Our Heads Hurt

We have poked some fun at Waterski Magazine throughout our short history. Its pretty easy to do really, what with us being a bunch of jackass' and all. Granted, the mag is really just a glorified slalom fanboy book, but, the pictures are pretty cool.

Anyways, that's not the point, there is a story on their website about some fantasy camp. Naturally, the idea of a "fantasy camp" made our ears perk up. An image of sunny beaches and women serving frozen cocktails and shrimps while the majestic sound of Wreckx n' Effect coursed through the waterproof speakers that hung suspended in mid-air, while we floated on our gentle cushion of air that provided perfect support to our backs while various temptresses paraded around in various states of clothing provided ample....errr....hmm, we have derailed.

All things being equal, our idea of a "fantasy" camp may differ slightly from yours.

(Ed Note: GET TO THE POINT!)

So, their little article seems to have been written in both past and present tense, with little or no cohesion between points and ultimatly giving us a headache, that thankfully the Minions medicine cabinet solved.
WaterSki's Second Annual Ultimate Fantasy Camp '08 - 14 regular Joes, 4 top MasterCraft pros and enough grins and good vibes to fuel the ProStar 197 until the sun went down.
Minor quibble, but, wouldn't proper sentence construction mean you would need to sort of qualify what is actually fueling your boat? It appears, as to how this is laid out, that the Second Annual Ultimate Fantasy Camp '08 is actually what is fueling the boat, or is it the grins and good vibes that fuel the boat? Why not just some gasoline? What happens when the sun goes down? Do the grins and good vibes go away? Is everyone attacked by vicious jackalopes?
When we extended an open invitation to our Second Annual Ultimate Fantasy Camp, we never expected to have so much trouble choosing which readers to invite. But after combing through dozens of applications literally dripping with ski passion, narrowing down the field to just 14 began to hurt. We're used to playing through the pain, though, and when our happy campers began arriving to the idyllic Swiss Ski School from as far away as Australia, Greece and Germany, we knew good times would be quick to follow.
That just seems like an overly complicated way to say that, basically, it was really hard to narrow down the list of people we wanted to invite. Disregard the lack of punctuation, and focus instead on the:
But after combing through dozens of applications literally dripping with ski passion, narrowing down the field to just 14 began to hurt.
Figuratively, that is probably the word you are looking for here. As the word literally would imply that the applications were ACTUALLY dripping. However, maybe that's why it began to hurt. Waterski passion could be a very toxic substance that began to burn the flesh from the mighty fingers of the, ugh, application guys?

Update: Just noticed this, this statement begins in the past tense with the "But after" implying that said task was already complete. It finishes with "began to hurt" implying that this is a current situation. Doesn't it? hmm...
We're used to playing through the pain, though, and when our happy campers began arriving to the idyllic Swiss Ski School from as far away as Australia, Greece and Germany, we knew good times would be quick to follow.
What idyllic Swiss Ski School? Wouldn't a 'However' at the start of the 'we're used to playing' sentence make more sense then the word 'though' in the middle? i.e, However, we are used to playing through pain, so, when our happy campers began arriving we knew THAT good times were quick to follow.

AAHH...quick, 'good times were quick to follow'? Sorry, using the present tense word 'quick' implies that the good times were quick. As in the good times are fast. A better term, and keeping with the past tense style of that sentence, the word SOON would have been better.

There is a final paragraph that seems to be free of any major grammatical blunder, or minor blunder. Whatever, its got a video!!!! YAY!!! Moving pictures! We don't have to read? YES! Sign me up! Here, go see for yourelf!!

Comments

  1. that article has copius amounts of poor grammer. Did I write it?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous7:13 PM

    that mag is just awful. when is the CRB mag coming out?

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Speak now. Give us your tired your hungry your weak. We will make them into CRB Staff

Popular posts from this blog

Its 2021. Lets Ring In The New Year.

CRB Off-Topic - Songs That Make Me Want to Be a Drummer

Supa bow gets shark happy