my undaroos.

[Stew] Thats not turkey baby

[Gina] The Hell?

[Stew] Nevermind, that didn't make sense anyways.

[Gina] No, it didn't

[Stew] As always keep one hand on the wheel and the other two on your sub.

[Gina] That's my leg

[Stew] SO IT IS!!

****Commercial Break****

[Geraldo] EXCUSE ME!! This is not the end of the story, oh no. Your local waterski news organization thinks that they uncovered the plot to hold our waterskiiable water hostage as well as Whitney McClintoks record breaking contract to light.

HO NO THEY DID NOT! Next on "GERALDO IN YOUR FACE" we will go inside the seedy world of highly competitive waterskiing and expose these frauds for who they really are.

But first, a word from our sponsors.

[Geraldo] AND WE ARE BACK. God do I love burritos.

/creepy organ music
/sinister lights

Innocent civilians walk the street. not knowing what dangers lurk around every corner, could this be the day that they....


Not with "GERALDO IN YOUR FACE" on the scene.

We went out and beat the streets, to bring you, the innocent, stupid, unable to fend yourself citizen of this country the dirt that YOU NEED to survive your day.

Rememeber this story from just over 20 minutes ago about Whitney and her record contract with the WWL? No?


Seems innocent enough, a cute reporter in an innertube with a delicious sub sandwich simply trying to uncover the truth about the under the table wheeling and dealing that makes the WWL such a pervasive and insidious organization.




[Geraldo] Yes, thats right. SHE IS STEALING MONEY!! FROM THE ELDERLY!

[Geraldo] We reached out to the poor eldery, they all stay in the same place you know...and here is what they said when WE GOT IN THEIR FACE.

[Geraldo] Sir, can you please tell us your reaction when you found out about this heist of money from YOUR POCKETS?

[Elderly Dude] HUH? WHAT SONNY? My taxes pay for our military which then had the responsibility of protecting you while you were embedded in their unit and then you blabbed secret information to the entire world you nitwit. Is that the sort of theft you are speaking of?


[Elderly Dude] No one stole money from us, I have my money in various retirement accounts and well as my personal savings and real estate ventures, I was smart with my money during my working life and now I am enjoying the fruits of my labor. Besides, with modern medicine I can totally get it on whenever I want.

[Geraldo] grody

[Elderly Dude] Is that a burrito?

[Geraldo] no.

[Elderly Dude] Yes it is. I can see right in your hand where the mic is supposed to be

[Geraldo] No its not.

[Elderly Dude] Yes it is. Whats wrong with you? And why are you crawling around on the ground?

[Geraldo] You watch it old man, i will get IN YOUR FACE before you know it. Don't you try and spin me.

[Elderly Dude] pfffft, eff this noise. Yo, Gertrude, lets bounce.

[Elderly Women] I feel dat. Lata bitch.

[Geraldo] and yet another sad old man whose country has betrayed his every belief, shaken him to the core, its a sad day in America when the marginalized get repressed and beaten down as these two have.

/elderly couple totally getting it on in the back seat of a Camaro

[Geraldo] ewwwwww.

/Grim lighting effects

[Geraldo] With the elderly population scared to their wits end, we turned out attention to the real culprits, the waterskiers themselves. The truth will shock you to your very core of being, if you have kids in the house I suggest you ask them to leave the room, nay...leave the, leave the country....

/cuts to videotaped segment.

[Geraldo] We are here on the shores of Lake Chipolte Burrito and we have tracked down one of the so-called "money players" in the WWL. Yes, the head of this operation, Nicolas Le Forestier.

[Geraldo] Wow, nice weiner

[NLF] um, thanks. its my lunch, please leave me alone.

[Geraldo] oh, I apologize, I must have caught you at a bad time. I will come back...RIGHT NOW AND GET IN YOUR FACE YOU HOT DOG EATING KRAUT!!!

[NLF] I am pretty sure I am French...lemme check my label...Yep, French. Now FOUS LE CAMP!!

