**Studio 3 on Lot 4 of Boathouse Networks**
Director: Places everyone...OK, Jeff, Cris...que theme in 3...2...
Cris: AWWWWWW YEAAHHHH....ITS GOING DOWN!
Cris: Welcome to Waterski Daily on Boathouse Networks, the Daily waterski update show where we smack you in the face with the lake trout of truth. What what?!?! Jeff, my other mothered brother lover, what is happening?
Jeff: Not much, just layin back in the cut, chillin...tryin to get my fade on, ya hurd?
Cris: SKEET SKEET
Jeff: as Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, Cris, "What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." and that speaks volumes because I am full of the Daily Truth and ready to impart the wisdom to the peeps, lets do this.
Cris: /looks at camera 2
Cris: It was quite the week on the waterski world stage and people going off!! Sippin on that lean yo, bring dat correct
Jeff: Right you are Cris, lets set our Magellan type sights on the world of collegiate waterskiing.
*lights dim dramatically*
Jeff: This past weekend the best of the best engaged with their migs and headed out to Bennett's Ski School in Louisiana...
Cris: Louisiana eh? Thats French for chicken wings
Jeff: Right you are Cris, the best collegiate waterskiiers headed out to compete in a blood lust competion to determine the best collegiate ski team in the land. BRING ME THE FINEST MEATS AND CHEESES AND WE WILL HAVE A GRAND FEAST!
Cris: I see your delicious Subway brand footlong steak and cheese at lunch didn't tide you over till diner huh?
Jeff: The traditional power teams were represented, and it was nip and tuck all weekend up top of the leaderboard, but in the end it was one of the traditional powers that again frog stomped the competition and the frog stompers???
Cris: The University of Louisiana - Monroe Warhawks!
Jeff: They were finally able to end the agonizing drought that has been causing the Warhawk fans almost Chicago Cubs levels of consternation, but, thankfully, their grandkids will be able to sleep well at night knowing that Finally, the Warhawks were able to break that two year skid, winning their first championship since 2009.
Cris: Right you are Jeff, UL-Lafayette didnt go without a fight...just coming up short in second place...but the weekend belonged to the Warhawks who took home their 23rd title. Lets go to the leaderboard for a full run down.
Cris: As you can see there was a fairly big drop off from Rollins to Ohio State...THE Ohio State University as some of their alumni may say, right AJ Hawk?
Cris: Yep, thanks for that, we will come back to you later...and by later I mean never. I hate you...Jeff??
Jeff: Sup brah, back to Nationals...this is America and team awards are LAME. So, lets focus on some individual performances and BOY HOWDY were there some great performances by some of the kids out there Cris.
Cris: Affirmative Jeff, and not only great performances but possible record breaking performances with both Lauren Morgan and Zach Worden setting pending NCWSA records for jumping distance.
Jeff: Yes, jumping distance, as opposed to jumping up and down, or leap frog or pogostick, but, actual waterski jumping!
Cris: Right you are Jeff, Florida Southern's Lauren Morgan, Florida Southern is in the south part of Florida,...or Poochie as she is known is a real girl that can fly, link, and she showed that this weekend knocking out a 157 foot kick besting Alex Lauretano's old mark of 155. On twitter Morgan said, "just broke the national record 157!!!!! so pumped!!!! and MOCS are in 2nd! woooo"
Jeff: It is not confirmed if woo has six o's or 5 o's but, for the sake of brevity, lets assume it has a delicious Subway brand meatball sub on flatbread with some parmesan cheese and banana peppers.
Cris: That does sound delicious, and we do like how you are incorporating our new sponsor into the broadcast!
Jeff: Right you are Cris, and not to be left out of the meatball subs OR the record breaking weekend, UL-Monroe's Zach Worden also beat the ramp to death via skill by smashing a 194 foot jump to break the old record of 193 set by Ryan Fitts back in 1999.
Cris: There was a bunch of other cool stuff that happened as well, and if you would like more in-depth coverage, please visit the USA Waterski website, Link, for all the info you could ever want, including full individual and team scores.
Jeff: Cross your fingers for some PDF Files!!!
Cris: /crosses fingers
Jeff: /crosses fingers
Director: /crosses fingers
Cris: However, the real talk of the weekend had nothing to do with the incredible amount of talent on display or the team efforts that went on all weekend, no, no, it was a spectacular crash that was caught on tape, posted to youtube and picked up by both SI Hot clicks and Deadspin.
