Jan 31, 2012

Face Skiing

Face skiing has been taking off all over the country, it is the hottest new sport in the US today and the CRB says "strap it up and get out there, you'll love it!!"*

*The CRB in no way endorses face skiing or any similar activity. The CRB is not responsible if you drown because you are a dumb ass.

Most Skiers EVA!!!

154 people were went skiing in Australia a few days ago. Only thing that makes this special is they were all behind one boat. 154 people skiing on combos makes it on the national news, while the awesomeness that is Freddy, Alex, Will and the rest of them never make it on the national news.

What are we doing wrong?


Why are events like the LA Night Jam or the Masters not on ESPN?

Because people are morons and want stupid human tricks and dancing shows with celebrities who have no actual skills beyond making sex tapes with crappy rappers or being annoying on faked "reality" shows. This country is full of idiots. Also because ESPN is awful now...

At the same time good for the Aussies for getting skiing on tv, even if it is viewed as stupid human tricks to pacify the idiotic masses by the media.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Jan 30, 2012

Vid Day Monday

This girl has one of the more useless skills around, but it is awesome and I would constantly be throwing words at her.


Alyssa: racecar


English Teacher: False, ODBF you are a moron.

ODBF: Fine, how about...KAYAK!

English Teacher: /face palm

Vid Day Monday

I must have one of these in my back yard. The neighbors might bet pissed when I tear down their house to build it, but they will just have to deal with living on the streets so I can rock something this cool.

Vid Day Monday

Beer is the most important invention ever. Dig Dug will vouch for that fact.

Jan 27, 2012

Shopping for a Fishing Boat

Todd: eh, loogit dat over dere...a fishin context right hurr on ballsac lake next weekend, whatcha think pa?

Pa: i like trout

Todd: yea sure trout or dem salmons or dem crawfush...*spits*

Pa: gimme 10 trout and a pack a smokes when you go

Todd: its a fish tournament pa, ain't a store

Pa: you don't say...well boy you sho dynamited the nuts out yo old boat so it sanked...prolly go to town and getcha new boat win tournament. get money get trout get lesbrians.

Todd: pa, stay off the dang aol, no more pornographones for you

Pa: *aims rifle at Todd*

Todd: *gets in truck*  *cranks Brittany Spears*

Todd: *singing* I AIN'T A GIRL...AIN"T YET A WOMANS.

Todd: *arrives at boat dealership*

Ty the Sales Guy: yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, yo, Todd my main man, the man with the plan, the man with song in your soul and dong in your..ugh..nevermind, what is going on brother from the same mother we think possibly??!!

Todd: i reckon i need me a new boat for that fishin tournament on ballsac lake nexx weekend.  i gotcha get pa 10 trouts...and no lesbrians, pa tinks dat lesbrians are on the aols and fishing boats.

Ty the Sales Guy:  *puts arm around Todd*

Ty the Sales Guy:  Todd...bro...cuz...son maybe...i gotta tell you a secret...*whispers*..i dont know if i can do this...but, we got something here that may just blow your godamn jeans clear off your assbones..and won't be more then a little bit of money/moonshine/incest.

Ty the Sales Guy: *goes out to back of shop* Feast your eyes on this!!


Todd: aye..old up..will my dawgs fit in dere?

Ty the Sales Guy: Your Dawgs??  I thought you hated colored people?

Todd: Dogs.  like, pooches.  dogs.  D A W G S.  *Whistles* here boys

Dawgs: Bark.  Ruff.  Howl.  Drool.  *dogs try and get into the boat, fall out*

Todd: Nah, ain't gonna work.  need somthun bigger en fastar.  y'all got somthun like dat?

Ty the Sales Guy: Something bigger huh?  You need some size?!?!?!?!

Todd: yuh-huh

Ty the Sales Guy: You need something wit SPEED??!?!?!?!

Todd: yuh-huh

Ty the Sales Guy: You need something to get you some wet lesbrians????

Todd: huh?

Ty the Sales Guy: Check this shit out son!!

Ty the Sales Guy: This bad boy will get you to the hole quicker, make them fish drop them panties boy!!  YEE HAA...its got the new for 2002 skullfucker gas injection system,  gas mileage and the environment is for the queers, this dumps straight unleaded gasoline directly onto the motor for even MORE performance and fire!  Put Kerosene in there, put crude oil, it don't matter, shit will light on fire and you will go faster!