[Geraldo] How dare you speak to me in such a manner. We are GETTING IN YOUR FACE to get to the bottom of this WWL scandal. How can you steal from the elderly and give that money to fellow waterskiers, just to pad the bank account of your fat cat cronies? HUH? I CANT HEAR YOU!?!

[NLF] What? whats wrong with you and why are you yelling at me? We negotiated a contract with the world government organization that allows us anti-trust status, we bring in well over a 100 billion dollars a year in revenue for the world back (that money goes to Italy) which is then spread throughout many needy communities as well as provide a harmless and excited sport for our fans to watch and enjoy every Monday, Thursday and Saturday.

[Geraldo] You poison pill son of a bitch, don't think that you can get away with that sort of shit on my watch, I am IN YOUR FACE for good buster, I will break you, I will destroy you, I will REIGN DOWN A SHIT STORM SO LARGE THAT YOU....

[NLF] Want a burrito?

[Geraldo] oh my that a black bean and cajun chicken burrito with extra guac?

[NLF] Why yes, yes it is.

[NLF] Here, have it. I made especially for you.

[Geraldo] /snorts burrito

[Geraldo] God yes, that was good. /naps

[NLF] sheesh, what a nut job.

**Back in studio**

[Geraldo] As you have seen in our Shocking piece on the theft of money from old people by young upstart waterskiers, the trend in this country is ominous. Its black hearted. Its ugly. and without people like me to GET IN YOUR GODDAMN FACE at every turn, it will continue down this terrible spiral into hell.

/Chairs flys across room, hits Geraldo

[Geraldo] DAMNIT!

[Camera Man] AND WE'RE CLEAR!!

Sep 29, 2009

Vids and all that

Does anyone else hate those US Cellular robot commercials as much as I do? If I wanted to watch some stupid mecanical thing make weird sounds I would open the girl friends bed side table...

Damn there are some stupid freaking comercials out there. Makes me just want to beat my head against the wall.

/face palm
//channel change
*leno show*
//channel change
*so you think you can dance*
//yay channel surfing
*shark tank*
///self cock punch

So as I have been forced to turn off the TV to rid myself of the urgh to kill myself.

Man I need to get HBO or cinamax. Oh yea, you cant beat skinamax...

Ok so time to watch some ski vids!

USAWS put up 8 of the 14 shows from the Show Ski nationals from mid August. A little odd that after a month and a half they still only have 8 of the shows up when most other webcasts have everything up within a week or so.

***Damn post fail making me do this all again (I blame Rykerts Dads interweb)***

Being bored at work as often as I am led me to email USAWS and ask when the last 6 would be up, and well this was there response.


We expect the six remaining teams to be uploaded one by one before the end of this week or beginning of next week.

We apologize for the delay.

Thank you,
*edited to protect the innocent*

This was 3 weeks ago...

ODBF + FREAKING 40 degree weather = short temper

so the solution is living vicariously thru youtube vids

Damn that girl can ski! ok now life is good again, time to flip on the TV again...

*The Good Wife*

Fantom II

So I do not read the skiflies all that often but the "Next" thread has always been an enjoyable one. Then the anonymous "Fantom" passed away and his daugther "Fantom II" took his place. But apperantly back in June she posted this
I'm afraid that I have some bad news
And I've always said no to the booz
It has been a good lifeI did handle the strife
In the clouds, Dad and I, we will cruize

It seems that we have lost one another Fantom, which I must say is sad news. I always liked seeing a new post on the Next Thread, as you could (almost) always count on it lacking the bitterness that has a habit of popping up on that site.

You can always count on a flame war or just utter nonesense from posters (like this concerned parent bitching about a nose picking pic in slalom ski mag). But you could always count on something light hearted from Fantom II

I'm glad to see Ham & ab
Keep things going, their the greatest you see
We're like family I know
Don't forget ole Vern O'
At the worlds, I am planing to be

Of course maybe I am just misreading the June post from Fantom (hopefully!) but if not then Skifly and waterskiing have lost a good heart.

Sep 24, 2009

USA Vs China in show skiing?

