What Is A Cheeseburger In Paradise - Part 1

Atkins diet ass customers

I like mine with lettuce and tomato

Heinz 57 and french fried potatoes

Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer

Well, good God almighty which way do I steer 

Sounds good doesn't it, you know the song and you sure as hell are humming that to yourself now, while imagining eating a burger, go do it!  Let yourself be freeeee!!!    

Its catchy!  So is chlamydia, but, we don't celebrate that do we, so lets take it easy here a little bit, but, Jimmy Buffett, is great!  Sure, we may all just assume Margaritaville and the aforementioned cheese burger song and just kind of lump him in with get drunk on beach music. 

Which, that's good!  But, songs like, A Pirate Looks At 40 or Come Monday have actual emotional heft behind them*. 

Cheeseburger, does not.  Its a song about an awesome cheeseburger in...ugh..paradise.  Yeah, we get that from the title. 

From Parade.com

"The Cheeseburger in Paradise story has been passed down, and it changes a bit in each telling," says Margaritaville concept chef Carlo Sernaglia. "Here is the real story, straight from Jimmy:

'Back in 1974, I sailed into Roadtown, Tortola, after a few days of hard weather. We were tired and hungry, but in those days, gourmet restaurants were few and far between in the British Virgin Islands. So it was with a great deal of excitement when we read in the cruising guide of the new Village Cay marina and restaurant in Roadtown. We tied up our boat and dashed for the patio, where we feasted on burgers and the available accoutrements. Regardless of what other stories you have heard, that is the story of the real birth of the cheeseburger in paradise that was put to song. I know. I was there.'

lmao, sounds like they were partying on a boat, it was lousy weather and they said screw it and sailed to a burger joint.  

We have all been there!  Shoot, 1/2 of Tacos Bells business model is people getting hammered and saying screw it and going to the drive through.  WE KNOW THIS**!

More like, tacos in paradise

Crunchwrap Supreme and some nacho fries, LFG!

So, ok, we have established the parameters of the Cheeseburger origin story, but, what actually constitutes the actual cheeseburger in question.  

Of course in the song, he lists the ingredients, so it should be fairly simple to have your own cheeseburger in paradise/kitchen table/porch/sex swing. 

Lets take a look at the lyrics and we will put the shopping list together. 

From genius.com lyrics

[Verse 2]

But at night I'd have these wonderful dreams

Some kind of sensuous treat

Not zucchini, fettuccini, or bulgur wheat

But a big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat

Ok, we have a bun and a huge chunk of meat (lol)

[Chorus 1]

Cheeseburger in paradise

Heaven on earth with an onion slice

Not too particular, not too precise

I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

Onions

[Chorus 2]

Cheeseburger in paradise

Medium rare with Muenster'd be nice

Heaven on earth with an onion slice

I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

So, here is the first bit of controversy.  Most people here this as "medium rare with mustard be nice" when its actually Muenster'd be nice.  

Via Wiki

Right??  Not sure if we have ever had that kind of cheese, but, who are any of use to argue with Jimmy Buffett.

Bun, Meat, Onions, Muenster Cheese

[Bridge]

I like mine with lettuce and tomato

Heinz 57 and french-fried potatoes

Big kosher pickle and a cold draft beer

Well, good god Almighty, which way do I steer?

Pretty straight forward here, lettuce, tomato, heinz 57 and french fries...now, one could quibble a bit and attribute the heinz 57 to the condiment for the fries, as if there was a semi-colon after tomato to indicate a new preface...but, we think its more item item item and THEN fries.  Then we have kosher pickle and a beer.  Awesome.  

Bun, Meat, Onions, Muenster Cheese, Lettuce, Tomato, Heinz 57.   Fries on the side.  Pickle and a big ass beer. 

That looks like a pretty kick ass lunch right there, can't you picture out in the boat all day and coming in when your all done with your frolicking and getting loose on a burger and some beer?  WE SURE CAN. 

ADDITIONAL RESEARCH TIME.  LETS CONSULT WITH EXPERTS

1)  From the previous parade.com article that mentions the origins of the cheeseburger story, they apparently have the official recipe for that cheeseburger, that they serve at the Margaritaville restaurants and so forth.  

But, we have some issues with this.  Here is the ingredient list from Chef Carlo, who in the story says he was with Jimmy, so he should be an expert w/ first hand knowledge.  

ACTIVATE MS PAINT MODE: 

IM LIVID.  