Ty the Sales Guy: Talk to me Todd, is this not what you want...neigh...what you NEED to bend those fish over the barrel and shoot em???  With your Dong?????

Todd: yuh huh.

Ty the Sales Guy: Lets sign you up boy, you will be getting a big booty of trouts in no time!

Todd: *forks over cash*

Todd: Pa! come out hear, loogit the new boat we gots to catch all them trouts in the tournament at ballsac lake.

Pa: whazzat boy? cannya see im trying to eat dis moonshine?

Todd: na pa, Ty gots me a great deal i is gunna win dat dere tournament and get you all the trouts and smokes you can troutsmoke.

Pa: sounds good boy, lemme see your new fangled boat.

Pa: *gets out of rocking chair*

Todd: *gets out a beer*

Pa: *opens screen door*

Todd: Pa, you er right about dem lesbrians

Jan 26, 2012

Lake Trout Carry Out

For the first time in 10 years ski racing is returning to the Wairoa river. Where is that? Hell if I know, you have the google bar, use it.

Look, a story about Kiwis!

Thomas Gilbert was just getting home in the early morning from the University Worlds and some punk decided that was a good time to snag all his ski stuff.

Awesome! Another story about Kiwis!

Its summer in the southern hemisphere so we are going to stay down there. The Aussies and Kiwis are squaring off in a 'whose the best of the best of the down under lands'. And here is another article about the tourny.

From Australia comes this sad story. WATCH WHERE THE FUCK YOU WHIP TUBES!

ULM is good...so says this article. That is news to no one at all.

Johnson Hui Chung-Sung was a coach and member of the national team for years with the Hong Kong Water Ski Association. He was killed in a car crash recently.

Nautique came out with a electric powered version of the Ski Nautique 200 last year, now they are releasing an electric wakeboard boat.

When people start buying non essential things like boats it is always a good sign for the economy. We here at the CRB disagree that boats are not essential...I mean Life Jacket starved to death because he spent all of his food money on beer and a new boat. But sales for many boat manufacturers are way up.

I have read this article 4 times and have no idea why this is news today...but whatever, apperantly this town in the UK banned skiing on Sundays so as to prevent the British Water Ski Federation from hosting Worlds there, even though worlds was already going to Canada. This would be news if it were not for the fact that this took place in 1978...

and now for some rocking out.

Jan 24, 2012

Afternoon Ahhhhhh

Way off topic. But we are not really a site that sticks to our topic all that well anyways.

1. Stare at the red dot on the girl’s nose for 30 seconds
2. Turn your eyes towards the wall/roof or somewhere else on a plain surface
3. Keep blinking your eyes quickly!
4. What can you see?
5. Tell us who you think it is in the comments.


We had the opportunity to watch a new documentary called 43@43 about Jeff Rodgers trying to get back into 43 off. It is hella good and worth dropping a few bucks on it. Dig Dug will grace us with a proper review in a few days. But for now, here is the teaser.

Jan 23, 2012

Vid Day Monday

There are vids like this from Seattle every now and then, this one is from Utah and was shot on Saturday Jan 21st. Coming from a place that deals with shitty weather like this I can tell you that if you are falling down on ice walking to your car, its a better idea to just go back inside and mix up some Irish coffee and peace out for the day. Or you can take the route these people took and spend the rest of your day dealing with the insurance company.

Vid Day Monday

Wake boarders seem to love hitting rails and kickers and all that type of stuff...well its cold out and when its cold there is snow. What do you do in the snow? Build a bunch of rails and jumps and tow in on snowboards behind ATVs. Hell yea! Oh...and drink a ton of beer at the same time.

Long vid but pretty bad ass.

Vid Day Monday

Red Bull has been a solid supporter of wake boarding for years. And they produce solid vids from time to time, this is another one of those. One observation, is'int this farmer wrecking some of his crop by letting these guys board on it? Does the Minute Maid Cran-Grape juice come with a label that says "some wakeboard d-baggieness may be present"?

Whatever, the vid is cool.

Vid Day Monday

I would like one of these, so next time you are out looking for a gift to send us please consider picking up one of these.