Certainly not large shows but quite the opening ceremonies and some awsome talent out on the water. Pretty cool to see stuff like this, anything that helps spread skiing is awsome in my book. And the Chinesse dont mess around when they put on an event, they can always be counted on to put on a good show. And after watching the past Olympics there we can all say they do it well.

And they have a chick throwing fronts off the ramp, I saw her do this at a show ski tournament last year. Pretty cool to see her step it up and get in on an act that is 99.9% of the time an all guy act.

The wakeboarding is pretty sweet considering they are using 3 event boats with out much of a wake.

Thats what she said.

USA VS CHINA Waterski show from michael sato on Vimeo.

Sep 23, 2009

Lake Trout Carry Out - Way to Many Cans Edition

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever

  • Well as I pointed out a few posts ago my ski season is coming to an end, but at least I can live vicariously thru the collegiete skiers.
  • Tommy Bartletts skied the last show of the 2009 season recently which is good news for pro show skiing as their last show last year was in June when their lake decided to take a vaction down south...along with some homes and the Wisconsin Dells economy.

  • So a wakeskater from BraceBridge (whereever the hell that is) is ranked 2nd in the nation. I like seeing these kinda stories, its good to see at least local media outlets pay some attention. Unlike the the media in my area that refuses to write about a sub par 3 eventer with a seldom read blog. Jerks...I will show you yet FOX I am the best that has ever been!
  • The Pro Wakeboard tour stop # 4 was on Fuel TV yesterday. Why am I telling you this now instead of yesterday? well cuz I was hip deep in a case of Old Style and typing seemed like way to much work.
  • Morons! They never listen to the all knowing ODBF!
  • Ok so maybe its time to take out the recycling.

OK USA Waterski, Where is the CRB love?

Do we need to remind you, Mr. Locke, that the CRB has been on-board since your inception? We want to help out and get more people signed up with USA Waterski. Its important that as a waterski community we all band together and do things.

Helping fund the governing body that goes out and gets our world some more love, more technology and everything else that goes into our sport that we poke fun at because thats our job.

Now, in the Exec Posts you have various waterski people posterized into the Uncle Sam pose to get you, YES YOU, to join USA Waterski. Its very cute. In fact, its pretty neat, you get people involved, connected, thesaurus term, to the movement.

Its fun. Sure.

However, we have a bone to pick, in fact, we are picking a bone, many bones. We are a bone picking crew right now. Like, Slim Charles or Omar from The Wire, they pick bones...we do the same...but, you know, with out the shot guns, drugs or murders.

So, here we go with out bone picking, this week you have some skiers from the Tampa Bay Waterski Team. Bunch of cute little people doing their thing. Nothing wrong with the Tampa peeps but...


/cheek pinching


We are picking bones here buster! See, a month or so ago we went ahead and did a masterful MS Paint job of our employees (at the time) in your fancy smancy Uncle Sam posters. Please view exhibit A.

And as the newest CRB'er, Dig Dug, I threatened a lawsuit if the graphic department didn't produce a USA Waterski poster, so...enjoy the pixalated goodness. I look way better in real life, the lighting was bad. Normally my eyes really pop and when I wear red it really casts a gorgeous silhouette.

Oh, and how could we forget, Nola the dog. Rykert, from the lake of sin's dogm is also a sort of de-facto CRB mascot. or something.

Now, granted, the Rowboat isn't technically working here anymore, more like, just pops in from time to time with way overly worded articles that are annoying. Matter of fact, in sitting through those god-awful company wide meetings, ODBF has said repeatedly that we are trying to keep that jack-ass off our pages, but, somehow keeps coming up with the log in codes.

We have the CRB I.T department on it. Granted, the rowboat was a pretty wicked smart geek type, so, you can rest assured that once every other month, or when a silly fantasty fishing tournament pops up, the Rowboat will return. Like a phoenix, or the minions herpes.

Whatever, thats besides the point. The CRB LLC internal squabbaling should not be put on the pages of the internet, its to bad our keyboard does not have a delete key.

Cmon Mr. Locke, give us our due! Let us do a poster for you! In fact, we even have an idea! Peep this!

