Sep 9, 2013

He Must Be Stopped!

That is the video from Goode Skis w/ Nate Smith and his pending record breaking run of 2.5 at 43 off.

What the Hell??? How is this possible? Is this dude a cyborg? Possibly an alien type version of a humanoid being? There are many questions that we need to ask here about this so called human being waterskier person.

The first thought that pops to mind is, the most obvious of all, is that he was created in a top secret government lab to create a genetically superior slalom ski athlete.  To What End???

This is where we need some Ed Snowden type shit to help us out, release some documents showing that the head chemistry professor at Hope College has long been secretly crystalizing all the various life forms and forces in the universe, probably in a beaker of some kind, and then injecting that straight into archaiec creatures from the prehistoric era to cross splice DNA and eventually make a frankenstieniest waterski orb product.

Thats of course, the reasonable explanation.

Yeah, that seems reasonable

But why?  You would think that this sort of evolutionary altering madness could be put to better use outside of the world of waterskiing, no?  Maybe, maybe not.  Maybe quit asking questions.  The answers go so high up that you would be scared by the reasoning.  The President of the United States isn't even clued into all the reasons.

Its the Illuminati.  Probably.  or something even more nefarious?

Lets set that aside for a second and instead, lets focus on a short term solution to our Nate Smith Humanoid Robot Slalom Ski Form.


sup bro, im fiending for a hot pocket
We place alligators at strategic locations in AND around the slalom course.  That way, it will provide a natural and effective defense against the ever encroaching specter of Nate Smith slalom destruction.

Its really the best way.  And its eco-friendly.

Alligators do a number of things, photosynthesis, eat things, look creepy as shit and most importantly, regulate fools.

Lets set the scene.

"Nate Smith" is on his ski going to run the course, we activate the "alligator project" and they come snapping to life and maybe, bite the ski? or float by the buoys so he would have to ski over the alligators?

What if, hear me out on this one, what if the alligators jumped up and chomped down on the rope itself.  Not breaking the rope, just making it really heavy and unwieldy!  Nobody can ski with an alligator clamped onto their ski rope!

Its the perfect solution for one of our now, nay our nations, biggest threats.

Perfectly engineered humanoid waterskiers.

Its our only hope of survival, you guys.

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