Jan 20, 2012

University Worlds Wrap Up

This is the wrap up vid from the University Worlds held in Chile Jan 12th -15th. And it is probably the best wrap vid to date. Only complaint is when it mentions 15 countries and 40 skiers... There are over 200 countries in the world and only 15 send teams? IWSF needs to get its shit together and instead of harassing local organizing committees about TV coverage they should be working with water ski federations in countries around the world to get teams together.

We have been going over thousands of pages of old AWSA documents* recently and have been looking at how many world feds there were back in the 50s, 60s, and 70s. It is very disappointing to see where we are now compared to the explosive growth water skiing saw in those decades. Our current world and US leadership for that matter have failed to push the sport forwards. At the world level it is time for a change in leadership and direction, at the US level we might want to start thinking about a change as well.

*We do not have any association with USAWS or AWSA beyond paying our dues every year and skiing a few tournies here and there.

Jan 19, 2012

Giraffes Are Awesome

"I'm more of a west-coast slalom giraffe" - Giraffe
Giraffes are, probably, natures most perfect creation.  They are functional - long necks to get food in the trees, and they are adorable - funny faces, awkward bodies, spots.  The above picture, which we can't verify being 100% authentic, got us thinking...are giraffes actually good waterskiers?  Can they, in fact, cure grumpiness with a funny walk?

Lets learn some more about giraffes, take it away Wiki
The giraffe (Giraffa camelopardalis) is an African even-toed ungulate mammal, the tallest living terrestrial animal and the largest ruminant. Its specific name refers to its camel-like face and irregular patches of color on a light background, which bear a vague resemblance to a leopard's spots. The giraffe is also noted for its extremely long neck and legs and prominent horns. It stands 5–6 m (16–20 ft) tall and has an average weight of 1,200 kg (2,600 lb) for males and 830 kg (1,800 lb) for females. It is classified under the family Giraffidae, along with its closest extant relative, the okapi. There are nine subspecies of giraffe, which differ in size, coloration, pattern and range.
I KNOW!!!  Classified under the family Giraffidae???  NO WAY!!  Lets delve deeper into some giraffe facts and funny pictures!!!

Morning Brrrrrr

This picture is from Lynn Novakofski. This is in Florida in Jan 1977 at Cypress Gardens. We might feel bad for him but they got to ski year round in usually awesome weather. In the snow covered wasteland that is CRBville we have also skied in the snow, but that was in May.

Jan 18, 2012


We here at the CRB are not much for politics, really all we care about is skiing, girls, girls that are skiing, drinking a few to many beers and blogging nonsense. But SOPA as it is currently written threatens our ability to continue blogging our nonsense.

For info on SOPA click HERE

Web strike info

Jan 17, 2012

Epic Boats Makes Strong Case for Official CRBoat

enyce, enyce, enyce
A couple days ago on Epic Boats flickr account they posted the above picture of some speakers that had cool lighting around them and we thought to ourselves, "hmm, that seems pretty cool" and then we thought, "how is it that no one has jammed hella speakers in the back of a boat like this before" and then we thought, "why on earth would anyone do this?"

Well, thankfully, we do live in quite the social media world and we came across a picture that further "illuminates" (pun alert!) the situation!

Jan 16, 2012

Vid Day Monday

Tony Lightfoot headed down to the FISU university worlds this past weekend and webcast it for us all to see. Brian Detrick represented the US in the slalom event and gave us a solid crash to help us get through this boring Monday.

Vid Day Monday

Right after a hurricane had passed over us we loaded up a couple wakeboards and trick skis into my truck and headed out to find some good street flooding. We skied right down the street for a couple hours. People were sitting on their porches and watching us and cheering. Then some grumpy old guy yelled at us. What a fun hater.

This one is a bit different, as they are skiing in the ocean behind an Audi...

Vid Day Monday

When I was bartending I was happy if I did not break a glass in the ice bin or leave a bottle of jack sitting on the bar and somebody walked off with it. These cats are a little bit better then I was. Showoffs.

Jan 13, 2012

There I Fixed It

Radar tweeted this today:

radar waterskis @radarskis 22m
I JUST SAW TIM TEBOW in the @tommysslalom booth. He rides radar! (@ Colorado Convention Center) ow.ly/i/pK80

Problem is their link just goes to a pic of a bunch of Radar skis, but our man on the ground in Denver got the real pic of the no talent over hyped Broncos QB who will soon to be crushed by the Patriots and out of the playoffs.

radar waterskis @radarskis 22m
I JUST SAW TIM TEBOW in the @tommysslalom booth. He rides radar! (@ Colorado Convention Center) ow.ly/i/pK80

There, that is better!

