Feb 6, 2017

CRBailbag. Vol. 1

My balls are starting to float

Over the 10 years or so CRB has been alive, we have received tons of emails asking us questions, from who we are, to how to waterski, to how to talk to the opposite sex...and from there you can only imagine.  In our first edition of CRBailbag, we will attempt to answer some of those questions. 

Jacob from Sacramento
Who are you, what do you do, and how are you so god damn great all the time?
Great question Jacob, and you should feel really special because you are the first email we will have ever answered on the website.  In fact, in our board meeting we have often times debated doing a segment like this, and well, its never been received well from the board members.

That being said. Allow us to answer this question point by point.

1) Who are we?  we are a collective of the best and brightest minds in the entire world of water based sports.  Every day we get together at the CRB HQ, which has the security like you can't imagine.  Suffice to say, all of our anus's and the security guards know each other well. Matter of fact, Spence, our head guard, was able to both A) detect one of our staffers colon cancer and B) also find their G spot.

2) What do we do? Control the entire world of all water based sports. That sounds like something pretty big, but, really it is.  we have as many as two or three computers.  Its amazing, each of them have their own aol log in disc.

hold on.

I am being reminded that CRB Classic is no longer functional and I should get out of my hyperbaric chamber.

Right, there are servers and like, hella computers all over.  Anyways, what?  We don't know, its a talent.

3) How are we so good all the time?

Skills baby.

Stephanie from Springfield

I can never seem to land my off-side, or reverse wake-o.  It feels like my balance always gets shifted in-correctly and I catch my front edge.  Has this happened to you and what can I do to fix it?
Thanks for the email Stephanie, first of all. No, that doesn't happen to us.  As we aren't garbage on a trick ski.  We trained for years with the ninja master him self.  Nicolas Leforest.  Remember the scene in Kill Bill where Uma Thermos has to punch though a piece of wood with her fingers?

Yeah, thats how Nikolas LaForester trains you.  You don't succeed ever, you only don't suck less.

This is the mind-set that you need to learn, its not your fault that you can't land that trick. Its your fault that your mind isn't strong enough to not allow yourself to succeed.

Make sense?

But, to ease your sense of burden, we went to our own in-house expert for their opinion and this is what they said.

Expert - "Whats the question?"
CRB - "Read Above"
Expert - "oh, duh, just don't land with that part of your ski in the water"
CRB - "yeah, thanks"
Expert - /eats plate of cheez-its and cold cuts

Ericka from Orlando
I want to be on my college's ski team, but, I am not that good, i get weird around the other people on the team...and their friends, who are good.  Again, i am not good.  I want to be a part of this, but, I am not sure if I am welcome.
Here is the thing Ericka, waterski people are not a judgemental type.  They can be stand off-ish, but, they sure as heck aren't judgmental. Now, of course, through the course of your life you are going to run into people that are that way.  And that is ok, they are shit anyways, however, you can't judge in that moment.  maybe they are talking to their friends, maybe they are in a similar situation as you...people can't be judged in the moment.  It may feel weird, but its true.  Your good friend may look like an ass if you run into them at a certain moment.

Here is the deal, 95% of waterski people are the best people you will ever meet.  But allow them that 5% buffer.

Besides, its worth your effort, because, you will have friends for life.

Zoe from Sedona

Hey, we hooked up a few years ago, and now we have a kid, what the hell?
lol, pranksters.

All thought that may explain the additional item on the crb payroll.

Did you work at the airport bar?  because if you did, then, hell yeah we are on board for child support or at least waterski lessons.  If not, pretty sure one of our coolers is full of cold cuts and hamms beer.

Either way, I think we are married now. So, jokes on you.

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