Jan 12, 2010

The Crow: Lake of Fire

Via the always reliable Ball of Spray comes the 2010 Prelim World Rankings.  In his tweet, John Horton, he mentioned that Eric Lee is the top rated +55 skier in the world.

Eric Lee huh?  That got the brain trust at the CRB thinking about it...is he related to Bruce Lee?  What about Brandon Lee, remember the guy who died while filming "The Crow"??

Did your head just explode like ours did?

It has to be true.  There is no other way around it.  Eric Lee is the long lost brother of Brandon Lee!  Lets look a little deeper.

Bruce Lee was born in 1940 in San Francisco and was a big star doing kung-fu movies.  Yes, we simplified it, but, really thats what we all know.

Brandon Lee was born in 1965, his parents were Bruce and a lady named Linda Lee Cadwell.  Wikipedia says that he had a sister, Shannon Lee and nephew Robert Lee.

He died making "The Crow" and as this site, find a death, noted he was killed during a flashback scene, in which it was supposed to show how his character died.  Never the less, Brandon would have been about 45 years old about now.  Bruce would have been 70.

Eric Lee is 55.  Which would put his birthday about 1955.  The timeline doesn't quite add up, as Bruce Lee and Linda Lee were married in 1964.  BUT!!!  They had met earlier during a kung fu lesson.  Or something like that.

Either way!  The CRB thinks that Eric Lee is actually the long lost Brandon Lee brother!


Anyways, lets delve into the list shall we???


Before we start, huge props (stainless steel prop most likely) to Horton who dissecting the lists from the IWSF site and making it manageable to read.  Good lord IWSF.  FIX YO FORMATING!

Slalom = Chris Parrish. The only man to take down Doc Holiday.  Your a daisy if you do!
Jump = really?  do you really have to ask?
Trick = Nicolas Le Forestier.  This guy is like Jordan or something, just consistently kicking ass.
Overall = Javier Julio.  Who?  Hey a website!! Link.  We will learn spanish asap to keep up with you dude!

Slalom =  Regina Jaquess.  Has to be considered one of the best female skiers of all time right?
Jump =  June Fladborg.  Every time we type her name we always thing we spell it wrong.  But she can FLY!!
Trick = Natalia Berdnikava: The ODBF knows more, but, youtube yourself some vids and then weep at your own lack of skillz.
Overall = Regina Jaquess.  No kidding!

Junior Men:
Slalom = Sacha Descuns
Jump = Alberto Mejia
Trick = Martin Kolman
Overall = Martin Kolman

Sorry guys, no idea who you are.  But, your juniors and awesome at skiing, which means you could stomp any of the CRB ass's any day of the week.  So.  we will just crack a beer and go wake surfing.

Junior Women
Slalom = Brie Carter
Jump = Lauren Morgan
Trick = Iris Cambray
Overall = Iris Cambray

Iris Cambray is an awesome name.  Lauren Morgan is a consistent twitterer and judging by this picture she skis on 150 inch skis!  We have never had Brie cheese, but, heard good things.  So there you go!

U21 Women
Slalom = Whitney McClintock
Jump = Alex Laurentano
Trick = Whitney McClintock
Overall = Whitney McClintock

History lesson everyone.  Remember back in WWII, the Battle of the Bulge?  It was the last major offensive by the Germans, at least on the western front anyways, in eastern France by the border of Belgium, where the Germans had the U.S forces surrounded?  In this scenario Alex Laurentano is the American troops and Whitney McClintock is the Germans.  SHE IS EVERYWHERE!!

Class dismissed.  Remember to have your papers to me by Friday, extra credit if turned in early.

/removes spectacles
/lights pipe
/reads poetry

U21 Men
Slalom = Sacha Descunns
Jump = Zach Worden
Trick = Herman Beliakou
Overall = Zach Worden

The CRB saw Zach at the LA Night Jam and dude just flys.  No idea about anything else, must be pretty good at other stuff if he is the overall leader guy, but, again...if you have never seen pro jump dudes up close and in person (ON THE WATER!!!) its a sight to see.  Do yourself a favor..and when you are done with that...go to a pro tour stop and watch these peeps ski.  Amazing.

