May 3, 2012

Ballad of a Lonely Buoy

A lonely Buoy
Waterskiing at its core is a sport about pushing yourself and the limits of your ability, its also a sport that is strongly rooted in the communal / team / friend aspect of life.  You can't ski alone, you need someone to drive and occasionally someone to spot.  In basketball you can go work on your jump shot or your dribbling all by yourself, in football you can run patterns or throw a football through a tire, in golf you simply hit a driving range, or work on your putting, its a sport based on solitude. 

So, while we all have our friends or team along when we are out on the water, having a good time, encouraging you to make your whirlybird to blind roll to tumble turn trick or get that extra few feet on a jump, everyone is sharing in the experience.  Despite all this, sometimes we do tend to forget about people / things and one of those things is the lonely slalom course buoy.

Follow us past the jump for more from the buoys perspective

Buoy Ball: Sigh.  This sucks.  I have been floating here forever. How come no one wants to come by and say hi.  I think my ass is waterlogged anyways.

You know, I float here attached to a damn cement block at the bottom of the lake and am always nice and orange so people can see me, but, I can't go anywhere and have fun.

Buoy Ball: I see all the people out there having a good time and yet I am stuck here for what seems like eternity.  A couple days ago there was a group of people out here, a couple girls even!  One of them was wearing this yellow Bikini!  Almost made me turn red!  It was great.  Thankfully half of me is underwater!

Oh!  look!  Here comes someone now!  Maybe he will stop and say hi!

*JamieBOOSH has entered the chatroom*

JamieBOOSH: sup

*JamieBOOSH is now directly connected*

*JamieBOOSH has left the chatroom*

Buoy Ball: Dude!  Come Back!!
Buoy Ball: no, im fine.  ugh, i think i have some green shit growing on my now too, also, would it be to much to ask to put a bit more air in me?  I don't understand it, I do my job with a smile.  I got a little thing that you connect a chain or rope to, you blow me up and I happily float around for you to ski around.  Yet, I get no love at the end of the day.  Not even a slap on ass or a "see ya tomorrow buoy, thanks for floating" or whatever.

Buoy Ball: I mean, whats the point you know?  What am I doing in this world?  just floating?  being orange?  What is the greater purpose to all this?  Was I put on this world so people could ski around me...or sometimes ski over me?  That seems like a cosmic joke.
Buoy Ball: I don't know, its been like this forever, I guess, this is my plot in life.  We all have our jobs to do, and if you can't put a damn smile on your buoy and go to work, do your part for society, what good are you?  Don't mope around and float all half ass, float like a mofo and be the best buoy you can be right!?!

Buoy Ball: *connecting to iPhoto*

*iPhoto is now open*

*iPhoto is now closed*

Buoy Ball: Thats my dad up there, he was a pretty happy buoy.  Punched the clock every day, put on his hard hat, carried his lunch box.

But, isn't the american dream to have more, to achieve greater things then your parents?  I suppose, I am on a sort of private type lake....ugh.  :(

*iPhoto is now open*
*iPhoto is now closed*

im sorry.  what am i doing, what have i become?
Buoy Ball: you know, life as a buoy is becoming such a burden, I am trying to hurt skiers, i can't even enjoy the little things that being a buoy has to offer.  One of my best friends went through this same stuff recent, look.
Buoy Ball: It breaks your heart to see that.  used in some half ass slalom course where the gates were all wonky, it wasn't set right, buoys were all different color and the people just left it in over the winter to freeze, some of the buoys didn't make it and had to be replaced.  You never want to see that.
Buoy Ball: *looks around*
This actually isn't a bad slalom course, all the guide buoys are yellow, we are all orange...its a pretty nice lake actually.  We live in a pretty temperate climate, i never get frozen into the lake or anything.  So thats pretty nice.  I do wish people would appreciate me more, but, I bet if I just buck up and do a kick ass job as the #3 ball...
Buoy Ball: Hell yeah, thats it.  I am going to kick ass as the #3 ball here and people will be like, "damn, that buoy has got it going on"  yep yep, thats the ticket.

Watch this shit, "yo Marcus!  Marcus Brown!  Im ready for you big dog!!!!"

*marcusaureliusbrown has entered the chatroom*

marcusaureliusbrown: Awww yeah, gonna stomp this out.  Im coming for you Buoy!!

*marcusaureliusbrown is now directly connected*

sup buoy, looking gooooooood!!!

marcusaureliusbrown: *shouting* Good Job Buoy!!!  Thanks Bud!!
Buoy Ball: :)


  1. Best shit I've read in months!!!.... Dig Dug, Old Dirty Bass Fisherman and the rest of the CRB crew for class presidents!!

  2. Big Tex3:41 PM

    So strong.


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