Nov 2, 2006

I killed a drifter to get an erection

"NO, I will leave you IN!!"

Its just to damn easy.
"Ahh, San Diego. Founded in the late 1800s by the Germans, its name means, a 2006 NCWSA Division 2 Title."
San Diego, as far as the CRB crew is concerned is forever shamed with the whale vagina reference from Anchorman. There is no getting around it anymore. Its stuck in my head the same way that Kelly Clarkson or the Batman theme get lodged in their and won't release their death grip on the collective minds of the many minions that float in our boat.

Not that there isn't like a million other things about San Diego that are awesome. Surfing, girls, the Chargers cool light blue uniforms and of course the awesome weather.

I eat steroids like you for breakfas....shit....LOL!!

Add to that list above the San Diego State water ski tribe. Get it, the Aztecs, an Indian tribe?

But maybe its just me, but take a look at the top placing schools from division 2 and something seems amiss does it not?
San Diego State
Marquette Warriors
Cal State
University of Kansas
Cal Poly
Michigan Wolverines
University of North Carolina
Louisiana Tech

24 hours of eating burritos and playing Halo thats some shit right there.

Evidently the boys and girls in the megalopolis's of Milwaukee were tired of the "Team Midwest" crew having all the fun and decided to pull a B&E and get in on that.

So the crew stormed the proceedings and nabbed the number 2 spot leaving Cal State to settle for the best team that got beat by a team that hasn't been around for more then 5 years or so.

Aren't these the same guys who were so hard up for a ski boat that they tied off some ropes to a barge and cruised the mighty Lake Michigan behind a ferry?

Shit, word spread of this unexpected upheaval and even the most insane person in all of the association had to raise up of his non-existent couch and give out a bit of love.

Marquette? Tru Warriors Indeed!

Thats right playa. Don't give me that Golden Eagle crap anyways. And while we are at it, in the world that we are living in where a fucking collegiate nick name is somehow all of a sudden a hot-topic (yo I see you lemming style mall shoppers) the CRB crew says fuck that.

Fighting Sioux?

Thats nothing. So what?

I got more of a problem with the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim via LA. Shit, I got a problem with the freaking Houston Texans, while were at it I got a problem with the freaking LA Lakers and the New Orlean Saints and the Atlanta Thrashers and the Minnesota Wild.

Those SUCK...and the Utah Jazz?

New Orleans Jazz, just switch, be the Utah Saints. You are freaking Mormon or some shit anyways aren't you?

Ride or Die

Oh, sorry, its a racist nickname or it carries racist connotations. Oh, do tell oh speaker of the light infused truth cocktail.

You want to know whats racist in the CRB crew's handbook that we hand out to all the pledges?

His name is Robert Paulson, His name is Robert Paulson, His name is Robert Paulson!!


One love

Yo, someone I know STRONGLY DISAGREES.

I do not concur with your assessment that honky can't fly

From gods mouth to your ear pilgrim.

Division 2 standings.

Mens Waterski Mag:
1 Brian Kinney Chico
2 Ricky Krulicki Chico
3 Christian Scharosch Kansas

Note: I have decided to never call slalom by that name ever again. Quite simply, its taken on a life of its own in Waterski Magazine. Plus, the same three dudes won all the awards which makes coming up with something funny after each rundown REALLY hard.

Mens Shortboard:
1 Brian Kinney Chico
2 Christian Scharosch Kansas
3 Ricky Krulicki Chico

For real, what gives? Did no one else ski? Its the same three people. This is like going to a singles bar and their are three hot girls there and like 400 guys. You never even stand a chance. Of course in this case, the three hot girls are Brian, Christian and Ricky, which coincidently sounds like a Poison cover band from the late ninety's.

Damn, that one on the left is HOT!


Mens Jump:
1 Brian Kinney Chico
2 Chris Carr Kansas
3 Christian Scharosch Kansas

Blah, blah, blah same three guys aga....wait! YES. Chris Carr comes correct bitches. YO RICKY, where you at now!!

oh, there you are in fifth place. What? Why aren't you in the top three here huh? Are you not good enough at jumping?

But for real, how good are these three guys, there are nine spots available on the CRB leaderboard and these guys took eight of them. Well played.

And Chris...much love.

Womens Waterski Mag:
1 Hanna Edeback UNC
2 Erin O'Neil Georgia State or something
3 Amy Bing Kansas

An important note here from these girls. If you look at the official record or whatever it is from, it lists the majority of people's Majors. Hanna is in medicine, Erin is Marketing and Amy is in fashion design.

Thats a pretty strong three-some company going on there. Hanna can fix you when you get broken. Amy will design the new waterski apparel and wetsuits and what-not while Erin takes the reigns and markets that shit.

Bam. I said it here first, these three will take down O'Neil and Phat Farm by themselves.

Womens Shortboard:
1 Julie Jahnke Tru Warrior
2 Lindsey Ward Michigan
3 Amy Bing Kansas

Our first spotting of the Ron Artest sponsored Marquette Tru Warriors.

Yo, a little butter, maybe some sour cream and I got your hook up dog.

Julie Jahnke, pronounced how?, took first place honors in the short board/trick ski/freaking difficult division. She scored a 1510 to earn this place. While its no Clementine performance, it is good enough to capture the D2 title. I heard from a small Idaho Potato that she was going to throw a tantrum to whirlybird combo but the line wasn't that no-stretch shit.

Womens Jump:
1t Amy Bing Kansas
1t Marcy Holtz Tru Warrior
3 Julie Jahnke Tru Warrior

There is our girl Amy on top. Those Jayhawks must be some mighty fierce creatures to fight off two Tru Warriors.

OH SNAP!! No she didn't, thats right!! Tru-Warriors don't sleep, they don't eat and they better not catch you creeping. And, they DAMN sure won't let you take home the Jump title.

Notice, you didn't see any Aztecs here in the top spots. Hey, still water runs deep. and wide. and they take that shit by storm. No one person carrying the torch and a bunch of losers and hangers on picking up the pieces like a Bill Wennington riding on Jordan's coattails from back in the day.

or is that Luc Longley?

Nope, thats a true team win and thats how its done boys and girls. Congrats to San Diego, Marquette, Cal Poly as well as the D1 teams that we did already.

Also, to all the other teams and people and whatever that made the trek this year.

The CRB crew invites each and everyone of you in the collegiate world to open your CRB approved cooler and enjoy about 10 beers on us. However, I have a sneaking suspicion that you have already done that.

Well, have another. Well played everyone.

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