More fun examples of Tebowing.

Editor's note: The ODBF has been executed for defiling the hallowed pages of this great blog with pics of this over hyped clown.

Symphony of Wakeboard Wipeouts

C-Tates in an aquatic environment, his natural habitat, bro.
One of the cool things about technology, is making really good HD cameras that can go in the water and also that are generally affordable for the majority of us.  Like, the gopro camera and the like, you get cool videos, movies and things to watch while you are stuck in a cubicle farm waiting to die.

Now, the flipside to all this awesomeness, all the amazing skiers doing amazing things to entertain us, the slobbering masses with out mountain dew and fast food and snuggies, is that after all the cool we see, comes the fantastic crashes.

Thankfully, followmeknow.com, put together this bitchen collection of wakeboard wipeouts and it does not disappoint.  Of special note, the 1:38 point of the video (see banner pic above) a guy takes a spill off his wakeskate so hard it made our heads hurt.  Click past the jump to experience the pain.

Jan 12, 2012

Lesson Learned

It would seem that the wakeboarders at the boat show in Atlanta need to learn a thing or two about how to put their pools together properly. The tank they use in their exibition burst dumping 200,000 gallons of water onto the main show floor and causing quite a mess. Probably a lot of happy people resetting up their booths...

***update*** Seems that CBS Atlanta does not have their Raw Video vids set to embed properly, so the video that would have been right here is now linked below.

Raw video of the water making a mess of things.

If there are left over parts?

Jan 11, 2012

Waterski World University Championship

On Thursday at 13:00 the world university championship kicks off in Santiago Chile. 13:00...what time zone are they in? I could google it but damn it doing work is for suckers! Our boy Tony Lightfoot is on site, so we assume this will be webcast... And the webcast that will be starting at some time and going until some other time. We would give you more info but the website is shit and we can not find any info about it.

So instead of real info here is one of Tony's interviews.

More interviews and vids are going up all day long. CHECK IT

If the US was smart they would have just sent the Hope College Wrecking Crew to drop the peoples elbow on all those other candy ass countries, but they are not...so instead we get a bunch of random really good skiers. ODBF needs to be in charge of this stuff. The US would take every medal and drop the most epic beat down since the Tide proved that LSU has a shitty QB.

Brian Detrick (Saint Mary's College)
Alex Lauretano (ULM)
Tyler Lorenz (UW Madison)
Lauren Morgan (Florida Southern)
Adam Pickos (ULM)
Dylan Schaffer (Alabama)

******update****** WEBCAST IS RIGHT HERE

Wednesday Wakeboarding

Harley Clifford has been Master Crafts golden boy recently and he is for good reason as this vid shows. Kids got skillz!

Harley Clifford Shred from Chris Flaxman on Vimeo.

Jan 10, 2012

Lake Trout Carry Out

Kiwi Aaron Larkin came on strong this year and nabbed the top of the world slalom ranking list. Not only is he a great skier but hes from New Zealand and that country is crazy awesome.

The Mulwala Waterski club in New South Wales Australia has over 6,000 members and had revenue of over 10 million Dollars AUS this year. American ski clubs need to figure out how to make bank like these cats do. If my club made money like this maybe we would not have to use ropes that are tied back together and wooden skis. I have heard of this new type of ski made out of fiberglass or some other new fangled product, I want me one of those.

The Mulwala ski club may be headed for some trouble as over half of their income comes from poker machines and the NSW government is passing laws to restrict the way people gamble.

The Carolina Show Ski Team holds a Barefoot tournament on New Years Day every year, it sounds like a cool concept as well.

Regina Jaquess not only rocks it out on the water she also opened a compounding pharmacy this past summer. Sounds like a busy summer...

The Grand City Skiers from Michigan took to the water on New Years Day and proved yet again that waterskiiers are bad asses...and idiots. It is a bit colder on Jan 1st in Michigan then it was in South Carolina for the Carolina show ski teams barefoot tournament.

There seems to be a theme here...
Lake Saint Louis ski club skis on New Years Day

Unlike the Group in Abbotsford Canada that are trying to steal the Fraser Valley Ski Clubs site to set up a cable park, these guys in Utah are doing it right. Bought some land, dig perfect lakes and get their hella flip on.