What do you think? Its not perfect, but, you get the idea. Lets get together and do this! We will provide you with a CRB Approved pic to use! If this doesn't happen, the CRB will put you on notice. Colbert would back us up.

Were here for you buddy!

Sep 22, 2009

Sometimes life is...welll...pretty awesome for some people

While most of us bash away in a cubicle somewhere, or hit the road to make sales calls (err, account maintenance) or whatever else we all do to make dolla dolla bills y'all, we present you with two things.

1) The picture on the right is from wakeboard mags twitter feed, proving that some people have freaking awesome jobs!

2) Checking out the first paragraph, the CRB rules at run-on sentences.

Where we are sitting currently, looking out the window of the palatial CRB estate, there is rain, and more rain. Oh yeah, the boss is also all up on our case about watching waterski dvds and webcasts and the like on company time.

HEY BUDDY! I don't tell you what to do on your time, how about you ease off the throttle a bit and let us live our lives without all these constrictions!

Sep 19, 2009

Greatest Waterskiier of All Time V.2

A few weeks ago or so, the ODBF dropped an interesting query on us, who is the greatest waterskier of all time. Its a complicated argument for sure, all the different disciplines, innovators vs. present day gods, etc.

ODBF also posted the link to that article on the ski fly website, which we often mock in good fun, but, that thread is very well worth checking out. Some very smart and informed opinions going on over there.

So, this weekend when nursing hangovers or hanging over a nurse, do take some time and check it out! We would love to have you hang out here and debate, but, we don't get paid shit for the page views, and also the ski fly peeps are good to us and don't give us crap for dropping links on em.

Play with your friends, yank that skurfer out of the shed and take a set. Do it for the kids.

Have a kick ass weekend everyone, even if its a day late.

Sep 18, 2009

Just Give Me A Gallon of Gas Pt. 4

This is a many part series on the CRB that I (the rowboat) began many moons ago (before I quit) because, well, basically, I hate spending money on gasoline, and we all sort of, if its not to much trouble, like to do a little something to help out and be green.

Being "Green", god I hate that term. Its more being responsible for your own crap. But, regardless, I have a feeling that until places like China and other up and coming industrialized societies actually crack down on the shit they are putting out into the atmosphere its like squirting a raging fire with a bad-prostrated wanky.

In this little series we have presented a number of options, or ideas, or other thoughts about what we may or may not be able to least ideas that we have had about what we can do moving forward that can hopefully allow us as waterskiers or wakeboarders or kneeboarders or bayliners to maybe ponder and think about in our little waterski world.

Things that we think could possible be useful or possible to our community, because, we are not a bunch of cretins that wish to kill bambi and hunt bald eagles (the bird!) and generally thrash what mother nature has provided us. I bet in all of our hearts we want to be as in sync and in touch with nature as your neighbor who eats granola, doesn't shower and wears ironically stupid t-shirts.

Case in point, the ODBF posted a posty post a little while ago where he lit into some dipshit about complaining that a show ski team, performing one show, on a lake for a town festival is ruining the wilderness and killing all the buffalo. Which, in and of itself, if fucking asinine. Listen bub, that fucking festival on those ground is going to do more to harm that water then a few boats.

FURTHERMORE!!! that god damn car you are driving to your job, which I assume uses energy to light lights and compute your computer, requires shit that is worse then a few boats zooming around for an hour or so. Asshole.

More or less, people are misguided in their angst. They see a few people having fun out on the lake and want to ruin that fun, without the facts. In essence they are fighting the wrong fight. The fight shouldnt be against the people that are simply enjoying themselves, in shouldn't be a fight, everyone should band together and either demand what they want or go do it themselves. Thats one of the weirder symptimatic issues with everything, its easy to get mad at the disadvantaged youth who went south, but, without looking at the situation surrounding the problem, it may be unfair to characterize "Dookie" from "The Wire" as a bad person, just a tragic figure of circumstance.

We are simply people who want to enjoy our god given abilities on the water. However we can and with whomever we can by whatever means we can.

The technology is out there for hybrids and/or clean burning boats. I mean, for christs sake they make a hybrid Tahoe! A five some thousand pound behemoth that gets 20/20. Amazing!

