Jan 11, 2013

Welcome to CRB Lakes

Site of CRB Lakes.  Squish!

Why, hello there fellow waterskier, how are you doing today?  Great, thats fantastic, welcome to CRB Lakes, the newest offering from CRB LLC INC LOL.

You may recognize this place as what used to be Swiss Ski School, but, back in January of 2013 they decided to sell and CRB, as they are won't to do, decided to add to their portfolio and acquired the site.

You may have seen the email back in January from Waterski Magazine when Swiss Ski School was initially offered for sale, they said:
 The water-ski school operates on 4 man-made ski lakes and one natural lake. Under the current operational structure, the ski school averages 10,000 rides per year. In addition to water ski activities, Swiss Ski School offers a unique platform that allows for integration of related activities and income streams. Additional assets include fully functioning pro-shop, office/reception building, 10 housing units with bath, and a dome structure with a commercial kitchen and common area for meals/gatherings.
This really intrigued the minds behind the scenes at CRB HQ, as they strongly encourage all sorts of integration into the paradigm of social media strategy buzzwords and various aristocratic ventures to leverage the unique business environment in which they can pursue increased efficiency matrix.

Now, of course there have been a few changes on site, most notably you can see the dome structure which was referenced above, but, i am talking to you in person, so above makes no sense.  Rather, the dome structure that i referenced before has been removed and replaced with new building that we feel more represents the clientele that we are after.

So, it has been replaced with a full margarita bar / skeet shooting range.  While that may seem like a strange combination, vertically leveraging more vague business buzzwords with our core competency it was determined that we could effectively promote market penetration whilst getting drunk and shooting guns.

The interior decoration is of course waterski themed and there is a full slalom course hanging from the ceiling, just for the added ambiance, and something unique to this location is that have a tequila distillery on the roof which then drips into the various buoy balls, which then, in this climate, tend to perspire out of the balls, which are located right by the windows, and the walls.

Hence the name of the establishment, "Skeet Skeet Motherfucker Bar and Grill"

If you keep reading in your pamphlet that we probably gave you when you arrived here and/or we just gave you now you can see that:
The property for sale includes 2 ski-lakes and totals approximately 32 acres with buildings, amenities and improvements. Dome building (1800 sq. ft.) with large outdoor deck), two dome structures with ten housing units for short term rentals, Pro-Shop (ski related equipment & rentals), tennis court, swimming pool, soccer field, and a maintenance shed.
So, the dome building that is referenced is the Skeet Skeet bar, the various cabins/housing units are now utilized in a slightly different manner, both for housing our skiers but also we have done a bit of rejiggering the schedule to allow for shorter stays as well as sales of some of the homes for full time residence.

Also, of course the pro-shop has been updated with new equipment, featuring all the best equipment from manufactures such as Carbonworx, Kidder, Skurfer and Wavelength.  Its really on the cutting edge, getting into that .com game with a www.website to allow for online ordering, scheduling, nacho delivery services.

It is not uncommon to see various celebrity types from the world of stage and screen coming by CRB Lakes to enjoy a leisurely game of tennis or swimming or soccer or white water rafting...did i mention that we replaced lake Caroline with a white water river that connects to the Colorado river?

Haha, boy, was that an adventure with the local government, rerouting a river from 1/2 way across the country just so we could white water raft here in the middle of Florida   It took a while to convince them that this was a good idea, but, real forward thinkers in this country just get beaten down by the man, but we fought through it all and were able to make it happen.

Oh!  Hey there little guy, *grabs nacho out of gigantic sombrero worn by a midget*  *dips into nacho cheese*  So, one of the things that we had to bring with us from a previous venture was the midgets wearing sombreros full of delicious nachos walking around at all hours of the day.

As a professional athlete / waterskier proper nutrition is vital to the ongoing success of our athletes.  Thats why we have at our employ a stable full of these little guys with sombreros FULL of nutritious nachos and all the various toppings, from nacho cheese, to salsa, to mint chip ice cream (don't laugh) to black beans.

Also, you will notice his back pack that he is wearing, it is two sided, one side is full of gatorade and the other is full of SKEET SKEET tequila, this way, depending on the cycle of the training regime, our athletes can get a nutritious snack, get hydradted properly then down a few shots of tequila to help them stay limber on the water.

Its really a fool proof plan and most likely will be adopted by all NFL teams in the near future.

So, we have reached your bungalo, yep, here it is, 10B, this is a real nice one.  We have set you up nice, fresh sheets, a hammock in the shower, really first class type shit going on here.  It is a bit late in the day, almost 6, so, why don't you freshen up, unpack, and meet us all at the "Oregon Trail Steak House" which is on the south end of Lake Denise, our chef there is fantastic, its sort of a Brazilian type of place and no one yet has got dysentery.  We actually have a special performance tonight from the Carl Roberge Band, they are quite good.  Lots of classic rock covers, but, with a techno/dubstep vibe to it.  You have never heard Foghats "Slow Ride" done in dubstep while tripping on acid have you??  Your in for a treat!!

What do you think of CRB Lakes??


1 comment:

  1. There is nothing better then an organic corn grown on the side of a Chilean mountain nacho chip with a double scoop of mint chip ice cream. Fuck and Yes


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