This girl is hella pretty, not waterski related but...

Jan 9, 2012

Vid Day Monday

1950s era ad for the original fiberglass skis. I had a pair of Stinger Jumpers a few years ago, those things were not really designed for speed. Take a whip on them and they would start vibrating, go fast enough and they would stop and you just launch out of them. Seems like a good idea to use them for distance jumping... Face plants on the ramp are fun, just ask Kyle Dammeyer.

Vid Day Monday

I was doing an "around the boat" once with my brother driving and I came a bit close to a dock. By a bit close I mean I threw myself on my back and slid under the dock, smashing my ski into the pillars. That hurt a bit.

I blame this vid on the driver though, the kid skiing is obviously new to skiing and thus the driver needs to make sure the skier does not hit anything. Slow it up a bit there speed racer.

Vid Day Monday

We suggest not washing your car in this manner.  You can if you would like, but its fucking stupid and you will have to buy a new car.  The choice is up to you.

Jan 4, 2012

Just Build a Bigger Park, Duh!

what a typical crowd at LegoLand may look like
The holidays are big travel days and vacation days for most people, at least those people who have jobs that let them get the hell out of the office once and awhile.  

*glares at boss*
*fills coffee cup with Jameson*

Anyways, the holiday time is a big time of the year for theme parks, especially the ones in central florida, Orlando area, where the families get out their Canyoneros, pile in the kids and go see Mickey.  Of note, just outside of Orlando is Legoland, what used to be Cypress Gardens, which we have all sort of watched with curiosity to see if this ownership group, if this time it would be done right and would have some staying power, and if this holiday season is any indication, they appear to be on the right track
Legoland, which opened in October on the site of the former Cypress Gardens in Winter Haven, said it closed its parking lot at around 12:30 p.m., and officially stopped allowing guests into the park at 1:25 p.m. It extended its operating hours until 8:30 p.m. — an hour and a half later than normal.

"We're definitely busy, and you can definitely feel that we're full. However, people are still smiling and having a great day," Legoland spokeswoman Jackie Wallace said.
This of course, begs the question, if your park is built out of legos, why not just build your park bigger!

Haha, good one dig dug.

One thing though, while we are at it, in the movie H20 Extreme, *puts on tapout tshirt, drinks a mtn dew, sky surfs*, it was somehow intimated that every skier in the worlds dream is to ski for Cypress Gardens and there were always a billion people there to watch the ski shows and what not.  If that was the case, how on earth would that place have gone through all those ownership groups and eventually become legoland?

Its like I cant believe everything I see in the movies anymore!!!  Like, some H20 Extreme competition exists where dudes fly a kite and then fall into the water for a back deep up.  Its just silly!  I was lead to believe that Cypress Gardens was equal to, if not bigger then Disney World because the guy from Boy Meets World can do a sick whirlybird.

Jan 3, 2012

GTF Pics Top CRB Girl to be Face of January

The first month of 2012 brings CRB Girl all star Alex Lauretano to the pages of the GTF calendar. Solid choice ladies!  Alex has graced the pages of the CRB more times then any other girl besides possibly the original and Hall of Fame CRB Girl Danyelle Bennett.

Hi I'm cute  /Stomps trick flips all over the competition

The earth seems to be tipping over

As you can see Alex has earned her CRB Girl status like a boss.  

John HortonThe Krista over at Ball of Spray did a good interview with Alex and not only does she rule at skiing and being generally an awesome person, she is also the hottest thing since sliced bread. Sliced bread is not hot you say? Tell that to my toaster!

y u sad neo?

Morning Ahhhhhh

Jan 2, 2012

Vid Day Monday

I could go for a bit of this today...instead I am sitting at a desk. The Rowboat Abides is a dick of a boss. I would appreciate it if all of you out there would email him explaining that today is a national holiday and we should be closed. You can reach him at Lucifer@hell.com, thank you.

Behind Enemy LINES from torstein horgmo on Vimeo.

Vid Day Monday - 2011 Vid of the Year

Vid of the year goes to Kyle Dammeyer and his hella jump crash from NCWSA Nationals.  There really was no competition with this one.  Not often does water skiing get as much national coverage as this vid received.  Tosh.O, ESPN, Bar Stool Sports, etc. all covered it.

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...