Hybrid technology is not the be all end all, despite what some people will have you beleive but, its a good start. Its something that we can agree is better then the current system....ish.

Hybrid technology is similar to the rich old lady getting plastic surgery to make her look tidy again. Its more of a band-aid on a situation that needs a more structural solution, vs. a quick fix that daddy rich pants provides because he wants to imagine banging a 20 year-old med student again.

What was that? You med daddy rich pants in college and he promised to take care of you? Yet, he left you emotionally hollow but socially and materialistically fulfilled? Good for you, go on real housewives of Trenton, NJ you vapid idiot.

You ever seen any of those shows? holy crickets. Its awful. I mean, live your life the way you want, sure, I am no one to judge, but, really?

We did bring up the idea of Hybrid Boat technology awhile ago on this interblag, and for a few weeks we were pretty jazzed about it. Trying to think of a way to do make something like this happen.

We didn't. BUT!!!!

I get the waterski magazine at the Rowboat compound. It normally comes late as the mailman is routinely scared off by otherworldly beings inhabiting the area. When I do finally get said glossy paged vestibule of waterski love I immediately close the plantation shutters, light a candle, fire up a joint, settle into my favorite recliner, eat a plate of fried zucchini and pass out.

I then wake up and read the mag on the shitter.

Its nice. And you know how you always have a stack sitting around the throne and you page through them from time to time? I just realized that *insert stupid pop culture joke here* happened!! ZOMG!

The other day I was paging through one of the mags and came back across a small article that stated there was a company that was coming out with a hybrid wakeboard boat!

/chill running up spine

Did they steal our idea? Doubtful.

In my most recent memory, the only real advances in our actual ski boats have come more from aesthetic fixes (i.e, towers, ballast systems, stereos, LCD dashes,, bigger motors (meaning: more horsepower), or some hull stuff (strakes, lifters, twin tips, etc)

Now, in my own little bubble, this all rules. I love huge motors, I love big stereos and cool shit in my boat. Now, granted, this evolution of the boating industry has basically priced out everyone other then daddy rich pants. It sucks. Then again, it is what it is bra. (takes bong rip)

So someone, Epic Boats, had/has the foresight to stretch out and make something revolutionary. A hybrid boat, and not a piece of crap boat with 40 car batteries, but a real hybrid boat. Think of your weird smelly neighbors Prius, but, on the water...with cool graphics...and a huge stereo.

Minor complaint: Hey, its a hybrid, it runs on battery power. Why not turn off that music for a second so we can hear the boat cruising around all ninja like?

OK, so, lets get this out of the way first. This isn't really a "green" company. Their other boat, seems to be, the same boat, but with an 8.1 Liter 375 horse motor in it instead of a hybrid system.

So what right? At least they are trying! From their myspace page (people still use that site?) comes the following. Oh, don't bother clicking that link. Myspace is to formatting and taste what Jenna Haze is to romantic dinners.
San Diego, Calif. (February 26, 2009) – EPIC Wakeboats, manufacturer of “The World’s First Wakeboat”, announced today the release of “The World’s First Electric Hybrid Sport Boat”, the EPIC 23E. With its pioneering electric hybrid drive system, the EPIC 23E uses half the fuel of its combustion-powered equivalent, making this Luxury Sport Boat more environmentally friendly and economical than any other on the water.

EPIC Wakeboats CEO Chris Anthony said, “The EPIC 23E will change the way people think about water-sports. Not only is the design extremely environment-friendly, but with over 50% better fuel economy, it will have an impact on more than just fuel costs. This system increases range, decreases noise and still provides better wakeboarding performance then its combustion motor powered counterpart.”

At the core of the EPIC 23E is Flux Propulsion’s Marine Drive System. This hybrid drive system features an exceptionally powerful and compact drive motor that draws from cutting-edge battery technology. Staying true to EPIC’s philosophy of, “Rider Designed Engineering” the 23E features an easy to use touch screen interface that incorporates stereo and video entertainment with the GPS Speed Control and other core components.

