Oct 3, 2008

The Kinda Weekly Football Rundown Part Two.

The founder of this here site has set sail from our midst, a packed cooler and cowboy hat in tow. Occasionally, the Rowboat will affix a empty can tied to a rope and communicate back to the CRB HQ with various updates and thoughts. Today is one of those days.

Okay, so, the first installment of the Kinda Weekly Football Rundown went over great. Think of Sarah Palin doing pole dances at a naacp convention. Meaning it was fucking AWESOME!!!

Well, sure, why not. Lets do it again.

Yes, thats a picture of the Hope College Demolition Football Team. What? Thats a stiff arm that your mom feels in the morning!

Oh, and for the sake of site continuity, here is the sort of low-down for our various roles in the new, improved and rad CRB.

Rowboat - that's me. Yeah, I said I was leaving. Well, thats not entirely true. It was decided in a closed door and highly secretive meeting that involved all the top brass and it was determined that the Rowboat is allowed to write about anything that doesn't involve waterskiing. Basically, my job is now, without the editor title hanging over my head, I am the CRB off-topic guru.

ODBF - taking over for the Rowboat. Meaning. well, who knows. I guess there will be a bunch of videos and asterisks, probably some poor formatting as well.

Minion - Um. think he quit or something.

Anyways, Here is last weeks top ten (eight) from the NCWSA top collegiate teams.

1 Univ of Louisiana Monroe ULM 51090
2 Univ of LA Lafayette ULL 49360
3 Purdue University PUR 47105
4 Univ of Wisc Madison MAD 46455
5 University of Alabama ALA 45660
6 University of Michigan MCH 41765
7 Iowa State University IWS 41400
8 Florida Southern College FSC 41090

And here is this week.

1 Univ of Louisiana Monroe 65695
2 Univ of LA Lafayette 64675
3 Florida Southern College 62680
4 Purdue University 57310
5 Univ of Wisc Madison 56260
6 University of Alabama 55525
7 Iowa State University 53190
8 University of Texas 52325

So, the biggest changes is that Florida Southern jumped up a bunch of places, while...well, nothing else major took place. Anyways, in the spirit of camaraderie and general collegiate atmosphere we present the top eight again.

1) ULM

Well, Jesus Christ, they had a bye week last week so they didn't play any footed balls. Way to come through ULM!!

Whoa...wait a min. What is this? This coming weekend ULM plays ULL in a no-holds barred game to determine once and for all the bestest collegiate waterski team of all time!!!


Just kidding, but, if you are interested you can see this 3 hour blood feud for world domination on the radio on the ULM, the Warharks, radio network.

2) ULL.

Yeah, read right above. The Mad Max shit is happening this weekend. However, as opposed to the Warhawks, the Cajuns, RAGIN CAJUNS!! actually put their tight pants on and bashed helmets with another group of sweaty dudes last weekend, despite coming up short, losing 45-37 to Kansas State.

This drops their record to 1-3, with losses to Southern Miss, Illinois and now Kansas State.

Whatever, the Ragin Cajun himself...well, he has no rebuttal.

Thats the way you do it!!

3) Florida Southern

Making the biggest jump, from barely in the top eight to number 3, the Florida Southern Moccasains, still don't have a football team. Yeah, and I burned whatever jokes I had last week on the stupid tight pants thing.

Either way, Florida Southern has some big news! Begining in the 2008 - 2009 season, they have a mens LaCrosse Team!! WOOOOO!! Cue the popped collars and AXE Body Spray!!

4) Purdue University.

The neckbeard!!

That is all.

5) University of Wisconsin - Madison.

Nice loss to Michigan. Urban Dictionary defines that as, "Shit the Bed"

1. shit the bed

1) Making a mistake that many other people recognize as a mistake.
2) Fucking up...really bad

Jeff shit the bed when he hooked up with Marty instead of Ashlea.
by J Apr 9, 2003 share this add comment

2. shit the bed

1. verb. To die

2. verb. To become mechanically inoperable beyond the point of repair. See also, fucked, fubar.

entymology and usage: "shit the bed" comes from the unfortunate final humiliation when an animal's (yes, including human's) bowels completely relax at the point of death, causing the contents of the colon to be expelled. To use the term as a "euphamism" for biological death is considered to be in poor taste. It is more often colorfully used in definition 2.
1. That asshole Mr Jones never had a good word to say to anyone. At his funeral, the few attendees were secretly glad that he had shit the bed.

2. I was hoping that my car could be repaired, but the mechanic told me that it had shit the bed so I had it scrapped.

Yeah, thats about right.

6) Alabama.

Ranked second in the AP polls after taking Georgia out behind the middle school and getting it pregnant. Wait, that doesn't really work in this situation...How about they went all American History X on their ass and stomped them against a curb?

Whatever, the then eight ranked Tide spanked the then third ranked Georgia Bulldogs, 41-30, yeah yeah yeah, your still coached by Nick Saban. Makes it tough to root for you.

7) Iowa State.

Didn't Rykert and his sinful lake go there? No? Yes? Whatever, they also had a bye last weekend. So...ugh...that sort of ruins any fun to have with their game. However, they do have one of the cooler nicknames around, the Cyclones.

For whatever that is worth.

8) University of Texas


WOOOO have a great weekend everyone!


  1. Correction: I went to Auburn and majored in philosphy, psychology and waterskiing, and later got a nursig degre from Iowa (not ISU), also waterskiing when I should have been studying. Or maybe this factual inaccuracy is just a subtle attempt to call out my month of bloglessness.... Hmmmmm

  2. yea rykert, whats with the lazyness? Are those last few desperate end of season runs eating up all your time? or maybe the 50 coolers of cheeseits and PBR are taking up to much of your time.

  3. oh yea, and i think im going to root for Texas from now on... as mitchell said WOOT!


  5. "You pay for the whole seat, but you only need the edge." I am stealing that, what a great line.

    Thanks for the shout outs about Team USA. It was comoforting to know that if the Nautiques broke down in China, there was a 330 hp rowboat there to pull the rest of the tourney if needed.


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