Aug 21, 2012

CRB Reviews: Broodle

baby, we are going to make like 20 babies tonight
So, lets get one thing out of the way.  The Broodle is like a floaty noodle with an attachement to hold your beer.

B.eer.  N.oodle.  Broodle.  

Pronounced "Jaquess"

Now, you may be saying to yourself, "Hey, rowboat, how can you be so funny?"  Which is a strange thing to say to yourself about a possibly fictional person.  But, the answer is, I often times carry a broodle in my rucksack and leave about two feet of it sticking out so I can affix a variety of state flags to it and/or smack unsuspecting ruffians. 

You also may be saying to yourself, "I understand the concept of floaty noodles and I understand the concept of drinking beer in the pool, wouldn't it be incredible if someone combined those two things together for maximum pool relax efficiency?"

The extrodinary irony in that statement is that you were thinking / saying those things outloud to your self whilst reading a review of sorts about that EXACT PRODUCT!!

"What?  that is amazing, how is this unique confluence of events happening right on my computer as we speak?  Is god somehow speaking directly to me?"

Most likely, actually.

Nevermind the fact that there is a healthy debate going on about the physical existence of said lord and savior jesus christ vs. a more logical god (Freddy Krueger)

There will be events that we will look back on in the future that have shaped and changed our world for the better, events that provide a historical road map to what our future civilizations end up looking like.  Sort of like road cones on the progression of civilization throughout history.

The invention of the wheel for instance, thats a pretty big deal.  For better or worse, slave ships, columbus, the battle of Trafalgar, the time i got 20 starburst in my mouth at once, the invention of the extendable squeegee so we could clean the second floor windows.

Somewhere on this scale will be the broodle.

OH! You Certainly Jest!


See, the problem is that most people think of a pool as a place to either A. swim IN or B. lounge next too.

This is inherently incorrect and most likely goes against all natural laws of civility that we have had as a foundational construct for years.  We are granted this amazing physical appropriation, water IN a thing that is temperature-ish controlled all WHILST being in some vicinity to yours or your friends domicile.

You must take BOTH these things, the lounging AND the physical act of being inside the pool and COMBINE THEM.

Most people who live in warm / hot / melt climates understand this. You don't really go to the pool to swim / frolic / procreate, no, you go to the pool, you get in and sit.  stay cool.  get a sunburn on your head you bald headed bastard.

But, you want to go towards the middle of the pool with your beer.  Now what?

Sit on this Broodle.  Put it betwixt your legs, attach the beer holder and VIOLA.  you now are basically, floating on a beer cozy.

So smart you guys.

So, anyways, at the CRB HQ they did have a bunch of these guys and we had them stashed by the roof top pool that was installed, we assume, recently.  We didn't know it was there until one of our office staff temp workers went up to the roof to smoke and drown.

Not drowning in smoke mind you, but, drown in the water that was in the pool that we didn't know we had.

Hey, thanks temp worker, now we have a pool that we didn't know about.  Score.

We all went up there, after clean up and after having a bar installed on the roof because for gods sake we aren't Gladiators or whatever that can survive on rice and sand.  We are not animals, we must live the fine life.

Turns out the Broodle is pretty handy.  You can float, frollic, fornicate (?!), all while your beer stays perched on the neat little magnet thing.

So, yeah, go ahead and buy some of these guys.  Here, buy em here, broodle

Lets go to our official judge of all things CRB Reviewed.

Officer Buck Gives the Broodle.  5 Thumbs Up!


  1. I am guess the Minion got the rowboat to take his meds. Things were going pretty sideways on here this morning.

    1. i feel better now. whoop whoop my ninjaz

  2. Big Tex5:56 PM

    Broodle it is. This must be taken to the Ski Fly.


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