With regard to coordinating system development between Flux Propulsion and EPIC Wakeboats, EPIC’s Director of Product Development, Matt Ostmeyer said, “Our combined dedication to both environmental responsibility and performance brought to life a remarkably efficient and powerful propulsion system that will revolutionize the sport boat industry, and we are proud to be a part of that.”

The only pricing for such a boat is found in a comment on the youtube video posted above and someone stated its about $100,000.

Two things to take from that. 1) Its a youtube video comment, which, surprisingly doesn't call into question someones sexual preference, their aversion to certain races or the weight of their mom/dog/family/wife/husband, their ignorance, the commentators ignorance or the size of their genitalia


Secondly being, WOW, thats expensive. Its not outlandish by any means, but...yo, 1/2ing my gas budget does not make up for the other $97,000 that I don't have.


Thats not really the point now is it? No, it isn't. Especially on this page. In fact, if we wanted to tackle the subject of pricing and demographics and the like, well, it would be alot longer then this post.


This is the sort of thing, the boat and the technology behind it, are things that we really should be, as a community, begin to embrace. Its a great technology, its not the future, the future will bring us things we can't comprehend yet. America and the world (for that matter) are full of really smart people who can devise ways to do things that we can't even pretend to think of now.

Did you ever think ten years ago, that, instead of making crappy phone calls from a lousy Nokia phone that you would be making really crappy cell phone calls from a miniature web-browser?

Did you ever think that you would actually be aggravated at an airport that you would have to pay for internet access? Hey Chicago, I'm looking at you! Hey Cincinnati! ya babe. Hey Helsinki!...dont know...never been. HEY Orlando! get the idea.

For that matter, I was on a plane the other day and actually was sort of grumpy i couldnt pull up the webs on the plane.

I mean, things change so quick, that by the time Chevy finally comes out with the Volt (a hail mary if I have ever seen one) the actual technology won't be that far fetched.

I remember back when the fam would pile into the contact Chevette and go to Epcot and all that stuff looked so futuristic and now it looks like a damn Hyper Color shirt, its stupid now.

But, Carburetors led to fuel injection with lead to direct injection which will lead to ?????

Turbo chargers lead to super chargers which lead to sequential turbos which will lead to ????

Three on the tree lead to automatic transmissions which lead to manumatic transmissions which lead to the DSG tranny which will lead to ???

Blues and delta music lead to Led Zep which led to me being conceived. HEY!!!

None the less, the hybrid technology is not the technological Jesus we should pray to, its a pleasant deity to be sure, but, not your final destination.

But, its a start, its a jumping off point.

Think about your boating habits. Back when I worked for the CRB our boats rarely made it above idle. Beer doesn't drink itself after work you know...and an electric boat would have made the cruising much more enjoyable.

I love the fact that a smaller company like Epic has the balls to try this. To push things forward.

They are like the Apple Computers to the PC. They push things, they make things we don't even know we need yet. Someone has to stand up and get things moving in a positive direction and thank god that Epic has done that.

It may not work out for them. The proverbial roadside is littered with people who try and fail. Fail isn't the right word. They just don't succeed. Yeah, thats a semantic argument, its like, you get laid or you don't.

But, the legacy or the trail that is blazed is left behind them.

Think of it this way. In every relationship you have had, your mom doesn't count, you go into it with so much positive energy you could light up a small town. Eventually one of two things happen, either you click and you stick together for awhile, or your bulb burns out and you go your separate ways.

Either way you have learned a million zillion different things about yourself, that situation, and what to do moving forward.

As they say, the answer is ALWAYS no unless you ask. If you never try to move forward with new and innovative things (admittedly I am stretching this analogy) you will always be stuck with what you already have, which, isn't near as good as it could be.

Henry Ford said way back in the day when asked why he built a motorized car, "If I asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses"

Thats where we are. We don't want faster horses. We want a better way to do our damn thing, and here is hoping that this boat is the one to get us off the horse and into something better.

Sep 17, 2009

The Funniez

The jump came out yesterday, the dock is coming out today and I have not been on my boat in way to freaking long. So you get no talk of waterskiing today. Why you ask...WHY!?!11!! Well, um, er...cuz I said so..? shit i dont know just deal with it.

