Christmas has lost all sense of meaning, its a materialistic mess, new years is a time for the amaetuers to come out and pretend to party, and halloween makes us feel stupid for not being more creative.
Now, Thanksgiving. Oh holy day.
You drink, you eat like a bafoon, you drink, you watch football, you sleep on the couch, you eat, you drink, you sleep and hang out with your family and then go drink with your friends.
Its AWESOME!! The CRB has barely stayed open this week, in fact, at least 1/2 of our staff has been drinking all week in celebration of getting ready to drink/cook/eat.
Since last years Thanksgiving-splosion, which spawned our fanstasic mspaint here, and why try and mess with perfection...its like saying Jessica Alba doesn't look as hot with short hair. Oh really buddy?? GO DIE!
With that being said, since last years T-Day, we here at CRB HQ have a bunch to be thankful for. Most noticaby, the peeps that swing by to take in our unique brand of bafoonery, those who occasionally comment and play.
We are thankful for everyone we make fun of and poke sticks at who have a sense of humor about everything, we are thankful for our sport being so god damn rad that the pros and the chumps like us can actually exchange emails.
We are thankful for twitter. Which seems silly, but, it gives us a more direct way to play with waterski magazine and marcus brown and Horton (b.o.s) and other various peeps.
We are thankful for people within this sport who work tirelessly and often times without acknoladgement to make our entire sport better, more accesable and more fun.
We are thankful for Tadd and Tony and webcasting. As a smallish sport we have to look to new ways in which to get out the word. Maybe down the road we will all be on ESPN or whatever else and people will say, "Wow, thats cool" or, "hey, they got some lookers in that sport!"
We are thankful for Steve Locke, he seems to have a good plan, an "open" type policy with the workings of USA Waterski, and also has emailed us and played along with our jokes and generally been cool.
We are thankful for the LA Night Jam. For that matter, night jumps in general. For that matter, the more festival-ish type tournaments and events. But, the LA night jam was the first big time event we have been to in many years and comparing and contrasting the other event we were at, our sport is light years ahead of where we were in presentation, fun and beer!
We are thankful that no matter how much you eat and how sick you feel doing it, you never feel like a slob.
We are thankful for triptophan or whatever the hell is in turkey that makes you fall asleep. You never dream better dreams then passed out on the couch after a mouth orgy of turkey.
We are thankful that the CRB POS car has made it another year. Somehow that damn thing keeps running, in fact, its probably in better shape then my own car.
We are thankful for pup-tents, air mattresses and sleeping bags.
We are thankful for fiesta guacamole from the grocery store by the CRB HQ. OH MY CHRIST is that stuff awesome.
We are thankful to all of our CRB Characters...our classic ones, Nola, Danielle, Danyelle, Officer Buck, Maria Sharapova (who sadly didn't make an appearance this year) and our new characters / obsessions, like Karina and Regina and The Wire and Lake Trout and the sub hat and the news team and geraldo's IN YOUR FACE and whitney mclintock, et al. Our CRB T-day table is bigger this year. All are welcome. WILD TURKEY MOJITOS FOR ALL!!
We are thankful for beer.
We are thankful for corndogs.
Ok, enough of that. We had intern Cooper go out and find the various heads of the CRB, ODBF, Minion, new CRB'er LifeJacket, Dig Dug and even old bastard Rowboat Abides for their takes on what they are thankful for. Here is what Cooper came up with.
Cooper: Hey, ODBF, CRB HQ wants to know what you are thankful for. Spill the beans ass.
ODBF: Its 3:30 on a monday afternoon, I have been in the office for 4 hours, go to hell. I am going to go gamble and listen to quiet riot.
Cooper: so, nothing?
ODBF: I am thankful for chicken quesidillas and internet porn.
ODBF: yeah, get lost.
Cooper: Hey minio....HEY MINION!! WHAT ARE YOU THANKFUL FOR AND WHY IS IT SO LOUD WHEREVER YOU ARE???
Minion: I am in a mexican jail jackass, so i am thankful for EVERYTHING!! toilet wine and all the black-tar heroin i can eat!!!
Cooper: ugh, sweet i guess.
Minion: DAMN RIGHT!! wait...can i borrow 300 bucks?
Cooper: Yo dug, what are you thankful for?
DigDug: my brand new Malibu, my sweet house on the private lake and my wife Marissa Miller
Cooper: whoa, really?
DigDug: No dickhead, i was assigned to write this nonsense. Everyone else is out of the office.
Cooper: time space dimensions mean nothing to you then huh?
DigDug: /head asplode
Cooper: *dials old timey rotary phone*
Cooper: /connects with operator
Cooper: Can you please connect me with Rowboat Abides?
Cooper: Hey Rowboat, anything you are thankful for?
Rowboat: HUH?? WHATS THAT SONNY??? POUR DADDY ANOTHER GLASS OF EARLY TIMES.
Cooper: you guys suck
Cooper: Hey jacket, new guy, what are you thankful for
Lifejacket: **Auto-Reply** Lifejacket is out of the office, on a beach, earning 20%
Cooper: A die-hard reference in an auto-responder? Bitchin!!
So, there you go everyone. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend. We will be back on Monday...maybe Tuesday. could be Wednesday. Depends on the turkey hangover.
We leave you for the holidays with Neil Young. Remember, bad-ass'ness never ages. Just gets less hairy.