Jeff: Maybe not the exact way you hope to get some attention directed to your sport, but, what the hey, its publicity and we have a pretty great sport going on here with some great skiers so if Kyle Dammeyer eating some wax can help out, then why not?
Cris: Lets take a look at the video.
Cris: Oh No! Oh Wow!! Tony is awesome.
Jeff: Right you are Cris, Tony really made that gold. But, for some further analysis lets go to my man Mayhem from State Farm Insurance and see what he things.
Jeff: There you have it Cris, Mayhem gives that crash a Thumbs Up.
Cris: Well, thats all you need Jeff!! And just a reminder our weekly Mayhem segement is brought to you by State Farm, your in good hands with President Palmers insurance company.
Jeff: *whisper to cris* Good copy read Cris, our new sponsors will love this
Cris: *whisper to jeff* straight cash homey
Jeff: Now, for more insight and analysis from the past weekends events in Louisianna, or Chicken Wings, lets go to our Waterski Daily expert, Patrice Martin. Patrice, what is up car ramrod??
Patrice: what is good boys, its your boy Patrice here at the Guiness Black Lager station and we are going to get aggressive in our approach to my man Zach's kick butt jump over the weekend.
Patrice: My man put on a damn cape and seriously has some stones because he had to push that jump DOWN the lake to get that kind of speed and that is some next level stuff right there boys, I'm sure his boys back in Monroe were going crazy and cheering and hooting and hollering and maybe lighting some couches on fire just because they were all so mind blown. You could tell he was just waiting for the right time to strike, like a PIRAÑA SNAKE FISH SNAKE and then laid into that cut like my man back at CRB HQ does into some skanks.
Jeff: ahem, Patrice...this is basic cable, not premium...easy on the skank talk.
Patrice: Skanks bro.
Patrice: Anyways, lets go to the video.
Patrice: As you can see right about the 3 second mark of the video, and it may be the camera angle, but, Zach is getting late as FUUUUUUUU
Cris: *death glare*
Patrice: UUUDDGEEE, and looking to attack that ramp like a spider monkey, Let me use my State Farm Subway Sandwich clicker here to go forward to about the 5 second mark when he begins his turn, you can hear the people getting all atwitter because something is about to happen, and if you look at his turn, it looks...ummm....pretty awesome!!! Lets move ahead...
Patrice: As you watch him cross the wakes and accelerate into the ramp everything looks good, body position is clean his balance is correct and he explodes off the top of the ramp like a boss.
Jeff: Like a Boss??
Patrice: Like a BOSS!!!
|You chop your balls off and die?|
Patrice: So there you have it boys, as you can see on that jump Zach pushed his cut a bit further down the lake...now granted we have limited footage with this being the only jump I have seen of his on film, but, you would have to assume that either he got a bit later, cut a bit faster, had great positioning and kicked the hell of our his pop....or.....
Patrice: he had a rocket pack in his ass.
Patrice: I tend to believe the earlier thought, about being a good skier and not the part about partial robotisism / rockets up ass....back to you guys.
Jeff: Thanks Patrice, yeah, the rocket up the ass part is a little silly and irresponsible, Zach is a great skier and crushed that jump, however, since we do have access to these fancy computers we are just trying to look up and see if there has ever been any incidents of someone having a rocket up their ass or partial robot syndrome or anything else like that.
Cris: Turns out that the only evidence we have in the history of our sport, according to crbstats, of anything weird has something to do with a dentist and balls. We will have to look into this further.
Jeff: Right you are Cris, but, lets leave the moving balls thing to someone else.
Cris: Well, it looks like our time has come to an end today, there was some other events that took place that we could have covered, but, its getting late and my coffee cup appears to be empty
Jeff: Mine too.
Jeff: We thank you for tuning in and up next we have a new feature on Boathouse Network, called, "A Look Back", a show where we relive a great moment in waterskiing history with the people involved, drivers, skiers, announcers, and even the technology of the day. They will take us through the whole event leading up to, during and how it changed them afterwards and how it changed our sport moving forward.
Cris: Right you are Jeff, please stay tuned for that, its a really unique way to look back and also a great way to remember some of the past heros of this sport that made it what it is. This week we are going to be talking to Carl Roberge and will be going back to the 1994 Masters.
Jeff: Really looking forward to that..which reminds me of a great quote from an unknown author, "The more you take responsibility for your past and present, the more you are able to create the future you seek."
Cris: Thats why Doug takes responsibility of you mom. HAHA!!
Jeff: Right you are Cris, thanks again for tuning into Waterski Daily on the Boathouse Network, have a wonderful Day!