So needless to say if I am not thinking about waterskiing or drinking (Im hungover give me a break) I am thinking about sex...and baseball. cuz those two things go hand in hand. (my GF disagrees), and thus I started thinking about the baseball sex scale.

Yep, no idea!

Im confused, time to clean my car I guess.

(no streaks this time)
Ok, on that note back to sex thoughts...


Now you may be saying to yourself. WTF was this nonesense? well I dont know either and Im bored and I thought those comics were funny. Give me a freaking break man, the ski season is ending and I'm headed for 8 months of complete and utter dispare. So cut a brotha' some slack jack!

Sep 15, 2009

Stereo Wake Ski tourny

So I have become oddly obsessed with wake skiing. I find it odd as I am a trick skier and flipping hate wakeboards cuz they rock my knees. Well and because of the complete douche bags that fill many of the wakeboard boats you see on public lakes. But I have given wake skiing a try a few times and it rules and my knees have yet to explode on me so thats a good sign.

And also these guys are throwing crazy stuff off kickers and ramps. And this vid is proof that you can go just as big on these things as you can on a wakeboard.

One to many hits to the head

I would like um um er like um yep er um like um er um go um er yep er um i would like um er waterski!

And this guy makes millions...good god

Sep 14, 2009

USOC likes waterskiing?

Apperently USOC does not take camaras to anything but waterski events. Is this a sign for what event they plan on pushing for to add to the olympics if the windy city wins the bid? I will eat crow if they do, as I have long argued that USAWS has been wasting everyones time by pushing for our sports addition.

I wonder what the hall of fame CRB Girl has to say.

Danyelle: Damn it get away from me you crazy stalker!

CRB: She loves us!

There is also a pretty solid waterski home page on the USOC website. Looking at the main page pic of Regina I think it is time we add Regina to the CRB Girl ranks...cuz she is way good looking and damn can that girl ski!

USOC also has videos of the first day of the show ski nationals up on their site. Not sure when sunday will be up but if your going to watch one I would say watch the Madcity show, its crazy good. (USOC kinda screwed it up, there seems to be a few acts that got dropped, highlights clip here) Wonderlakes show is really good too.

Lake Trout Carry Out (now with 50% more forgetfulness)

Lake Trout Carry Out is what we are currently calling the random link heap/dump/thing/whatever

Waterskiing is the fountain of youth? Well not for my knees...

It appears that Flint MI has more then just a bunch of unemployed auto workers residing there. They also have a ski team that hosted a college tourny last weekend. What would Roger Moore think of that? DAMN ALL YOU RICH PEOPLE!

So this is why I am supposed to post these things on friday... Well wait a sec, why do I have to be the responsible one in this relationship? GET OFF MY LAWN!!

It appears that Bonnier Corp has added another title to their mag lineup. This will apperently go along with all their other stuff like Science Illistrated, Working Mother and Spa magizines...which all somehow fit into the same genres. or something like that. Of course I could not find slalom ski mag in there, only something called Waterski Magizine, which must be something I have not found yet...sounds good though

There is a new kiteboard called the Slingshot Lunacy. I bet it was a good review, but I did not read it as there were no naked chicks in the review. If any of you do let me know if its a worthwhile purchase, as I have millions of imaginary dollars to spend cuz this site RAKES IT IN BITCH!

Another story of stupidity on the lakes. Well I am of the opinion that all PWC should be banned or limited to about 7 mins a day between 10 and 10:37, but this is a story of why you need to open your eyes and pay attention when out on the boat. also what is a mastercraft 700?

And to end on a happier note

The city of Hamilton OH hosted its Great Miami River days, after most performers including the "Headliners" Badgerland Show ski team from WI took cuts in their fees. Hamilton is a bit of a struggling city as the article points out “If you look at all the good cities, they all have something." I have been to this event in the past and it is a great time. I love the heart that the hosts have when putting together an event like this and giving a city with very little going for it something to take their minds off the abject poverty that permiats Hamilton.

