Jul 31, 2019

New Federal Law: Pontoon Days

Hey!  Did anyone watch the Democratic Debate last night???

HOO-BOY, we are sure it must have been wonderfully entertaining and hopefully a sign of brighter things ahead for our country, but, we didn't watch!

Did Elizabeth Warren "LAY WASTE" to John Delany??


Or did Bernie say some...whatever, Bernie stuff??  Probably!!

With all the talk of health care and reparations and immigration and, what else, infrastructure??  That sounds like something someone would say at some point wouldn't it?  That sounds like a politician type word.  Infrastructure.  Thats a meaty word if you think about, full of syllables and letters and what not, makes one feel smart...maybe to smart if you ask us...its really a scam that the system is playing on us, get us to feel smarter than we really are.

When we feel smarter, we tend to gloss over things that one who, of such a high IQ, would condemn as beneath them, or not worthy of our time or not deemed of such importance as to raise even an interested eye brow.

But, this, is not, that place.

What was not talked about is a policy that we need to fight for, we need to take to the streets, demand action take place RIGHT AWAY!


Calmer then you are dude.

Thats right, every person in America should be entitled to 4 pontoon days a year.

"But, Dig Dug," you say, "This idea...what the hell is it?"

Glad you asked.  Lets delve in a bit and see if your mind doesn't explode with glee and snacks.

Yesterday in CRB land, it was just shy of 80 degrees, not a cloud in the sky, slight...SLIGHT breeze rustling the trees and we were stuck at our jobs all day long.  Missing out on what should have been a wonderful day on the lake.  Frolicking around on a pontoon boat all day, drinking beers, eating cheez-its and the finest sliced meats, guacamole, grapes!! (???)...NOT sitting in a god damn office all day long.

Looking out the window and knowing what the weather was and how we are WASTING this perfect day in a suit in an office, which, look, its fine.  It has A/C, and snacks and gives us money to pay for things, but, THESE ARE THE DAYS THAT NEED TO BE ENJOYED IN THE OUTDOORS!

So, the concept is such.

You are allotted 4 of these days a year, 4 Pontoon Day cards so to speak.


There are no rules surrounding the why or reasoning behind them, you determine a pontoon day and all you have to do is log on to to www.pontoonday.gov enter your information and notification is sent to your employer that Mr/Ms So and So are exercising their pontoon day and off you go to take your government issued pontoon boat out for a day of fun!

"Ok, Ok, Dig Dug, this idea has merits and seems like a good thing for all," you say, "but, how on earth would this work for all Americans!"

First of all.  Pontoon boats are a right that all Americans should be able to enjoy, not just the wealthy, not just the powerful.  Its a right we all deserve, its a HUMAN right.

Second of all, the BIG JOB industry has for far to long run roughshod over the poor, taking advantage of loop holes in our pleasure craft industry to effectively exploit the average American and rake in huge profits.

Third of all, in our increasingly online and anxiety filled world, we all need...nay!  Deserve the ability to take our mental health seriously and it has been scientifically proven through MANY triple blind tests and experiments that a pontoon boat, when administered properly will almost entirely eliminate all mental health issues AND lead to a very healthy increase in sexual activity of people who only met that day but, damn you look good in that bathing suit.

Lets make mistakes girl.

No Maria, FOUR days a year, not three.  See you at home babe. 

"Ok this is a wonderful idea and should be implemented instantly," you are now yelling this at the top of your lungs, "But, there are like, almost 5 million people in this country, how do we possibly organize that many pontoon boats and keep it clean and orderly and free of the corruption that plagues almost every other aspect of life in this country"

This is a very valid point, as most of us have a natural distrust of government programs and the waste that they inevitably produce.

Sure sure sure, you COULD look at this program that way, like a pessimist, like a hater, and thats fine.  That just simply means you haven't been on a pontoon boat recently and your mental state is that of a typical well adjusted human being who just can't see the forest for the trees.

Pontoon boats are basically cure alls, bad things never happen on a lake on a pontoon.  Lets break it down.

1) Your floating on water.  This is good. The sound of waves lapping against the aluminum tubes of a pontoon boat have been shown to reduce ones stress level by 6.

2) Its a sunny day and you are outside.  No one spends a day outside doing anything, hiking in the woods, doing yard work, fixing their motorcycle, playing basketball, whatever, and then get home in a bad mood.  No!  You get fresh air in your lungs, you get sun on your skin and you FEEL  better!

3) We will put garbage cans on the dock so when you get back you can just chuck your empties in there and its good to go for the next person.

See?  Its that simple.

Same, just, cool ass Pontoon Boats and not airplanes. 

Millions of new jobs will be created in the pontoon boat world and the outboard motor world producing all these new boats and motors for the happy citizens.

So many 25 horsepower motors!!!

It will be like after World War 2 when our economy was booming and everyone was having sex and things were the way they were supposed to be!

Nothing bad could ever happen!!!!

Let's Do This America!!!!

Pontoon Days, Lets Float Our Ways To Better Days!!

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