35+ Women
Slalom = Karen Truelove
Jump = Brenda Baldwin
Trick = Rhoni Barton Bishoff
Overall = Elena Thomson

Freddy and Karen are married right?  ok, so, if your last name is truelove, it would be impossible for it to go any other way.  I mean, when they met, it had to have been love at first sight, they were made for each other, it was TRUELOVE!!!

haha, good one Jay.

/does lame comedy bit
/stabs Conan in the back
/falls of roof

35+ Men
Slalom = Stephane Miermont
Jump = Marc Shaw
Trick = Nicolas Le Forestier
Overall = Marc Shaw

Thank god that Marc was the overall guy.  The other names sprain my fingers to type.  Although, doesn't Stephane sound like an international jewel thief?  Remember that dude from the Oceans movies?  The guy who lives in a fancy ass house and does weirdo workout routines like Dalton from road house?

How on earth does a thief, albeit a good one, live in such a fancy house and no one is ever the wiser about his burglarizing?  Plus, at the end of Oceans 13 there is NO WAY that they could have planned that whole thing out and have him show up at just the right time.  I'm skeptical, can you see my face?  I am doubting this whole thing.

45+ Women
Slalom = Jennifer Leachman
Jump = Mary Koenig
Trick = Janice Bachmeier
Overall = Phillippa Shedd

Phillippa Shedd.  Hey boy, go out there and get all those tools, the lawn mower, the snow blower, and the other assorted instruments and Phillippa Shedd!!  

Get it???!?!?  Fill Up Shed?  haha.  Yeah yeah, whatever, I will show myself out.

45+ Men
Slalom = David Miller
Jump = John Carder
Trick = Cory Picos
Overall = Francis Koot

You know how sometimes people refer to old people at Coots?  Imagine this scenario.

Punk Kid:  "Hey you old coot watch where you are going"  *grabs crotch, does extreme skateboarding*
Francis Koot: "How the hell did he know my name?" *rips a 35 off pass*
Punk Kid: "Pssh, whatever, lets see you do that on a wakeboard ya old fart"
Francis Koot: "ok" *Rolls to reverts the kids face off*

55+ Women
Slalom = Deana Shealy
Jump = Leza Harrison
Trick = Kay Nichols
Overall = Gabriele Hueller

This has to be the best age, your kids (if you had any) are old enough to quit bothering you about everything so you can just go out and tear it up all day.  Because if nothing else we love to guess about what people do, but, I can see someone driving up to the lake in a 1992 Caddy DeVille with the blinker on.  (haha, get it?  cuz old people leave the blinker on and go to old country buffet for the early bird special) and grabbing their new Radar Estrada ski and stomping mud holes all over the kids.

55+ Men
Slalom = Ed Hickey
Jump = Frankie Dees
Trick = Eric Lee
Overall = Frankie Dees

One can only imagine how many times Frankie has heard this, "Yo, Frankie Deez Nutzzz!!"  No?  Ok, anyways, this leads us back the the Crow V2.  Eric Lee, the forgotten son of Bruce Lee, the Brother of Brandon Lee.  He is here to avenge their deaths.  Kung Fu Grip Style!  If I was Nicolas Le Forestier, I would just get the Eff out of dodge before Eric came swooping in and blew you up T-Bird Style!


  1. DEES NUTZ!!!

    yea so i just watched an hours worth of The Crow vids. Work is hard today...

  2. the crow is totally underrated. great movie. "FIRE IT UP! FIRE IT UP!!"

    I think we broke her.

  3. Yes! SUCK IT HOLIDAY!!!

  4. I'm going to send this to Eric so he can check it out. He will love it!

  5. eleeski12:19 PM

    You guys are getting too close so I have to come clean - I am Brandon Lee. When I "died" I was just making a dramatic exit to retire to the cave with JFK, Marylin and Elvis. But I got stalled in a remote desert location. I had to dig a lake just to survive and ended up learning to waterski. Now desert sun ages one prematurely so I was able to use the name and birthdate on my high school fake ID.
    Eric Lee

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