Sep 10, 2009

Lessons in how to trash your back...and tie world records

Regina has tied the slalom world record again! The CRB has been a bit Regina happy recently...well who isint? This girl can freaking ski! 1@41 again, and some serious back thrashing turns as well. Just take a look at her end gate yank on her 39 off pass. I would have fired out of my ski...of course I also would not have made it thru the gate at 39...not cuz I am a bad skier* but because I would have been on shore hitting on the ladies**

*I suck
**facebook stalking

Hope she has a strong enough back to keep skiing that hard. Would love to see a score of 2@41 out of her this year.

Wake Skiing gets a hugh crowd?

Well according to the post I read about this wake skiing is about to "blow up". Well in the video I see 3 spectators, not sure what the definition of "blow up" is but I think it requires more then a few peeps to show up.

Now these guys do some sweet stuff out there though. Ive seen guys throw switch 5 backs and full spinning fronts, so yea, its pretty sweet. I can't seem to land a damn thing off the ramp on these though, but that may have something to do with the fact that I suck, but you never know, maybe I just need to tweek my fin a bit...

whats with all the messed up names? What the hell is a misty 540? Why not just call tricks what they are, is that so tough? huh is it really?

/throws a hugh chicken salad

Sep 9, 2009

Regina = awesome

So, this is a nice story..and a bit unfair to the rest of us self-absorbed jerks out there.

Regina Jaquess (pronounced: Jaquess) just won an award from the US Olympic Committee for basically being cool as hell. Long story short, she basically gave her ski to a fellow competitor, a girl fighting for the same spot on the US Elite Team, because the other girl (Carolyne Hensley) had the wrong ski in her ski bag and didn't have time to find it. Its more complicated then that, just read this. Its way easier then trying to explain it.
Jaquess, a former U.S. Elite Water Ski Team member and world champion, and up-and-comer Caroline Hensley were both competing for a coveted spot on the U.S. Elite Water Ski Team. Hensley, participating in this event for the first time, arrived at the slalom starting dock anxiously waiting her turn. When it was time to start her final preparations, she opened her ski bag only to find that it did not contain her ski, but someone else's. There was no time to try to locate her own as she had to be ready to ski when the boat returned from pulling the prior competitor. No deviations are allowed in the seeded running order, only disqualification. However, as Jaquess was the next skier after Hensley, she was near the dock at that time and knew full well that she and her competitor used the same brand and size of ski. She immediately offered hers to Hensley even though this gesture would put her in a potentially risky situation. If Hensley fell or did not return to the dock with the ski, Jaquess would be immediately disqualified for failure to be ready to ski when her turn arrived as spelled out in the rules of the sport, unless, of course, she could borrow a ski herself. Despite the possible ramifications to her quest to make the team, Jaquess still insisted that Hensley use her ski so that she would have the best opportunity to compete for her own place on that very same team.
See? How awesome?

Now, you may be asking yourself, "self? if the CRB was in that situation what would they do?" Natuarally, we would have to wonder how on earth we switched bodies with Regina, and who would now handle the rigoures day to day responsibilities of running this multi-national corporation.

Easy answer? Screw it, we rule at skiing now, so buzz off! Here we come Masters!!!

Thats alot of barefooters

900 mercury horsepower + 20 dudes + 45 mph = world record barefoot line. Thats alot of

Sep 8, 2009

London Night Jump

So it seems that even though we were off visiting the land of beer and drunk chicks the waterski world continued on with out us...jerks

The top pics on Skifly shows the hotties that were thrown at the guys in the hot seat. And it appears that I need to get a little better at jumping if I want to hang out with chicks in skin tight outfits who apperently like to show off ALL of their equipment (camel toe alert!)

SGTV has posted a pretty slick vid of the event

Looks like night jumps pretty much rule, LA Night Jam kicked ass and the London Night jump sure looks like it was pretty sick as well.

CRB Vacation

The CRB crew took a bit of a vacation for the past week, but we are back and only somewhat hungover. So don't fret, you will get your daily dose of pointless comments, off color jokes, and NSFW pics!

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...