1/2 a cup "Paradise Island Dressing"  unreal, this man.....CHEF CARLO, WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS OVER MANY COMP'ED BEERS AND VOLCANO NACHOS AT THE COZUMEL LOCATION NEXT WEEK.  

Its Heinz 57!!  There is absolutely no mention of this forsaken island dressing, it way to much feels like a marketing exercise or a lesson in corporate branding.  Because, this is basically a thousand island ish dressing, sort of a Big Mac sauce.  Mayo, Ketchup, Relish and a little lime and salt.  Sure, perfectly fine burger sauce, but, THATS NOT WHATS IN THE SONG!

Stunt on these hoes

Heinz 57 is essentially a spicy-adjacent version of ketchup.  Catsup itself is fine on things, sometimes.  Good with fries, and maybe a boring ass charcoal grill burger when your out with your bros sac-tapping each other.  

Effectively, this is Ketchup, a tinkle of mustard, a bloop of hot sauce, a little Worcestershire sauce and salt.  The real stuff at the store has some malt vinegar and so forth, but, no where in the list of ingredients does it say MAYO!  

Furthermore, in that above ingredients list for the burger it says American cheese (which is the goat for burgers, but, in this case, not the case), as we have discussed, its muenster cheese.  

So, we are going to put this one off to the side.  Good burger recipe, but, not what we are looking for.  Lets move on to the next.

2) Foodnetwork.com has their own version of this burger and it even states ON THE PAGE, "Recipe courtesy of Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville Cafe"

This time though, needed something with a little more dexterity then MS PAINT, because we needed to put an emoji in, so 

FIRE UP PHOTOSHOP:

Overall a great burger recipe and even making your own French fries, love it.  They are really hard to do right, but, when you get it right at home, man, it just makes you go, "i should have just gone to the store to get the frozen ones and air fried them cuz dang my kitchen is a mess and the kids are going to be back at 4 from the zoo"

But, again we are going with the American Cheese, which, as established, is the best for burgers but again incorrect as the "Cheeseburger in Paradise"

Also, wtf, no Heinz again.  Shameful really.  

This is another one of the, good game good effort, but, take a seat on the bench and lets get the starter back in the game.  

3) TasteWithTheEyes.com, this looks to be the real deal Cheeseburger in Paradise, and as an added bonus looks to have been an actual Parrot Head, so, maybe the bloodline meant more to her!  

But, this particular post is more of a tribute to, then a strict recipe post.  We would strongly recommend looking around her site, there are some magical recipes on there, Sardine Smorrerod?  get outta here 

good god almighty 

Warm bun and huge chunk of meat?   CHECK

Onion Slice?  Check

Medium Rare?  UNCLEAR!

Muenster Cheese?  SURE LOOKS LIKE IT

Lettuce and Tomato?  CHECK

Heinz 57?  ABOUT TIME.  HELLA CHECK

French Fries?  CHECK

Big Kolsher Pickle?  CHECK

Cold Draft Beer?  CHECK!!

Bonus points for a Buffett CD. 

Cant determine if the Heinz is ON the burger or next to it.  Would have to hope that its on the burger, as we assume thats how Jimmy got his. 

ANALYSIS

One has to assume that in the macro aspect of the world and your lives, we have all had lots of cheeseburgers, lots of French fried potatoes, etc.  Many many meals all through the years.  

Some better, some not as better (ed. note - what?) but, context and location and application all play a role in the enjoyment of such an item.  Well, that was a long winded way of saying, sometimes the atmosphere and people have as much to do with the enjoyment of a food-stuff, then the actual food-stuff. 

Point being you don't put the emphasis on the burger, you put it on the paradise.  

It just so happens to be a cheeseburger, could have been some chicken wings in paradise, could have been jalapeño poppers in paradise!  Could have been a side salad and glass of sparking water in paradise! 

Paradise is the key.  Not the burger.  However.  Get the burger correct. make your paradise the best. 

Or.  Is the cheeseburger an actual food item?  Or is there a bit of metaphorical action going on?

Cheeseburger in paradise

Heaven on Earth with an onion slice

Not too particular, not too precise

I'm just a cheeseburger in paradise

I'm just a cheeseburger? 

I can haz?  

You're a cheeseburger in paradise?

Lets get into what that means in a day or to, that the cheeseburger is analogous to something else, is he himself the cheeseburger?????

* so does lets get drunk and screw.  your mom has emotional heft

** we don't know this.  officially, but imagine piloting a sailboat through a nautical drive through.  chaos  

*** grinding their meat.  lmao