Its not you, its me. :(
Scene: Bedroom. Its middle afternoon. Arcade Fire's "Crown of Love" is playing softly. An open beer on table. 1/2 assembled Malibu on floor. Steve walks in, seeing us perplexedly going over schematics of elaborate contraption.
Steve: "Hey, we need to talk."
Us: "You bet, whats up?"
Steve: "There are something I have been thinking about and, while I have been trying to ignore my feelings, i am not sure I can do that anymore."
Us: "Totally, I know what you are saying, I have totally started listening to Rhiannas's new album as well, it deals very well AND poignently with the process of and emotional issues that come with a break up, especially as one as messy and violent as hers"
Steve: "haha...um, yeah, speaking of which....
Us: "dude! you gotta admit that the song "hard" is really a great track huh?"
Steve: "Will you listen to me?? Quit it with that shit about Rhianna or whoever the hell your crush of the moment is. Its really annoying!"
Us: "whoa dude, sorry, do you want some chicken noodle soup or something? I know being the head of the USA Waterski empire can be occasionally emotionally taxing, but, your doing a great job"
Us: "OMG, I totally forgot, I drank a few of your beers out of the cooler, sorry, I replaced them with some Fat Tires, I know you really like those...hahahaha, even though your cooler was 'Locke'd', get it??"
Steve: "yeah, so....I am not sure if this is working"
Us: "The Locke on the cooler? I was thinking about that, I went out to the store and got one of those bad-ass bike locks to replace it."
Steve: "CHRIST! Its not about the damn cooler, and whats with you and that anyways? Its beer this, cheez-its that, smoked turkey cold cuts, do you do anything but drink, eat, waterski and masterubate?"
Us: "whoa, let me rub your shoulders, you seem stressed"
Steve: "Stop it. Look, Its over, I am leaving."
Us: "where you going? Down to the new bar that just opened up? I heard they have great chicken wings and a special on coors light buckets on tuesdays! Doesnt that sound great?"
Steve: "no, thats not what I meant, I meant, I am leaving you...all of this, its not working, I have found someone else who will take care of me better then you can"
Us: " :( "
Us: "buh buh...(sniff)...I dont understand...what did i do?"
Steve: "nothing, you did nothing wrong, its just that...look, I dont think i can give you what you need to be happy."
Us: "what the hell does that mean?"
Steve: "Look, I have been thinking about this for a month or so..."
Us: "A MONTH!! What the hell, and you are just bringing this up now? What gives?"
Steve: "I thought my feelings would change with time, but, they just havent"
Us: "There is someone else isn't there???"
Steve: "well, sort of yeah..."
Us: "Where, WHO IS THAT BITCH!"
Steve: "Its Field Hockey"
Us: "ummmmmmm, really? Field Hockey?"
Us: "yeah...ok. Wow, we must really suck for you to go to Field Hockey.."
Steve: "its not like that, you get so damn emo sometimes."
Us: "JUST...JUST....JUST GO Damn you...you cruel cruel temptress..."
Steve: "okey dokes. Later"
Us: /cracks beer
Us: / (to be determined)