Jan 11, 2011

CRB Winter Project - Building a new Dock

Note the wifi access and the hammocks
For those of you who have been to the CRB compound, and understand the history of our location, you know that we are covered by the federal government as a "national landmark".  That status was given to us a number of years ago, well before the internet, it was still back when we produced the CRB magazine and had the CRB radio broadcast.

Under the tenants of the National Landmark status we have to go through various hoops and get approval in order to make any changes to our site, i.e, when we need to repair our three-story 6-slip boathouse, we have to go to our congress person and make sure that what we are doing is kosher.

This past skiing season we began to notice that our solid oak / carbon ski dock was begining to show the effects of our rigorous training schedule.  The 20-30 daily sets over the course of all these years were beginning to make our high-tech dock (which is complete with wifi and full size bar), and we determined that it was time to do a bit of refurbishing.

After we filled out the necessary paperwork, submitted everything for proper approval, we were finally granted out wish to spruce up our dock.  With that in mind, we put together our list of materials needed, sourced out our required labor force, and put together a schedule of events.

Soon, the day was near and we had to go out and pick up the required materials neccesary to finish the job.  First stop was a special lumber yard for the properly aged oak lumber needed.  After loading that into the special CRB pick-up, we headed off to pick up the tools.

As V.I.P types in our community, we were greeted at the door by a special personal shoppper assistant and lead to a room where we could imbibe in wines and cheeses along with a flock of employees whose sole purpose was to make this experience as painless as possible.

As you can tell by our picture, the ladies where quite amused at our witty sense of humor! Sure, it may have been all a rouse to make us feel better, but, we felt like after a glass or two of their best Cab Sauv we felt like Richard Pryor in his prime, minus the crack.

This continued on for awhile, as you can tell in the picture, the red-head just wasn't having our jokes.  Normally they work like a swiss watch, but, turns out she was more of a digital.

Never the less, we pressed on and inquired of our personal shopper of our choosing (the blond who actually laughed at our jokes) to procure our required equipment.  In this case, a big ass husqavarna saw.

"Oh, but, those are only for the most deft of craftsman, are you sure you wouldn't be more comfortable with a tool more suited to the common man??"  we were asked innocently enough.

"NO!  How dare you question our skills.  If the plaques in our office mean anything, is that we are incredible with our hands and require only the finest of tools to complete this task....make haste with the hotness!"

With that, she wisked out of the room as if on wheels and powered by the touch of a 1000 angels.  What wonders might she produce, we pondered sipping on a snifter of the finest scotch and low and behold, she produced the most impressive of saw.

"Perfect!" we exclaimed.  That is the type of finely tuned instrument that we need and the government requires in order to properly conquer said task.

Not only will that be able to properly angel and chop our load of wood, it will also have great secondary uses that we are not privy to divulge.

We returned to consult our master schedule planner that we have on our Apple iPad 3 (its slated for arrival in your local AT&T store in 2016), and noted that given our various time constraints, we would need an additional saw in order to meet said demands.

"No problem" we were assured as our personal shopper exited once again.

We figured this would be the perfect time to regal the remaining ladies with our breath taking stories of our trips through eastern Asia as part of the risky sheep hunter/saver expidition that was put together by the mid-state/tri-state coalition.

Its sole purpose would be to save as many sheep as possible from the evil clutchs of the evil masterminds behind the wool sweater network that perpatrates the globe.

At the time of our journey, we were under the impression that sheep were killed for their fur and we would do everything we could to save those furry creatures from the barbaric deaths we assumed happened.  After saving well over 50 sheep and only losing 4 member of our party to death by bow and arrow, we were informed that no, they are just shaved for their fur and made into sweaters.  Itchy sweaters at that.

Boy was there egg on our face!!!

Never the less, it was a great experience.  Ever see the Dos Equis TV commercial with the most interesting man in the world were he has a sheep in his hand and is running from the cops?  Yeah, he was in our party.  Like a fool he insisted on a harem of women and always wearing a suit.

After a short while our personal shopper returned with out required merchandise.

Thats right, now, just load those up into the truck ladies!  We were now fully equiped with two of the finest saws in all the land and will be able to, once complete, be able to compete for the world wide best dock competition.  After a decade of so of dominance we saw our title go to some people in the Abu Dabui.  No more of that!  Time for that title to come back home!  These colors do not run!  USA USA.

It was quite a successful day and we were all pleased with how everything unfolded.  As we polished off the remaining meats and cheeses, cocktails and cheez-its, we were once again reminded that despite Nola's best efforts, the spoils of our success will never be tainted!

However, we did need something to remember the day by.  Now, it did take us awhile but we finally were able to win over everyone with our humor and story telling prowess and asked for one final picture with our hostesses to prove our witty banter didn't fall on deaf ears.

Thank you ladies!  You made our experience one for the ages.  Our dock was completed right on schedule and is the envy of the entire neighborhood.  You probably cant see in the before picture above, but, there is now a hot tub that comes out of the main section so we can sooth our sore muscles after a day of tubing and wake surfing and...oh, haha, the rest of that story is saved for the hot tub.

There was something familier about our personal shopper, something that is stuck in the back of our mind to this day, we just can't put our finger on why.  Maybe someday the truth will come out, until then, it is up to Mulder and Scully we guess.

1 comment:

Speak now. Give us your tired your hungry your weak. We will make them into CRB Staff

Its to Dang Cold!

Enjoy this weather you hot piece of ass! Dispatch from the CRB weather desk Guess what???  ITS COLDER THEN A WELL DIGGERS ASS OUT THERE KIDS...