Well, today gives us the Packers at the Eagles and Baltimore at KC. Predictions, Cheeseheads and The Wire win today. Why you ask? Because we are the CRB.
Regardless of if we are right or wrong, which is dumb because we have Bif's book from Back to the Future 2 and are never wrong. Cubs win the world series this year, beating the Red Sawx in 6, Kerry Wood the winning pitcher, Jenks the losing pitcher and Vlad Guererro hits the winning homer for the Cubs. Vlad you say? Yeah, the Cubs trade for him in the middle of the year in a highly controversial trade involving Koskue Fukudome and Carlos Zambrano. WRITE IT DOWN! Take this to Vegas.
While we are at it, other amazing events this year? Obama? Still president. Ford Motor Company? Buys Microsoft. Apple Computers? Buys Facebook. General Motors? Allows a majority of its board members to be UAW people, out of business by end of 2011. 15 year old girls have drama. Joe Perry of Aerosmith kills Stephen Tyler in a graphic public brutal scene...a fitting end to Tylers total demolition of what Aerosmith was. ODBF gets drunk.
Want more? Ok, lets go to chapter two.
Amtrack develops a train that runs on public outrage. Its huge with PETA and the Parents Television Council. The train cars in Wyoming just rust because no one cares. The American public finally wakes up and realizes that we are in a recession because we are spending thousands of dollars a year on televisions and video games.
Gas prices reach 4.50 a gallon, people blame Obama, keep buying pick-ups. Oprah brainwashes people into believing she is god. Wal-Mart goes out of business because people begin to value education and self-reliance...HAHAHA, just kidding. That doesn't happen.
What? Oh sure, We would love another beer.
Sorry, we got a bit carried away. The Pro Ski Tour begins its ascent into the public concious, overtaking Hockey for the nations #6 most popular sport, after, Football, Baseball, Basketball, MMA and College Football. iTunes says fuck it, charges 10 bucks per song. Kesha buys the Yankees. Derek Jeter sees the writting on the wall, divorces Minka Kelly and marries Kesha. Minka Kelly finds solace in my arms, we get married.......and from there..well? nothing else really matters.
/retreats to lakeside cottage
/makes fire in fireplace
/pours glass of wine for Minka
Here are a bunch of completely random links that are only tangentially related to waterskiing.
/checks open tabs in firefox
Ha, nope...not related at all.
- Why do zippers say YKK on them...other then the obvious (TIFO)
- Kesha when she was in high school. (izismile)
- Este chico, como todo “buen samaritano”, se ofrece amablemente para ayudar a la nena a subir la roca, y “ni corto ni perezoso” aprovecha un poquito la ocasión. (dogguie)
- The origins of UPS. Spoiler Alert: Someone had a big brown truck and got drunk. (TIFO)
- Scientific evidence that Jessica Alba is stunningly beautiful. (Amazing Data)
- What it would look like if your neighborhood was positioned right at the end of the world...or something like that. Cool pictures though. (intraday fun)
- An absurdly bad list of the years worst movies. Jonah Hex? Inception? My hair is bird, your argument is invalid. (Funtuna)
- A Chinese girl gets plastic surgery, goes from meh to yay. Proving the age old truth that if you can't be what you want, pay someone to do it for you. Information for life (Funtuna)
- Offensive pictures of a Barbie. As if Barbie isn't offensive as it is. *feigns moral outrage* (nuffy)
- The ten hottest tennis players. Another spoiler alert: one of them no longer plays tennis. Can you guess who? You guessed it, Andre Agassi. PS. #6 is the best (top lists)
- Very cool sight were you can morph two peoples pictures together and see what they look like. The Twilight chick and Hillary Duff mixed together looks really good. (Morph)
So, its 2011. Have you celebrated that yet? We hope so. The Mastercraft dealer in our town, we think, has gone out of business because there are no longer any boats at their location, nor are their any vehicles that the employees would use to get to work and the gates are locked. We aren't the crispiest crayons in the happy meal, but, all signs would point to that place no longer being in business.
With that in mind, here is your task for Monday. Wake up early, spin over to your local watering hole, have a few bloody mary's, chow on some breakfast, have a few beers and nut up and go to whatever your nearest ski boat dealer is located, whip out your debit card and buy one.
Do it for your county. Do it for your mom. We do your mom, so you should do something for her too.
Its the American way.
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