We sure did! In fact, even though we had drones in the air all day long so we could scout all the, um, skiers on the water* we weren't able to catch everything. Which is a lie, because we absolutely did.
Some people actually care about this sport, and we assume you are one of them!
I sure hope so, if not, however, lets recap! Here is day 1
Barbaric. Have you no compassion for the human condition, for the fairness and thrilling act of sport and competition, must you stoop to such levels to demonize and humiliate your opponents not only on the field of competition, but, alas in their private lives as well. /returns from planting 10 acres of feed corn
/smoking a cigarette
/texting your mom
How was that? pretty good huh? you see the part where the person fell on their slalom ski? haha, yeah, they almost made it to the two ball....just like your mom. Whatever shut up you fiend, Here you go, have day 2
/sets down a decanter of gin
/sets down your mom
/lowers glasses and peers over them
Yeah, you like that don't you. I have more for you though, in case you need it. Just be careful, you get into this to much, your tolerance is going to go way up and you will be chasing the dragon for waterski content, and your going to need nipple clamps on your life jacket. Here is day 3
RIGHT? WE ARE AS SUPRISED AS YOU ARE, A TEAM FROM LOUISIANNA WON!
It feels like its been forever since we have had a true underdog story like this, the plucky upstarts from some place known as LaFayette band together to take down the evil institution of waterski demagoguery that is the Monroe Warhawks, lead by their vicious and unmerciful leader Ace.
Seen here leading the captured souls of a previous conquest to the underground chambers where they will await their fate, which most surely will be the most demonic and de-humanizing end to what will have been a hellacious time spent in captivity.
As a matter of fact these underhanded tactics and the precision in which they yield this never ending cruel blade of waterski horror is something that we should be cheering not only for this victory but for the larger, over arching theme of the people standing up to their oppressor's and throwing down the shackles that hold them back, rising up to a greater good that springs from the eternal heart of t.....
Whispering guy "Sir, the University of LaFayette has won the past 4 straight national titles in D1, actually 5 in a row because in 2020 there wasn't a tournament because of covid, in fact, you would have to back to 2001 for a team other then LaFayette or Monroe to be crowned champion, and more to the point, sir, you would have to go back to..."G Dubs "Good lord man, you lean in for a whisper in the ear situation and start reciting William Langlands poem Piers Plowman, get to the damn point"Whispering guy "I'm just saying sir, they aren't the plucky upstarts you think they are"
THIS DOESN'T CHANGE A THING!
Actually, it changes quite a bit, in fact, starting in 1979 the University of Louisiana - Monroe and Lafayette have won all but 5 of the D1 national championships.
Its actually amazing and amazingly consistent. and consistently amazing. and consistently consistent. VERY AMAZING AND CONSISTENT
your moms amazingly consistent.
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| Fuck you Shoresy! |
It really is an amazingly long stretch of dominance, not even counting the fact that no one will compete against Hope College, as they know they have no change against the steam train ass destruction they wreak upon their opponents,
little known fact, you really have to dig in the USA Waterski archives**, Hope college was banned from any competition that involves water of any kind for the period of not more then one Epoch. so, your safe for now.
In fact 2001 was the last time a non Louisiana team won, and that was Louisiana adjacent*** ass Arizona State.
Going even further back to 1991 and 1992 when University of Central Florida was back to back champs, 1989 was Rollins college (only 10 miles away from UCF) and then in 1979 was San Diego State.
Look at this nonsense.
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| the one time we want something waterski related to have been exportable to a pdf we had to call nasa and your creepy uncle to help with formating |
Miami of Ohio. Lol, more like, MADRID OF VERMONT. BURN. EAT IT MIAMI
Anyways! So as you may have surmised, the Louisiana conglomerate of waterski decadence took first and second place, lets see what fresh faced new coming to the scene is taking that third spot. Certainly hope its not a school that has been dominant in other sports and/or we are really tired of seeing and/or talking about.
Roll Tide...Roll ripples if your lucky, makes for better skiing anyway.
If you are a huge nerd and want to look at all the scores and the just OH SO MANY NUMBERS, click this link and experience math utopia. LINK IT GOOD
USA USA
If you look close and look good while doing it, you will see that alot people skied and a smaller percentage of those skiied well and then a very select few skiied very well. By happenstance, a variety of those people happened to go to the same school and were therefor on the same team and then when they tallied it all up you see the results on your computer screen and that does in fact corobarate what we have been saying all along that it was:
1) ULL the RAGIN CAJUNS
2) ULM the WARHAWKS
3) ALABAMA the FOREST GUMPS
4) FLORIDA SOUTHERN the MOCCASINS
5) ASU the FIGHTING BEER BONGS
Over on the D2 side of things, you will notice a distinctly more northern vibe to the competitors:
OH HELL YEAH, LAX BRO
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| YO THAT SLALOM RUN WAS FIRE ON GOD SON! |
UW - La Crosse is in Wisconsin, which is north, Ohio State is north, Nebraska is spiritually north, Purdue is north and southern Illinois, despite is saying southern is actually northern!
Then Michigan State and Western Washington are both north, but, then look what we have here!
Auburn and Texas.
SEC ASS D2 SKIER ASS SOUTHERN ASS
Again if you really want to dig into the numbers, here is the link to the scorebook, SCORE, because of course you would come to the CRB for collegiate nationals breakdowns because we haven't done anything of the sort since like 2015.
But, there is an interesting aspect, that we are curious about, and will dig into the numbers later on for a different post****.
It does look like the southern ish teams have an edge in the jump department and the northern teams were a little stronger in the trick and slalom.
Our guess simply would be that there is SO MUCH timing involved with jumping and actual access to a jump in the northern climates is maybe more limited. With winter and snow and ice BUT MAYBE NOT WITH GLOBAL WARMING! AMIRITE!
Be full send jumping on the god dang Mississippi river in early February if we actually do this climate change thing right! Roll some damn coal and start using aerosols again!!!
USA USA
Maybe next year you northern schools could do like, a semester abroad at Bennetts ski school or something and maybe tighten up on your jump skills and make those entitled bastards in Louisiana quake in their boots for once!
* - no drones, no scouting, just straight up peepin on the hotties*****
** - this is correct and accurate and please do not go to the usa waterski archives
*** - lmao, Arizona is actually not at all Louisiana adjacent, turns out its a few states away
**** - lmfao, this will probably not happen
***** - j/k, straight up scouting
