You have done something that you are embarrassed about, you have done something that make you feel like a fool, you have acted, the fool.
You need to get home, get grounded, get right with your life. We are all allowed these daliances into the world of silly. Its ok, you get heated about some political issue, you get mad about fire wood, you have a issue with the way someone parks their car, you accidentally murder a a community leader in a fit of rage over their proposed street parking agenda.
LOOK! Its happened to us all, and the bodies that are buried in someone else's backyard that in NO WAY incriminate me to these heinous crimes are in no way a barometer to your own moral misgivings to you cheating on your husband last month. with me. in your car. in a target parking lot. in the morning.
it was good tho. #respect
never the less, in times of trouble, mother mary come to me. speaking words of wisdom. get a pontoon and drink your pain away.
right? Thats the song?
Pretty sure thats right.
These are the moments you need to get right with your god, get centered and back to what makes you a heathoneous person in the first place, a boat with two pontoons and some beer on it, possibly some cheez-its, and most certainly a cadre of sliced turkey and cheese, and for sure some pretzel buns. NOM NOM....quiet now, nom nom.....ok, he is gone, NOM NOM!!!
Eat you glutonous piece of shit! Dance like no one is watching! Eat like your mirror hates you!!
You need to remember what got you here in the first place, you arent' setting agendas at the weekly condo association meeting, no, you are trying get your ass onto the pontoon and get proper.
and then. you get to the dock and see this.
|My grandpa beat me with the sharp end of an axe, so, i do this. Im an idiot.|
Thats three motors.
What the fuck is that??? Your running three, what, 225s on a god damn pontoon boat? How dare you sir!!!
How do you bring that into our lives. This is pitbull satellite radio being beamed into your head at 1000 miles an hour without your permission, this is a heinous act of aggression to your chilling out and we should, really, be taking them to court over the obscivation of yoru pontooning rights as an American citizen and how they flaunt the laws of common decency with their vulgar display...
...dont say it...
...your going to tho...
That isn't what the boating gods had in mind when they came up with the pontoon. Pontoon is supposed to be about chilling out, slowing meandering about your body of water while sipping on cocktails, eating cheeze-its and...maybe, if your super bold, smoking a joint to "take the edge off"
It is not, this nonsense.
|life in the suburbs is great. I love my bullshit life|
|LOL, IM AN ASSHOLE|
|I ran over my own dick with a subaru, this is the only way to feel normal.|
|im a maga-chud. i wish this could drown me and my sorrows|
This isn't what pontoon is supposed to be about. If you want a fishing boat that has as billion horsepower, go get one. If you want a deck boat go get one. If you want to flaunt that you hate your life, get a run-about.
Tow your dick head kids around the lake on a Saturday at top speed while yelling at your partner about the parking situation in the garage and how your boss makes you feel insignificant.
Dont take that out on your boat!
Boats, any boat, ski boat, pontoon, car, whatever, are weird extensions of your own life. They are not necessities, you don't need a boat, you don't need a car, you don't need a wife, you don't need functioning toilet, you don't need walls...you don't need love, you only need to bow at the alter of the monetary system that controls your world. Give in to the life that those richer then you expect of you.
Do no ask questions. Blindly do what you are told. You fucking sheep ass piece of shit.
You don't need any of that.
But, what you deserve, what you should be promised in the constitution, is the ability to once in a while, to fucking chill out.
To have a beer. Get some sun on that belly you are so mad isn't as flat as it used to be.
To not feel like you owe it to anyone to be anything that you aren't. You have earned that right in this world. And its ok, to be a bit selfish if you feel it.
You don't owe the world shit, you don't owe anyone a 40 hour a week nonsense bullshit plan. You are your own boss in this life.
You dont have to explain to your stupid neighbor why you are taking a few days and spending them on your boat so you can be centered.
In our world these days, so many of us are so uptight, strung so tight that we snap at even the nicest people you meet. You are mean to the person at subway for no reason, what, they didn't put 5 green peppers on your sub and not 6? Slam your dick in a drawer your dipshit.
You chastise the person at target because they didn't immediately acknowledge how serious your stupud bullshit was? Stick a broom up your ass idiot. People live their lives not in a cow-tow situation to your own idiot nonsnese.
Your rude to the cashier as best buy because they aren't moving fast enough and asking the customer if they want the extended warranty?? They are doing their jobs and they sure as hell aren't worried about the fact your kids have to wait an extra five minutes at home with the baby sitter because you were out having an affair and then remembered you needed a god damn optical cable for your video dildo.
Go out on your god damn pontoon boat and decompress. You need it.
This is a good start. Right here.
Look close, those people are having a hell of a good time, despite their 80's ass hair metal hair. Bet you $100 bucks they are slamming natty ices and pulling on a joint. Look at the guy in the blue shirt, he is TOTALLY sneaking a bit of a titty grab while Dale......fucking dale.....is checking his email..making sure his dip shit client will skate on his 5th dui.
Or...lets get real. Look at these people!
They are growing weed right there on their boat! Thats a proper chill vessel. There is a grill right there in the bow of the boat, and you can bet your sweet ass they are grilling up hot dogs, kebabs and corn on the cob. They know damn well that Scooter in the office can fuck right off about that PDS report he has been harping on.
Speaking of Scooter, here he is on his boat, trying to be a bad ass. LOL son, you look like a bad pair of boxers after a racquetball match made up entirely of people who eat far too many stool softeners.
(ed note: YUCK)
Look, the point is. 90% of us all need to chill the fuck out, to get out of our own brains and enjoy our lifes a litle bit more. There is no prize for being 80 years old and someone slapping you on the dick and saying, "great job working that sunday"
Nah, it doesn't happen. Its all regets when we get old. We regret not skiing that one pass, we regret not talking to that one girl, we regret...we regret.
Lets be more like Dale and Johnson here in their super on brand pontoon, just go fucking fishing man. Take a god damn load off, catch your self a trout and look at it in its fish face and say, "bro, i love you, but, I ate a 1/2 tab of acid and you look like a god damn dna sequence of a turtle"
|Turtles are so dope tho bro|