Well, that didn't take long. A few posts ago we celebrated our 1000 post while at the same time calling out Nola (lake of sins dog) for plagiarism. If nothing else, Rykert is not known for patience when it comes to the CRB triffeling with his dog.
For those not in the know, we have a running history of various mis-adventures, outright theft and general terrifying bloggy warfare, all chronicled at this link..LINK!!!
We thought this whole issue had been put to bed (like your mom) and we had all moved on, settling into a mid-life malaise of post-work cocktails, indifference and distain..like any good relationship.
No, we poke some fun at Nola and BOOM, Rykert comes out with guns fucking blazing!! Serving us papers and suing our ass. Oh, and not just suing us, but, enlisting non other then Jack Mccoy from TV's Law and Order. Remember that show when it was good back with Angie Harmon? Wow she was/is? hot.
Anyways, so, you would think that this would be the end right? Like, the assault on the CRB would end with the simple lawsuit...oh...you don't know how vindictive the Rykert can be..hence the CRB tag "hell hatch no fury like a rykert scorned", ha...no no..out for blood this time, sending Nola to her old stomping ground to steal the only two things near and dear to the CRB LLC.
What, your booze? you asked? no. something way worse.
Your Cheeze-it supply? gosh, if only it was that simple.
OH MY GOD, the SkiMasterBu? Nope.
Nola came and swiped our Oars and our CRB COOLER!! That Fiend!!!
Here is evidence of the felonious robbery.
Thats our Mad Dog 20/20!! Damn you Nola!!
So, this was our day. Its sort of but us back on our heels, and we had to get our wits out us before we decided on a course of action. See, as grown ups, we don't react to situations with straight emotion. Because if we did we would have gone by the ODBF's manual for conflict resolution, which, is weeping openly and then getting violently drunk on Jim Beam Black and finding a black jack table. This is not the sort of reaction we were looking for in a delicate legal situation.
No, we had to be a bit more cautious in this situation, because, 1) we are being sued for accusing Nola of plagerism and 2) Nola has our god damn cooler.
This will not stand.
The old man said to take any rug in the house.
We all got together in the CRB CR (crb conference room), now, granted, the CRB CR doubles as our wet bar, so, in total Mad Men style we got bombed on scotch in the afternoon after eating our body weight in chicken wings and oysters.
This meeting took all afternoon and bled well into the evening and we even had to send out the CRB staff to the local mini-mart for supplies, i.e, cheetos, knob creek and frozen pizza.
Now, you may be laughing to yourself thinking about a bunch of idiots getting drunk and eating bad food in a cramped conference room in CRB HQ, but, you would be wrong. Our conference room is not cramped...its quite spacious. Take a look.
Oh yeah, thats how we roll. What, you have walls in your office? Please, get with the times.
Ok, enough screwing around. We are coming back at you guys..and coming back HARD!!
We put out a call to one of the most respected attorneys in the U.S and said basically, "yo, the CRB is under attack, we need someone to come in here with a pant full of nutsack and a brain full of ideas, you got us??"
The response was awesome, "What now dickface?" wait...
no, the response was, "AWWW SKEET SKEET SKEET!!!"
We took that as a good sign that our pay lawyer had our back. So, who is this masked man that is going to fight tv's Jack Mccoy???
OH SHIT SON! ITS MAURY LEVY!! FROM THE WIRE!!!
This is the kinda man that can shit gold in one hand and hold the hand of a drug dealing murder type in the other and sleep at night. Thats what we look for in our legal representative. Oh yeah.
Lets be honest, CRB is not 100% above the boards, oh no, we have been known to on one hand poke fun at Waterski Magazine while also knocking off 28 off passes on the same day. WHATS THAT YOU SAY???
yep yep!!! We are nothing if not hypocrites!! In fact, think of the CRB as your friend who eats a bacon cheeseburger on a treadmill, we run both clean and dirty money, we work the corners and build the blocks to facilitate the corners. Our hands are all over your ass.
So, naturally, we had to get the proper lawyer type to navigate his way around our delicate case. Yeah, sure, there is some Nola kidnapping in the past, but, pay that no mind as we are on the straight and narrow now...well, maybe not so narrow now. nawaimsaying???
Lets check out our man working both sides.
Thats what we need and this is a not so subtle shot at our boy Rykert, see what we got on our side???
Bring it with your Jack Mccoy son, we got this situation locked up tight!!
We are willing to not go forward with our reverse lawsuit against Nola and her theiving ways if you agree to give us back the cooler, the Cheese its, the mad dog 20/20 and while we are at it, we want you to throw in some Kosher Hot Dogs, two jars of spicy brown mustard AND Karina Knowlans Goode 9600 slalom ski.
These are our demands.
We just want our cooler back, but, you pushed us!!