As best we can figure here at the CRB is that Nola, Rykerts pooch, seems to have it out for the us and the following pictures, obtained from satellite footage and police surveillance photos suggests.
The details of the case are a bit sketchy at this point, but, suffice it to say that Nola may not have been acting alone. Below is a dramatic re-enactment of the CRB cooler being stolen as well as the story that accompanies it.
The day began like any other day around these parts, a quick jog in the morning, followed by us making our way to the beach.
Just chillin. Drinking beer, relaxing. Thinking about asking that cute girl by the Whaler to go halves on a pitcher of margarita's or possibly a taco pizza.
However, there is a growing fear amongst the beach go-ers as someone said they spotted a mean looking dog lurking in the shadows by the hot-dog cart. Previously, we figured that no one bought hot dogs from this guy because they were cooked in trans fat oil, cretin, but, it turns out a dog was there seriously menacing people.
Just then the evil dog made a break for it, people were flying all over the place trying to escape the ferocious dog. A baby was trampled in the stampede, probably leading to all sort of mental anguish that only a life of cocaine and stripping will ever fix.
We decided to seek safety in the water, seeing as we were there already floating on a tube and 1/2 drunk anyways.
To our horror, the Cujo/Nola beast went straight for our cooler. There was no way we could paddle back in to shore fast enough to divert this enraged creature from stealing our precious and life-giving goodness. We could only watch on in a sort of stunned silence as this beast proceeded to affix some crude towing device to our cooler and its mouth and run away.
YOU SAVAGE BRUTE!!!
From this point on it was chaos and madness for as far as the eye could see. What would this savage brute do now? Terrorize another town? Kill random homeless people? Eat sleeping babies in their own houses? Show at Banana Republic or Nordstrom's? endorse the candidacy of Dennis Kucinich?
The mind recoiled in horror at these horrible, horrible thoughts. Seriously, Nordstroms is way the fuck overpriced. $300 for a pair of jeans, thats insane, guess they look nice, but...OH...just kidding, your ass does look hot. Just kidding....Carry on.
Well, the police received a tip after a mean looking, blood covered dog checked into a swank hotel with some unusual luggage, one bag from a posh boutique store, a beat up cooler, a copy of freak-economics and a hooker in tow.
Thankfully, the Cujo / Nola menace decided to taunt the police and released this picture from the hotel room.
What sort of soulless creature taunts their victim like this? How could someone be so cruel and heartless? That is OUR box of Cheez-Its!! That's our Old Milwaukee!!
Damn You!! Vengeance will be ours...sooner then you think!
Sleep well tonight Nola. We are watching you.
Looks as though Nola may have a bit of a temper.
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