Feb 22, 2011
Tractor Pulls are Awesome
Having a bout of insomnia tonight and got to thinking about tractor pulls. First off, thought, "well, if you ever REALLY needed your boat pulled out of the lake quickly, just fire up one of these", then got to thinking, "why the hell isn't this sport more popular?"
This has everything any red-blooded American would ever want. They are loud, have huge motors and tow big-ass heavy trailers. This shit should be on ABC every Sunday afternoon after Football season, like you wouldn't tune in on Sundays at noon and get a bunch of buddies over to your house and start gambling the hell out of this sport??
You: "I got 20 bucks on the yellow tractor"
Buddy: "Your on"
You: "TOW THAT GIGANTIC TRAILER YOU BASTARD!"
YOU: "FULL PULL BITCH! WHAT!?!? PAY UP SUCKA!!!"
Boom, its money in the bank.
Like, there should be no reason that the bars around the country shouldn't be packed full of people getting their tractor pull on.
Further more, what better cross-promotion could there be for the waterski world then a combo big-dawg slalom tournament and a tractor pull?
Pssh, for that matter, we should start calling it that everytime someone runs the slalom course that its a full pull.
HOW HAS THIS NOT HAPPENED?? TIME TO GET THIS GOING!!!
i.e, for atheistic tv purposes (when we are back on ESPN), some dude...lets say Patrice Martin...runs the course, Gus Johnson would scream out orgasmically (like with your mom) "PATRICE MARTIN!! FULLLLL PULLLLL!!!!!!!!"
Jared LLewellyn kicks a 220 foot jump?? "FULLL PULLLL!!!!!!"
You finish off a double order of enchiladas from the sketch mexican place down the street? "FULLLL PULLLL!!!"
How do we get this started?? Tad and Tony??? Can we put this in for the next web cast??
Not a full pull :(
You know, in watching this video a few times its amazing how many clips there are of engines blowing up. Thats weak. Someone should have a talk with the people at edlebrock or whoever and get some cast iron or aluminum or some other space age stuff. These things should be towing full size carnival cruise ships to and fro, all willy nilly, like, going through Burger King drive thru with the greatest of ease.
BK: "Can I take your order?"
CRB: "Yeah, a #1 with a coke, no tomatoes on the whopper"
BK: "5 bucks, first window"
CRB: /fires up tractor, goes to first window
BK: "FULLLL PULLLLL!!!!!!"
CRB: /crushes whopper
CRB: /crushes fries
CRB: /dumps out coke because BK coke is garbage
CRB: /totally makes out with a super model on tractor